The cane itself has a name and social media presence?!
Also, "doctors think Shuttleworth has hEDS and Sjogren's"? Or ... Shuttleworth thinks Shuttleworth has hEDS and Sjogren's, therefore told the reporter this information came from a doctor in order to sound more legit.
It's funny because I see two different communities of young folks using canes at universities.
1. Munchies
2. Kids who fucked their bodies up doing "elite" sports/dance when they are too young
3. The intersection of these two - kids who burn out of sports/dance and use this as their new identity
I've seen a handful of people on uni campus with a cane. One girl, who no matter when I saw her, would be wearing either shitty little flats or some cheap boots. Which I found weird considering she was using a cane. Anyways, she never put her weight on her cane and it was obvious when you watched her walk. Dunno where she went, haven't seen her. Another person is pretty fat, looks like they likely identify as nonbinary or transgender and Id bet 10 bucks they don't need that cane, they just think they do.
One thing I wanted to ask the kiwis is are (legitimate) service dogs for mental health a thing? I randomly saw a post on r/legaladvice about such a thing and it screamed munchie to me but I don't know much about service dogs other than blind guide dogs which obviously serve a real purpose. Wouldn't it be just be an emotional support animal if it's for mental health?
One thing I wanted to ask the kiwis is are (legitimate) service dogs for mental health a thing? I randomly saw a post on r/legaladvice about such a thing and it screamed munchie to me but I don't know much about service dogs other than blind guide dogs which obviously serve a real purpose. Wouldn't it be just be an emotional support animal if it's for mental health?
In the US, a service dog has to be trained to do something that assists a person with a disability. The disability can be psychiatric - the ADA website lists an example of a dog that reminds a depressed person to take her medication. (Gotta love how their own hand-picked example is a dog that wouldn't need to accompany its owner everywhere ... but this hypothetical psychiatric service dog would still be treated as a service animal everywhere, just like a guide dog.)
The page also has a hypothetical dog that helps someone with an anxiety disorder, saying "If the dog has been trained to sense that an anxiety attack is about to happen and take a specific action to help avoid the attack or lessen its impact, that would qualify as a service animal."
So, yes, the law allows service animals for mental conditions if they perform a service. And it doesn't define what those services can be. You'll find munchies in this thread claiming their dogs provide "deep pressure therapy" for PTSD or anxiety (i.e., the dog sits on their laps) or that it alerts them to episodes (i.e., the dog comes up to them, and they think that means they were going to feel anxious and the dog detected it and prevented it, not that the dog was just being a dog.)
Maybe this is callous of me but I find it strange to subject a living being to intensive training and a lifetime dedicated to doing something that a phone alarm could do.
Maybe this is callous of me but I find it strange to subject a living being to intensive training and a lifetime dedicated to doing something that a phone alarm could do.
This is my feeling on the hypoglycemia alert dogs, too: get a CGM, it's ages yet until we have the Butlerian Jihad. I do suspect "reminds me of pills" is usually a plausible lie to bump a pet up into a service dog--after all, you're not allowed to ask them to perform for you.
@Commander Suzdal is accurate: the possibility of mental health service dogs exists. I'd immediately be skeptical, moreso than with a regular service dog, and start documenting its behavior for the long slog that's sure to be coming.
This is my feeling on the hypoglycemia alert dogs, too: get a CGM, it's ages yet until we have the Butlerian Jihad. I do suspect "reminds me of pills" is usually a plausible lie to bump a pet up into a service dog--after all, you're not allowed to ask them to perform for you.
@Commander Suzdal is accurate: the possibility of mental health service dogs exists. I'd immediately be skeptical, moreso than with a regular service dog, and start documenting its behavior for the long slog that's sure to be coming.
I encountered one in the wild I think? Dude was a veteran who didn't have any obvious reason for the doggo, but the very good boy completely ignored me asking if he was on the clock or open for petting. Idk if he was psych service dog or not, but he absolutely was trained and behaved like an actual service dog.
You'll find munchies in this thread claiming their dogs provide "deep pressure therapy" for PTSD or anxiety (i.e., the dog sits on their laps) or that it alerts them to episodes (i.e., the dog comes up to them, and they think that means they were going to feel anxious and the dog detected it and prevented it, not that the dog was just being a dog.)
I love the old "anxiety alert dog" routine, because panic attacks are notoriously hard to detect... It's good they are wasting a dog's time and life on something CBT could tackle in a couple months.
it's just so stupid how mental health SD use can hamstring legit treatment. Anxiety disorder? Personality discover? Better externalize that locus of control. Something else is now responsible for your feelings, and actions, who needs to improve! Plus, bonus attention in public (laughable when they claim they have social anxiety and drag around a neon vested dog).
