Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Cakejohns get bored, and this might not be Tess’s fault. I imagine she can charm a man sufficiently for a night or two a week.

Tess's biggest mistake was that she didn't keep her pimp, which seems likely to have been Tiffany Kaelin. Likely she hooked her up with some fatty fetishists (that aren't Null) and once she got a client list she in typical narc fashion thought she could go at it alone, not realising cakejohn's move on eventually. I'm sure she burnt all bridges to Kaelin because that's what people like Tess does and not knowing how to get the word out on the market that she's a discrete cakesitter she has to now resort to openly prostituting herself.

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

30 Falcon Ave., Long Beach.

Spoiler: showing my work

The tall building in the background is the Ocean Club Tower, which is condos:
View attachment 6841280
As soon as I saw that Ocean Club building, and that it had balconies, and was of a certain age, I had a hunch it was condos, and on the beach, because until recently, tall residential blocks like that in SoCal were only built along beaches, or in spots with beach views. So that was my starting point.

On Google street view:
View attachment 6841319

Here's her building; the door on the left is number 30; the mailbox is hidden behind the bushes:
View attachment 6841321

There's a more recent view from two years ago, which looks a little better; you can see the mailboxes:
View attachment 6841369

"Enhance":
View attachment 6841361

Next door, to the left, is the fence and gate with the No Parking sign:
View attachment 6841370

It was shockingly easy to find, once I decided she was most likely to still be in Long Beach and must be down near the water. I dropped the street view marker in random spots along E. Ocean Boulevard until I spotted the right configuration of windows on the Ocean Club Towers on the third or fourth try. Once I had that, it was easy.

ETA: Forgot the map!
View attachment 6841443

Tess, your OpSec is absolute shit, I swear to god. You basically gave your address away.

Excellent work, thank you!

 

[OttoWest]

$1700 a month a block from the ocean is a phenomenal deal. even if she has to pay the HOA fee.

There’s a two bedroom apartment a few doors down at 25 Falcon that was renting for $2495/mo in July of last year and it’s much nicer than Tess’s place. Even so I find it hard to believe she’s paying less than 2k a month. Maybe someone more familiar with the area can weigh in.

ETA oops @toilet_rainbow already posted it.

 

[Justanotherguy]

Take out your tits and flop 'em around.

eloquently spoken

 

[Umaibae]

Looks like she’s in a duplex. Wonder what the neighbors think? $1700 a month a block from the ocean is a phenomenal deal. even if she has to pay the HOA fee.

Cakejohns get bored, and this might not be Tess’s fault. I imagine she can charm a man sufficiently for a night or two a week.

The whole thing with Sugar Daddies is they aren’t going to fall in love and when they are done, it’s over.

We don’t know if she had one whale or a few guppies, but if it’s a whale, I’m sure they discuss the arrangement before hand. I’d imagine the guy can opt out any time, but probably with a promise of not leaving her high and dry. Maybe a 2 month move out date? I have no idea if they actually had contracts for this type of arrangement but it’d be smart.

If she was juggling guppy fetishists it’d be more precarious, as she’d have to do more and pay for things herself with no guarantee they don’t leave her in the lurch. and then if they all disappeared, it would be about her.

I actually have no clue how any of this works or what she did. My entire knowledge about sugaring comes from Boogie, and he’s not exactly a high roller. (Just the whale.)

Did she sit on a cake nightly for $500.00 an hour or did she have one special chocolate cake that paid her rent and utilities?? We may never know.

The inside of that place is going to be small but near the ocean makes it worth it. Oh god, not if we get more bikini shots though.

Under $2k for a duplex in this area of Long Beach is a fucking steal. I paid under $2k for a duplex in a VERY desirable spot in LA…in 2010-2013.

 

[NoReturn]

I will need to borrow some autism from someone for this.

30 Falcon Ave., Long Beach.

I think it's neat how you both have Anna avatars.

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

I think it's neat how you both have Anna avatars.

I come here for fun, but

 

[themanwhowalks]

A friendly reminder to everyone that a scant 24 years ago, we considered this to be comedically, unbelievably obese.

I don't think you understand the joke

 

[OngodonkusTheMalicious]

Dies she even fit on the Plattform?

 

[Chapalapachapa]

View attachment 6839632View attachment 6839628View attachment 6839635
Those underwear do a really good job of containing her overflowing fat.

how the fuck do you manage to have square of cheese as your body type

 

[NegaBoogie1488]

how the fuck do you manage to have square of cheese as your body type

Pretty sure if you draw blood from her, 10% of it would be cheese wiz. That’s how.

 

[WENDY DENG 2020]

Didn't she "allegedly" bully the large bitch Nick hooked up with? Once he got back Australia for doing sex work? Oh, the irony here.

 

[VoieDeFait86]

who the hell would be buying this

 

[Justanotherguy]

When all you have are one or two assets you've got to use them to the max before the diminishing returns start to kick in. I believe she's missed her chance.

 

[Turquoise]

View attachment 6845846
When all you have are one or two assets you've got to use them to the max before the diminishing returns start to kick in. I believe she's missed her chance.

"Have you done the catwalk before, Tess?"

"No. First time"

"Okay. Just walk to the end, shake your tits and come back."

"Are you sure that's what the super models do?"

"Absolutely."

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

View attachment 6845846
When all you have are one or two assets you've got to use them to the max before the diminishing returns start to kick in. I believe she's missed her chance.

Well, we already got to see her two assets in the David LaChappelle picture "Self Portrait as a House", but I'm sure they're just fuller and even more firm than they were in 2013:

Spoiler: DEM TITS

 

[Clotso Coof]

"Okay. Just walk to the end, shake your tits and come back."

"Also, make an amateur porn blowjob face while you do it, but more retarded. All supermodels want to look like slutty speds on the runway."

David LaChappelle picture "Self Portrait as a House",

Reminder that this was peak hotness Tess. She was already so fat you couldn't tell in the photo if she had public hair. She went downhill after this.

 

[Nigger_Faggot]

Black hands typed this

If I was black I'd kill myself. You gave me a good laugh though.

 

[Turquoise]

The Whatever podcast is based in Cali and invites OnlyFans girls to go on and debate entertaining Bible basher Andrew Wilson. Hopefully Tess doesn't slip under their radar.

 

[Adrenochrome Dreams]

Tess is far too lazy for Only Fans.

It’s actually really hard work to be successful and takes a lot of emotional energy. They have to understand what the punters want, and how to keep them engaged. It’s not as easy as porn, pervs can get that for free. They have to actually communicate with these men, in a way that keeps them holding on and then coming back for more.

It’s emotional engagement and I don’t think Tess has the empathy, or desire to put the effort into other people’s feelings.

You also have to be good at self-promotion, which Tess is not because she has failed to capitalise on and maintain her mainstream career. Plus she lacks the willpower and skill for self-management.