I grew up in a religious and conservative house. I was homeschooled all but 2 years of my K-12 education. I considered myself a conservative until 2016. I’m still religious today.
I come from a family of service. My cousin is Ret. Admiral James O. Ellis Jr., former commander of United States Strategic Command who is now a fellow at the Hoover Institution. My great uncle served in the Army during WW2 in the Battle of the Bulge as a forward artillery observer. My grandfather served in the Navy during WW2 hunting submarines. My older brother served in the Army as an M1 Abrams tank operator in Iraq in 2003. Service is in my blood.
I joined the Virginia Army National Guard in 2009 as a 15G helicopter mechanic. I deployed to Iraq for Operation New Dawn in 2011 and earned the Air Medal for serving as a helicopter door gunner. I served in reserve operations in Guatemala in 2014 for Operation Beyond the Horizon, deployed to Kuwait in 2016 for Operation Inherent Resolve, and completed my BA in International Relations while deployed to Kuwait.
I’ve had symptoms of what I now know to be “Gender Dysphoria” since I was 5 years old. I learned early to hide these symptoms from my family because I thought they meant I was a bad person. This led to healthy and not-so-healthy coping mechanisms. I thought that if I could just be more religious, more successful, more manly… that I would cure my condition.
I got married, bought a house, helped raise a stepdaughter, played drums in the church band, and adopted a dog. All the things I believed a good man should do. And I really wanted to do those things, but I also secretly hoped it would fix me. It didn’t work.
In 2020, as a Staff Sergeant, I applied and was accepted into the Army’s Warrant Officer Flight Training program. I completed Warrant Officer Candidate School, SERE School (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape), and the UH60 Black Hawk helicopter course. During the Pandemic and flight training, I realized that I had repressed my gender dysphoria symptoms and was finally at a point in my life and career where I could face them. I sought therapy and learned what options were available. I returned home from flight school and flew with my unit for a year before taking next steps. After much counseling and discussion with my spouse, we agreed that for my health I needed to take steps towards transition.
In 2023 I sent an email to my command giving them notice that I intended to start transition under the current in-service transition policy. My commander called me immediately after receiving the email and offered his support. I was met with overwhelming support from my entire command team and it would be kept confidential until I was ready to officially change genders. During this time, I started hormone treatment and started slowly presenting female in private or on vacations. I was medically stable and deployable 2 months later. Not every transgender person needs or wants gender reassignment surgery.
In 2024 I came out to my unit and started presenting publicly as a woman. Once again, I was met with overwhelming support from my unit at large. For obvious reasons, I was nervous I’d be unwelcome or make other females feel uncomfortable with my presence in the barracks, restrooms, etc. Many female soldiers in my unit offered their support. Some even went out of their way to make me feel comfortable in their space.
I’ve paid out of pocket for all my trans-related care. The military hasn’t covered any of it. I recently underwent facial feminization surgery and was non-deployable for 6 weeks. This was considered an elective surgery and not deemed medically necessary for transition. Similar to anyone who gets a nose job or face lift.
Since I’m part time military, I’ve also had to balance military obligations while working full time in the private sector. When I’m called up for service or training, I make less money than I do in the private sector. I say this to stress that this is coming from a servant heart and not motivated by finances or promises of medical care.
I’ve served in the same unit for 15 years. I want to serve at least 15 more. I love my state and I love my country.
