Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

I'm crossposting these old posts I made in the porncow thread because I was thinking about this guy today and he really belonged here

el bandito loco said:
he was this fat fuck married to a fatter fuck raising her 4 kids. she would only fuck him to get pregnant and they had 1 child together (guess they had sex once) he was basically a married incel. he'd always talk about how she wouldn't fuck him and he was going crazy and shed leave him if she caught him whacking it so he built a computer cum cave in the garage where she wouldn't go. also of note they met on WOW and he moved literally across the world for her (lol)

he streamed for an audience of like 3 on twitch every few days and pretended like he was doing that more when he was really in his garage spending their money on camwhores then would come to work and tell me every day how they couldn't afford groceries or gas but then give me excruciating details about what he made some slut do.

he started getting extra rapey in shit he was saying and asking me way too much shit about my own sex life (I was early 20s and trying and sometimes succeeding at bagging a chick a week or whatever) and he gave me and a girl a ride somewhere once and was so fuckin creepy to her that my other co-worker and I decided to buy him a hooker on his birthday to get it out of his system.

this motherfucker was so happy he cried and we drove him there and everything and I made sure it was her and she was alone nobody was going to rob him and I went to go back to the car to send him in and us wait for his half hour to be up to take him back to his own and he pussied out but kept the money we gave him for her, then the next work day told me thanks he spent it on a new camwhore. I was like you son of a bitch, you'd rather spend money on a woman you can't touch over one who was 200 pounds lighter than you who was going to pretend to like you irl? And I made him pay me back for it lol.

anyways I'm sure he probably lost his marriage to onlyfans because he was laid off for covid and probably spent his life's savings of $86 on some random 19 year old thot
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el bandito loco said:
One time he came into work totally shaken like he witnessed a murder or something and I asked him the fuck his deal was and he said "I walked in on my 13 year old stepson in the bathroom .... I can't" and I was like what? Beating off? Who cares, that's embarrassing for you both but he'll learn to lock the door. and he said no. and then I really wanted to know what he possibly could have seen worse than that and he finally broke and told me he walked in, and his 8th grader stepson was standing and squatting on the toilet seat taking a shit. Like an Indian in the street.

I was laughing so hard I almost threw up. I wouldn't have believed him if he wasn't so upset. and then it got funnier because I guess he confronted him about it later and this kid who was almost high school age told him he always took dumps like that. he was like how the fuck can I ever look at the kid again knowing he goes in our bathroom and fucking puts his dirty feet on our toilet seat stands up on it, and shits? He's went his every day of his entire life, shitting wrong. and it was goddamn hilarious. I was like man that kid has no chance with some fat pussy cam addict like you as a father figure, his fat NEET mom who doesn't do anything besides apparently not fuck you, eat and play WoW, and going through his entire life being apparently not potty trained correctly. I'd hate to see what the younger kids are like
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anyways another time this guy was walking next to me and was like DAMNNN look at that ass and I turned around to see who he was looking at, and they stood up and turned around and it was a man. the look of shame on his face was something I'll never forget. I saw something like this happen in a movie yesterday and it made me flash to that moment and laugh my ass off. the funniest part was the guy heard him, and just stared at us. I was laughing so hard I wasn't able to breathe. that guy probably was wondering why me and a fat gay dwarf were looking at his ass. another time at a work party at a bar this same guy tried to proposition two asian lesbians who couldn't speak english into a threesome and they laughed at him and he promptly told them he was kidding and they were ugly anyways and went outside and cried. the man was driven literally insane by sexual frustration and camgirls I'm telling you.

I thought he was kinda humorous so I liked him being around because he was a walking disaster, but my buddy hated he would never leave us alone and started telling him his boss thought he was a wimp. like he literally told him, he said you're a little wimp. this guy was like 35 and got so mad he started talking about his scottish heritage and the old country and shit and started making a point to walk directly in front of his boss and lift heavy shit. his boss just ignored him and thought he was weird. this went on like a year until his boss transferred to a new facility and when he was saying goodbye this dude walked out in front of everyone and made a speech where he said "despite the fact you thought I was a small man, I hope I proved my worth to you. and despite the fact you never liked me, I always respected you, will you shake my hand?" and this poor bastard was like I guess what the fuck are you talking about? it was some of the funniest shit I have ever seen everyone there was flabbergasted.
 
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Been posting about this pan_liska dude a little and he just keeps getting darker.
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hello, i wanted to talk about a friend of mine whose accounts on the internet tend to get me and others around him uncomfortable.

He goes by "Ottervine" and "AutisticAnomaly". He is a 19 yr old Autistic "adult" from Upstate NY,
He has a small but WIDE amount of accounts on alot of sites i will most likely add onto when i can.
But he is a shit artist, a noob at gaming and a hatred for Hardcore Metal Bands and has "Jacket Personas" that are him basically wearing different jackets he owns while acting there certain parts most likely showing a emotion or side of him he hides under a "Autistic Mask".
His most Notable thing is his "Folkenhagen Follies" which is a "upcoming" universe he made up entirely in his head. involving dragons,otters,foxes, dictatorships and going on his stomach fetishes (Vore,Pregnancy,Stuffing,etc).
On the outside he is shit at understanding social cues as well as not hiding his obsession with big bellies and a small affinity for wanting "publicity" to bring his exes back in his life even though they would rather banish him from their circle due to his antics.