Potential legit uses... hm.....I can see grounding true PTSD victims during episodes, herding autistic kids to prevent elopement or self harm, or maybe even alerting to bipolar mania before something drastic happens.
I've brought it up before but there was a kid in my school district that had a dog for that reason.
But the first dog was just their poorly behaved old golden that would hump people, steal food, bark non-stop, ect with an amazon bought vest.
After it died he got a new one that became agressive as the kid didn't really look after it very well.
The dog(s) did nothing of value. He still yelled, freaked out over not being allowed to do what he wanted at all times, and generally acted as a public nuisance. He just had an equally annoying dog with him.
99% of the time a "psychiatric service dog" is all bullshit. Go to r/service_dogs to see. These people want a dog they can bring everywhere, and then get legitimately stressed out when EVERYONE wants to talk to them about their dog. It's the most retarded thing ever.
Someone else pointed out that these dogs do the tasks a phone alarm can do. That's part of the grift. A service dog should be a last resort, just like any "medical device" (don't get me started on them calling their dogs "devices" and acting like there's no difference between a living dog and a metal walking brace or some shit). So if the task is "reminds me to take my meds," then the person just has a pet and is probably functionally retarded.
For real, go to the service dog subreddit and see how many people post that their dogs "aren't machines!" and "sometimes have a bad day!" I've never met a real service dog who had a "bad day" like these pets do (some examples from that sub include shitting multiple times in a store, lunging at a person, vomiting FROM ANXIETY, grabbing things off store shelves). The entire subreddit is a hilarious cope full of people with poorly trained pets. Or it would be hilarious, if real animals weren't a part of it.
Maybe this is callous of me but I find it strange to subject a living being to intensive training and a lifetime dedicated to doing something that a phone alarm could do.
Cheer up - munchies don't actually train their dogs intensively. A munchie will just say that her dog barked or put a paw on her knee as an "alert" to a medical crisis that otherwise totally would have happened, like an anxiety attack or getting dizzy when you stand up because of your 100% real POTS. Or she'll lie down in the aisle at Walmart, or delicately collapse when she just happens to be filming herself, and the dog will rush up to "assist" (lick her face and try to wrestle). Their service dogs get the same training as any pet, if that.
And as far as the law is concerned, they're still service dogs! The law allows owners to train their own dogs, and doesn't require them to ever demonstrate that the dog can actually perform a task, or that the task is useful. This thread is full of munchies posting pics of their dog "alerting" to POTS dizziness ... which is caused by standing up. "My dog alerts me that I was about to stand up" doesn't get as many likes as "My service dog saved my life by alerting me that I was about to suffer from a POTS attack."
I encountered one in the wild I think? Dude was a veteran who didn't have any obvious reason for the doggo, but the very good boy completely ignored me asking if he was on the clock or open for petting. Idk if he was psych service dog or not, but he absolutely was trained and behaved like an actual service dog.
I work at the VA and see them all the time. There is one lady who brings her very obviously untrained chihuahua with her and we have to call some specific person to come down and have her take her dog back to the car and escort the veteran back in because the dog has apparently bit people before. It's a shame that people can order those service dog vests off of Amazon and we have to automatically assume it's real.
I work at the VA and see them all the time. There is one lady who brings her very obviously untrained chihuahua with her and we have to call some specific person to come down and have her take her dog back to the car and escort the veteran back in because the dog has apparently bit people before. It's a shame that people can order those service dog vests off of Amazon and we have to automatically assume it's real.
Part 5 and final, for now, of Tuberculosis Tilly Rose aka Kate Louise Tuohy and her mummy Lorainne on their magical medical mystery tour. We left Tilly when she had gotten her third crazy surgery to correct a bunch of alleged vascular compressions only a pair of actual sociopaths in Germany could find. So far we've seen very little proof these surgeries are nearly as insane as she and/or her doctors claim and she's mostly using them to score fentanyl and morphine around the clock. She has officially exhausted that angle with even the quacks agreeing she's been cured of these compressions, so now she has to find a new reason her symptoms haven't resolved.
402: The insane neck surgery she allegedly got went off without a hitch but now we must solve the mystery of why a woman who walks around barefoot in hospitals all day and has been getting IVs in her feet for weeks has ugly marks on her already ugly feet. do you think mummy paints her toes for her?
