Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[souschef]

Jack should actually make steak tartare in a new episode. He’s already a master at keeping meat raw. Imagine him not sourcing the meat properly, burning the bread to go with it, and using too many dry spices. Not in video: the food poisoning that ensues for not getting high quality meat.

Hmmm... ids nod sdigging dogether, i need a binder

*pours mayonnaise on tartare*

 

[p1138]

Jack should actually make steak tartare in a new episode. He’s already a master at keeping meat raw. Imagine him not sourcing the meat properly, burning the bread to go with it, and using too many dry spices. Not in video: the food poisoning that ensues for not getting high quality meat.

Would he even notice food poisoning at this point? The amount of grease he consumes is the only thing keeping him from constantly being constipated and shitting billiard balls.

 

[Marc]

Edit: I've since been informed that I am retarded and/or gay for having the wrong impression of hatewatchers "liking" Jack's videos; due to Youtube hiding the "dislike" numbers. I had laughed, naively assuming all the commenters roasting him were clicking "like" to add to the insult.



I imagine the one without cottage cheese, cream cheese, mayonnaise, or sour cream.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Did fatty actually say to buy the pan for your s/o for Valentine's Day then hint that it'd get you laid?

Getting your spouse anything for a "chore", like a vacuum, a pan, etc.. (unless it's specifically asked for or it's their hobby) as a gift for a special day is a big no-no

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack's egg video has thirty six upvotes, and not a single downvote. Does this suggest that his audience is exclusively people who laugh at him being irredeemably retarded?

View attachment 6959953

I imagine the one without cottage cheese, cream cheese, mayonnaise, or sour cream.

Web extensions are your friend

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

All that for scrambled egg mixing, but no milk? Aside from (not cottage/cream) cheese the only other ingredient I've heard being added to make creamer scrambled eggs is milk. Are these other options some kind of internet trend I slept on, perhaps a weird niche from places I've never been, or did Jack just dig through the dairy cooler and chuck shit into his Scooty puff jr basket at random to try? Plus mayo, because of course the guy who eats massive spoonfuls of straight mayo would try that as well.

I'm a simple tard and stick with just enuff budder then do low and slow for very creamy eggs. I understand Jack hates to wait, but I'm not sure dumping mayo into scrambled eggs is the answer.

 

[neger psykolog]

Web extensions are your friend

View attachment 6959958

Read the finer details of those extensions. They're not actual dislike numbers, they're just approximations based on the people who use the specific extension.

 

[Sneedmiser]

"Lime water eggs" got me to laugh so hard I'm out of breath. This is the lowest-effort themed anything I've ever seen. Hopefully he only feeds his family the eggs and doesn't get any innocents caught in the crossfire.

What are the chances he gets a single fact right on Amish Monday Moment 2? I'm figuring less than 1/10.

 

[souschef]

What are the chances he gets a single fact right on Amish Monday Moment 2? I'm figuring less than 1/10.

He won't do a single minute of research about the stuff he wants to talk about. Fortunately the Amish are not terminally online like Jack and won't see whatever garbage he'll post about them

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack has a new prediction

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Emmymadeinjapan (who's interacted with Jack in the past) has several videos on preserving eggs this way.

After a year

Emmy is like the anti-Jack. She's pretty, she knows how to cook and she's engaging. She also started around the same time as Fatty did but she's got over 3 million subscribers and he's only at 500K.

This is even more retarded than when he substituted blueberries for juniper berries.

Or regular anise for star anise when he tried to make pho.

I know I've been to a bar where there was a jar of pickled eggs and the exact same jar was there 20 years later with a thick layer of dust. I think it was a relic of states with weird liquor laws where a bar has to have some kind of food. Everyone knew not to eat them.

Ah yes. The infamous "rubber sandwich". or "free lunch" scam. Some counties would only allow you to drink on a Sunday if you were having a meal so enter the "rubber sandwich". They'd take this cheap ass bread that stayed fresh for like a week, throw some lettuce, slice of cheese and some ham on it. You'd pay something like $0.25 for it, drink your beer and not touch the sandwich. It was only there in case the liquor inspector came in. A week later it's all moldy and disgusting and they'd just throw it out and make another.

Hang on, didn't Jack claim that one of his kidney stones was due to minerals in his water?

That and eating broccoli.

If you want to take your eggs to the next level you use a spoonful of creme fraiche. But that's kinda pricey and all you really need is butter, some seasonings a little patience.

 

[souschef]

If you want to take your eggs to the next level you use a spoonful of creme fraiche. But that's kinda pricey and all you really need is butter, some seasonings a little patience.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack is such a nice guy that he doesn't even link the product that he's being sponsored for



I had to manually go out of my way to find the product and brand name to see what it is, I don't know if these are good pans but this is what Jack's discount code gets you



So at the very least he isn't being fraudulent with lying about a sponsorship, he just failed to put the link to the product, didn't mention that you need to make an account on this website to even buy the damn thing, and again doesn't fucking link the product. Like many youtubers would have the decency to do something like that, but Jack doesn't.

As for his cooking in the video

I know why people put stuff like cream cheese and what have you in scrambled eggs, but it requires more of a technique than whatever Jack is doing, and feels completely separate from a product review, he should've just used regular scrambled eggs, but he must've felt spiteful in wasting many eggs to show there's no shortage. He didn't fuck up scrambled eggs but a literal child can cook scrambled eggs.

