Community Munchausen's by Internet (Malingerers, Munchies, Spoonies, etc) - Feigning Illnesses for Attention

[Otterly]

Yes. Specifically it's a social climber thing, because aristocrats live in named houses so they decide they want that too.

‘BOUQUET residence, this is the lady of the house speaking…!’

 

[Flourishing Pinecone ❧]

She thinks "Tilly Rose" sounds incredibly posh,

I don't think I've ever met a Tilly who wasn't a posh wanker, it's definitely signalling her status.

Also your description of the bf and the cars was perfect. Even the Queen didn't drive a Range Rover, she had an old Defender.

 

[Bathtub Munching]

Tilly was an excellent read, thank you KFS for doing the Lord’s work.

Spoiler: Cornflakes

Warm cornflakes are an Irish delicacy. Microwave a cup of warm (pasteurized) milk and pour on top of cornflakes for a +10 buff against wet freezing weather.

 

[Zemblan Physics]

I have never set eyes on this man before today, but I know this man

I kept thinking ”is that… Adrian Mole?”

Total climber phenotype, tbh.

 

[Uncle Tom's Condo]

words

Damn, I'm glad live in America. What the hell is wrong with you people?

 

[Just A Rat]

I have to say, nothing triggers my urge to make a coffee and get comfortable like this notification:

@KateFarmsShill I raise my mug to you.

 

[Spunt]

I don't think I've ever met a Tilly who wasn't a posh wanker, it's definitely signalling her status.

Also your description of the bf and the cars was perfect. Even the Queen didn't drive a Range Rover, she had an old Defender.

Liz was an extremely practical woman. She maintained that Defender herself, she learned to be a mechanic during the war and tinkering with cars was her favourite hobby, along with horses. When not being the Queen in a professional capacity, she dressed like a hiker.

What a lot of both Americans and Hyacinth Buckets don't really get is that Britain's remaining aristocrats outside the Royal family are all flat broke. Most of the land that they own is National Parks and not only can they not develop it to earn money, they are obliged to maintain it. Likewise, their castles stately homes are massive money pits that they are legally obliged to keep in top shape despite massive restrictions on how they can make money. Almost all of them have to open their homes to the public to make ends meet - imagine if you had to let random yobbos into your front room to gawk at the furniture and tread mud into the carpet just to keep the bailiffs away. Every year most of them have to sell off bits of their art collections, and even that is difficult because the more valuable pieces are legally restricted from being sold abroad, and abroad is where the money is. The only other income they make are (controlled) rents and horse breeding.

Aristocrats really love horses. The lack of horses in Tilly's life gives away her pleb status. And of course anyone who spends any time around horses know that farting and shitting are favourite horse activities, and the aristocratic lifestyle generally involves being covered in horse manure from dawn till dusk. Tilly could never.

Damn, I'm glad live in America. What the hell is wrong with you people?

Try living in this weather every day and staying normal, I dare you.

 

[Rich Evans Simp]

Tilly is obviously a total nutbar (and that photo of her in bad makeup looking like Grace Randolph is hideous) but she’s very, very pretty. I don’t see a horseface. When I think horseface, I think of Hilary Swank or Princess Anne.

 

[Uncle Tom's Condo]

I live north of 60 degrees so there was no hope of normal.

More on topic, I know that US docs will do whatever as long as the check clears, but how do NHS docs handle these munchies? Isn't a long ass time to wait to get a specialists for what supposed malady they have?

 

[often puzzled]

In 2016 she got hit by a car and broke her leg. She had to use a wheelchair for months, even after the cast was off, because her bird bones were crumbling. This seemed to be her come-to-Jesus. Within a year she was weight restored and then the spoopy skellies haunting LCF got bored and stopped talking about her. In 2025 she's still weigh restored, travels, goes to EDM fests, and never posts about food. Anyway, Tilly's weird stock photo-esque feed of her smiling at assorted objects reminded me of Aly's freakin' CREAMY and CHEESY pasta dishes and the eyes that always gave her away. Feels good. Cozy. Like home.

I'm a big Italian Aly fan (she was freakin' LUSH back in the day), and I'll add that her final come-to-Jesus was an actual, true health scare. At the beginning of Covid lockdown, she had an actual, real, no-joke heart attack. At that point, she still didn't fully have her shit together and had apparently been feverishly exercising at home. She had the heart attack and quickly begin to realize that life's short and that none of this is worth it. These days, she has a job she seems to enjoy, is engaged to her longtime boyfriend, and does not post boudoir shots on her parents' bed. Funny how a true medical crisis can scare some people straight, as opposed to . . . (gestures at thread).

First time reader and poster in this thread, I saw parismelodyraven be mentioned briefly a couple of times and I was wondering if anyone knew if she was still alive. I used to keep up with her on Instagram several years ago but looking up her account I found it to be privated, I noticed she has a tiktok as well but I can't access that without an account and I refuse to use tiktok.

Paris is alive as of last night and not a damn thing has changed in 10 years.

Paris is my favorite, and she'd better never, ever die. What a god-tier BPD anachan she is. She'd probably accept a request to follow on Instagram, because she still loves attention as much as ever (and occasionally suicide baits if she's not getting enough TikTok views).

I don't know if she did the usual sort of eating dx things like abuse laxatives or diuretics in her younger years.

I also wondered about the laxative abuse. Some of the constipation she describes sounds a lot like what happens with chronic laxative abuse. Great Ormond Street, where she had the bowel procedure, is one of the hospitals Nikki Grahame (final boss of BPD anachans) spent time in when she was younger, before she was in the adult wards.

I mean that a certain class of people that incidentally turn out to be upper class have an expression completely devoid of well, any feelings at all, I don't really know how to describe it properly in English but there's no feelings whatsoever in their faces or eyes, it's like a badly made model that misses the "it" to make it human.

She looks like an off-brand fashion doll, a knockoff Barbie. Her head is too big, her expression is uncanny, everything is just subtly not right. You know what she's supposed to look like, but it's very obvious that something is fundamentally wrong here. While I'm being small-minded enough to critique her looks, I'll add that she's not leathery (yet), but she somehow looks leathery nonetheless. And whoever said that she looks like she belongs in bodycam footage is dead-on. If she lived in the US, she'd be the subject of a video on YouTube called PSYCHO SORORITY GIRL GETS TRESPASSED FROM MALE STRIP CLUB-- one of those that you watch, wonder if you've got internalized misogyny because you really enjoyed watching that screaming girl get tased, so then you watch a video of a methed-up dude getting chased by a K9 unit, which, instead of making you feel better, makes you wonder if you're actually a sociopath, so then you come over to Kiwi Farms, and that probably answered the question. This is not autobiographical.