403: it's from blood sludge. Now that her veins are open the sludge that built up in the blocked ones is circulating and now she has acidosis so they're going to fill her with baking soda.
408: If it wasn't clear, I'm skipping all the "chapters" where nothing happens except her ball-washing her enablers some more so the numbering is not always evidence of stupidity on her part. We get our only proof she actually had surgery on her neck.
409: Tilly gets herself trespassed from a fast fashion outlet because she's sitting on a shop display and won't move. She asks for a chair and instead they tell her to get the fuck out of their store. She is outraged that they are not even required to give their names over so she can tattle on them to corporate. This is so shocking! They did this even after she explained she had three surgeries! Because as we all know, the Germans have long been renowned for their compassion, empathy, and flexibility with rules.
I swear if I ever heard someone say "do better!!!" or "shame on you, [company]" like this IRL I would not be able to stop my fist from contacting their noise-hole. Especially when the issue is one middle class cunt from England wasting space in urban Germany was told they wouldn't fetch her a special chair to sit in. These girls aren't horrified by the impact their fast fashion hyperconsumerism bullshit has on the world or the fact that their new dresses fall apart on the first wash (because ew, who wears things more than once? Everyone knows that every single social media bloggable moment needs a fresh 'fit.) They're unconcerned with the slave labor conditions down Zara's supply chain. Tilly was told no and that's the real problem.
411: Of course, straight after this tantrum about how she's much too sick and frail to stand in line at Zara, she's well enough to fly home to England, get her hair and makeup done, dress up, and drink prosecco at another rich girl's wedding.
412: Then immediately back to being the sickest little girl-child in all of Germany. 511: jesus fucking christ girl you are really bad at this chapter shit. And everything else. It's wonderful, thank you. Just before she's discharged home for good she has another massive and predictable uptick in her symptoms. She has one of her shaky-stinky fits she used to have in the London hospital that the doctors there laughed at.
413-16: Another emergency she milks for like 5 posts. Remember that she's often writing these days or weeks after the event happened but she chooses to labor it for dramatic effect. You either love it or hate it. I personally love it, lol, it's so stupid and terrible. The short version is they first think it's an adrenal crisis (remember those?) or MCAS but then they check her lactate level and it's 5.5. She's supposed to be taken to the ICU at the university hospital but nah, these guys are going to keep her where she's at because they know her better and those dumb ICU docs couldn't possibly understand how rare and special Tilly is. They give her IV roids, mast cell stabilizers, bicarb, and anti-virals but she's still stinky and sweaty. They decide it's because she now has good blood flow to her adrenals so they're going haywire. That means that the compression problems they just carved her up for were never the issue and in fact they were masking what the real problem was.
In the comments, dumb-as-a-post Christina Doherty would like you to know it was NOT Henderson fucking up the many surgeries he did on her that bricked her pituitary gland
417: This is a flashback to the time she was pulling this act in London, when they took her sugar water infusions away and told her for the 15th time that it wasn't fucking porphyria so she started running around the ward 'hallucinating," ripping things off the wall and can't remember her family's faces. She now claimed this went on for weeks when previously it read like one bad night. 418: Now, in Germany, her oxygen sats are fine but they're putting her on oxygen anyway because she totally has tissue hypoxia and her brain hasn't been getting enough oxygen. Well. Yeah that's pretty apparent but i was thinking more "too dumb to breathe." She's put on oxygen.
419: They know she's going to be in for the long haul. She claims the oxygen works okay but she's still having episodes. Auntie drives hours to get more of Tilly's shit so they can properly move into the Hotel Krankenhaus. I love that she has the fucking lido patch tucked behind her eyelid. I thought it was a filter fail at first but nope.
421-22: This is so great. She's doing the exact same song and dance she pulled in London. She's back to throwing fits when her "team" tries to leave and demanding they bring her gallons of apple juice. Her family is sure this time is different because these doctors care enough to waste oxygen on this waste of oxygen.
423: And it's all because she still wants it to be fucking porphyria. LMAO.
424-426-427-426-427: NIGGLE. And what do you know, the doctors think she might be on to something! They're testing her for porphyria again even though she already had 8 urine tests and genetic screening say it's not porphyria. Her first peepee sample gets returned-to-sender so mom hand delivers the next one, just like she did in London. Despite the German docs saying there is no way the lab will break their chain-of-custody policy like that, they do for special unique Tilly and her devoted mummy.
In the comments, a German woman with porphyria and a morphine addict argue over whether or not this is porphyria. Someone else reminds everyone that she has already done the poor man's porphyria test. I don't know if she at one point admit it never turned red and edited that ~chapter~ before i saw it, or if they're just filling in the blanks that if it had worked she'd be shouting from the rooftops.