...Accounts will be added soon.
 
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Another one I have is a user named "black morty" https://x.com/theghettoverse

a art thief, (most likely fake) black person, racist, pedophile, and annoying artist.

He is a disciple of another artist, taste of chocklit, who has a past of real pedophilia, drawing toddler porn, allegedly sexually harassing women irl, drawing porn of real minors, and housing minors in his discord server

He attacked a friend of mine, turns out he has a extensive history of tracing, stealing art (he paywalled my friend's art, and acted ignorant of it knowing all he did was put a ai voice to the animation), learning about that caused me to jump on a alt and investigate the server for myself, turns out he had channels dedicated to loli porn, ai loli porn (from artists I know that do lolicon artwork for money, they themselves stay away from that kinda ai shit because it very likely is trained off of real children), and later on, I learned about him willingly harboring a 17 year old who was subscribed to his website.

A good video on him https://youtu.be/xRwQniiVOQA
 
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My hometown has its own local lolcow. It's a fat really tall ogre-looking dude who calls himself a hippie, always wears a cowboy hat and a poncho and often walks around barefeet. I think he is around 30 years old but I'm not sure because it's hard to tell the age if the person is fat and ugly. And he is an absolute weirdo. There are many stories about him preying on very young-looking girls, some even underage. I know one girl who was not even in high school when he chased her and called her his wife. This man is spending his time creepily roaming on the main street and trying to "befriend" some random alternative teenagers and unluckily my road to work lays on his territory. He even tried to creep on me several times when I was 17-18 years old and in my goth era.

Last time I saw him hugging some woman on street concert and let's hope she is over 18 because I saw them only from the back. But I'm 100% sure that was him because of his signature hat and poncho.
 
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Norwegian Trailer Trash said:
Natural TRT (being fat).
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few funny things about the kid was once at a pep rally he was pissed off because it was "too loud" and there was a thing where you had to make toilet paper mummies right, so he went down and started to fuck everything up on purpose like tearing away the paper and shit. then he got his hands on like on a party confetti popper and tried to threaten people with it like a retard.

other thing is of course hes a pansexual furry and he took a liking to a naive kid in our class and actively tried to groom him trying to use his gross fetishes to convert him (thankfully failed).

he also had pedo glasses and would walk around school like an oaf wearing bulky gamer headphones connected to his 3ds also smelled of weed because "showering was too hard"
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Dancefloor Muthafucka! said:
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The legs are killing me, all the fat troons stand like this lmfao
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From what i know he isnt a tranny yet he's just really fat and has no muscle mass, like walking would tire him out. Once i overheard him running around saying "i'm pretty princess, i'm pretty princess" and he hung out with trannies at school (who barely tolerated him) so theres an extreme chance of him him trooning out but he isnt there yet.
 
oh boy do I have a juicy one for you.
I used to work at a food pantry until I was kicked out by the woman that ran it.
so what was I removed for? I ate a small bag of goldfish given to me by one of the volunteers who'd been there 5 years (retired after this), while I was volunteering there. here's the kicker, I was doing literally all of the heavy lifting
being the only one there strong enough to handle it as it was chalk full of old people and one other weak teenager-kid.

that same teenager-kid was the foremans (the woman who runs the pantry's) child who she sent to spy on people volunteering at the pantry.
mind you we were there on Tuesdays or Wednesdays not on the weekends meaning she ripped him out of school to spy on her volunteers for her.
later on she got children from the school to volunteer but they only put in one hour per day as extra-curriculum! She would later go on to complain to the teacher who'd set up that extra curriculum that got her extra help about them not doing enough for her.

soon enough everyone at the pantry had either left or been kicked out.
and to top it all off, she never had enough food or staff despite having the budget (I think she was skimming off the top personally but I can't prove that, just an opinion) which btw she didn't own this place she was a paid volunteer for a charity.
she never lent a hand either and had no idea how anything was run. eventually the one woman who'd been volunteering there for 5 straight years quit with us, having been sick of her and the pantries drama (good for her) and now there's nobody there just an old couple who can't lift more than a 5 pound box collectively due of age and you can only receive a tiny margin of what we used to deliver when we were working there.

I and the rest of the pantry who got kicked out are still friends. you want a lolcow? I think this meets the criteria.
 
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Been quite a while since I've posted anything in this thread. Some of you might remember my cousin Jeffrey, his antics are chronicled in the OP of this thread.

When we last left our hero, he was in a real pickle, facing legal trouble as a result of slamming into the back of an old guy's car while driving without a license. Jeffrey apparently has inherited the teflon tard gene, because he ended up getting almost completely away with it. They had the funds to drag the case out, while the old man's family did not. Therefore, after three and a half years, they finally gave up and agreed to settle out of court. Jeffrey had to pay a couple hundred dollars for driving without a license, and his mother got away with ALLOWING him to drive without a license by claiming that she had no knowledge of his use of the car, but declining to press charges for theft. As we all know, the courts simply do not care, so the matter is considered resolved.

Jeffrey has learned precisely nothing from this, although his mother has at least learned that she shouldn't let her anger-prone brat of a son drive her car without a license. Jeffrey gets around via Uber these days.
 
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