Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Vibralldo]

Idle Speculation #2: the reason why all of Nick's five or so streams since September 21st were recorded upstairs is because the studio had to be temporarily dismantled to make way for converting that room into sleeping quarters for whichever grandparents temporarily moved in during the several weeks of Nick taking a "break" at his parents' house for the sake of his mental health.

There's also a rumor that Nick's parents locked Nick out of the stream room

 

[Melty Butter]

April, I know there's a snowballs chance in hell of you seeing this but I have some suggestions.

April, it's a fair point. Honestly, I have critiques of you that are entirely based on things I see and hear, and they may be well off the mark. Having your own show--and you have experience running a show don't you?--would let you not only 'correct the record' but might well let you clean the slate.

I'll pile on...

Hey, April, I have an idea. What if - WHAT IF - the Internet was to 'see and raise' whatever the Rekietas have paid you AND got you out of that nasty NDA we assume they made you sign?

On that illegal NDA. See, there's this cool lawyer, Matthew Hardin. Josh Moon has him on retainer [or something]. You were pressured to sign it, right? To hide the criminal activity of this nasty couple who abused you, manipulated you, forced drugs on you, and made you a junkie. You were high or tweaking when you signed it, right? IANAL but I'm pretty sure there are laws against that.

GIRL. Think about it! You were stranded at that lonely house with no furniture or Internet! Made to resort to nitrous balloons with doomed hope of 'happily ever after' - clean drug tests for the empty promise of another round of step-mommying and a trust fund! Horrors!

As for your pay-off... c'mon, Ape. Everyone has a price. What's yours? I'm guessing they gave you +/- $20K. The Internet can raise that, and far more.

There's one pesky little issue: Josh Moon's sound ethics. He'd want you to be truthful. An extra fundraising campaign for your "honesty" might be a bridge too far for our fearless leader. But, listen April, he has friends. PPP and Warski aren't above these antics.

So, y'know, Ape. It's just a conversation. Josh Moon is a simple email away and has well-established sympathy for women abused by Lolcows.

Think big, Ape. You could have Josh Moon, Matthew Hardin, and the entire Internet behind you.

Edit to say: Same goes for you, Kayla, with a different narrative.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

I just straight up don't believe him when he says he forgot to pay his mortgage. That's not something you just forget, no matter how "depressed" you are.

He is saying he was too depressed to remember to pay, but - and please correct me if I'm wrong - this doesn't even fit the timeline. He stopped paying before the "government" made his life a living hell. Yet apparently he was having this great time, enjoying his whiskey and cocaine, but was actually too depressed to remember he had a mortgage to pay?

Then there is the fact that you don't need to remember to pay these things, you just set up an auto-pay direct debit. Maybe I'm naive to these rich people things, but I couldn't imagine a bank, or any other lender, allowing this to go ahead without auto-pay being set up as standard. Meaning - Nick must have cancelled the payments, he did this intentionally.

 

[Space Pope]

He is saying he was too depressed to remember to pay

Is this also why I don't have my 5k Locals gift, because Nick was sad? My headcanon up until now was that my $50 went to a nigger whore to pay for an abortion.

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

April should consult a licensed attorney about her rights under that NDA and fundraise her new show by cleaning her conscience of the events of last year. I’m sure with proper, ethical legal counsel she could improve her fortunes in a way much better than her ex-husband’s. Just adding my two cents.

 

[Roboute Guilliman]

Spoiler: Rekeita vs Imholte

I know this is unrelated to the joke you were making but I just had the thought that if Nick ever gets punched in the head it's likely over for him. He observably already has some form of brain damage and getting hit would probably just turn him into a vegetable. that said you aren't wrong about the outcome of Nick vs Aaron

 

[SpergioLeonne]

I know this is unrelated to the joke you were making but I just had the thought that if Nick ever gets punched in the head it's likely over for him. He observably already has some form of brain damage and getting hit would probably just turn him into a vegetable. that said you aren't wrong about the outcome of Nick vs Aaron

Dude, just like, the amount of powder that has gone through that massive fucking toucan beak of his will have eroded, sandblasted even, away enough tissue that his face is at risk of implosion

 

[Obnoxious Asshole]

Dude, just like, the amount of powder that has gone through that massive fucking toucan beak of his will have eroded, sandblasted even, away enough tissue that his face is at risk of implosion

If you look at his septum it’s already deviating. He snorts lefty. I want his nose to be a modern revamp of Artie’s before surgery

 

[Maraschino]

almost died... several times?

That's impossible. Nick couldn't've been so sick from drug abuse or otherwise that he almost died. He insisted repeatedly last year that he was completely healthy and that the people who were concerned he looked unhealthy were just concern trolling, to the point he even went out of his way to mention his liver numbers were excellent.