430: Magic man thinks it might be a tyrosine deficiency and orders infusions.
431-32: Nope, try again doc. Something even more special this time please. Something more smacking of aristocratic inbreeding.
433: This touring theater production is hitting the road again! Now they're off to Switzerland to see a doctor who specializes in acid conditions. She's manifested this! 434: But she's just too rare and special once again. It's the steroid game all over again! She can't be off the oxygen without going into crisis and needs such an extraordinarily high concentration that no canister or portable concentrator will work for her, a phenomenon her doctors are at a loss to explain. The plan is now to get a plug-in concentrator and treat her like a car that needs refueling, stopping over and over along the way to plug her in for a little while. They make their purchase and wait to hear from the doctor.
435: And then the doctor in Switzerland says 'go fuck yourself, munchie.' They won't see her because all the testing every doctor has ever done has shown there's nothing wrong with her except affluence, bad acting, and mummy's hypochondria.
437: And the porphyria test is once again negative, which crushes her as she really, really, really wants it to be porphyria. Why oh why isn't it porphyria? 438: Mummy and Auntie find yet another hospital, this one local, that has a metabolic disease center and pester the Dusseldumbasses for a referral. She so loves that none of the doctors in Germany stay in their lane and all of them pretend to find her very rare and fascinating as long as she keeps having money for them.
439-40: Lol, except just like in London, this hospital won't take her for her metabolic disease because it's not real and they can't treat her when everything has been ruled out.
440 again: 'Is it porphyria yet?" 441: "No, but we're going to treat you for porphyria anyway because you want it really really badly to be porphyria." German doctors do not have to prove you actually have the disease to order the treatment for it as a trial so she's finally getting her precious IV heme. isonazid on the chart they drew is the frontline antibiotic used for TB, the one she claims she had an anaphylactic reaction to.
441 part two-42: The counting is getting worse and it's great. Look at that fucking duper's delight grin. She won guys, the doctors are finally doing what she tells them to and saying she has the posh purple peepee problem the royals do(n't actually have)! Turns out she's been specifically gunning for this treatment from them for weeks to win her gay little war against the NHS hospital that wouldn't order it.
443: this thing she always shouts during her episodes, "it's going to get me!" is so odd. She's mentioned saying this over and over so her family can reassure her it won't. I really don't know what to make of it. I can imagine a small child with cancer being told their tumor is a monster and the doctor is going to kill the monster screaming "it's going to get me!" when they're scared but Tilly - Kate, her name is fucking Kate - is over 30. 444: Of course the heme works like magic because it was always going to because she's in full control of this. Fuck you, NHS hospital who wouldn't treat me for a disease I never had and keep testing negative for over and over!!! She's discharged. Unfortunately she's only gotten a four day trial of heme and predicts that the effects will wear off fast.
450: And after a week of acting like this, too, was the magic bullet that saved her, she predictably says she's gotten worse again. She can't afford the "extortionate" price to keep receiving heme without a diagnosis. She needs them to diagnose her with porphyria so she can force the NHS to fund her little vanity treatment so she can pretend she's toasting with the royals, a tall order when she does not have porphyria and every single avenue of testing has ruled it out already.
452: Why ever would the British doctors not treat these totally real shakes caused by her totally real porphyria that doesn't show up on tests? But hey kid, keep drinking, you'll get there one day.
458: Congratulations on giving yourself one (1) real illness: athlete's foot. You know i gotta say, this is really making me feel better about my life. I live a pretty humble existence. My education is nothing to write home about and I worked night shifts to afford it. My house has a regular mailing address, not a name. I only travel for work, it's always someplace I don't want to go and if I were to fall very ill on one of these trips Mrs. Shill could not afford to take the time off or commute back and forth to be by my side. But I am not a greasy goblin with crusty feet who smells like rusty metal, BO, and unwashed scalp. +1 for the hygenic working class over here. Magic Man started her on a mitochondrial cocktail. This guy is a radiologist.
459: While I haven't really cared to dox-the-docs this round I guess I will if she's just handing out names like this. Magic Man is Dr. Huseyin Sahinbas whose clinic specializes in hyperthermia treatment. He formerly worked in the radio-oncology department of a legitimate hospital's cancer clinic before founding his woo clinic to scam desperate people in 2009. As Tilly has let us know, the staff is almost entirely related to him. Bengisu is his daughter-in-law/Pascal's wife, Diana is his wife, and Atalay is another son whose true passion is acting. He's had some roles in German netflix originals.
