- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
I assume he "reads" a lot of audiobooks on high speed, or at least the ones that are available in that format. Some of the titles he mentions aren't available as audiobooks (David Hackett Fischer's The Great Wave isn't, though Albion's Seed is—at nearly 30 hours), but enough of them are that he could save himself a lot of time that way.
There's also skim-reading, in which you don't sit down and read every word, or even every page.
When I was a history grad student, with multiple books to read, write about, and discuss in seminar every week, as well as books I was using as sources for a paper, I could get a good enough sense of a book as a whole by glancing through the index and citations, then reading the Introduction, the first and last paragraphs of each chapter, and, depending on the book, quickly flipping through the pages and skimming the first sentence of each paragraph. Sometimes a final chapter conveniently summarized everything while wrapping things up. There's no way I could have read all of the books I needed to in their entirety, but I could do a solid skim-reading, while taking notes, in about an hour, and be able to discuss it intelligently enough. So I assume Rudy's doing the same thing.
That the "memories" came up while on Ayahuasca makes them sus as hell, to put it mildly. One thing about hallucinogens is that they can pull up crazy "memories" like that, and they'll feel absolutely real while you're tripping. But they're not real; they're a symbolic representation of something that's going on within you, something suppressed, minimized, or denied that is still very much active in your psyche no matter how much you ignore it. It's heavy shadow stuff, basically.
At one point, he says he experienced being a woman giving birth, and feeling all the pain of it, and obviously he was able to recognize that he was not actually this woman, no matter how vivid and real the experience was. He describes experiencing the tortures of Hell that never seemed to end, and yet now he can calmly say that this all happened only in the realm of Ayahuasca; his body wasn't really burnt or flayed or rent asunder. And yet all of the maternal rape memories that came roaring up into consciousness while tripping balls in the jungle are indisputably true and real, and we should believe him when he says his mother is a literal chomo sex monster? Yeah, no.
Is it possible that Rudy's mother really is mentally unstable as a result of her TBI, and was abusive toward him as a child, and singled him out for physical and verbal abuse in part because he's male, because she has serious issues regarding men? Sure. That he had memories of abuse before doing Ayahuasca (and did Ayahuasca in part to deal with childhood trauma) tells me he's probably not lying about those.
When he makes specific claims, such as his mother waterboarding him, or hiding bruises from a beating by his mom lest his dad catch the blame for inflicting them, or being betrayed by social services workers who said they'd keep what he told them in confidence? That shit feels reliable. So does his subsequent distrust of and refusal to speak to anyone in social services. And he's very specific about how he finally got big and strong enough at age 10 to fight back against his mother, thus ending the physical abuse, in a way that—well, fuck it, let's just say I recognize it.
He's obviously got a very broken connection to the feminine, and grossly distorted and reductionistic views about women (LOL, no, we're not all good at ironing because we like it and thus it's our "natural" task, you autistic gaywad; you suck at it because you associate it with women, who are your despised/desired inferiors, and thus consider yourself above doing it competently). So a history of maternal abuse doesn't seem unlikely to me. But I'm not buying the Ayahuasca-induced rape "memories" because I think they're manifestations of his deep rage against his mother, and the powerlessness he felt at her hands.
Is it possible that Rudy's mother really is mentally unstable as a result of her TBI, and was abusive toward him as a child, and singled him out for physical and verbal abuse in part because he's male, because she has serious issues regarding men? Sure. That he had memories of abuse before doing Ayahuasca (and did Ayahuasca in part to deal with childhood trauma) tells me he's probably not lying about those.
When he makes specific claims, such as his mother waterboarding him, or hiding bruises from a beating by his mom lest his dad catch the blame for inflicting them, or being betrayed by social services workers who said they'd keep what he told them in confidence? That shit feels reliable. So does his subsequent distrust of and refusal to speak to anyone in social services. And he's very specific about how he finally got big and strong enough at age 10 to fight back against his mother, thus ending the physical abuse, in a way that—well, fuck it, let's just say I recognize it.
He's obviously got a very broken connection to the feminine, and grossly distorted and reductionistic views about women (LOL, no, we're not all good at ironing because we like it and thus it's our "natural" task, you autistic gaywad; you suck at it because you associate it with women, who are your despised/desired inferiors, and thus consider yourself above doing it competently). So a history of maternal abuse doesn't seem unlikely to me. But I'm not buying the Ayahuasca-induced rape "memories" because I think they're manifestations of his deep rage against his mother, and the powerlessness he felt at her hands.
As for his dad, who is, according to Rudyard, "from an honor culture," and will fight to the death for honor's sake, and instilled these values in his son—Rudy glosses over the fact that he was too fucking cowardly to protect his only son from his girlfriend's cruel remarks, much less fight the hard battle for custody against his children's insane and abusive mother. He meekly folded, got divorce-raped, then, later, pussywhipped by another woman who was cruel to Rudy, again did nothing.
Rudyard and his father, united in their obvious turboautism, share solidarity as they are constantly victimized by women whose evil they are helpless against. This is the story Rudyard tells about himself and his father, and apparently believes.
Rudyard and his father, united in their obvious turboautism, share solidarity as they are constantly victimized by women whose evil they are helpless against. This is the story Rudyard tells about himself and his father, and apparently believes.
