Stephanie Cianfriglia / Sapphire Crimson Claw / Yarrow Brown / the-ghost-fucker / transmascdruid / anarchoenby77 / darktwistedpussy / Druid of Endicot - Xe/xyr ghost-fucker, womb wizard, hand sanitizer sommelier, trans-boomer, violently abuses her elderly parents, has sexual fantasies about raping children

I’ve never seen an axe that looks like a chode before, so it’s got that going for it at least.

A non-retarded human would not spend $60 on that. Most retards wouldn’t spend $60 dollars on that.
It’s so ugly, and it’s not even sharp so it can’t even be used for its intended purpose.
 
A non-retarded human would not spend $60 on that. Most retards wouldn’t spend $60 dollars on that.
It’s so ugly, and it’s not even sharp so it can’t even be used for its intended purpose.
Even an autistic human wouldn't buy that. (Autist strat would be to buy a literal Boy Scout axe with holder and keep it on your belt at all times, or buy a badass-looking Chineseium Viking wallhanger.)

If she really wanted outdoorsy cred, a little foraging knife would make a lot more sense. You live in an apartment, you don't really get a lot of opportunities to chop things, but since she's always out on those long treks in the undeveloped woods, having a knife handy for utility things would be very at-home-in-Nature of her. Just nonchalantly bring out her EDC to cut the tape on a box, or cut a sprig from a plant to root at home.

This is what happens when you're a tard and want to look cool, but your ego is too strong and you already think you're the coolest thing on the planet.
 
If you search for 'Viking axe' on Etsy, you get hundreds of similar decorative axes, each with a 'Valnut' design option in the drop down menu. Here are just some examples:
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As you can see, they pull all the prices out of their ass for the same thing. I asked a historical weapons nerd friend for their opinion on Staph's axe and they basically said it's a bullshit decoration made out of a broom handle that will fall apart if she swings it too hard. The head is cast, not forged, which is why the runes on it are blobs. Basically, it's some mass produced wall hanging.

Side note:
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Stop being so sexist smh. It's not a girl cat problem. If Siggy is frequently being sick then take her to a vet, like any responsible cat owner would do.

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I would love to see her charging into her neighbour's apartment with one of those weapons, only for them to drop apart as she takes it out of her pocket. What happened to the weapons she bought for self defence, like the tazer?
 
Is this a "girl eat hot chip and drink too much iced coffee" dig?
Also,that is one girthy axe handle. The top looks like it's that foam stuff that LARP weapons are made of.
And yeah, as a cat owner who also keeps plants, they like to nibble leaves and dried herbs which can make them puke. Staph likely has shit all over her altars that Siggy tries and gets sick from. Or mold. Cats are wicked sensitive to mold.
 
Alright you lot, bear with me, I really like weapons and had to indulge my autism.

So first off, I was curious about the handle design, because I wanted to know how much of that was forced perspective making it ugly and how much was just that it's a fucking weirdly proportioned design.
When seen in a proper side view, it's a little better:
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This is the axe as advertised. It's part of a two-part 'gift set' with a cheap little knife. It's also literally the second result if you search 'Viking axe' on Amazon.

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About $70 bucks, which I think is what she was saying. Sold by 'Azham', which also has a website, where I notice the same shit is being sold for more. Not substantially more, but it's a bit more of a markup.
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Now here's the thing. It claims that it's all hand forged, blah blah, whatever whatever. Doubt, obviously, for multiple reasons but also we've SEEN the quality of what Stapphy got, it looks like garbage. But I noticed something interesting.

So if you poke around in the reviews on Amazon, here's a review from a few years ago. This guy said he was happy with the product, etc, but most importantly he had posted photos with his review.
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Now first off, that's obviously a different knife; it looks like actual metal, vs the shitty printed blade shit shown in the package deal. But he also posted a detail of the blade, specifically that blob stamp I botched about earlier:
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You can see it's still got a little blobbieness to it, on the side towards the blade edge, bit you can actually make out individual runes on the far side of the circle. Hrm.