And here's his son other son Ertugrul Pascal, the one she calls "Dr. House", who tags Bengisu in photos but her account is private. He mostly just posts cats.
the good doc treats cancer and also whatever else you tell him is wrong with you. Fatigued? Burned out? Have allergies? He's your man!
Pascal is not a full neurosurgeon yet as she tells us in chapter 460. He got his medical degree in Turkey and has been working through a German qualification now. Which makes me wonder if they did the crazy neck surgery on her mostly to satisfy his clinical training. Of course, like his father, he will not be confined to his discipline and instead decides he's going to try to figure out what's wrong with Tilly too. None of these doctors ever have a case load outside of her.
No William, she forgot she told us she had diabetes and instead changed it to needing constant sugar or she would hallucinate. Keep up.
After two more posts about how she's so sick and so blessed to be around these wonderful doctors, she answers the questions he asked. She was taking dozens of pills a day (doesn't specify that most of them were laxatives to combat her opiate constipation), her pee is very dilute all the time and her doctors have always chalked it up to her admitted habit of sucking back any liquid she can get near her face, she smells bad, and she does her shakey-shakey thing all the time. Dr. House says he thinks her kidneys have been "suffocated by toxins" for years.
No Mac, she's just really fucking dumb.
He elaborates that because of this suffocation her kidney hasn't been able to filter toxins out of her body in years. This makes perfect, logical sense to Tilly because Tilly is really really fucking stupid. So Tilly quick Q if I may. Have you ever heard of dialysis? It's the treatment kidney failure patients have to undergo. Basically you get hooked up to a machine that sucks your blood out, scrubs the waste products from it like excess urea, potassium, and fluids, freshens it up a little, then pumps it back into your body. They do this pretty much any time your kidney function is really compromised, not just total irreversible failure. Do you know why? Because if your kidneys don't work and you're not getting rid of those waste products, you die. Before that, it becomes really obvious on your bloodwork that your kidneys are fucked and not filtering out toxins. Anyway, the Dusselduo claim that heavy metal detoxification is one of their services so of course they're now saying that's definitely her issue.
466. Mummy loves having a new problem to obsessively google and scratch her hypochondria itch! Also Tilly's blood is rusty now.
The results are in! Grinning and hugging mummy in her hospital bed under a zebra balloon, with a song called "Good News" on a loop, she announces she has severe heavy metal poisoning.
And not lead or something she could have conceivably ended up with through normal things like drinking water run through old pipes in an ancient city, but gadolinium from retained contrast and cobalt. Funny, the only time I've heard of cobalt toxicity in humans was the beer drinker's cardiomyopathy. Back in 1965 a Quebecois beer brand decided to start using a cobalt derivative as a foam stabilizer, and on top of that one of their regional breweries accidentally got the recipe wrong and added ten times the amount they were supposed to which is, you know, bad. What may be safe at moderate doses is not so much when you're multiplying it tenfold. It would have not been as much of a problem if we didn't also have to factor in our old friend alcoholism and the fact that alcoholics drink a very, very lot of alcohol, like 24+ beers in a day every day. So these French Canadian alcoholics were ingesting insanely high doses of cobalt daily while the alcohol itself made their liver and kidneys unable to do their job to remove it because they were too busy trying to get all the alcohol filtered. Then their hearts exploded. It's one of those things I shouldn't find funny as someone who is no longer friends with Bill, but god, it gives me the giggles. Can I sperg more about the dumb ways drunks have died of heavy metal poisoning even though it's only tangential? I'm gonna.
So we know absinthe right? That liquor that used to make you trip balls back in the 1800s then they neutered it and now it's just kind of a novel and/or pretentious specialty spirit? So the thing that made you hallucinate in that was a compound called thujone that is found in wormwood, specifically A. absinthium, one of the botanicals used to flavor it. Except no, that's not true and it never was.
Absinthe was extremely popular in mid-nineteenth century Paris which was also a real mecca for artists and writers. Artists and writers being as they are, many of them started getting real deep in their cups and included depictions of absinthe in their works. See Degas' The Absinthe Drinker, and basically everything Henri Toulouse-Lautrec painted, plus all those bohemian writers with their new bohemian writing styles. These guys all swore that absinthe made you very creative thus drawing other wannabe bohemian types into Paris to try the green muse. A lot of this had to do with the sheer ritual of drinking it, with its own special glassware and its own special spoon and the magic trick that happens when you trickle cold water into it. It's worth mentioning that these same people also thought tuberculosis made you very creative before we found out it was an icky gross homeless people lung-goo disease and their romantic portrayal of it contributed to the "consumptive chic" Tilly is still rolling around in.
