Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[densedance]

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Well, looks like I lost my deadpool prediction. I was certain he'd OD on Christmas sugar and good meetz. You guys think he'll make it somehow to 2027 just to spite the entire poll?

 

[Gentlebastard]

You guys think he'll make it somehow to 2027 just to spite the entire poll?

What do you mean, "spite the poll"? The poll has the correct answer, and most of us think it's the most likely outcome:

Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom​

 

[Falcon Sebben]

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The hubris from this man is astounding at times. He can barely speak and he wants to lead a bible study? This is just him trying to say. "look what a good Christian I am".

Gotta love Rob and he finished his video in front of the Kiwi. We see you Rob.

 

[Revelator]

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Oh yes Jack, please do it. I'll join in and bring mine. Of course, it has seven more books than yours and you'll probably end the stream when I demonstrate a deeper knowledge of the source material and ask questions about the Book of Jubilees just to be a jerk, but it'll be great TV!

 

[Zeftax]

I hate that stupid zig zag sauce plating underneath it.

Oh it would be so much better if they just put a spiral on top of the cake. I am amazed that this trend isn't dead yet.

 

[Starefag]

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[Marc]

Oh yes Jack, please do it. I'll join in and bring mine. Of course, it has seven more books than yours and you'll probably end the stream when I demonstrate a deeper knowledge of the source material and ask questions about the Book of Jubilees just to be a jerk, but it'll be great TV!

That’s nothing to boast of - Jack would find his Biblical knowledge outclassed by any of the retarded children at his excuse-for-food charity function. Jack is outclassed by retarded children, in general.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

Apologies for such a late response, but I can't believe how much better reviews the first couple gave compared to Jack and Hammy's "gud." You can tell they really tried to explain the flavours, and did pretty well for normal ass people that aren't larping being chefs for over a decade.

 

[Adamska]

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The last time Jack tried this, he barely did anything. I think he covered a half dozen gospel lines at best, and failed to do anything or build on them. Mainly because it's only an excuse for him to pretend to be better than the people who mock him, and he needs narc supply fast and easy.

 

[AltisticRight]

>Can't pronounce Bruschetta right
>Uses 'Parmesan cheese product" instead of the actual hard cheese
>Repeatedly fucks up tomato sauce by making it too watery and being unable to sit the fuck down and let something simmer
This fat fuck is about as Italian as Chris Chan is Cherokee.

And he's apparently Italian.

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God, please no. He's committed enough warcrimes against food and converted enough people at his local church to r/atheism posters via his "church chilli".

 

[Woggie's child bride]

That’s nothing to boast of - Jack would find his Biblical knowledge outclassed by any of the retarded children at his excuse-for-food charity function. Jack is outclassed by retarded children, in general.

In his defense his brain has been fried harder than his carnivore chicken from all the strokes and he claims to no longer be able to read so at least he has an excuse for his lack of knowledge now. Doesn't excuse him pre-stroke though.

 

[Marc]

In his defense his brain has been fried harder than his carnivore chicken from all the strokes and he claims to no longer be able to read so at least he has an excuse for his lack of knowledge now. Doesn't excuse him pre-stroke though.

>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a second stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a third stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a fourth stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole is currently eating himself into a fifth stroke while lying about everything.

What's Jack excused from, again? So far as I can tell, the only thing left untouched by the strokes has been his character. Even when his eyes worked, Jack only read the Bible by skimming through it hoping to see his own name.

The guy was always a grazing, bloblike maggot capable of little more than being a shit-and-piss factory - All the strokes have managed to do is strip away the disguise. There was never much there for the strokes to take away in the first place. I'd go so far as to say that Jack is living his ideal life as a sedentary garbage bag melting over a sofa while being waited on hand and foot by his embittered feeder/benefactor/mommywife/chauffer/live-in nurse/translater/prosthetic arms and legs/channel-changer/insulin handler/shart technician/lifeline.

 

[Tiresome]

>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a second stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a third stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole eats himself into a fourth stroke while lying about everything.
>Stupid, loud asshole is currently eating himself into a fifth stroke while lying about everything.

What's Jack excused from, again? So far as I can tell, the only thing left untouched by the strokes has been his character. Even when his eyes worked, Jack only read the Bible by skimming through it hoping to see his own name.