Quite recently, another person posts a review. Now his photos aren't doing the product any favors, but it looks a lot closer to what Stapphy got in terms of quality.Screenshot_20250215_185114_Chrome.jpg
He also pointed out that the axe head is loose,
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Which is echoed by another review.
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Take a look at the wrapped handle on the good-quality version of the axe bought by the first buyer, as well as the display picture.
Screenshot_20250215_185055_Chrome.jpg Axe_with_Knife_Set.jpg
When you look at how the leather is criss-crossed compared to the handle itself, it's almost horizontal. Bricks in a wall, almost.

Then look at what Stapphy got.
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Completely different, an X instead of a +. The more recent, cheap looking photo review is too fuzzy to see what way it goes, but looks a lot closer to Stapphy.

This guy may have been selling the actual advertised product once upon a time, bit I think either he outsourced his manufacturing to a cheap Chinese sweatshop, or the Amazon seller is selling Chinesium posing as the actual maker (and either reshaped the real deal once or twice back in the day or made that initial review themself).

Thanks for coming to my Autism Talk.
 
Wow, that looks like shit, even more so than I expected. She got severely ripped off and isn't even smart enough to realise she's got the cheapest Chinesium money can overpay for. Other autists have already pointed out why it's so shit so I won't beat that horse but that is genuinely just awful. I hope she tries to get her money back and gets scammed all over again into paying a second opportunist into taking her cash and running after promising to handle it for her.
 
Holy shit lol, talk about cheap Chinesium bullshit! I sincerely hope she never tries to actually go and posture with this shit, that axehead looks liable to go flying off if you so much as breathe on it.

The 'Viking aesthetic' symbol on there looks like branding, ffs, it makes it looks incredibly cheap. Setting aside the fact that a quick Google search indicated it's one of those pseudo-historical symbols that's mostly been given any 'meaning' quite recently, much like all Stapphy's druid bullshit is a modern fabrication, if you actually had any reverence for the source material you probably wouldn't turn what's supposed to be meaningful runes into vague blobs.

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Same 'fuckit, close enough' energy:View attachment 6986206
Obviously I don't put much stock into people saying "but das a racist symbol!!111!!!" though Staph is at least friends with people who do, and the valknut (that interlocking triangle design) was listed as a white supremacist symbol on the ADL database of racist symbols/slogans. If anyone in her same gender freak community gave a damn about her yarbling there'd probably be someone rushing to the replies to tell her as much.

But yeah for someone like her who claims to care about historical accuracy and surprisingly doesn't seem to consume a whole lot of fantasy media it looks like something straight out of a Skyrim mod, and not even a cool weapon, just a shitty low level one you inevitably replace with something better once you've progressed in the game. I'll need to find some pictures of actual archaeological finds to back this up but I'm pretty sure the Norse kept the fancy designs on their weapons to a minimum, too, something that could chop off your foe's head as if it were made of butter was far more important than making it look pretty.
 
Girls have tummyaches? I don't even know what trope or stereotype she's talking about. Cramps??

Stop feeding your cat garbage to start. That'll probably help.
Pretty sure MALE Pete's tummy was aching while he was busy dying of kidney failure.


The axe has blown away expectations in terms of how shit it is, compared to literally the first lame vikingaboo axe for less than half the price that showed up on my half arsed 2 second "viking axe" Google search.
Holy shit that's crap.
 
I'll need to find some pictures of actual archaeological finds to back this up but I'm pretty sure the Norse kept the fancy designs on their weapons to a minimum, too, something that could chop off your foe's head as if it were made of butter was far more important than making it look pretty.
I did a bunch of searching because I was trying to figure out if the wierd-ass handle shape was even remotely historic or just Amazon-tier fantasy weaponry; though we obviously know a lot more about axeheads than hafts because one was made of metal and one wasn't, pretty much anything that looked like it was tailored to historical accuracy was a fairly straight haft with maybe a slight curve to the pommel end. Historical depictions in tapestries from the period also looked straight hafted. I think this was definitely more of a 'let's print fire graphics and put dumbass cutouts on the blade' aesthetics choice. There are other, more expensive examples that make it look a lot better.

When it comes to decorations on the blade itself, who knows? I believe there's historic examples of decorated blades, like there are for pretty much any weapon, but that doesn't mean the average everyday version was embellished and most of what I found for this style of short-hafted axe says that it was a 'doubles as a utility tool as much as a weapon', so unlikely to be decorated most of the time. They had other, more dedicated axes that were purely weapons. This was a split purpose murder and also chopping wood, I think.
 