 

[Schizo Rat]

I would rather toil under my corporate overlords for the next 30 years than be beholden to the whims of advertisers or 22 year olds who spend too much time on social media and can't accept that not everyone holds the same opinion as them on everything. I do not like attention in general and I am really only comfortable here because the parasocial shit is kept to a minimum. Plus the average social media user doesn't even know this forum exists, or if they've heard of it they think we're a bunch of hackers and swatters who murder trannies for fun so they stay away. Most people here have a thick skin and are expecting to see opinions they disagree with and words they wouldn't necessarily use, and they are capable of ignoring it or at least keeping the fight on the forum. Give me the top hat and move on with your day. Outside here, it becomes a campaign to deplatform and take that person's income.

Besides that, this topic is picking up popularity amongst the normies as evidenced by all the "snark" (fuck I hate that stupid word) subreddits and Tiktok accounts popping up. It's no longer a niche subject that only a few people are monitoring and laughing at. It's a new beast and the commentary is full of women demanding that their subjects suffer consequences. I don't want my easily accessible youtube video becoming the thing that makes Linda from HR decide to harass someone's doctor.

What about a substack?

 

[LonesomeDud]

I don't think I've ever met a Tilly who wasn't a posh wanker, it's definitely signalling her status.

Also your description of the bf and the cars was perfect. Even the Queen didn't drive a Range Rover, she had an old Defender.

 

[fagnarok]

Hi! I'm Tilly!
Im going to be your sleep paralysis demon this week, and maybe next week as well...
View attachment 6889035

100%: she is the Posh JillRod.

(For the uninitiated, Jill is in the bottom photo, which was taken from the first post in her own thread.)

 

[Trifecta]

For the past few years I have been content just lurking in this thread, but the mention of a violinist has risen me from the grave. Are you referring to miss transient locked-in syndrome? She’s my ultimate pet munchie, but I’ve never seen her mentioned anywhere. If she’s on other people’s radar, I’ll be ecstatic.

I've been following her for a long time now and a few months ago I started working on archiving her instagram and writing a timeline, but eventually I gave up because her writing is insufferable (this really increased my respect for KateFarmsShill for wading through so much insufferable nonsense to distill the funny parts for us).

Maybe I'll go back to it at some point now that my favorite munchie, Allyson, is dead.

 

[Quack_Quack]

The wannabes will tie them around their waists, whereas the real thing will tie them around their shoulders.

Because if they're real poshnob it's some floofy posh sweater made of very nice soft merino and tying round the waist stretches the arms out. That, and it's an easy emergency rain hat.

The wannabes invariably have the knock off acrylic ones thatll only die by fire.

Warm cornflakes are an Irish delicacy

Also, cold mornings in a council house with shit (near non-existent) heating means warm cornflakes and a cuppa heat you the fuck up.

This is not autobiographical

We believe you. Millions wouldn't.

 

[InternetDramaFillsTheVoid]

That said, for many people with chronic illness the relief of knowing what's wrong also has to sit alongside the knowledge that oh God, there really is something wrong and it isn't just going to go away on its own. That generally serves to curb your enthusiasm pretty quickly. Still, there's nothing to stop someone who might have Munchie tendencies from genuinely falling ill.

The difference between munchies and Normal people with chronic/terminal illnesses - normal people will get closure from a diagnosis, munchies will get fucking euphoric over a diagnosis. Shits disgusting.

 

[George Michael's Freedom]

I assume @Kate Farms Shill has more about Tilly coming down the pipeline because I stumbled about Tilly's latest Sickstagram by accident just now (was scrolling through my feed, and saw a reel of a girl in a hospital bed shaking in a way that looked fake. Clicked on in a thumb slip and realized the name was Tilly and then clicked off it and reset my feed before I knew it was happening) and it is a doozy. And given my sped like thumbs' action when I found it I can't be relied on to Archive.

I don't want to ruin anything Kate has coming, but from what I remember she is still using the handle "thattillyrose" and now she is claiming seizures from heavy metal poisoning and that every time the doctors (who totally believe she has heavy metal poisoning) try to give her medicine for dechalating (spelling? Concept? No idea) her receptors (what receptors where is not explained) are too damaged to recieve the meds?

Clearly there is still much mystery for Kate to report on due to my regardedness and Tilly's shenanigans.

 

[Potatis Salad]

I've been revisiting one of my faves, Denae. The pic of her with Afrin got me wondering: What do you guys think these munchie gods like Trevino and Afrin are thinking, what are they getting out of this?

I know at least one of these cretins (Trevino?) is cash only, so for him it's obviously easy $$$$ without the hassle of insurance reimbursements or having to lower his rate to accept Medicaid. But that can't be the sole motivation for all of them. I think they certainly get off on gratifying these young women, being the ONLY one who believes them and is willing to help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at Afrin, the old fuck is loving it.

I think the munchies quickly start to believe their own lies and really have to look deep within to even remember that they're faking. Are the docs the same? The critical thinking of a trained doctor must be harder to suppress than that of a munchie. Like, they know that a .2% delay in gastric emptying has absolutely nothing to do with real gastroparesis from, say, pancreatic cancer. They know all these chicks don't really have hEDS, right? Even the ones who diagnose them with this shit have to know that.

 

[Free the Pedos]

The critical thinking of a trained doctor must be harder to suppress than that of a munchie

There’s a phenomenon where smart people are extra stubborn because they know they’re smart, and are therefore inclined to believe their own opinion over others’. I think that’s at least some of what’s at work here. These doctors have a special interest in this area and have blinders on when it comes to other doctors’ opinions.
I’ve read that a surprisingly high number of very smart people end up in cults for the same reason: once they’ve drawn a conclusion about this group, they’re less inclined to second guess it because they’re aware they’re smarter than the average bear.