Unless of course he was a lying liar who lies. But he doesn't lie to us ever.

Fuck off, Nick. You fucking suck at this.

 

[Waldo Geraldo Balldo]

You all have it wrong!

Ape needs to do a dating show where she helps pair married men with side pieces. Every episode ends with her desperately attempting to sabotage the contestant and be chosen instead. The twist is that unbeknownst to her, the producers have made the men aware of it so they are actually in a contest to see who could get her to debase herself the most each season.

Spoiler: Spoiler

10 episodes in, photos are discovered of Ape in STMS merchandise and Aaron is declared the winner having never actually been a contestant. Rekieta then spends the next week seething over the perceived loss by having flame wars with people in YouTube comments while attempting to create a nitrous delivery system built into the Balldo

The show will be titled Ape Shit.

 

[AnOminous]

I know this is unrelated to the joke you were making but I just had the thought that if Nick ever gets punched in the head it's likely over for him. He observably already has some form of brain damage and getting hit would probably just turn him into a vegetable. that said you aren't wrong about the outcome of Nick vs Aaron

Nick getting beaten into retardation (well even more retardation) would be hilarious.

 

[Mr.Bucket]

It just dawned on me... if Rekieta kept with the upward trajectory he had at his peak (rittenhouse and/or depp trial era) he could have been big enough by now to land a trump, or more likely JD Vance, interview pre-election. However he would have probably asked trump/vance the Futa question because he still thought that was funny at the time.
But instead we get... this...

 

[Glad I couldn't help]

Is it time for a thread poll on potential 2025 developments? So far we have:

1) Death by suicide
2) Death by OD
3) Homeless arc
4) Enjoying prison
5) Troonout
6) Finding Jesus (totes for real this time)

Anything else?

Accidental house fire or catastrophic car accident is not out of the question, as is Nick waking up one day completely paralyzed. Everything is possible while is he's huffing gas, with the possibility of returning to booze, coke and Lord knows what else after the trial ends.

The mostly likely trooning scenario for Rekieta is where he injures or permanently disfigures his privates during a stupid and depraved sex act, then pretends that, actually, he meant to do that, just so he does not have to acknowledge a W to his various enemies. Yes, this is incredible retarded and depraved (even by online transexual standards), but this is Nick Rekieta we are talking about, the Mariana Trench of moral standards.

Aaron Imholte is the living version of the cartoon trope where someone is so fucking retarded and he somehow skirts by absolute catastrophe each time. The audience is aware of this but somehow he himself is not aware so he keeps bumbling along.

Moshe Dayan, an Israeli general and politician, was once asked his secret for winning wars. He replied: 'fighting Arabs'.

Imholte is a clout-chasing retard who under normal circumstances would the biggest failure and lolcow in his little sector of the Internet. But his main opponents are the deadbeat, alcoholic and drug-abusing Nick Rekieta, the fatass pedophile Melton and their various hangers-on and such. So he easily rack up W after W.

 

[Watching Rekieta]

retreat to the parents' house (with or without Kayla)

Kayla changed her address too. She was in Willmar the same time as Nick and filed address change with court. Kayla, Nick and April are all listing Spicer again.

 

[RotPockets]

If you look at his septum it’s already deviating. He snorts lefty. I want his nose to be a modern revamp of Artie’s before surgery

Someone broke his nose and gave him that lumpy hooked beak.

Possibly when he got his front tooth knocked out, but that is just speculation.

 

[Flora Fox]

He cant even get a gun to do it - mostly because he is the dumbest criminal nigger - and we all know we should make fun of people with suicidal ideations that dont have the means to do it.

We all know he'll OD on the pirin.

 

[ye's Official KF Burner]

Someone broke his nose and gave him that lumpy hooked beak.
View attachment 6887245
Possibly when he got his front tooth knocked out, but that is just speculation.
View attachment 6887244

He looks like a pedophile, like that one character from the movie where the chick lures the pedo in and starts torturing him. It feels like a fever dream but I know it's a real movie

 

[Shig O'nella]

feels like a fever dream but I know it's a real movie

Hard Candy.

 

[ye's Official KF Burner]

Hard Candy.

Yeah that's it, he looks like the guy from that in some photos.

 

[Beavis]

I just straight up don't believe him when he says he forgot to pay his mortgage. That's not something you just forget, no matter how "depressed" you are. I simply do not believe him when he says that.
He just didn't have the money. He pissed it all away on stupid bullshit.
He already has to deal with people knowing he's an addict. He can't have them know he's a brokie too. His ego couldn't take that.

The bank bombarded him with phone calls and certified letters.

Also, I think Nick’s parents gave April a nice payday to go away and never mention any of this again. Including signing the release for the body camera footage.