Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

I hope you all don't mind if I repost my poem from last year. Stay frosty friends.

A Visit From The Wendigo

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home,
The smell of cheese salad invaded your nose.
The bags of our garbage were piled up on the curb,
Full of leftovers, raw meat and dessert.
The children were locked up all tight in their rooms,
Beth Sue softly crying, and Russ trolling troons.
And Mama and I, stumbling home from the bar,
Had just settled down to shoot up some tar
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my AR to see what was the matter.
I lurched to the window, to flip off the sheriff,
And kick up the standoff I thought was apparent.
The moon on the breast of the junk cars outside,
Gave off too much light for the lawmen to hide,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a shambling figure, with antlers like deer,
And a wide gaping mouth, with juices aflow,
I knew right away, this was the Wendigo!
More rapid than sloths, his scooter it came,
And he called his companions, each one by their name:
“On Zoe! On Bre, I’m dragging in Hope,
Come Junior, come Tammy, and come on in close!”
He was dressed in a tee shirt (“Jesus greater than Earth”)
And his belly stuck out, with ridiculous girth.
His face was so swollen! His lips lolling wide,
And his withering arm hung loose by his side.
His clothes stained with juice, and a bag at his feet,
He pointed to the smoker he left as a treat.
“You can cook all your pulpork, every meat you hold dear,
And still have enough for your chili next year.”
Some packets of freeze-dried beef for my kids,
And my wife got Alibaba knives from “BELSID”.
“This last one’s for you,” the Wendigo slurred,
And gave me some meat that once was a bird.
Its color was pale, the juices ran pink,
And underneath all the butter, I detected a stink.
So the Wendigo coughed, and choked on his spit,
To tell all his family it’s now time to split.
As they dragged him away, he made one last cry,
“I love all you guys, and I’ll see you next time!”

 

[The Grimace]

Can you imagine what a Lazy Man Taco recipe would look like? Probably just store bought Doritos crushed and baked with loads of cheese, maybe a jalapeno, some minced meat, and loads of store bought sour cream.

Oh, I can imagine it. It already exists and it's awesome.

Other than the baking, that sounds a lot like a Walking Taco, which is definitely a Lazy Man thing and could probably be based on a single-serving bag of pork rinds. Wonder why Jack doesn't film a recipe for a Walking--oh, shit. That was insensitive; sorry.
View attachment 6785808

Beat me to it! Love those things.

 

[AltisticRight]

Wonder why Jack doesn't film a recipe for a Walking--oh, shit. That was insensitive; sorry.

Well, he really doesn't have a leg to stand on with these poorly done recipes.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Merry Christmas, everyone!

 

[Dead Air]

Stay mad Jack! Here's to stroke #5 in 2025!

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack talks about Christmas movies

None of the above. Can't stand Will Farrell, never liked Chevy Chase, Polar Express is horrifying and I've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" too often.

There's only one Christmas special that I will watch every year and that's the 1966 animated special, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Boris Karloff doing the narrating and voice of the Grinch, Thurl Ravencroft singing the songs, story by Dr. Seuss and the animation by Chuck Jones.

Merry Christmas you heathen bastards.

 

[TheMovieGuy]

Jack you fuckin amoeba it's Christmas! Post a fucking video of you Tammy eating some special Christmas themed meal/dessert from a local place!!!

No archive cause I'm stealing the kebab shop wifi rn

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

None of the above. Can't stand Will Farrell, never liked Chevy Chase, Polar Express is horrifying and I've seen "It's a Wonderful Life" too often.

There's only one Christmas special that I will watch every year and that's the 1966 animated special, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". Boris Karloff doing the narrating and voice of the Grinch, Thurl Ravencroft singing the songs, story by Dr. Seuss and the animation by Chuck Jones.

Merry Christmas you heathen bastards.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Jack you fuckin amoeba it's Christmas! Post a fucking video of you Tammy eating some special Christmas themed meal/dessert from a local place!!!

No archive cause I'm stealing the kebab shop wifi rn

What's wrong with his face? Is he just getting into the Christmas spirit?