 

[Kate Farms Shill]

Tuberculosis Tilly Rose, aka Kate Louise Tuohy, part 3. In part 2 we watched our protagonist descend into sickstagram after years of "Oxford Student" being her only identity. This coincided with both the pandemic disrupting her That Oxford Girl brand and a trite novel she wrote being rejected by everyone she solicited it to. Now she started claiming very unstable Addison's disease and had no reaction to extraordinarily high steroid doses, a phenomenon none of her doctors could explain. She experienced no side effects, no weight gain, and no relief no matter how high they raised her dose. She was admitted to the hospital where the mystery was very quickly solved: under constant observation, when someone else was managing her medications, it turned out both the steroids and her adrenal glands work just fine. After eight tests for porphyria also came back negative despite Tilly's prayers, the hospital unceremoniouisly booted her and her enabling family out with no diagnosis for what is ailing our heroine.

Spoiler: home sweet home

Just as a side note glad people are enjoying this one. she was honestly the only one I didn't want to throw into a volcano for a while because she's just so transparent and bad at everything.

Chapter 62: she missed her friend's wedding to play a lead role the hospital. 63: being home is preferable to being in a hospital general ward under constant observation with a sheet for a wall.


64: Nonetheless, I refuse to give up my identity as hospital patient. 65: Because it makes me very brave and special according to my enablers. Also your name is Kate.


66: making me taking my steroids is MEAN and makes me feel fat; 67: three cheers to the one doctor who still believes my bullshit!


69: they did not teach counting at Oxford but LOOK AT ME!!!! 70: Why is someone else in my hospital cube!?


71: I made everyone cancel their lives and devote themselves to me and my endless need for attention. 72: Now that we're out of the hospital I'm still demanding all their attention and reminding them of when I was in the hospital.


73: I know I just faked sick for three months but now I wish to play tennis. 74: She moves back to her apartment for the first time in months.


75: "You only use the word visit in relation to a patient." What? Do you guys have a different word for the everyday visiting of people and places? Is it like how Brits say "holiday" to mean "vacation" when Americans would only ever use that word to mean a specific calendar day of festivity?


76: I thought I'd get moved out of the stinky general ward if I stopped faking attacks so frequent that I needed around-the-clock observation and they'd send me back to my fancy penthouse but instead they discharged me. 77: I'm still sick god dammit! Pay attention to me! I like that they made the cake with her fake name on it. i wonder if she makes them call her tilly IRL or if they just are so programmed to do everything in their entire lives for social media that they just instinctively put her pseudonym on it so she can post it.


78: Steve won't let her read her medical records. Fuck you, Steve. 79: she gets her hands on her records and it's 1000 pages long. Everything is a mess until Maverick takes over. If only the NHS hadn't stopped this man from saving her life! Instead they just released her with a box of shit I could buy at Walmart if I wanted it.


80: lol they've tapered her off almost her entire steroid dose. She's down from 240 to 33mg and that's if she's even telling the truth about still being on them as a taper; she hasn't shown any proof of 'roid since her face blew up in the hospital.


Chapter 81: it's a full time job to be a munchie, what with listing all the drugs you don't need to your pharmacist, begging for pain meds, and obsessively googling to find your next move. Eighty-two: thank god for mummy to help with this!!!


82 again: neurology wants to wait for the super specialist tests that were ordered before they treat her for a mystery condition but she wants it done NOW NOW NOW. they give her a pill to shut her up. 83: her family has hope in this metabolic clinic but Tilly knows it won't give her answers because she knows she's the captain of this ship. Even if they find something to fix, she'll just change the course.


83 again: The doctors tell her to go touch grass.


84: visitor is the correct word for someone who visits now. 85: she spent months without washing or combing her fucking hair while on a hospital ward surrounded by sick people. Disgusting little gremlin.


86: the doctors laugh at her for sticking lido patches to her face. She doesn't realize this is mockery and thinks it's a good thing they won't forget her. I'm sure they won't. 87: she still wears them out in public for attention.


88: she collapses on the bathroom floor shaking and slurring then goes to bed because she knows the emergency room will tell her to go away.


89: they weren't worried about the elevated lactate because her body was compensating for it without issue. When she argues they accuse her of wanting to live in the hospital. 90: Maverick writes the referral to the metabolic unit to explain how she had a lactate of 11 but no symptoms of lactic acidosis. Two weeks later it turns out he never sent it.


91: Maverick sends the letter. It's 8 pages detailing her entire medical history. She's blown away by his thoroughness.


93: a normal day. 94: boyfriend takes her on a date and she throws a scene. They go home to the apartment where she is delirious and her blood pressure crashes. Her boyfriend gives her salt water and apple juice and puts her in compression stockings.


96: during attacks she sweats, she smells strongly of metal (perhaps showering and washing your hair would help with the foul odor), clenches into a ball, her face swells, her armpits contract, pustules form on her feet and she screams as electric shocks radiate through her body. Good acting, kid. Or maybe bad acting. Please post a video so I can know for sure.


97: She was doing peepees in the bed for attention while she pretended to be paralyzed, imagining it was the toxins flushing out of her. I wonder if she was also doing a number two for them to clean up. maybe don't be barefoot in the hospital where you complain about being exposed to people's assorted body fluids and you wouldn't get gross foot rashes.


98: She's wasting away. Diagnosis: deconditioned. They're not wasting physio hours on her because they know she just needs to get the fuck out of bed and go for a walk. 99: she is still juicing the toxins out.


Chapter 100. How the fuck long is this book going to be? She's in constant pain, burning up, paralyzed and wants to die. 101: she's not dead.

Spoiler: hot potato

102: LMAOOO STEROIDS WORK JUST FINE FOR HER. Stupid games and prizes. Did she forget she told us she got diabetes from steroids before the hospital? or that they later found her pump was broken and not delivering a dose for months to explain why they suddenly worked when someone else was administering them? I still think she just wasn't taking them like she claimed she was and couldn't pull that under observation. 103: being fat makes my ED sad. 104: but nothing will stop her from boozin' with the gals. That's the spirit. I like how all the other girls are looking at the camera but Tilly is gazing deeply at the glass of prosecco she's about to pour into her face. Also the line about none of her clothes fitting when she was complaining of rapid, unintentional weight loss for weeks therefore presumably she owns older clothings in larger sizes.