The guy was always a grazing, bloblike maggot capable of little more than being a shit-and-piss factory - All the strokes have managed to do is strip away the disguise. There was never much there for the strokes to take away in the first place. I'd go so far as to say that Jack is living his ideal life as a sedentary garbage bag melting over a sofa while being waited on hand and foot by his embittered feeder/benefactor/mommywife/chauffer/live-in nurse/translater/prosthetic arms and legs/channel-changer/insulin handler/shart technician/lifeline.

Jack's pre-stroke blog proves that he was always an ignorant, childish, idiotic and petulant little pissant.

 

[Revelator]

Jack's pre-stroke blog proves that he was always an ignorant, childish, idiotic and petulant little pissant.

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To be told his sauces taste like everything else is a compliment. I'm not brave enough to try them myself, but others did anI got the impression they were just basically molasses thick glibs that tasted like pure sugar.

 

[Marc]

To be told his sauces taste like everything else is a compliment. I'm not brave enough to try them myself, but others did anI got the impression they were just basically molasses thick glibs that tasted like pure sugar.

My introduction to Jack was actually trying his horrible sauce:

Someone brought a bottle of "The Best BBQ Sauce You'll Ever Taste" (quote marks emphasized) to a cookout at my home, as part of a variety of sauces they had picked up in a Walmart food run prior to coming over (alongside Sweet Baby Rays, Stubbs, KC Masterpiece, Jack Daniel's, etc.). Because I prefer to make my own sauces, I had no familiarity with the brand, and I generally find most store sauces to have an upfront corn syrup flavor I don't care for. That said, I won't complain while eating food others have prepared with them.

Jack's "BBQ sauce" was so revolting that I had to look him up. I recall that the contents of the bottle were a purple, gelatinous mass with the texture of dental mold alginate, that most of the flavor was one-dimensional SHUGUR, and that you found yourself chewing granules of crystalized sugar(s) in the sauce unless you had made certain to caramelize it by basting it over cooking meat (rather than brushing or tossing as a finishing sauce). Everything about it was so off-putting that I re-read the ingredients several times; and still didn't understand how they would yield something that tasted like what I could only describe as counterfeit barbecue sauce.

Then I found his Utoobs; and it was easy to recognize that Jack was a grifting, California breed of Dunning-Kruger retard who believed that being morbidly obese made him a foodie. I also believe that Jack somehow white-labeled the sauce; as he has never possessed the slightest bit of insight into food chemistry or achieving a desired flavor profile in a finished product. For that same reason, I also believe that Jack taste-tested every one of his products; and that his only feedback was the mandate to "PUT MORE SHUGUR IN IT."

 

[Adamska]

Jack's "BBQ sauce" was so revolting that I had to look him up. I recall that the contents of the bottle were a purple, gelatinous mass with the texture of dental mold alginate, that most of the flavor was one-dimensional SHUGUR, and that you found yourself chewing granules of crystalizes sugar(s) in the sauce unless you had made certain to caramelize it by basting it over cooking meat (rather than brushing or tossing as a finishing sauce). Everything about it was so off-putting that I re-read the ingredients several times; and still didn't understand how they would yield something that tasted like what I could only describe as counterfeit barbecue sauce.

Oh, that's because the cheap and lazy retard never bothered to get a storage facility with climate control or anything for his shit sauces, and just kept them in his garage and in like storage units or some shit. The stuff then congeals due to moisture and heat fucking with its composition, and boom. It thickens into fucking sludge. It also likely was on the shelf for a while too, since Walmart struggled to move units; it's why they cancelled his test run in CA.

It got even worse than that afterwards, since he just sold the stuff he had to buy/take back. So you in a way got lucky it was only thick and seperating.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Jack's pre-stroke blog proves that he was always an ignorant, childish, idiotic and petulant little pissant.

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Bird crap in the sauces would be an improvement from Jack's usual cooking

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Well, looks like I lost my deadpool prediction. I was certain he'd OD on Christmas sugar and good meetz. You guys think he'll make it somehow to 2027 just to spite the entire poll?

I'm hoping we achieve Six Stroke Scalfani in 2025.

Imagine another arm out of commission.

 

[biggacracka]

I'm hoping we achieve Six Stroke Scalfani in 2025.

Imagine another arm out of commission.

I try not to wish bad on people but I hope it's what passes as his sense of taste that goes bye.
Not being able to taste all the juicy gud meats and cocks would be hell for him, which he probably deserves but it's only God's place to judge so