Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AnOminous]

All that for scrambled egg mixing, but no milk? Aside from (not cottage/cream) cheese the only other ingredient I've heard being added to make creamer scrambled eggs is milk.

Heavy cream works. Just a little. Actually even a splash of water helps, at least for fluffiness. AI says a tablespoon per egg but I don't think it needs that much.

"Lime water eggs" got me to laugh so hard I'm out of breath. This is the lowest-effort themed anything I've ever seen. Hopefully he only feeds his family the eggs and doesn't get any innocents caught in the crossfire.

I don't even know why anyone would do this unless they had chickens and LOTS of eggs (or no refrigeration but even Old Order Amish use refrigeration these days although it is generally battery or propane powered and often not in the house itself). Eggs in the fridge are perfectly cromulent for at least a month and I've had them last much longer without going dangerously bad (they get a lot worse for things like over-easy though). Just don't crack them straight into a recipe without cracking them into a cup first for a sniff test.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

Heavy cream works

I'd give this a try were it not for the fact that the only times I buy heavy cream it's in small amounts for recipes that use the entire container. I never have extra heavy cream hanging out in my fridge.

 

[AnOminous]

Yes. I used to have chickens, they'd all lay brown eggs. The genes affect the shell, and the chicken diet affects the yolk

For a while, I had someone who routinely got home grown eggs from someone else they knew, who gave them so many they gave some to me every now and again, and the yolks were absurdly dark, almost orange, and deliciously rich.

The family with the chickens kept their exact diet a strict secret, since they sold them locally.

 

[Lou's Sentient Backfat]

Do they not have smoke detectors? Because if I did that to a steak in my kitchen the ceiling birds would be screaming at me.

It's all part of Tammy's plan. If he manages to set his studio on fire he'll hopefully be dead and cooked before the fire department arrives. He's already barely mobile at best and there's no way he could crawl to avoid smoke inhalation.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

hopefully be dead and cooked before the fire department arrives

The FD would roll up and immediately begin wondering why the house fire was burning so much hotter than usual only to find out all of Jack's fat had liquidized, resulting in a massive grease fire.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

The FD would roll up and immediately begin wondering why the house fire was burning so much hotter than usual only to find out all of Jack fat had liquidized, resulting in a massive grease fire.

And somehow he would still be raw on the inside.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

But what the fuck is that hershey bar test, it is just unnecessary especially when most people don't burn chocolate that way.

It's for the same reason he does that retarded slicing the hanging pineapple when he gets a new set of knives. He saw it once on TV when advertising a non-stick pan and like the consumer whore he is, he needs to do the same thing.

The expense is time: If you have cream and a live culture to add to it in the form of buttermilk or sour cream, it's not expensive to make a day ahead. I don't know that Jack would ever take the time to make it or even buy it, though: He would probably have some asinine diatribe such as "Sum peepul use cream-fraysh-ay - But why would you; when whipped cream is sold everywhere in America? I guess you might make it if you had nothing else to eat, right?."

But it has to be real cream. Some that you buy in the store have additives which doesn't work. But you can buy it premade. It's like ridiculously expensive as it's such a small amount like $10 for a small pot of it. But it's one of those things that you often just need a bit of it to make a difference.

But as @souschef posted earlier he'd probably call it "cream freesh" like Randy Marsh did in "South Park".

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To be fair, it looked like dogshit before he put it in the pan as that rub is literally black as it contains activated charcoal.

For a while, I had someone who routinely got home grown eggs from someone else they knew, who gave them so many they gave some to me every now and again, and the yolks were absurdly dark, almost orange, and deliciously rich.

The family with the chickens kept their exact diet a strict secret, since they sold them locally.

It's one of the reasons we buy our eggs from a farmer down the road a ways. They're free range and some of the best eggs out there.

 

[LordofCringe7206 Vol. 2]

It's all part of Tammy's plan. If he manages to set his studio on fire he'll hopefully be dead and cooked before the fire department arrives. He's already barely mobile at best and there's no way he could crawl to avoid smoke inhalation.

If she wanted to kill him off once and for all she could do it much more cheaply. Just have disable boy waddle nearby a staircase. The authorities couldn't prove if he was pushed or not.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

If she wanted to kill him off once and for all she could do it much more cheaply. Just have disable boy waddle nearby a staircase. The authorities couldn't prove if he was pushed or not.

Even that 6' drop off the golf course pro shop/clubhouse's front porch would do him in with the right weather conditions.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

The "quantity over quality" trait is a prevalent form of pathological laziness I see in low-functioning narcissist lolcows who need to ritualistically broadcast themselves in order to renew the fleeting delusion that they haven't wasted their entire lives.

It's funny you bring up the pathology of lolcows, because it's something I've been thinking about lately as I've started learning more about Amberlynn Reid.