105: something tells me she is greatly exaggerating how invested "Maverick" is in her case. He seems to never leave her side at all and spends all his time trying to solve the mystery of why one test came back weird. If this was one of our Americans I'd say it was the standard quack who sees dollar signs but that doesn't really fly with the NHS. We know Maverick is practicing at an NHS hospital and she's not in the ritzy private ward there because she mentioned not being in it more than once, so that rules out that her parents are shoveling money at doctors to hear what they want. Spoiler: I never figured out who Maverick is, sorry. 106: she's not dying so the referral isn't as urgent as would please m'lady. One-oh-seven: she finally has an appointment with the metabolic clinic.


One-oh-eight: Wherein a doctor mentions Porphyria and her mom gives away that they've already been looking into this one, before she spends a few good hours cruising google looking for what symptoms to claim Tilly has been suffering her whole life. Tilly gets put on a sugar drip. I'm sure that's great with steroids and that diabetes she told us she had.


One hundred nine: I like this story. So her dad and boyfriend come into the acute, constantly monitored cube after work to find her writhing and wailing for ice. Dad immediately races down to buy ice. Then it's all hands on deck while mummy coaches her to breathe and her auntie massages her legs, boyfriend turns on the fan he brought from home, and the men pack her in ice. Tilly, from one writer to another let me give you some advice: when you are writing fiction you have to consider the actions of every character no matter how minor, not just your mary sue self insert. Some examples: What were your mother and aunt doing before they started massaging you? Were they watching you writhe and scream but taking no action? Were they not in the cube and if so where were they? Was this the start of a new attack? Do you realize there is an implication that you did this as soon as you had a new audience for it? What were the medical staff meant to be observing you doing and why did they take no action? Why did your father jump to purchasing ice when presumably the hospital has it on hand both for food service purposes and medical ones? How far did he have to go to get it? Did you forget you told us the elevators in the hospital are so maddeningly slow that coffee you buy downstairs is cold by the time you get back to your room and how this might complicate getting ice to you on the timeline you're currently describing? Talk yourself through every character's actions and why they were acting that way to help you avoid big plot holes and very strange actions that sound untrue to life. Or don't, I guess. Gives me more to write about. 110; why did she specifically mention her aunt's margarita if she's holding it and her aunt, two people over, has wine?


One hundred and eleven: this is either a very long book or her chapters are going to be a paragraph and a half long. The glucose makes her feel better and that's proof it's porphyria and not an eating disorder, the placebo effect, or a lie. Mummy is still googling away to see what she needs to say to doctors next. One hundred twelve: they learn that porphyria testing is light sensitive so her neurotic family buys tin foil to cover her peepee jar and then hand-carries it down to the lab. Mysteriously, this test and seven others come back negative despite this careful handling. From what I understand a spot urine test is only really useful if it's taken during or immediately after an attack of symptoms and it doesn't need to be kept in absolute darkness like they're describing.


One Hundred Thirteen: Tilly does not understand that all these -ologists are refusing to take her on because they all see her test results and everything says she's fine. One hundred fourteen: another where the humor in an implication is lost on our heroine. She sees this doctor as being kind and patient, taking time out of her day to comfort her. I see a doctor who has been told this girl is keeping herself here, who starts by saying "you don't look like you're faking" to gain her trust and spends their appointment trying to convince her being home is more fun. I also reckon this doctor has just realized how problematic having her family there all the time is, since she asks Tilly questions and the family responds. One-One-Six: Dr. Kind shall get a copy of this tome when it is released.


One Hundred fifteen because I guess she realized she skipped that one. Her metabolic clinic appointment has been moved up to next week which makes her think there's something very urgent going on with her test results. How exciting!!


How the fuck did we get to 120? Seriously please stop using this dumb device if you can't keep track of it. Also this flipping between past and present shit has been done to death and only works when it's done exceptionally well, which it currently isn't. While she was in the hospital she dreamed of a day where she doesn't have to take stacks of pills. She's on fire and she needs an extinguisher. One twenty one: she was discharged with no diagnosis and bags of pills, but no extinguishers. One twenty two: The only thing I see here that we didn't see in her hospital haul is lyrica, which I'm imagining is what she's calling an anticonvulsant but is more often used for nerve pain and anxiety.


One twenty three: Either I was wrong or Tilly is lying. "Dr. Kind" still believes it's porphyria after six negative tests (all were ruined by other people, of course). Within minutes of her uttering the name Tilly puts on a show and demands the exact treatment she wants for it: IV heme. Tilly screams and balls again. Dr. Kind tells her even if she works herself up to the ICU somehow they won't give her heme without a diagnosis of porphyria. Tilly does not realize what a flaming red flag it is to know the exact rare treatment for this rare disease. One Twenty Four: Tilly and her mom are determined to get this treatment in specific, so they have her piss in a pot and put it in the window. Porphyrins turn urine purple-red when exposed to UVA so if the pee turns the color of dilute beet root juice, she totally has it.

Spoiler: medical history sperg

I should probably pause here, because this might not be common knowledge like I think it is. Medical history is to KFS as pop culture is to people who occasionally leave their homes and engage with other humans.

There's a theory that members of the British royal family had a genetic porphyria and thanks to aristocratic inbreeding passed it on through generations. This is popularly recited as fact even though it's never been conclusively proven the way other diseases have been. The young son of the last Russian Imperial family famously had hemophilia which is how Rasputin the faith healer became part of their inner circle. Lesser known are Prince Henry of Prussia who died at age 4 when a tumble off a chair lead to a massive brain bleed; Prince Leopold, Duke of Albany, who died of a head injury age 30 after he had a minor fall at home; Prince Fredrich of Hesse, who died age 2 when he fell from a window sustaining injuries he likely could have survived if he didn't have hemophilia; Prince Waldemar of Prussia who died in 1945 waiting for a transfusion as all banked blood was diverted by the Allies to treat those liberated from concentration camps; Infante Gonzalo of Spain who died at 19 when a minor car accident caused massive internal bleeding; and his brother Alfonso, Prince of Asturias who died four years later in a very similar accident. They were all blood relatives of Queen Victoria, asymptomatic carrier for a mutant gene that causes hemophilia B in all males who inherited it, and since royals could only marry royals they were all fucking their cousins and the gene spread like a cold in a college dorm.

One really doesn't have to look further than Carlos II of Spain to understand how fucking inbred these show ponies are. In an effort to protect their inherited power and wealth, they puppy milled themselves to death and that is very fucking funny. It's safe to assume there's some real fun shit lurking in their DNA and they don't want us knowing about it because then we can point out they're no better than the Paki retard-factories breeding like rodents in their cities.

