Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[#FreeRoss]

An IRL friend of mine has sadly fallen into micro-lolcowdom in my eyes. The guy is a mathematics major, and has recently become insufferably obsessed with AI to the degree that would make a LinkedIndian blush. He's been talking about very little but the latest hottest models for the past couple months, and when I try to steer the conversation to our previously usual topics (math nerd shit) he keeps telling me how he can prompt-craft this latest 5 billion weights model from Google/etc. to generate answers and proofs and how convenient it all is. The real descent into cowdom came this week when he told me how he's generating not just the proof prototypes but major sections of his master's thesis' actual text. I usually go along with him but I had to tell him this time that that is a surefire way to get blasted by examination board for plagiarism, and that he should at least ask his instructing professor and be as transparent as possible, and he responded by saying he just wants to be done with the thesis, and is not gonna tell anyone. I'm quite dreading to hear from him in a couple months' time the inevitable conclusion that he now has a permanently stained record for academic integrity violations.

Your friend sounds based. I love writing, but the college writing tests I took were awful. I paid 1000 dollars, maybe more, for a textbook that costs at most 200 bucks new on Amazon, a free quiz program called Excelsior Owl, and several nonsense discussion pages. I was required to get a grade; I had to make a Google document in a specific format that is less than 250 words for the teacher. The teacher also posted things in Microsoft document format, so I had to request a PDF, combine that with the fact my teacher was so awful she forgot to list dates to submit things, and I didn't feel like writing without the assistance of ChatGPT. Funny enough, she was dumb enough not to notice it, but the way college is makes me sympathize with your friend's usage of AI.

Also, the fact that you could have just bought the textbook for 200 dollars and then did an exam based on the textbook that would be short and simple, but instead you add in all of the fluff and nonsense like discussion forums and quizzes from a free website that's not even tied to the school just so they can drag the class out and charge more is totally ridiculous. College honestly feels like a total scam. It's like my teacher purposely made it a pain to stroke her own ego because she thinks being a teacher makes her better than everyone else. But these universities want more money so they can pay for the bloated administrations and luxuries they provide, while other countries just stick mostly to learning rather than funding the hot tubs and on-campus cafeterias, but in America it's all making money rather than education. Also, when you combine these power-tripping teachers and awful outdated proprietary software, it's a recipe for disaster.

I would also like to add that this idea that people are getting properly educated from college is completely ridiculous. The deadlines make it hard to even finish the textbook because I had to do 20 other quizzes and discussion board posts on top of writing an essay in the teachers specific format. I didn't even have time to properly learn from my textbook, but yet there are people and companies who think you are uneducated on a subject if you didn't waste thousands of dollars on a college degree. Tons of people also think you are an idiot if you didn't go to college based on a stupid piece of paper. college Is basically an expensive shit test. Going to college is overpaying for credentials so employers think you are employable. It could easily be better and actually teach people, but that doesn't make these universities enough money.

 

[The Ghost of Rarity]

There’s a guy that I’ve known for a while that I consider a personal lolcow. For years he has bitched about the government not giving him enough gibs and about how it’s corrupt and doesn’t care about crippled people. Well ever since Trump took office he has not been able to stop seething on Facebook. I don’t even think he’s slept since the inauguration, he just stays up all day and night thinking about what Drumpf/Elon will do that are personal attacks against him lol I’ll post some examples



The political brainrot is real, if you’re malding this hard over any political party it might be time to put the phone down and touch some grass

 

[my penis is on fire]

Recently had to share a condo with this specimen:

• Fat and balding
• Spotify consists of Taylor Swift, AJR, and Broadway music
• Can't fall asleep without TV noise in the background
• Narrates every thought in his head
• Eats a lot and in the most disgusting sounding way possible
• Watches phone while laptop loudly plays videos in the background (which is how I found out he's a BreadTube fan)
• Frequently late whenever he has to drive us somewhere
• Constantly coughing like his lungs are about to collapse
• Says 'beverage' instead of 'drink' like Jimmy Neutron from that one meme
• Roller coaster enthusiast
• Has that yellow equal sign bumper sticker on his car
• Looked at his phone looking at the Oscars nominations while crossing a crosswalk
• Bragged about how much money he spent on merch at the place we were at
• We had a 12-hour drive ahead of us. We agreed to split the driving into two 6 hour shifts. Third guy joins our carpool at the last minute, so we don't make him drive. I take the first shift, and drive through the night for my prescribed 6 hours. We switch drivers, Fats takes the wheel. Half an hour into his shift he goes "ughhh I'm too tired I can't do this" so the third guy volunteers to take over. Third guy drives for four hours before Fats decides he's ready again, then Fats drives the last bit of the trip.
  • I'm MATI not just cause he flaked out, but also because someone who wasn't supposed to drive had to pick up his slack

I've known theater kid types before, but never one as utterly stereotypical as him. It's like I encountered the living breathing avatar of Reddit. I'm thankful that I probably won't ever see him again.

 

[seri0us]

I'm thankful that I probably won't ever see him again.

is he moved out?
i hope this doesn't mean you killed him...

 

[my penis is on fire]

is he moved out?
i hope this doesn't mean you killed him...

 

[Generic Anime Girl]

Gonna keep this incredibly vague for my personal OPSEC benefit, but I've encountered a bonafide BDSM couple at the commuter college I attend. I've seen shit like this online, but I was lucky to not see this until the semester started. They always seem to be in the little library or the student center here when I go there to hang out or study, as if they're some horrible plague that's attached itself to me for the very purpose of making me cringe.

Both seem to be early to mid 20's. The girl is ethnically ambiguous, with an eyestraining purple-pink hairdo and wears a fucking dog collar with a chain that seems to be hiding in her sweatshirt. Short shorts with stockings and garters despite it being winter in the Northeast. I think she wears the same outfit every single time I see her. Her boyfriend or daddy dom or whatever is visibly overweight and wears a trenchcoat with one of those hats that all those guys wear in Peaky Blinders. Kinda looks like Fatrick.

They're always cuddling or touching eachother, everyone's giving them looks but they seem to lack a sense of shame. Usually couples are like that in public with PDA and shit, but you can smell it. Like smell whatever B.O. and weed they're smoking.

I saw the girl's backpack today. A bunch of pride pins for pseudosexualities I don't give a shit about, and the BDSM pride flag (sadly I've seen this one on a poorly-looked-over GLAAD handout from middle school but that's another story) and and stuff like Gir from Invader and Hello Kitty (poor baby, she shouldn't be included in this!)

And then I saw it: On both their bags, huge BadDragon patches. They are advertising their degeneracy out in the open. 2 year schools are fun.

 

[Fyrnite]

One of my long-tenured friends is becoming more and more like an armchair activist/revolutionist type. Always using her social statuses as a means to voice and share these upstanding values and stances to support causes like with transgenders. Following them up by saying "I will be a problem" when sharing particular images that say trans people fighting for rights are identifying themselves now as a problem. Everytime I look at her newsfeed, it's just cluttered with more of these things than showing that she has a life. Anything to get those sweet delicious brownie points of like-minded people, I guess. Not from me though.

I've yet to actually hear or see her partake in any protests or actually do anything worthwhile to support such strong beliefs.

 

[VF-1S Valkyrie]

I had a bit of a personal lolcow who went to local rock and metal shows at the same time I did.

To start with he was huge and smelly, which alone wouldn't be that notable; two of every three people at these shows are fat and smelly. The first sign of lolcowdom was repeatedly professing his love of Korn, and how he had been bullied by other black kids for liking Korn. Which isn't exactly unbelievable, black kids can be vicious when someone has interests that are arbitrarily too white, but the fact that he repeated this tale every time we would talk about music, no matter what band I would mention, was definitely some kind of warning flag in retrospect. Almost as though it wasn't liking Korn that was the issue, as opppsed to never shutting the fuck up about it.