She and Jack have specific things in common:

• Both are obese (though of course ALR is much further gone)
• Both pretend their long list of ailments is caused by everything but their weight
• Both are obsessed with eating and addicted to self-soothing with it
  • And both can't cook
• Both also self-soothe with consumerism (ALR with Target; Jack with kitchen and tech gadgets)
  • And both have to use other people's money to do so
    • Because both have never had a real job
• Both weirdly have that "Your Opinion Is Not In The Recipe" sign in their kitchen
• Both are obsessed with Christmas
• Both had a "building my dream home" era
• Both worry viewers with how they seem to treat their pets
• Both have (or had) clearly weird relationships with their moms
• Both had bad childhoods (though Jack tries to convince us, and himself, otherwise)
• Both have been credibly abused of physical abuse
• Both have partners who are their caretakers, including for bathroom and hygiene needs
• Both have no friends and can never keep them long
• Both are afraid/hateful of medical specialists
• Both are compulsive liars
  • Who will lie about lying
    • Even when caught with video evidence
• ALR is openly gay and Jack "chooses to be straight" as he said to his brother

Spoiler: Dark Triad navel-gazing below

I guess if you were trying to make the perfect lolcow in a lab -- or in the mall at Build-A-Lolcow -- you'd start with a bad mom who doesn't like you. Because that causes a bad childhood, and that causes an obsession as an adult with recreating wholesome family holidays like Christmas. Or, I know, building my own perfect home and life from scratch!

But deep down you always feel unloved and untalented (and both might be true, which some part of you knows), so you self-soothe by spending and consuming.

Lying to others is just you lying to yourself with an audience. And over time the lies will get dumber and flimsier, so people will clock them faster and faster, until one day everything you produce is almost instantly mocked -- but to preserve your sanity you must call these people "haters."

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

This is hands down the most retarded recipe video I have ever witnessed.

It's the most dangerous as well, not even the hillbilly botulism canning was as risky as storing commercially-produced raw eggs at room temperature with lime water.

 

[Marc]

It's the most dangerous as well, not even the hillbilly botulism canning was as risky as storing commercially-produced raw eggs at room temperature with lime water.

Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.

 

[Adamska]

Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.

He'll either hide the eggs and never mention them again, or given he's slowly learned you can just keep lying even when caught out completely and due to not giving a fuck anymore, just swap the eggs out every now and again to keep the lie.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Which is why I'm so eager to see which breed of bitch he is: Jack is liable to either do a follow-up video pretending the eggs taste great to pwn the hadurs (including giddily holding his working hand over his mouth like a japanese school girl), or refuse to acknowledge that the Costco-eggs-in-lime-juice experiment ever occurred between now and when he dies. Either way, there's no walking this back; and he knows as well as the rest of us that he can expect to see comments about it under every one of his utoobs.

Jack already bitched out and pretended to forget his freeze drying attempts. I think we're on year three of waiting on his year-end wait. Those eggs are already in the trash if they weren't already used for the scrambled eggs.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jack's true intentions for going to the Amish store: To score lots of SHUGAR-filled pastries.

 

[charlesdickens]

Can someone link the video where he used blueberries instead of juniper berries? I don't recall it.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

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Jack's true intentions for going to the Amish store: To score lots of SHUGAR-filled pastries.

For someone on the CARNIVORE diet, he sure is interested in pastries

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

Can someone link the video where he used blueberries instead of juniper berries? I don't recall it.

@waffle here it is:

Also, get ready for the duck!

I got you covered bud, enjoy.

 

[abobe]

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Jack's true intentions for going to the Amish store: To score lots of SHUGAR-filled pastries.

Speech to text doesn’t pick up his stroke mumbling. “Jellies in seasonings” “in a minus”.

 

[ILikeYou]

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Jack's true intentions for going to the Amish store: To score lots of SHUGAR-filled pastries.

Why does he insist on giving the places he visits a letter grade, when he's on a website that uses a star rating system? Is he trying to stick to his supposed 'personal brand' that no one cares about? Is he trying to steer people towards his crappy videos within his Yelp or Google reviews? Also, he said on a livestream recently that he 'owns an entertainment company.' I assume he's referring to the GiveMe Entertainment logo that's at the end of his videos sometimes? Does that serve any other purpose aside from him filing his taxes, and encompassing for tax purposes all of the failures he makes online--the podcast, JOTG, and Cooking w/ Jack?

Also, I've never seen someone cook scrambled eggs w/ a whisk, like in the video reviewing The Rock pans recently. From what I found online, whisks are heat resistant to some degree, but not intended to be used in a hot pan, really, and definitely not effective either.

Someone here mentioned the egg jar Gatorade could explode, and I didn't really think that was a reality, until I asked ChatGPT about it, and found out that it's actually a possibility as the eggs rot and gas builds, in addition to developing an absolutely putrid, sulfur stench. So, he made a very smelly potential bomb, basically. I guess he could start 'burping' the jar now and then, like he did his baggie omelettes!