But as for porphyria, we don't actually know if they have it because it doesn't cause anything so spectacular as bleeding to death from a stubbed toe and there are other diseases that could cause the symptoms they were suffering. One theory that is gaining some ground especially with king George III is that his ailment was a combination of bipolar disorder and the known fact that he was being treated with arsenic and a drug called calomel. Calomel is made from mercury and while its use predates George by a lot, the use of extremely large "heroic" doses was still novel, promoted by an American doctor named Benjamin Rush. Rush and his colleagues believed calomel could be used to cure psychiatric conditions by purging the illness out (it makes you shit and vomit until you want to die and sometimes do), so when his patients suffered the now-well-known psychiatric effects of mercury exposure his solution was to give them more mercury. Another thing we know George was subjected to was "moral therapy." He was kept restrained to a chair for long periods of time, held in seclusion, scolded like a child, and only allowed to do things to occupy his mind like reading and having visitors if he was able to control his symptoms. So basically to keep him from acting too crazy they locked him away with nothing to do but spiral into his thoughts. This happened over and over until he died in isolation having conversations with people who weren't there. But "the assorted failings of late eighteenth to early nineteenth century psychiatric medicine" is not nearly as spectacular as a rare and potentially fatal genetic condition the royals don't want you to know they have.

There is one descendent who was somewhat more reliably diagnosed within his own lifetime with variegate porphyria. His initial diagnosis was made entirely on his described symptoms and the doctor who made the diagnosis admit he was aware of the theory that the disease ran in the family. His symptoms were also different from those used to posthumously diagnose other members of his family. He died less than two years after diagnosis in an unrelated accident and it's possible had he lived to see his later years - he passed in 1970 at age 30 - he'd have been more conclusively diagnosed with a different disease through better technology. Trust me, if I thought the theory had merit I'd be shouting it from the rooftops because it's hilarious to me that the nominal leaders of half of Europe are obligate cousin-fuckers but there's just too many other explanations that make more sense.

Truth and logic are not important to Tilly so it's safe to assume she wants the "Purple Secret" the royals are rumored to be keeping because that's very posh and aesthetic, like her Oxford degree and her pen name.

Oh, and let me tie up that loose end. She never revealed if her piss turned red.

125: i'm pretty sure they figured out what's wrong with you. 126: Maverick referred her out to both a mitochondrial disease clinic and a metabolic one. The mitochondrial disease appointment is the one that was moved forward. The doctor goes over her records and says she's probably not their problem. 126 part II I guess: But there's a zebra on the wall and they're willing to do some CYA testing just in case and that makes her feel very special.


127: I wish someone would tell me I have a very rare potentially fatal disease that will never go away!


129: In this chapter she tries to imply they're sending her home to die. They're sending her home with the same treatment she's been receiving and getting her a referral to be tested for other rarer conditions it might be, so ... no. 130: she keeps everyone awake balling her eyes out. I imagine her taking a melon baller to her eyes and screaming in agony because it brings me pleasure to do so. 131: an older lady waiting to be transferred to the respiratory ward prays for her all night. Immediate gratification: we learn that Tilly's family are indeed obsessed with the royals. 132: man the shit these people do to innocent bystanders really makes me a little mati.


133: never too sick to go to a musical! (A really fucking annoying one that uses the catalogue of my favorite Swedish disco-pop sensations to move an absurd plot where a woman reads her mother's 25-year-old sex diary and then invites every man who nutted in mom during a certain time period to her wedding trying to figure out which cum shot produced her. What is wrong with broadway people?) 134: readers recognize her in public and treat her family like they're characters in a novel she's writing because they are. 135: she's drunk again. Writers and alcoholism, name a more iconic duo (bottoms up, fellow Kate!)


136: neurology says her "attacks" look like a channelopathy but they don't have any test results or a diagnosis for her. Channelopathy is a pretty broad category that includes things like cystic fibrosis, Long QT syndrome, and various forms of epilepsy, which all disrupt the ion channels. I am guessing they're thinking it's something along the lines of hypokalemic periodic paralysis. 137: nurse whoever knows girls like Tilly love hospital pics this for their socials. 138: her friend whose wedding she missed brings her a bunch of presents. How the fuck are these "chapters"? These aren't even diary entries.


139:-41 when she started this chapters thing it was supposed to be that these were the frames for the actual chapters in her upcoming memoir. So this is three chapters to say "i have my appointment tomorrow after a long wait. I am preparing documentation for it since I know my time with the doctor will be limited. Then mummy tagged along on my date night." Neat.


142: the doctor she's been waiting for can't get to her appointment because of a public transit strike so she sees his colleague. They can't help her either. There's no new test results and they can't diagnose her off one test six months ago. 143: Doctor reviews the notes Maverick sent and says it sounds like some kind of metabolic crisis and she might have a long term condition. They want her to do genetic sequencing. Tilly wants to hug them. That is very special indeed! 144: Her enablers are thrilled!


145: Because her pee keeps being too dilute in the hospital to test for porphyria as she sucks back liquids trying to curb her insatiable steroid appetite, they take her off glucose and restrict her fluids for lucky number eight. She pees in the cup, wraps it in foil, and crosses her fingers this is the time it's magically positive for a disease she knows she doesn't have. 146: nope, not this time either. Every test is negative so Maverick, instead of realizing he's got a munchie on his hands who is milking one elevated test for all it's worth, starts thinking extremely rare metabolic diseases. 147: she's still hoping the genetics test will show porphyria.


Skipping a bunch of "chapters" for a while because they're about religion and philosophy and I'd rather snort laundry powder than read whatever this vapid nematode has to say about he big guy upstairs. On to her ramp up to the long hospital stay where she kept having "adrenal crises" and ending up with super low potassium. I'm starting to wonder how much of her "adrenal crisis" was actually the result of eating handfuls of laxatives, especially after the story where she collapses on the bathroom floor. We know she was on two different stimulant laxatives plus a bunch of stool softeners, osmotics, and the opioid constipation drug. That's one good way to induce low potassium and give yourself horrible muscle cramps (and die of cardiac arrest). Another is to take enormous doses of steroids. And from what i'm reading prolonged hypokalemia could also make her lactate spike. Neat!


