I am a survivor of
three devastating rapes, all of which had life-destroying effects lasting for a minimum 23 years, and up to the day I die, including an HIV infection that was first detected (having slipped by
SIX faulty false negative tests) by severe AIDS that caused eight near-death experiences in a single year (of a lifetime total of 15 so far). The first of these was 31 years ago, and the other two both happened in 2001. None were ever taken seriously by police or resulted in charges; the first was committed by a woman from Chile called Marcela who dosed my SECOND beer with GHB, and the third was committed by a vice-president of Canadian Airlines; both thought I made a fun-looking toy.
And that's just the three worst experiences. I don't know how many violations of consent I have suffered — but the most recent was 32
days ago.
The most significant difference with the most recent one is that it happened in a place — New Zealand, not Canada — where SA is taken seriously. For that one, despite the intervening Christmas/New Years holidays, I have finally found support as a victim; I had my second appointment two days ago with a SA social worker who was completely gobsmacked at the history I told.
Sexual assault and sexist attitudes go hand in hand. This last one was by a raging misogynist who cast me out of his hotel room in the middle of the night, requiring me to walk home
to another town without shoes suitable for walking, because he "didn't want his wife to know."
There was a second, unoccupied, Queen-size bed in the suite, but he showed me the door!
Well,
SHE WILL soon enough, as he is brought up on charges; I am not quite ready to press them but I will soon.
It makes all the difference in the world, to the victims of these deplorable crimes, to be heard and to be taken seriously.
However, and I have also been the victim of this
at least as many times, it is JUST as bad to be
falsely accused of such an act, as a tool of social coercion and exclusion — false accusation without evidence is EVERY bit as destructive to the true victim (the falsely accused) as a real and severe rape is. Spurious allegations destroy innocent lives, and — recall the history I have already recounted — can be just as destructive. False accusation is, indeed, as serious to the accused, as actual SA is to the attacked.
So I denounce
BOTH cultures of silence like the OP describe,
AND the mob mentality of knee-jerk condemnation of a maliciously and falsely accused innocent person. So what is to be done?
There is no substitute for
critical reasoning, evidence, and a detached assessment of FACTS.The OP's father fails conspicuously here, but so do crowds of young, earnest people being suckered by trusted and secretly malicious social "leaders," and even by actual sex cops who — like any other group of people — can be people motivated by hatred, or revenge against their victims defying their oppression.
If someone is accused of acts like this, especially by people with substantial social power, especially if the accused has very
little social power,
it is imperative that every person involved has an equal and UNBIASED opportunity to be heard.
This is where the colonialist, carceral model of "justice" utterly fails, and where Indigenous and restorative justice does far, FAR better.
Remember, kids, mobbing an accused sex offer, without RELIABLE evidence and a balanced and fair process, IS A SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Never exclude an accused person based on unsupported allegations without listening fairly to them.
Ask me how I know.
I sympathise and empathise with all instances of both classes of victims. In both scenarios, evidence may be sparse. But the two cases CAN be distinguished through critical reasoning and fair treatment.
Rape culture includes cultures of false rape accusation. NEVER TURN OFF YOUR BRAINS.
link |
archive
each of your takes is better than the last.
