Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

Of course this faggot thinks you'd be able to see a flag from an Earth based telescope. I seriously wonder if he thinks science is the same as magic?

You know what you CAN do from Earth? Bounce a laser off the retroreflectors they left on the surface to measure the lunar-earth distance. Of course Fathead probably thinks lasers are part of some NWO conspiracy and don't really exist.

 

[abobe]

Jack tried a new feature for the livestream. Only for it to backfire, when Jack highlights a chat left by a Food Jack who asks if his brother Charles is a wife beater.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Jack tried a new feature for the livestream. Only for it to backfire, when Jack highlights a chat left by a Food Jack who asks if his brother Charles is a wife beater.

View attachment 6969000

And in classic Jack fashion, he discovers this feature only to never use it again, instead just struggling to read the chat out loud.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Jack gets upset that X-Men has made Storm a black character, instead of her usual white character.

For some reason this pretty meaningless detail enrages me the most. And it's right next to the detail about how Jack is proud of his son for honoring his friends by calling them slurs, so that's saying something.

Storm the comic book character turns 50 years old this May, has been black since the first issue, in-universe is (I'm pretty sure) descended from African royalty, and has ONLY ever been portrayed by black actresses. Does everyone know who Storm from X-Men is? No. But the Venn diagram of people who DO know who she is and who DON'T know she's a hot black weather witch has basically got to be two separate circles.

This is up there with how Jack thought JFK was a Republican and Nixon was a Democrat. (Why do his livestreams with Jimmy always bring out the worst in him?) In Jack's childlike mind, all good things are Republican, all bad things are Democrat, and all black characters only exist thanks to the woke deep state agenda.

Odds are there are some pretty racist people out there who like, I dunno, Atlanta or Abbott Elementary or whatever. Almost certainly, there are actual klansmen who like The Boondocks. Somehow Jack is less capable than all of those people of just watching a fucking show and having an OK time for 30 minutes. Fascinating.

 

[AnOminous]

But that I can understand. You're there with your buddies, there's good food, beer and you're hanging out more than anything else while sportsball plays and you have the added bonus of seeing the latest Super Bowl commercials which often times can be very interesting and almost entertaining.

Fatty Scalfatty is just using it as an excuse to eat mass quantities of meat and lust after the football players and wishing he could be at the bottom of that big man pile when a tackle happens.

I just meant that males who are not homosexual actually do sometimes show off cooking skills to each other.

When they do, though, the products they show each other are not disgusting. And most of them have wives there, too.

 

[Marc]

I can't imagine anyone inviting Jack to their Super Bowl party. He would show up with Tammy and a bunch of horribly prepared meats that are raw in the middle and covered in burnt sugar and charcoal sneezning, which Jack would insist everyone eat a portion of on camera and review with an A+ grade. He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time), and whining over the halftime show about how WOKE Democrats are causing planes to crash to destabilize the country via egg prices. Then Jack would insist that everyone eat a portion of his horribly prepared food on camera and review it with an A+ grade, even though they did earlier; and he already forgot.

Then Jack would get all red and demand to know where the bathroom is, growling "COME ON, TAMMY" as she looks to the ceiling, shuts her eyes, and begins rolling plastic livestock insemination gloves up to her elbows. While being wheeled toward the toilet, Jack would grab a ziplock bag containing bleeding cubes of chuck roast and cheddar cheese; so he would have something to hold him over while Tammy works his gunt over with a rolling pin to stimulate a BM of hard cheese and blood with the color and consistency of Nesquik strawberry syrup. Note: Jack would rotate his hat 180* and say "Toilet Mode."

 

[souschef]

I can't imagine anyone inviting Jack to their Super Bowl party. He would show up with Tammy and a bunch of horribly prepared meats that are raw in the middle and covered in burnt sugar and charcoal sneezning, which Jack would insist everyone eat a portion of on camera and review with an A+ grade. He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time), and whining over the halftime show about how WOKE Democrats are causing planes to crash to destabilize the country via egg prices. Then Jack would insist that everyone eat a portion of his horribly prepared food on camera and review it with an A+ grade, even though they did earlier; and he already forgot.

Then Jack would get all red and demand to know where the bathroom is, growling "COME ON, TAMMY" as she looks to the ceiling, shuts her eyes, and begins rolling plastic livestock insemination gloves up to her elbows. While being wheeled toward the toilet, Jack would grab a ziplock bag containing bleeding cubes of chuck roast and cheddar cheese; so he would have something to hold him over while Tammy works his gunt over with a rolling pin to stimulate a BM of hard cheese and blood with the color and consistency of Nesquik strawberry syrup. Note: Jack would rotate his hat 180* and say "Toilet Mode."

It's 5:00 am and my day is already ruined

Thanks

 

[soulless guarantee]

You know what you CAN do from Earth? Bounce a laser off the retroreflectors they left on the surface to measure the lunar-earth distance. Of course Fathead probably thinks lasers are part of some NWO conspiracy and don't really exist.

I'm pretty sure he would say this is proof that the government used lasers to start recent big forest fires

 

[Doctor of Autism]

He would compete with the football game to be the center of attention by loudly growling that the game is fixed (predicting the wrong winner each time),

Ironically Jack's last two predictions on major events were half-right (The election and Superbowl), it's just the gap of the results he had wrong

He thought the Eagles would win by a hair rather than the massive gap they actually had over the Chief, and he thought Trump would win more states than he actually did.

Guess he can stroke himself to being right once in awhile.

 

[AltisticRight]

Does he mean isopropyl alcohol to rinse his batch of eggs he immersed in citrus juice?
I hope he drinks the entire bottle.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

A fat, stroked out clock is right twice a day.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

The desire for dick is the only thing keeping fatty going

 

[souschef]

We're on 3400 pages; how long has Jack been Super Stroked out? The fact that he's still ambulatory* and can sort of speak is testament to the miracle of science.

Or the wendigo. It's more likely the wendigo.

Jack will be the patient zero for Diabetes 2

 

[KaiserBlade]

Jack will be the patient zero for Diabetes 2

Don't be a flipping idiot.

He's Patient Zero for Diabetes 3.9 with extra sugar.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

How about making home made pickles while unironically omitting vinegar……
(And blanching the cukes)

The man is a retard.

He's always fucking things up and then acts like it's not a big deal.

 

[souschef]

The man is a retard.

He's always fucking things up and then acts like it's not a big deal.

fucking up pickling is absurd

it's like he makes effort in fucking up

 

[Falcon Sebben]

fucking up pickling is absurd

it's like he makes effort in fucking up

I mean the whole point of pickling is to use vinegar. That's what pickling is. Sure there's the lactic acid version but the point is you need something sour in there to help preserve the foods in question.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

How do you not know to cool the brine before you put it over what you're pickling.

You just know that Jack loved putting that cucumber in his mouth

 

[Slavic Patronym]

And in classic Jack fashion, he discovers this feature only to never use it again, instead just struggling to read the chat out loud.

Something that's always bothered me is how he still hasn't figured out that it would be infinitely more engaging if he clearly read aloud the question that was asked in chat.

It's been years of him doing this, and still he just sort of sits forward and mutters the question to himself. And even then, not even the whole question -- just enough of it for some random base emotion to fire out out from his ruined amygdala.