Now here's a big old puzzle piece. In 2017, after the first round of TB treatment but before she suddenly started claiming she had adrenal insufficiency, she was in a bad accident. The car was totaled and all passengers had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. We know that at least a few doctors in London thought her "adrenal crises' were psychiatric, and we also know she was first treated for adrenal crisis because her mom claimed she had Addisons to emergency responders who did not have time or resources to vet her claims. She then pulled the same stunt a bunch of times, getting huge steroid doses after calling an ambulance then apparently going off them immediately when she got home but lying about it, which is going to fuck up any attempt to get an accurate read on what her adrenal glands are actually up to. If she was consistently getting told to fuck off I'd just say she was another whining baby but she's scoring months in an NHS hospital and testing for super rare diseases with this drama.


Take a shower you stinky goblin.


Chapter 174: Maverick allows obvious ana-chan to go on a keto diet even though he doesn't know what metabolic disease she has and she previously claimed to nearly die when they took her off a glucose drip. Chapter 176: she confirms she's on a keto diet and in ketosis. Trying to lose those last steroid pounds in a hurry, I see.


176: we already established that her dramatic "diagnosis" of Addison's disease was because her mom lied to the paramedics to get her dosed with steroids and she was taken at her word until she really induced problems. 177: she hears about a new toy and wants it very badly. 178: for some mysterious reason she is the only person in the world that does not respond to steroids. 7st 7 is about 105 lb/ 48kg.


179: wherein our heroine fakes muscle weakness and escalates until she's "bedbound" how very novel for this thread. 180: She can walk again but she suffers terrible consequences. Any attempt to reduce her medications leaves her in a state. 181: She's now seeing a "Muscle Man" who specializes in mitochondrial and metabolic myopathies.


What always gets me about these girls who want to bring up the spectre of the hysterical woman is they don't realize that was the opposite of what is happening to them. Hysteria was overwhelmingly psychological symptoms being blamed on a physical problem with women's reproductive organs. There were exceptions, a lot of epileptics got diagnosed with hysteria because epilepsy was largely seen as a mental illness. But for the most part, it was mental stress being treated as a physical disease. What they're complaining of is their allegedly physical disorders being treated as the mental illness it is. I'd go so far as to say the average girl we discuss in this thread doesn't even have a mental illness, just attention seeking bullshit in a feedback loop generated by social media and their enablers that would go away were it not fed.


Speaking of enablers, ch. 182: Tilly's mom is such an enabler that when Tilly schedules her muscle appointment on mom's birthday mom is thrilled. All mummy wants for her birthday is for Tilly to get diagnosed with a terrible myopathy!


Ch 183: She's excited to meet the muscle man but scared he'll tell her she doesn't have any of the rare, potentially deadly diseases she wants to be diagnosed with. Ch 184: She's finally getting that muscle biopsy the other mean doctors said no to because they found no medical reason to do one! Ch 185: And she's getting whole exome sequencing!!!! Can't wait to see what variants of uncertain significance this one will claim are actually very significant!


Attention-seeker goes on another fun vacation with the oxford gals! Her skin burns and she needs to get up several times all night to cool off in the shower, but prosecco in the hot tub is fine and dandy. Also what happened to showers being way too much exertion?


186: a lot of this is just focal length. Smart phone cameras use a very short focal length which is great for capturing snapshots at your kid's soccer game from 75 feet away but not so great for up close portraits. They give a weird fisheye effect that magnifies the center of the image and minimizes the edges. In this case her lips and nose appear bigger than they would in real life but her enormous chin has basically disappeared. most of the actual swollen and flushed pics in the second slide are from when she was being forced to comply with her steroids in the hospital and no shock there. 187 has been cancelled due to lack of interest. 188: She's going to see a dermatologist about this and like every other doctor she sees this man is just fascinated by her totally unique case. He, too, is determined to spend all his time on Tilly to get her real solutions instead of mere bandaids. Because no one in her orbit has a case load to attend to outside of her. We never hear about this one again.


192: Tilly has been spoiled and coddled by her father for her entire life. 193: This continues through her hospitalization even when she just screams for hours. 194: Her disease is going to fuck off again so she can see Mary Poppins on stage.


Oh hey its Evie, we just talked about her! Sued her mom's doctor for a hypothetical. She has spina bifida and claims that if her mom's doctor had properly informed her of the role folic acid plays in fetal development mom would have started supplementing and put off trying to conceive and therefore Evie would not have been born and her mother would have had a different healthy child born a month later. Claims her problem is so bad she needs a wheelchair and all kinds of tubes and toys and TPN. She's also an equestrian and regularly films herself walking around with her horsies without so much as a wobble and sucks back coffee, cocktails, and cake on the regular.


195: A whole chapter about having a Pippi Longstocking doll when she was a kid. 196: being in the hospital as a teen gave her endless time to prepared for Oxford without the pesky school curriculum getting in her way. 197: Despite the Oxford degree, everything she reads is as shallow as she is.


Alexandra! the gang's all here!

Spoiler: is it porphyria yet?

199: her parents get their genes sequenced too so they can thoroughly check Tilly for any hereditary diseases. I know her plan B if it shows nothing is to just find another doctor in another specialty to lie to but I always wonder when they get to this point if they're terrified the genes will give away that they're lying or convinced it'll actually show something.


202: She spent the time in the blue cube making a list of all the places she wanted to go on vacation. 203: now she's going on vacation. The keto diet is over and she's back to claiming she's slamming sugar in her face 24/7. Meds here: Calseos is calcium/d3, hydrocortisone, ibuprofen, fluconazol (antifungal I'm guessing the derm gave her for for her nasty pustule feet), omeprazole is a PPI, zopiclone is an ambien-type drug, and augmentin is amoxicillin. Once again, steroids and not much else interesting.


if you zoom in on the steroid box you can see that she's taking 20 mg per night for adrenal insufficiency. A far cry from when she was taking hundreds of milligrams all day and night.


204-05: maybe it's a culture thing but she keeps saying her cambridge program is undergrad and to me that means a standard four-year university degree. It's not. It's a continuing ed certificate.


I looked it up on Cambridge's website and they do refer to it as an Undergrad certificate and the classes are taught at the level of a first year university class. There's also diploma courses taught at a more advanced level. None of them are degree-granting but the credits can be transferred to degree programs in some cases. Her course is in coaching which I thought was maybe another Trans-Atlantic language thing but lol nope, it's like life coaching bullshit. And you don't have to have any education whatsoever to take it. All you have to do is apply, get accepted, and fork over £4500 for the program.


