Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[a terminal posture]

Mentions "brown sugar substitute" wtf would that even be? And he's not using it, he's just using brown sugar.

https://swervesweet.com/products/brown-swerve

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Is fatty going to pretend he didn't eat that after filming stopped?

He seems to be getting fatter and fatter. He looks like a bowling ball

 

[p1138]

https://swervesweet.com/products/brown-swerve

Fair enough, and he did indeed seem to have a bag of that. However the rest of the sugar? Also, I'm going to guess like most sugar substitutes it tastes off, and even moreso compared to normal brown sugar. Just... don't make a fucking dessert that requires 2 pounds of sugar?

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Fair enough, and he did indeed seem to have a bag of that. However the rest of the sugar? Also, I'm going to guess like most sugar substitutes it tastes off, and even moreso compared to normal brown sugar. Just... don't make a fucking dessert that requires 2 pounds of sugar?

"sugar gud" - Jack Scalfatty

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Oof, my heart. My grandmother made a dessert like this, except actually layered with the sweetened cream cheese under the fresh sliced strawberries encased in jello.

Jack's preparation reminded me a bit of a burn wound. Mmmmmmm, flesh dessert! I bet Jack the Wendigo liked how the aesthetics turned out on this one.

 

[Super Hans v2]

(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Look, pizza is varied enough to come up with some good but odd stuff. Like my personal favorite was from a place that did a green chili paste with feta, cherry tomatoes and shawarma on a crust that was tough enough to have to rip a bite off. But if Jack's going to deny the existence of Detroit-style pizza, which some say is God's chosen, I hope he has his fourth sixth seventh stroke on livestream and Jr is too loud yelling the nigger word at kids in Call of Duty to hear Jack's cries for help.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Look, pizza is varied enough to come up with some good but odd stuff. Like my personal favorite was from a place that did a green chili paste with feta, cherry tomatoes and shawarma on a crust that was tough enough to have to rip a bite off. But if Jack's going to deny the existence of Detroit-style pizza, which some say is God's chosen, I hope he has his fourth sixth seventh stroke on livestream and Jr is too loud yelling the nigger word at kids in Call of Duty to hear Jack's cries for help.

I'm a New York style guy through and through, but even I cannot deny how amazing Detroit-style pizza is.

 

[abobe]

Holy shit, that fucking thumbnail.

https://www.amish365.com/homemade-amish-sweet-and-salty-fruit-pizza/

That's the site he ripped it off from, there isn't a damned amish thing about it. Of course their picture doesn't look like scabby ice cream either. Of course Fatty has to make two.

"I don't eat dessert" BULLSHIT. Also confirms he's going to fail at making a shoofly pie. Mentions "brown sugar substitute" wtf would that even be? And he's not using it, he's just using brown sugar.

Couldn't even fucking tip the bowl into the pan himself. For whatever insane reason he wants to tip it to the left... when he could have just used his left arm to tip it to the right. So we get this awkward shot of Tammy trying to help get it out of the pan from the wrong side. Couldn't even layer it in the pan on camera... he was just pushing it around then cuts after Tammy did it for him.

"powdered sugar substitute" still using sugar. So he cuts the plain gelatin in half, but then uses way more than a quarter teaspoon of salt...

HOLY FUCK I WAS WONDERING WHAT WAS WITH THAT CROOKED ON THE SPOON ROB YOU BEAUTIFUL BASTARD HAHA

For whatever reason Tammy can't use both hands to hold the plate and get a bite, so Fatty has to hold her plate for her. She says too much gelatin, after they already cut out a bunch of gelatin because Fatty thought it would be weird to have too much gelatin even though it doesn't hold together because he didn't use enough gelatin. It's not fucking rocket science. Also the look on Tammy's face... she looks disgusted by it. But of course Fatty isn't going to be eating this double batch baking tray of fruit pizzas...

He butchered the fuck out of that recipe, per usual. His glaze was liquid, in the recipe it states to let it thicken. Even in the picture they show that it is layered on top and you can tell it is a thick spreadable glaze. They didn't mix the fruit with the cream cheese mixture. Jack's looks like he poured water over a scuffed Ambrosia Salad.

Maybe I'm missing something with Tammy's shirt, but isn't it supposed to be XOXO and not OXOX?

Look at the state of his arm. Jesus H. It looks like the arm of a zombie.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

GET YOU EAT BEFORE YOU EAT

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Christ Almighty, I thought the thumbnail was a hunk of raw meat at first blush.

It still doesn't look anything like a...whatever it's supposed to be. Fruit dessert pizza?

 

[AnOminous]

Also the look on Tammy's face... she looks disgusted by it. But of course Fatty isn't going to be eating this double batch baking tray of fruit pizzas...

It must taste absolutely repulsive. Amish do make sweet dishes, maybe to compensate for their rejection of modern culture. And while I haven't converted to Amish, look at the fucking state of modern culture. Can you blame the Amish for looking at this shit and noping out on it? Nope, let's just do what's worked for centuries.

The Amish apparently do sometimes make something with fruit and bake it, and whatever, fuck it, I'm not excusing it, they don't do anything like this monstrosity, and I am enraged by the mere sight of this piece of shit. What the fuck did he put in this?

This man is committing genocide.

He only is able to do this because the Amish are pacifists. Otherwise they'd go to his house and chop him up with axes along with his worthless family.