So against this backdrop this psychiatrist named Valentin Magnan, who had been working in Paris with chronic alcoholics, started to believe there was something unique to absinthe that was causing people to hallucinate from it. He exposed different groups of guinea pigs to pure alcohol vapor and wormwood vapor and found that the wormwood group had seizures and died. He therefore decided the wormwood was the problem and that absinthe was the most dangerous of the boozes. The vaporized wormwood oil was many times stronger than any dose any absinthe drinker could have consumed. They'd be dead from alcohol poisoning long before they got that much of wormwood's toxic compounds into their systems. Meanwhile the bohemian artists thought this was all fucking hilarious and leaned into the idea that Absinthe made you creative because it made you hallucinate, creating a sultry image of a woman who allegedly appeared while you were drinking to guide your work.
The reality is alcoholics are morons who do not make good life choices. Absinthe was just cheap and easy to obtain in that particular time and location with a whole bootleg market on top. So the ill effects he saw in absinthe drinkers can be attributed to two very mundane things. One is withdrawal in general. Even moderate alcohol withdrawal very frequently causes extremely vivid nightmares and sleep paralysis. Someone in 1860 who can't google the phenomenon he just experienced might tell his doctor there was a strange man in his bedroom at night and have it be interpreted as a real hallucination instead of a detox sleep-hiccup. On the extreme end there's delirium tremens which can cause actual waking hallucinations, psychosis, seizures, and death. All of that happens because heavy, constant alcohol consumption changes your brain chemistry, which does not immediately go back to normal when you quit drinking or reduce it significantly. Benzos act on the same neurotransmitter which is why short courses are often used to taper down alcoholics safely.
The other half is that there wasn't anything in the way of regulation on what went into drugs, alcohol, food, cosmetics, whatever in the mid-19th. This was the days of openly and legally selling arsenic tablets to improve your complexion and cocaine for teething babies. How do you hide that the hooch you're selling to the neighborhood winos isn't real absinthe? By adding whatever the fuck you want to add to it. No one's watching, no one's testing, no one's doing quality control, and as long as it gets them shitfaced they won't complain. If you want that nice green color then copper is a good choice, and for the ouzo effect that makes it go cloudy when you add water? Just throw some antimony in there. Yeah it'll melt their brain but who's gonna care when another drunk dies screaming at phantoms?
Anyway just wanted to bring it full circle with more heavy metal poisoning from retarded drunks doing what retarded drunks do. Cheers, fellow morons.
Apparently cobalt poisoning was a plot line on that terrible Grey's Anatomy show, with the source of it being a hip replacement.
her obsession with apple juice is now one of the keys they were missing in her diagnosis and why she didn't dead yet. She was basically chelating herself this whole time and had no idea!
Someone goes to a logical place.
470: Why does she INSIST on making me look at her cave troll stompers all the time? So of course, this also doesn't work and it's because her kidneys are only functioning at 30%. No. Shut the fuck up. 30% kidney function is the cut off between stage 3 and stage 4 and you're telling me none of these doctors noticed that until now?
474: These fake tremors never stop being fucking hilarious. The fact that she is so fucking bad at this but surrounded by so many people her parents are paying to pretend this is believable is what really makes her special. The emperor has no clothes and also does not own shoes. And of course, it's going to get her and she's balling her eyes out. Tl;dr she had a reaction to the chelation drug and they're going to do chelation by apheresis next.
475 Another chapter where mummy tells Tilly's health problems to a group of complete strangers she's just met because she absolutely loves being the mother of a dying "child" who is now over 30. Then they all put their magic healing energy into a kleenex or some shit.
476 WASH YOUR DISGUSTING FEET. The disney song "A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes" comes on Spotify and it is a sign because the apheresis machine shows up while she's listening to it.
477. Mummy and Tilly buy a ribbon to make a big deal about "opening the apheresis clinic."
478. She's run out of places they can put an IV so she gets the ole' crotch-cath. It's super painful.
479 isn't that just what plasma looks like?
Yes. Yes it is. Plasma just looks like that. Of course, Tilly is already setting up for this also not being the miracle cure they said it would be because heavy metal toxicity is still not porphyria.
480. After her first treatment she feels dizzy but okay and can tolerate a few hours off oxygen. The doctor has let her know the relief is temporary and she will soon get hit with another wave of "toxins" leaking out of her tissues which predictably leads to a sudden uptick in symptoms towards the end of the day.