That is one of the worst Chineseium pieces I've ever seen. It's so badly balanced. It's a complete fail as a display piece. It doesn't even work as a shitty costume piece. But buying that retarded thing for use as a weapon is hysterical. It'd break almost instantly.

How is she so bad at larping?

There is no combat ready Nordic axe available at amazon, Staph, ffs.
 
I'm still in disbelief at just how much money she wastes on amazon garbage. I shouldn't be, just. Mx. Speaks For The Trees Druid, anarcho-enby, liberal-minded earth-loving pagan regularly feeds the machine that exploits workers, creates more waste, and lines the pockets of one of those evil billionaires she claims to hate. All because she's too lazy to seek out artisan products. Not at Renfaires, not online, not asking for recs on forums reddit. Just "ooh convenient and free shipping." She certainly has the money to blow on this stuff after being scammed by her neighbors, so she can't use the "amazon is more affordable uwu" excuse.
 
Listen, they're dear little creatures but it's very hard to discount how much time they spend licking their own butthole.
There are people who choose to lick human buttholes directly, at least my contact with my cat's butthole is a few degrees of separation from that.
The axe has blown away expectations in terms of how shit it is, compared to literally the first lame vikingaboo axe for less than half the price that showed up on my half arsed 2 second "viking axe" Google search.
Holy shit that's crap.
I cannot believe the axe looks like that. I don't know anything about vikings but that is the weirdest, ugliest shaped handle I've ever seen. It fits Stephanie perfectly.
Girls have tummyaches? I don't even know what trope or stereotype she's talking about. Cramps??

Stop feeding your cat garbage to start. That'll probably help.
I'm so worried for poor Sigyn. If she's farting and has tummyaches, that's a problem. Gas and bloating, maybe indigestion? Ate something poison?? I wish I could see this cat or get her taken to a vet. Ugghhhh goddamn Stephanie's dad for getting her the fucking cat.
 
I'm so worried for poor Sigyn.
It’s all diet related.
She absolutely needs to go the vet because she’s obese and the food Steph is feeding her is obviously contributing to every problem she has.

A normal, responsible owner would have taken Siggy to the vets when she started packing on the pounds, or the second time she threw up for no reason. But Steph is a selfish retard who doesn’t care about her cat.

A normal person would change the fucking food she’s eating if she keeps throwing up at least.
 
I'll need to find some pictures of actual archaeological finds to back this up but I'm pretty sure the Norse kept the fancy designs on their weapons to a minimum, too, something that could chop off your foe's head as if it were made of butter was far more important than making it look pretty.
It was. They were meant to be functional. Lots of them are decorated. This is a 12thC axe head at the Met.

I have friends who are smiths and blademakers by trade, who actually study this stuff. If I showed them a picture of what this idiot bought they'd laugh themselves sick. Any one of them could make Stapf a very good and usable replica of an actual artifact, but she wouldn't care for the price. It would be a functional, sharpenable tool/weapon, too, that wouldn't fall apart if she actually tried to use it -- and that would be the problem. Someone would get hurt, for real.

If she tries to do anything with the piece of crap she bought, someone (or possibly all parties involved) would also get hurt, just not in the same way. If she tries to have it sharpened somewhere, I doubt it could take a decent edge to begin with, let alone hold it. I await the coming disaster.
 
Staph has received her axe!
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More of a hammer than an axe.
The shape is bizarre. Why would you make the head the weakest point?
It should look more like these:
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and there are way nicer medieval designs this could use:
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Kind of a rip off. She could have put that money towards a nice semi-historical viking cloak and gotten much better use out of it.

edit:
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The valknut is a genuine medieval symbol, but as someone else pointed out, the meaning is obscure.
The runes are the viking ABC, called the futhark. Starting from the top and moving left it spells F U TH A R etc.
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Why you'd want a backwards ABC on your weapon I have no idea...
 
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The shape is bizarre. Why would you make the head the weakest point?
It's a wallhanger. The kind of stuff I would have bought at the flea market in high school (only to then destroy LARPing with my friends for videos we never published). What I'm saying is Staph still has the mind of a 16 year old.
 
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