This is far from my first time encountering such a creatura in public, however it is my first time seeing such a grotesque caricature of a woman since making this account, so I feel like it is my responsibility as a True Kiwifarmer to share this with this thread.
The city I live in is full of college-age young adults, with a large LGBT population. In my more optimistic (and active) days, I used to think this was a good thing; since they are such promiscuous people, it makes getting laid very easy, though I have since learned why “don’t stick your dick in crazy” is such a common saying (also I have standards now).
With such a background, I used to naively think I had seen the worst of it already. Far from it!
Coming home from the gym, out in the streets, I encountered it. A hulking beast of a man, taller than the doorframe he was leaning against, about as wide as the door and built like a fridge, talking to his handmaiden. Curly, stringy hair fried by bleach, beady eyes fixated on the woman like a pitbull staring at a child; caked in foundation with a stubble makeup couldn’t even cover up, lips pink like a pig, an eyeliner so shaky I would believe it if I was told it was done by his grandmother with Parkinson’s.
The worst part has yet to come; in the cold of this February afternoon, this troon was wearing a thin white blouse and black waistcoat adorned with pins to signal his queer identity (as if it was not already visible), and… nothing else. In my delusional, hopeful mind, I kept believing he was wearing flesh-colored pants, but alas, barely visible underneath his waistcoat was a black micro-skirt, so short it would put the hookers of Pigalle to shame. Surprisingly, this creature did not wear the iconic programmer socks, which was also the reason I kept hoping he was wearing pants and not flashing his bulge for all to see.
I cannot tell you how hard I laughed when I realized this. I soon pretended to be on the phone with someone else when I saw the beast glaring at me, and I can safely say I now understand why women feel the need to have one of their friends on the phone when walking alone at night.
I wish I could have taken a picture, unfortunately in my fit of laughter it slipped my mind.