The real fall into cowdom came with the womenfolk, naturally. Nu-metal fucktruck was nice enough in first impressions that people would stomach his eccentricities and socialize with him, but eventually he started this cycle of fixating on one of the broads in the scene, chatting her up 24/7 on social media like a human comfort blanket, professing love, and then inevitably getting rejected. His strategy for dealing with rejection was to crash out all over social media in highly visible and embarrasing fashion while complaining that people were being bigoted towards his autism and fucked up way of expressing himself. He fell hopelessly in love with his newest female metal friend three or four times, including someone who was already fucking engaged to a member of a semi-prominent local band, before people eventually just refused to associate with him at all.

Guy fell off my radar afterwards, but there it is; the story of my own personal scenecow.

 

[keep em' comin]

There was this guy I stumbled upon on steam.

I was in the elden ring steam forums, and out of nowhere i see a schizopost about bandai namco using bots to push "push wokeness and dei" and his examples were a random youtuber he doesn't like because not only likes loli (of course he is a lolifag), but because he stole and entire video from said youtuber. He has a extensive history of harassing people who do not go along with his delusion that everyone against him is a bot and he genuinely, unironically, and wholeheartedly thinks that anyone against him is a bot.

He also gets off to loli, shota, rape, gore, loli gore, transformation, barney, women shitting out of their tits, and babies with huge penises, and thinks liking it in any context is the exact same as liking something like smiling tree friends.
He is a failed youtuber, vtuber, and grifter, who likes to randomly bring up his schizo theroies to people who do not care (I mean like 20+ comment threads on people who literally do not care), who thinks it is acceptable to get off to what he gets off to, worst of all, he is a bald french Canadian (I did not facedox or dox him he just has a video up with his face.)

He thinks random scammers are examples of bots after him, he thinks weird people with weird youtube playlists are bots, he thinks anyone who donates to the youtuber he doesnt like is a bot, he claims me or any of my friends who I told about him and subsiquently made fun of him too were a bot.

3 failed youtube channels, a twitter where he orbits antiwoke grifters, and has a media tab full of nonsense memes, pics of his animals (dead or alive sometimes), loli, gore, and fucked up porn as you go down, and another account dedicated to harassing people and white knighting himself.

 

[PunishedTrover]

There is this guy I know who spergs out about his politics at anything brought up somehow tying it into see capitalism bad. He as of the end of last year never had a job in his life and will defend trannies with his life. I find it funny to mess with him by saying things he doesn’t like

 

[Average CEO Respecter]

More of a pending horrorcow but this dude was posting some sicko shit in chat, hitting on a mod and requesting her nudes, advocating for the age of consent to be lowered to 15, and just seems to be too edgy for me. He was brought to my attention by the mod of the server who, unfortunately, didn't save his VCs, but seems pretty disgusting

 

[toe_schnitzel6969]

Gonna keep this incredibly vague for my personal OPSEC benefit, but I've encountered a bonafide BDSM couple at the commuter college I attend. I've seen shit like this online, but I was lucky to not see this until the semester started. They always seem to be in the little library or the student center here when I go there to hang out or study, as if they're some horrible plague that's attached itself to me for the very purpose of making me cringe.

Both seem to be early to mid 20's. The girl is ethnically ambiguous, with an eyestraining purple-pink hairdo and wears a fucking dog collar with a chain that seems to be hiding in her sweatshirt. Short shorts with stockings and garters despite it being winter in the Northeast. I think she wears the same outfit every single time I see her. Her boyfriend or daddy dom or whatever is visibly overweight and wears a trenchcoat with one of those hats that all those guys wear in Peaky Blinders. Kinda looks like Fatrick.

They're always cuddling or touching eachother, everyone's giving them looks but they seem to lack a sense of shame. Usually couples are like that in public with PDA and shit, but you can smell it. Like smell whatever B.O. and weed they're smoking.

I saw the girl's backpack today. A bunch of pride pins for pseudosexualities I don't give a shit about, and the BDSM pride flag (sadly I've seen this one on a poorly-looked-over GLAAD handout from middle school but that's another story) and and stuff like Gir from Invader and Hello Kitty (poor baby, she shouldn't be included in this!)