481. Their new plan is to give her hyperthermia treatment to intentionally flush toxins into her blood then do the apheresis to scrub them out. They warn her she might crash from this, so she does. As a side note, I have sometimes had the pleasure to write about the very Victorian overlap between medicine and the Spiritualist movement - psychics and seances and all that good stuff. The city I used to live in was big for both Spiritualists and meds 'n' eds so when you dig into local medical history, you will find all sorts of Dr. So-and-So, trained at a hokey diploma mill (if at all), who swears he can harness ghost powers to cure you of anything and everything. These guys are reminding me so much of the ghost medicine quacks it's killing me. They would always recommend things like plunging into ice baths to shock the system and make it more receptive to ghost energy followed by drinking 18 gallons of ice water and doing enemas for 6 hours to flush the bad juju out. The predictable bad effects of doing this were used as proof they needed more treatments. Fuck i love it.
482. Every time I check the comments to see if anyone is saying "that looks like foot mushrooms, try not being barefoot in the hospital" I am newly surprised by the number of extremely stupid people breathing the same air as the rest of us. Not one person questions this symptom or connects it to her habit of walking around barefoot in hospitals, hotels, and AirBnbs. I'd forgive that they missed the fact that she had fluconazole cream in her med haul after the London hospital she walked around barefoot in.She only showed it once and a lot of people probably wouldn't know what it was. Also the symptoms of cobalt toxicity are not localized icky rash. They are things like cardiomyopathies, loss of vision and hearing, and seizures. It's bad news. It's also rare because normal people don't eat batteries or do shots of cobalt blue. In a normal day, outside of certain industries, you really are not coming in contact with significant amounts of absorbable cobalt and she has yet to explain how she supposedly did. We know it wasn't a joint replacement like in the television show.
483: "Is it porphyria yet?" The neurosurgeon specifically calls to ask if the heavy metal toxicity that isn't real, combined with Tilly's symptoms that are equally fake, add up to a porphyria diagnosis. The "Genius Doctor" agrees! It sounds like she may have porphyria! So she does one more specialty piss test. She feels an attack, gets yet another family friend who has been roped into serving her to walk her into the bathroom, does her peepee, and collapses to the floor dramatically. Look at that fucking grin.
Hey dumbfuck. This isn't an organic pattern. They bought an expensive machine and now they're telling every girl in the clinic she needs it too.
A few more nonsense posts about how many people she's got waiting on her and we get 487, where her doctors have given her the best gift of all: a few doses of heme for her porphyria! It's happening guys! And it means she can be out for Christmas!
487 again. I feel like we are leaning more into fetish than I would like to go with her. I mean it's not as gross as Rose but the constant focus on her feet and the fact that this one looks a lot more orgasm than seizure and it ends with whoever is filming narrowing in on her crotch is really making me creeped out. In this post she carries on shaking and wailing until they hook her up to the apheresis machine. The attack stops instantly which means the treatment MUST be working. She was in much too much pain and agony to notice they were doing anything so it's not that she just heard the machine click on or felt them fucking with her crotch-tubes. Also great experiment, no controls or active monitoring of her levels or anything.
486, we are traveling backwards through time now. The entire point of this story is they're now checking her blood to monitor these supposed toxins several times throughout a single treatment. But. Didn't they have to send her blood out for super specialty testing to find the "toxins" in the first place? Now they can just do it in-house in 10 minutes? And mummy gets her a very thoughtful gift: a printout of one of her own social media posts, a photo of herself, to stare at next to her gross fucking feet that are still not in fucking socks. Imagine the kindest present you ever got being a print out of a staged photo you posted to instagram.
On the 14th of January she announces her crotchal line is infected, she needs antibiotics and can't get her apheresis treatments, and she's in 24/7 pain. Why me, she sobs. Because actions have consequences.
490: they've given her rifampicin for the infection. That's weird. It's almost exclusively used for major respiratory infections like TB, legionnaire's disease, and avian flu. And leprosy! PLEASE LEPROSY ARC I WOULD MURDER SOMEONE FOR A LEPROSY ARC. And in the comments people keep asking how this pampered middle class Oxford girlchild has tungsten and tin in her blood. Her sycophants are ready with an answer that sounds reasonable to stupid people.
An exciting announcement!!
It's about her book cover being released. The book comes out in April.