This evil fuck had every possible ethnicity in the world to insult and he chose the Amish. Why?

Is it just because they're not generally on the Internet so he thought he could get away with it?

What an evil fuck.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

This evil fuck had every possible ethnicity in the world to insult and he chose the Amish. Why?

It's because he mauled every other major ethnicity of Pennsylvania.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

Ah yes ingredients sourced directly from Walmart, just like the Amish did it.

 

[Tiresome]

Maybe I'm missing something with Tammy's shirt, but isn't it supposed to be XOXO and not OXOX?

Seemed appropriate to me, all I saw onscreen were two gelded cattle.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

So that’s why Soros bought all of those radio stations…..


Also…1000 homo DJ’s is fine THX MOM

Oh man Ministry. That's a band I haven't heard in a long time.

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Sweet GodBearJesus that looks rank. I mean Amish "fruit pizza" is a thing but it doesn't look like that.

Already it's off to a bad start using the brown sugar substitute but that's not the most egregious problem. It's using frozen fruit. If you use frozen fruit you need to not only defrost but drain them. There's too much liquid in this and instead of mixing them in like he did you're supposed to pour the cream cheese mixture on top of the pretzels then add your fruit on top of that. Not mix them in like Fatty did. Then he doesn't thicken up the glaze, just dumps it on, still boiling. You're supposed to use something to make it gel like corn starch.

And of course Fatty doesn't eat any but you know he scarfed down half the pan once the camera was off.

Or any variation of pizza that isn't round.

Guess he's never heard of Detroit style pizza which is amazing by the way. Pizza doesn't come in one size or shape. It's all down to the toppings and how you make the dough.

And yet he still plays up his totally real Italian heritage when we all know he's mostly sand nigger.

 

[souschef]

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Ewwwwww

I'll be fair with jack, the original recipe looks gross too.

The only thing i know is that his wifeymommy looks pissed and so done with his shit, lmao

 

[Marc]

At this point, Tammy's more responsible for Jack's ability to inflict himself upon the outside world than he is (the fat faggot is totally, pants-shittingly helpless and hopeless on his own). So she deserves to be miserable from swallowing some of his homemade antichrist placenta.

My vision began to black out from laughing at the Youtube comment asking how much Jack had to jerk off for his arm to get stuck that way.

 

[Adamska]

When I think of Amish cooking I think about crushed up bagged pretzels, pineapple jello and brown sugar substitute.
(bonus: this stupid nigger thinks pizzas have to be round)

Honestly this looks and seems more like something I'd see in a cookbook made in like the 1960s-1970s midwest or during a potluck than made by the Amish I know of. It really does not scream "Mennonite" or "Amish" to me at all. In fact I'm pretty sure that tracks, since stuff like this wasn't really vogue until that post WW2 period.

Now admittedly it does have some existence and pull among the less conservative circles and further out west, though every version I've seen or looked up used something more like a sugar cookie or shortbread crust than this bullshit. In a funny way, a more competent, passionate, and less stroked out chef doing this as a video for a month celebrating Amish cuisine in general (like this lady) would've surprised me with this. It's definitely a dish I'd not have known or expected.

As for how he fucked it up, well...

1. Jack does not grok pizza shape as noted by you guys; despite how there are things like Philly tomato pie, Detroit style, and St Louis squares made from a circle, he has regressed to this level. Actual subtoddler brain and he gets mad over it too, like said toddler tantruming over the square not fitting the circle peg.
2. Jack doesn't fucking bother to beat the crust into paste and have the sugar and butter, probably a binder like egg maybe, to hold it together, which IMO would've helped this shithole of a dish. Sure, the recipe he stole from doesn't either, but I personally believe that would help. I also don't think the amount of salt that pretzls bring here is a great choice tbh.
3. Jack mixes the "sauce" into the fruit rather than just beat it, beat it, no one wants to be defeated like you're actually supposed to do. You blend in the cream cheese and sugar, and then fold the whip into it. That then goes on the "crust" and then you put the fruit on.
4. The glaze is wrong to; ironically if he just like chose to use lemon jello, add sugar, and then like some juice it'd work out better. For fuck's sake the recipe he STOLE reminds you to put flavored jello into this shitheap.
5. Faggot doesn't let the glaze cool down. This turns it into barf even more than it already was due to the offheat causing some fun chemical reactions.

It is a testament to his failings as a cook and human the only thing he got right was the crust, and I bet that was a fucking accident.

 

[souschef]

Jack doesn't fucking bother to beat the crust into paste and have the sugar and butter, probably a binder like egg maybe, to hold it together, which IMO would've helped this shithole of a dish. Sure, the recipe he stole from doesn't either, but I personally believe that would help. I also don't think the amount of salt that pretzls bring here is a great choice tbh.

I was gonna suggest this but then i stopped because i saw that the original recipe actually throws the cookie/pretzel just like that. The original recipe is pretty unappealing to be honest. Jacks choice of frozen walmart berries didn't help either.

 

[Entomologist]

I've seen practical effects that look less convincingly like offal than whatever the fuck that is. The ancient scrolls contain a terrible prophecy that if this and Aunt Myrna's Party Cheese Salad are ever brought within two feet of each other, they will combine, summoning Salmonellia the Forbidden One.