And then I saw it: On both their bags, huge BadDragon patches. They are advertising their degeneracy out in the open. 2 year schools are fun.

He's a neckbeard and she's a legbeard. As disgusting as this may sound, they're made for eachother - a perfect match.

 

[Average CEO Respecter]

More of a pending horrorcow but this dude was posting some sicko shit in chat, hitting on a mod and requesting her nudes, advocating for the age of consent to be lowered to 15, and just seems to be too edgy for me. He was brought to my attention by the mod of the server who, unfortunately, didn't save his VCs, but seems pretty disgusting

More info on this guy pan_liska on Discord. Turns out another user found this guy trying to get with a 16 year old femboy. Also, here is a pic of the Russian groomer gooner. Note the effort to appear younger than he is(he is in his 30s) to appeal to younger people

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

Former co worker of mine. Poor guy gave this nasty woman about $200 a week for years on end.
We did the math: he'd given her possibly $100,000 over the years.
Also let her use his car.
He moved out of his family home, b/c the girl promised she'd "take care of him" and he wouldn't have to cook or clean.
Of course that fell through. He cannot move back into his family home b/c his sister and brother hate him.
He's also in his mid 60's and has M.S.
I feel bad for him. He'll never learn.
We tried to tell him to NOT move out of his house.
We tried to tell him to stop giving money to "The Girl" as we call her, and invest it.
It's sad. Have no idea what he is doing now.

I read an insane comment on Reddit and checked their history to see if they were for real or just trolling. They're real, and now they are my very own, lolcow. The person (who goes by the name wholepie5) is a fatty who's always going on about "real-sized women," wants to add "wos" (woman of size") to the lgbt alphabet soup, and has severe anger issues. She had a job once and was fired, but she refuses to look for another. She wants her boyfriend to buy an expensive truck (that she will also drive), but doesn't want him to negotiate the price because that's "low class." She also doesn't want him to buy a Switch2, because she wants him to use that money to buy her dinner. Also, she's too lazy to turn off the water when she's not using it.

View attachment 6895474View attachment 6895475View attachment 6895476

I hate people that waste water.
And it's obvious the fat slug has never had to pay a bill.

 

[Average CEO Respecter]

This pan_liska dude has officially added zoophile to his list of sins as his youtube channel has an entire playlist dedicated to horses shitting and pissing and animals fucking. Potential horrorcow in the making if he keeps sperging on random discord servers and calls

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

More info on this guy pan_liska on Discord. Turns out another user found this guy trying to get with a 16 year old femboy. Also, here is a pic of the Russian groomer gooner. Note the effort to appear younger than he is(he is in his 30s) to appeal to younger people


View attachment 6951375View attachment 6952052

Yeah, he is trying to appear younger, something I didn't pick up on till you pointed it out.

 

[Bad as Can]

Another one from the YouTube algorithm. This guy claims to be an Ivy league grad and runs a math tutoring business in Lynchburg, VA (the town that CWC lives near). He has this kino rant about how all lazy and non-church going men should be avoided at all costs:

He claims that he lives "off-grid" but he really just lives in town and loves using candles. The audio in this video makes it sound very ominous:

His origin story he filmed 3 months ago with an ancient webcam. He also wrote a $30 biography.

Here are the prices for his tutoring service. I'm not with familiar with how much tutoring should cost but these prices do seem pretty high.


https://citytutoringmath.com/ (A)

 

[Local Fed]

Another one from the YouTube algorithm. This guy claims to be an Ivy league grad and runs a math tutoring business in Lynchburg, VA (the town that CWC lives near). He has this kino rant about how all lazy and non-church going men should be avoided at all costs:

He claims that he lives "off-grid" but he really just lives in town and loves using candles. The audio in this video makes it sound very ominous:

His origin story he filmed 3 months ago with an ancient webcam. He also wrote a $30 biography.