 

[densedance]

Jack you fuckin amoeba it's Christmas! Post a fucking video of you Tammy eating some special Christmas themed meal/dessert from a local place!!!

No archive cause I'm stealing the kebab shop wifi rn

Of course he had to use the shitty sound overlay in the review to mask the copyright music.

 

[Marc]

Translated from stroketard: "I know Taco Bell is horrible, but I loved it when I ate it."

Jack, everyone knows from being able to see you that you have never stopped eating Taco Bell, even during those extended hospital stays in which you were supposed to be on restrictive diets.

We also see that you're going to eat the rest of Tammy's nuggies - That's the whole reason she opened everything for you and left the box and dipping sauces arranged where a toddler in a high chair could reach them.

 

[lindsayfan]

 

[Adamska]

Jack you fuckin amoeba it's Christmas! Post a fucking video of you Tammy eating some special Christmas themed meal/dessert from a local place!!!

No archive cause I'm stealing the kebab shop wifi rn

It's actually funny that he forced Tammy to decorate his ugly as fuck kitchen in those shitty bows and with the nutcrackers when he'd rather just eagerly get driven via scooty puff to eat gimmick shit that came from KFC. Because that is basically what this is; it's just the KFC scraps they couldn't sell rolled around in a few spices.

All that effort mommy-wife did to put lipstick on a pig, ie the set, and he didn't do a fucking christmas treat or meal at all. Or at least he's going to be a stupid fucker and release it after Christmas instead.

Also really funny that he thinks anyone but himself believes that he doesn't just cram down soft taco after soft taco, and five layer burrito after mexican pizza from this place. Just as dumb as his insistence to eat inside the fucking fast food place even though it guarantees he'll have to shittily hide the music that blares from it.

 

[AnOminous]

What's wrong with his face?

He has literal brain damage from multiple strokes so he can't even make normal faces any more.

He has decided to solve this problem by refusing to do physical therapy and instead ingesting enormous amounts of pure fat.

When he blabbers unintelligible noises to explain this they sound like "GAARRRGHNNIVOAAAAR" or something like that. Nobody understands what he says but it seems to involve consuming enormous amounts of grease and having more strokes.

 

[Quixotic Man]

To be fair to Jack, his current diet doesn't lead itself to easy holiday recipes.
He can't do some sweet meme concoction like he would in the past.
Now, he could do something that require effort, like a carnivore beef wellington or Scrooge's Christmas goose, but that would require effort.

 

[p1138]

To be fair to Jack, his current diet doesn't lead itself to easy holiday recipes.
He can't do some sweet meme concoction like he would in the past.
Now, he could do something that require effort, like a carnivore beef wellington or Scrooge's Christmas goose, but that would require effort.

He surprised himself cooking a goose, because "more flavor than chicken"

He's done a beef wellington before that wasn't "CARNUHVORE", but his idea of carnivore with regard to a beef wellington would be utterly fucking revolting with his meat flour scrambled egg and cream cheese "dough" recipes he's come up with in the past.

 

[mawrieposter]

 

[Quixotic Man]

He surprised himself cooking a goose, because "more flavor than chicken"

He's done a beef wellington before that wasn't "CARNUHVORE", but his idea of carnivore with regard to a beef wellington would be utterly fucking revolting with his meat flour scrambled egg and cream cheese "dough" recipes he's come up with in the past.

Oh, I agree it would be horrible, but at least it would either be funny or disgusting, unlike trying some chicken nuggets he supposedly doesn't even eat.

Edit: Its also amazing how much better Jack looked and sounded three years ago. I guess that was before the last big stroke, but Jesus, its almost enough to make me slightly sympathetic towards him.

 

[The Grimace]

Jack you fuckin amoeba it's Christmas! Post a fucking video of you Tammy eating some special Christmas themed meal/dessert from a local place!!!

No archive cause I'm stealing the kebab shop wifi rn

They eat fried chicken for Christmas in Japan. Not that Jack would know that though, lol.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

DJ Scalfani is back playing your favorite EDM tunes and rave classics again to bring in the New Year!