As for the Steak, he didn't need to add the bacon grease and the seasonings make it look burnt. Hell the steak is too raw, I get some people love a raw steak, but Jack's steak looks so raw that it might as well have never been cooked at all.

Again it is more likely Tammy did the cooking since she did cut Jack's steak for him like a parent would for their child.

But what the fuck is that hershey bar test, it is just unnecessary especially when most people don't burn chocolate that way. Ironically a slice of cheese would at least be better since some people like to burn their cheese on the pan as a snack. Hell since he's doing eggs anyway, why not just put fry an egg on the pan, show it slide off on top of the steak, would at least be more compatible than scrambled eggs with steak.

 

[Marc]

Though the questions are all rhetorical, the answer is that he's a maimed retard who insists on wrecking havoc in a kitchen he has no business being in.

He won't do a single minute of research about the stuff he wants to talk about.

The "quantity over quality" trait is a prevalent form of pathological laziness I see in low-functioning narcissist lolcows who need to ritualistically broadcast themselves in order to renew the fleeting delusion that they haven't wasted their entire lives.

A personal lolcow of mine recently fixated on reaching two hundred uploads with regular content as a realization of how important he pretends to be. He of course became so lazy, so quickly, that he started uploading multiple daily videos under a minute long in which he filmed himself reading other peoples' poetry from a book he owns (his channel content is supposed to be original music). It's the Youtuber equivalent of writing your letter to Grandma in giant letters so you can claim to have filled the entire page; and Jack does something similar when he puts more effort into pretending to stand and cutting the video around hiding his inability to walk from the kitchen island to the stove than he does thinking about what he hell he's doing or taking the time to spell his graphic texts.

It's the laziest, corner-cutting shit imaginable, to the point of comedy: Wheelchair Fatty needs to pretend that his content is for the sake of people other than himself, yet produces inedible food and implausible claims which could only ever bring harm or confusion to the audience he pretends is waiting to apply his lessons in their own lives. The man seems increasingly desperate to die believing he's more than some malevolent blob the world would ignore if not for laughing at him.

I'm glad others pointed out the Kirkland logo on his eggs contradicting his nonsensical lie about his nonsensical lye. I didn't see anyone else commenting on Jack's eyes pointing different directions and turning at different speeds while he was sampling the eggs. It's kind of like this blind girl's eyes do:

If you want to take your eggs to the next level you use a spoonful of creme fraiche. But that's kinda pricey and all you really need is butter, some seasonings a little patience.

The expense is time: If you have cream and a live culture to add to it in the form of buttermilk or sour cream, it's not expensive to make a day ahead. I don't know that Jack would ever take the time to make it or even buy it, though: He would probably have some asinine diatribe such as "Sum peepul use cream-fraysh-ay - But why would you; when whipped cream is sold everywhere in America? I guess you might make it if you had nothing else to eat, right?."

 

[neger psykolog]

Shell color is largely determined by the breed of chickens. It would really depend on how homogenous your chickens are.

Wait so when I go to the supermarket and get my perfect set of brown eggs or perfect set of white eggs they're basically racially segregated chickens?

Jesus I consistently learn the most random ass shit on this website - it's great.

 

[Charley Gondorff]

So one day Jack soaks two dozen eggs in lime juice and water, and the resulting comments under the video tell him he's been a pillock and made a worse job of it than when he tried limply wanking milk into butter, or making Yorkshire hockey pucks. The next day he's making scrambled eggs five ways. Now it couldn't be that Jack has quietly realised he's made a mistake and is trying to salvage what he can of the eggs without admitting it, could it?

I think Jack will leave the lime water video up as it may become one of his most watched and profitable videos...

 

[densedance]

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

Do they not have smoke detectors? Because if I did that to a steak in my kitchen the ceiling birds would be screaming at me.

 

[souschef]

Wait so when I go to the supermarket and get my perfect set of brown eggs or perfect set of white eggs they're basically racially segregated chickens?

Yes. I used to have chickens, they'd all lay brown eggs. The genes affect the shell, and the chicken diet affects the yolk

 

[AltisticRight]

This is even more retarded than when he substituted blueberries for juniper berries.

This is hands down the most retarded recipe video I have ever witnessed.

Getting your spouse anything for a "chore", like a vacuum, a pan, etc.. (unless it's specifically asked for or it's their hobby) as a gift for a special day is a big no-no

Because the very thing I want during Valentine's Day is my significant other to get me a set of fucking pans during our night's out telling me to go back to the kitchen. Scalfatty isn't just a fat retard, he lacks common sense. He's basically a vegetable.

I don't know if these are good pans but this is what Jack's discount code gets you

They are decent for lazy people. The ones who doesn't want to learn how to properly season a cast iron or carbon steel pan. All of these hexclad styled plastic coated so called "hybrid" pans comes out of the one Chinese factory who invented it. They paid enough money to buy Gordon Ramsay's soul.

It's honestly not a bad product, but it's severely overhyped. Also contrary to what the Bri'ish chef does, don't use metal utensils on it. It's still plastic coated.
Or just learn how to season a fucking pan, it's not that hard. For acidic food, just use stainless steel.