So I picked a course in the same level and "applied." The application was very rigorous. I had to give my name, my address, and confirm that I speak English fluently. The only other things it asked were if I currently attend Cambridge, if I qualify for a discount given to teachers in the UK, and if I have any support needs. I checked off no to those and was prompted to confirm my course selection and hand over the fee. The course I picked is actually in a subject I take great autistic joy in and all online. I'd be interested in taking it just for shits, but's expensive and it doesn't start for a few months. I can't plan my hobby time too far in advance with my work travel and I would be seriously upset if I just threw that money away. Tuohy wealthy I ain't. No worries. I have until the day the class starts to decide if I actually want to submit my application for it. And whether I do or not I still won't be a Cambridge student in any meaningful way. Her course has also gone 100% remote as of this year but apparently they were offering in person sessions when she did it and that's what she chose because it looked better for Instagram.

Skipping some particularly pointless posts. 208-09 her symptoms mysteriously disappear again when a friend comes to visit. The new meds here are pregabalin (for nerve pain), furosemide (loop diuretic) and Relistor replacing her other opiate constipation medication.


209: her celery juice habit was from that Medical Medium guy. She believes the reason she's craving apple juice is that the pectin "flushes the body of toxins." 210: Move out Keto, the guy with no education who claims he gets his medical knowledge from a spirit from the future that he can talk to told her to eat more apples.


Announces she's taking over the RareDiseaseUK page to talk about her rare diseases by posting a video with shit stuck to her face for maximum attention. We haven't seen these stupid things in weeks but gotta show off for a fresh audience.


Skipping more fluff 213: She carries around a small yellow cushion in the hospital acting like she can't get around without it held to her "tummy" and even takes it to the bathroom with her. Also more proof she was barefoot in there. 214: She is only sometimes pretending to have mobility problems now.


215: She was so, so sick in this field of bluebells. 216: She is still so, so sick in this field of bluebells.


HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET BACK TO 205 TILLY? She keeps bailing on people's special days because she's the main character and needs them to know she's so, so sick.


208-210: she makes it to this one because it's in Spain and that's more fun than malingering at home.


211: her TuMmY is distended because she is constipated as fuck. She uses this as an excuse to not eat when she goes out with friends.


212-13: For someone who is dying of a mysterious undiagnosed disease she sure does party a lot. Looks like this beach is about a three hour car ride from home, then they go back to London to catch a Beyonce concert.


214: Hey brain trust. The sun didn't really do anything to cure TB. Open air rest and good ventilation was proposed as a means to keep already infected patients from continually reinfecting each other during treatment but it was mostly a relic of the old days when they thought miasma (foul air) was the cause for diseases. It mostly just kept people from being suicidally depressed after being confined to a bed for months on end. Most people enjoy leaving their bedrooms from time to time.


217: saying she graduated from cambridge is making me a little MATI now. Imagine being some schmuck who worked your ass off to get accepted into a world-class university, got through their rigorous academic program for years, and this inbred pecan who spent a few weeks learning 'coaching' claims they are your equal. 218: She signs up for the 150th anniversary dinner because she deserves it with her few weeks of 'coaching' CE credits. Turns out it's geared towards the medical professionals in their postdoctoral CE courses, the ones you actually need to do a real application and prove your credentials to get into instead of checking a box to confirm you speak English. Of course, this doesn't bother Tilly who instead regales them with tales of her illness and picks their brains for what to fake next. She says her genetic testing has been sent back for further testing and her 'genomics pal' says it might be to confirm something that showed up isn't a false alarm. She hopes he's right!


And she's off to fucking Greece now. Says she gets codeine, probably the OTC formulation with acetaminophen/paracetamol in it to limit abuse, and emergency doses of morphine.


219: Ketotifen is an antihistamine/mast cell stabilizer. 220: Her genetics tests are back. She's nervous, probably because she knows it won't show anything, let alone her precious porphyria.


Skipping some nothing posts, 224: her first taste of the sick life was a six when she got a hernia repair in her tttttuuummmmyyyy. I wonder if this was an actually necessary surgery or if her munchausen-by-hypochondria mom insisted they do it for a benign little nothing. 225: now that the genetics test threatens to expose her as a faker her ttttuuummmyyyy hurts again. Her boyfriend reminds her she'll get a muscle biopsy if nothing showed up on the sequencing and that cheers her up. also now she has side effects when she takes too much steroid, something she has denied having the entire time she has posted.


226: Instead of just telling us what happens she waxes poetic on a styrofoam cup.


227: They found two mutations in her whole lil' genome and neither was porphyria. One is totally irrelevant. But then she says the geneticist tells her that she and her mom both have Lynch Syndrome, a disease that causes potentially cancerous polyps to form in the intestine. A little bit of creative liberty there, Kate, since the geneticist concludes by saying they're the only known people in the world with that mutation. So. . . variant of uncertain significance, being given significance only because she screams about GI problems and had some weirdness with the resection, which her TB doctor thought were TB nodules and used as proof she had TB and it was active.


228: she soothes the ache of still not having porphyria with a little morphine and booze while her not-so-smart boyfriend mulls over how this disease she didn't have caused her backed-up pooper rather than the opiates and eating disorder.


229: She has to see the doctor who specializes in this disease she doesn't have and she's already leveraging it into a gut motility specialist visit plus still pushing for that muscle biopsy, but first all her symptoms fuck off again so she can go to Greece.


218. Again. How the fuck is her ability to count declining? She gets told to visit some ancient healing temple.


219: so she climbs up a mountain to ask ancient gods for health. After climbing up a mountain. In flip flops. These girls are always giving away how offensively healthy they are.


Back home she says she gets 0 days off from her full-time job of being sick. Except when she's climbing up a mountain in Greece. In flip flops. And it's like her 8th vacation of the calendar year. I'm not bitter.


Oop might have gotten some pushback from this. We just don't see how much of her vacation was spent focusing on every muscle twitch with her zany lidocaine eyebrows. But oooh that's not codeine with paracetamol. That's the coveted codeine phosphate, the one Nina Jean fucked her dealer for because she could take enough to get high without destroying her liver.


If I had to be in this many weddings in one year I'd probably fake tuberculosis too.