492: a recap of why she hasn't been diagnosed with porphyria she doesn't have. 493: but fuck you all, because this quack my quack doctors recommended said I actually had a super duper rare form of porphyria caused by heavy metal toxicity. And we know where she's going to go now. They told her the porphyria will disappear when she finishes her metal detox, and she will only intermittently be able to score heme for this. Instead she will be placed back on a round-the-clock sugar drip. My assumption from the start of the german porphyria arc is her end game is forcing the NHS to accept the diagnosis so she can force them to pay for her vanity heme treatments while continuing to see these doctors whenever she's running low on medical drama. Now she actually has a possible diagnosis but it is one that will go away if she finishes treatment. Also lol that she used "At Last" by Etta James as the soundtrack to this reel.
494: No, I would actually probably feel nauseated if I scrolled through an endless stream of photos of myself.
495: We are now on month 14 of what was supposed to be a quick consult with a vascular specialist. 496: Her infection is gone so they're giving her a new crotch line to fuck with.
MUMMY COME ATTEND TO MY FEET SO YOU CAN REMEMBER YOUR POSITION IN LIFE.
Congratulations on being the reason these quacks can bleed other people's families dry. If it weren't for you being so relentlessly dramatic and willing to pay them they would have never bought this machine they now stand to make a fortune off. Look at her trying not to grin.
497. This girl must suicide bait people constantly. They always have a response for it. Now she's getting reiki which is magical energy healing really, really stupid people believe in. The bottle of Florida Water made me laugh. I guess maybe German whackadoos don't have the same perception of Florida as Floridians and former Floridians do. To me Florida Water is tap water that smells strongly of sulphur, swamp water teeming with mosquito larvae, and red tides with a crust of dead fish.
498: The latest problem is the apheresis is stripping her body of the good stuff she needs. Now they give her constant blood tests and as things start to dip they supplement them with IVs. I'd like to remind you that her parents are paying for all of this out of pocket.
497 again, she's now making her mummy look in the toilet to inspect her piss color. It's no longer completely clear which means the treatment is finally working! Enough metal is being removed that her kidneys can do their job again! Remember when she said she was drinking 6L of apple juice on top of the IV fluids and the doctors kept saying she was overhydrating? I do. Also when she just told us she's now getting supplemented with all sorts of things that would be excreted in urine? I remember that too.
A week ago she announced her kidneys have recovered significantly because of these treatments, according to Dr. House. She's finally discharged again!! Since then there's no medical drama to report and we're back to the "ball-washing my enablers" part of the cycle.
Her most recent stories have just been trying to sign up more girls to see Dr. Miracle and shilling her book while she tries to come up with the latest reason she's not better and never will be.
I am dead certain this is not the last time I will write about Kate Louise Touhy. It's just the last post I can make until she comes up with the latest reason this didn't work either. She and mummy are way too invested to stop and she's too focused on it being porphyria to settle for one of the curable versions that would now be cured. Plus with the book coming out she can't very well suddenly be healthy. So what's coming next?
Personally, I can think of a whole list of historically significant diseases she hasn't exhausted yet and I want her to try all of them on for size. Come on, go for Polio! Encephalitis lethargica! Yellow Fever! Black Death! Fake diphtheria and have your nameless, sexless boyfriend go on a serum run from London being dragged in sledge by a pack of corgis! Fuck it, claim you have Dutch Elm Disease! The possibilities are endless, Kate!
be German whackadoos don't have the same perception of Florida as Floridians and former Floridians do. To me Florida Water is tap water that smells strongly of sulphur, swamp water teeming with mosquito larvae, and red tides with a crust of dead fish
In woo-world, Florida Water is a citrus based cologne, one of the original mass-produced ones, which ended up getting used in American black folk magic for mostly gambling luck. It smells nice, so when grifters started grifting out hoodoo and shit online, the wider woo-world got hold of it. The more you know!
There’s the saying ”you can teach a psychiatrist neurology, but you can never teach a neurologist psychiatry”, but reading about Uncool Kate I’m starting to wonder if no physician ever has heard of psych.
Plus with the book coming out she can't very well suddenly be healthy. So what's coming next?
Personally, I can think of a whole list of historically significant diseases she hasn't exhausted yet and I want her to try all of them on for size. Come on, go for Polio! Encephalitis lethargica! Yellow Fever! Black Death! Fake diphtheria and have your nameless, sexless boyfriend go on a serum run from London being dragged in sledge by a pack of corgis! Fuck it, claim you have Dutch Elm Disease! The possibilities are endless, Kate!
Leprosy would be fun, but it's easier to just have the same thing happen again since they never found the "source" of the metals. (I'm guessing the internet, you'd be a complete fucking moron to ingest cobalt blue, or cadmium red, but you could.)