Here are the prices for his tutoring service. I'm not with familiar with how much tutoring should cost but these prices do seem pretty high.

View attachment 6960753
https://citytutoringmath.com/ (A)

He talks as if he based his voice off of Daniel Day Lewis' character 'Daniel Plainview' in There Will Be Blood, especially in that second video.

 

[toe_schnitzel6969]

Another one from the YouTube algorithm. This guy claims to be an Ivy league grad and runs a math tutoring business in Lynchburg, VA (the town that CWC lives near). He has this kino rant about how all lazy and non-church going men should be avoided at all costs:

He claims that he lives "off-grid" but he really just lives in town and loves using candles. The audio in this video makes it sound very ominous:

His origin story he filmed 3 months ago with an ancient webcam. He also wrote a $30 biography.

Here are the prices for his tutoring service. I'm not with familiar with how much tutoring should cost but these prices do seem pretty high.

View attachment 6960753
https://citytutoringmath.com/ (A)

This guy takes his 1960s larp way too seriously

 

[The Pierrot]

Got a few from some relatively private spaces online. No names to avoid revealing too much.

Spoiler: MMO Infidelity

This one's a guildmate from a certain game that's already in Community Watch.
She and a male member of the guild interacted normally for a time and I was there when she was talking to someone else about him. She said that he was giving gifts to her of random items and she said that she hoped that he knew that she was already married. We knew the guy just liked giving gifts to everyone else in the guild at random while hanging out with them, so we just said it was normal and nothing to worry about.

Fast forward a week later, the two of them were suddenly acting very romantic with each other in the chat for everyone to see. Giving pet names, using affectionate emotes, flirting with each others, and even wearing matching couple outfits. They were attached to the hip since then, where they'd play for pretty much both of the entirety of their free times together and, at one point, the woman even pulled an all-nighter just to stay awake until he came online again and they continued from there. She insists that her husband is okay with this, and has made it pretty clear to everyone that she was the one who initiated this weird relationship. They are also prone to PDA in the guild chat or when the guild gets together to do things.

At one point the two of them had some sort of relationship crisis and vented about things to one of the other members. It sounded bad enough that they might've broken it off, but the very next day they were together again like absolutely nothing happened the day before. After this, they even pooled their in-game funds to buy a house to live in together, and they spent several hours inside just privately chatting with one another doing god-knows-what.

The guild has a party sometime ago and the guy was chatting with one of the other male members of the guild since they were friends. At one point while they were talking, she said, completely unprompted, that "If [she] were to lose [him] to someone, then she would hope that it would be [the other guy]." All present collectively decided to pretend they didn't see that. She had also apparently questioned the same guy at one point because he had a personal greeting for him, one that was completely innocuous and solely due to an in-joke.

I don't know what the hell is going on in her life. She's not only emotionally cheating on her husband with another man, but also feels the need to ensure that we're all witnesses to the infidelity and has some kind of weird fantasy about her e-boyfriend being stolen away by a man.

Spoiler: Two Miscellaneous Discord Stories

- Once ended up stumbling into a Discord server where the owner of the server was trying to groom their moderator into joining a polycule with him and the co-owner. He freaked out in the server and told the mod that he was uncomfortable with the fact the mod was having consistently friendly interactions with some rando. This eventually led to him having a mental breakdown and shutting down the entire server over the mod's friendship with said rando. Oddly enough, he plugged another server (a mental health one, of course) that he was planning on setting up during the announcement of the server's closure but didn't give anyone any sort of info they'd need to find it.

- Another server had a moderator that was a rabiesexual who was also a Plural that claimed to have an alter that was "very mean and edgy and was proud of it" (despite being able to not only switch between them on command, but also acted virtually indistinguishable from her usual self). She eventually chimped out at a former mod of the server and banned them while the other mods tried sweep the incident under the rug. Last I heard, the former moderator, despite no longer being around, caused her to seethe so much that she was forced to step down and was booted from the server over a year later. The rest of the mods deleted and remade the server from scratch over the incident.