Spoiler: tummmmmyyyy

222: Gastro clinic day. Saying she has an "Addison's Glow', a reference to the darkening of the skin that can happen from Addisons Disease instead of the fact that it's mid-Summer and she's been on like 4 beach vacations in as many weeks. She's all bloated in her ttttttummmmmmyyyyy and can't eat or shit. Gastro tells her it's lifestyle issues but he'll run some tests anyway. Also interesting that this tummmmmyyyyy problem never happens when she's got some event where she wants to look nice.


223: But the lynch syndrome expert is so warm and friendly and invested in tilly's very very special and unique case.


225; She treats herself to a little morphine.


We are now one year off from the hospital admission. 226: The junior doctors at her months-long admission mocked her stupid patches behind her back. she should be DEAD because she came in on the day all the new baby doctors start. 227: people are DYING!!! it's KILLING SEASON!! In the comments: 'there's no increased mortality in August.' Also august is when they were taking her seriously, running all the tests she demanded, and let her stay in the penthouse and wept at her bedside. September was when she got shunted to the peasant ward and treated like the problem she is.


228: She's been asking for a muscle biopsy since before the hospital, when she first started saying she needed a wheelchair and sticking lido patches everywhere. The doctors disagree. She keeps asking for it. They keep saying it's not necessary. But she wins in the end and gets a chunk of her leg cut out.


229: She wants to keep her bracelet on her in the OR so they'll know she has Addisons and refuses to remove it. They make her cover it with tape so it can't be read, then the dumb nurse doesn't even know what her disease is or when he might need to jab her with steroids.


230: Larry tries to distract her from this painful procedure but she acts like a little cuntweasel up to the moment she realizes they're cutting this wee lil chonkie out before she's numb. It's very painful.


231: Not painful enough to miss another fun party though!


232: but her gastric transit study goes off the rails because the dumb NHS - you know, the medical system she doesn't have to pay for, who are organizing all these expensive, rare tests and treatment trials so she can play make pretend - is so disorganized.


233 is fluff about her vibrant social life so 234: she hopes her biopsy comes back positive for something terrible! Enjoy the body check


235: pain doctor, this time for facial pain. This project she launches gets no traction.


236: and rhematology, for erythromelagia which is the thing that makes blood pool in her legs and make her skin burn and whatever. She wants lido infusions but they'll only offer iloprost, which would treat the underlying problem (vascular constriction) if she had erythromelagia. She already had it and it didn't work for her of course. They tell her the lido is for people in extreme pain. She wails that she is and had to be on morphine for weeks. It gets her nowhere.


237: back to genetics and surprise, they don't have Lynch syndrome, but since they don't know what this gene mutation is they need to be screened regularly for bowel cancers. They escalate her gastro evaluation. Surprise, it's fine. She's just constipated. She should treat herself to a little morphine.


more fluff about her vibrant social life followed by 243: because she's constipated they don't want to do a colonoscopy on Tilly. 244: instead mummy gets a colonoscopy and foregoes sedation so she can grill the gastro about Tilly and her very special case while he's shoving a camera up her asshole. Surprise, she's fine. This family dynamic is so uncomfortable.


245: After the last mean doctor wouldn't give her what she wanted because she wasn't looking like she was in pain, she turns up to her pain management clinic unwashed, covered in patches, after staying up all night to make sure she looks bad. Fucking classic.


246: lol the night before the hospital discharged her she "convulsed" for hours trying to stay admitted and they discharged her anyway. Pain management believes her and signs her up for the lidocaine infusions.


More fluff and 249: These weren't mysterious results that made no sense, they were the expected results of being fucking septic. 248 moving backwards in time: When munchie is not being treated like the center of the known universe, she threatens to kill herself so her family will huddle around her and vow to fight her doctors for her.


Hey remember her "Cambridge undergrad' CE certificate program in life coaching? She had to take a year off because it was too intense.


253: So pumped for her lidocaine infusion!!! 254: her doctor tells her since they have no idea what's causing her episodes there's a chance the infusion could just fucking kill her. She's going to do it anyway which is an easy decision to make when you know the episodes are in your control. Look I know none of her stories of what doctors say to her ever sound correct but I want to believe. Let me believe.


254, again: They warn her again that she might die if she gets this infusion. She gets it and lives so checkmate, nerds.


255: People who have seen her fake sick for months see her out sipping cocktails and laughing with the gals like nothing's wrong. Her friend covers for her by saying she's just acting okay but really she's so, so sick.


some more bullshit about her vibrant social life and then 260: the preliminary findings for the muscle biopsy are in. She hears its been sent out for more testing before the final report and assumes it's because it has revealed something terrible. She's excited.


261: lmaoooo it's totally normal. She just doesn't understand how she can be suffering these horrible convulsions yet nothing is wrong. The top comment says it all.


If you were wondering what these episodes look like (I was), holy shit LMAO LMAO LMAO I AM ACTUALLY DYING OF TERMINAL LAUGHITIS RIGHT NOW. I wonder why her hospital doctors didn't believe her theatrics!

263-65, "Muscle Man" refers her back to "Doctor X," the endocrinologist who got her admitted to the hospital a year and change ago when she went into his office crying and begging. 266: Doctor X is no longer sympathetic. He points to all the tests that have come back negative and tells her to give up and move on.


267: a flashback to the hospital, where Tilly is palpably jealous that another patient is being given a lumbar puncture. It's not fair! She specifically asked for one and was told no! Mummy assures her she's just too complex. 268: Enter maverick. 269: and Detective Mummy. I should point out that nearly every post, someone in the comments is telling her all signs point to FND. FND is generous and would give her an out but of course she doesn't want that.


270: Rather than give up she's now on to vascular diseases and claiming her swelling goes down when she's knocked back a few.


271: She's been crowdsourcing new diseases to fake again. 272: And mummy has settled on that old chestnut of ours, MALS, and decides Tilly actually has a cornucopia of compression syndromes all over her body just like our dead friend Taylah did. 273: And just like Taylah, Tilly must travel to see the one unscrupulous quack willing to diagnose her with these diseases and slice her up.


274: This dog and pony show is going to Germany.

@PinkDancingDogs called it. Tune in next time when Tilly has blown through every specialist appointment the NHS is willing to waste on her and has to see an unscrupulous overseas quack willing to play along with her games as long as the checks clear.