How many five-year-olds could you beat in a fight?

[Doktor Grimm]

Assume you're in a 15m wide circular pit & your opponents are all released at once from the edges of the arena. Each one is a perfect clone of a randomly selected, currently living five-year-old, except their normal kid thoughts have been replaced with pure murderous intent. For each one you successfully neutralise, you are rewarded $10. No weapons.

What's the maximum number you'd be willing to take on?

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

depends if they re too dumb or too uncoordinated to be able to attack me all at once. if not i think i could take plenty of them. if they did manage to attack all together, i think 10 of them would be my limit.

 

[Broseph]

How big are these five year olds? As long as they're not jacked up on growth hormones then I should be okay.

 

[Cat tit bingo]

I mean once I trip one and stomp it's head into a bloody pancake the rest will probably lose most of there moral. Still even if they have zero fear I could probably kill at least 15

 

[The Cringe Connoisseur]

Are they normal 5 year olds or are they autists with ear shattering screeches and retard strength?

 

[Doktor Grimm]

Are they normal 5 year olds or are they autists with ear shattering screeches and retard strength?

They're randomly selected. If you roll a screaming autist, then bad luck.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

I imagine as many as possible until I'm too physically exhausted.

My plan would be to grab the first one that charges and swing him around by the feet, clobbering and incapacitating the others. I am also very skilled and controlling my chi energy and can make very powerful chi energy balls.

 

[Daddy's Angry Juice]

I've had this argument before and it's somewhere between 10-15, anything more than that and you better be roided up or have the stamina of an Olympian.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

if you slap the first one so hard he's still feeling it at 15 the rest of those bed wetters will just cower in fear and give up

 

[We Are The Witches]

I've had this argument before and it's somewhere between 10-15, anything more than that and you better be roided up or have the stamina of an Olympian.

Not really, they're talking about 5 year olds.

If they are indeed murderous, you'd kick them in the jaw with ease & without hesitation; they'd drop like flies.

---

Exhaustion would be the limiting factor, I think I could comfortably fight 40 or so.

But you're not really forcing anyone, just incentivizing people with 10$ per kid, how about I say no.

 

[SandyCat]

I can barely take on my 6 year old niece so I'd say maybe 1 and a quarter 5 year olds

 

[Daddy's Angry Juice]

Not really, they're talking about 5 year olds.

If they are indeed murderous, you'd kick them in the jaw with ease & without hesitation; they'd drop like flies.

---

Exhaustion would be the limiting factor, I think I could comfortably fight 40 or so.

But you're not really forcing anyone, just incentivizing people with 10$ per kid, how about I say no.

Nigga, theyre coming all at once, and children have weight, With the average 5 year old being around 40 pounds, theyre basically 40 pound weights with arms and legs that can grab on to you, 10 of those sonsabitches is 400 pounds. Unless youre a professional powerlifter, you are going to the ground, there is no way in fucking hell youre taking on 40.

 

[OrionBalls]

I've done this before. It took eight of those suckers to bring me down.

 

[We Are The Witches]

Nigga, theyre coming all at once, and children have weight, With the average 5 year old being around 40 pounds, theyre basically 40 pound weights with arms and legs that can grab on to you, 10 of those sonsabitches is 400 pounds. Unless youre a professional powerlifter, you are going to the ground, there is no way in fucking hell youre taking on 40.

That's about 18 Kilograms for each one, less than I expected.

You're focusing too much on the total numbers anyway, without considering their skill, agility and strength. 40 pounds doesn't mean much when in less than a second it's 40 pounds lying on the ground having a seizure.

You'd have trouble if you just stand there like an idiot waiting, instead of stampeding to them and start blasting. They're five year olds, and not made of iron covered in super glue; 40 is a comfortable number to defeat.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

I'd probably just pick one and really make an example out of them so all the other children learn the hierarchy of the pack. Then as the new alpha I'd tell my child squad that it's time to rise up, we need to spring the other children.
Using their help to climb out of the pit, we'd free the countless child clones from the holding rooms and take over the arena, destroying any goons who stand in our way and seizing the coffers.

At that point I'd take control of the murder child cloning technology and use it to create an entire army of child soldiers.

From there I'd probably become like a basic African warlord, arming the children (or rather the violent child-shaped clones) and using them to gain regional power. Eventually using our overwhelming power we would usher in a 5th reich.

Unfortunately all the children are only happy when they're conquering, so once we reach a point of political stability with me as the new leader of the world they'd all be really dissatisfied and probably become an underclass of thugs, indulging their instincts through crimes of violence.

I would slowly become more decadent and out of touch with the people, and right under my nose a new leader would capitalize on the dissatisfaction among the murder children population and start a coup, eventually cornering me in my palace and executing me. The tides of revolution never cease.

 

[The Cringe Connoisseur]

They're randomly selected. If you roll a screaming autist, then bad luck.

Fuck. Aight are we doing this street style or are we talking pay per view WWE championship steel cage shit?

 

[Freshly Baked Socks]

I think I could take on an infinite amount of 5-year olds, if I had a skateboard and a slight downhill.

 

[Rick Nekieta]

Zero, if the five year olds are grizzly bears.

 

[draggs]

Niggas are both under and over estimating 5 year olds here

Get your back against a wall and your feet firmly planted and you could hold out for a while. The skull of a 5 year old is still pretty thin and soft. Rabbit punch those little shits you'll be able to take a lot of them before you get too tired or fuck up your hands and wrists too much to keep going. But if they come at you from all sides you aren't gonna stay upright long

tldr an adult male even grossly out of shape should be able to take several dozen rage zombie 5 year olds minimum

 

[Rick Nekieta]

Get your back against a wall and your feet firmly planted and you could hold out for a while. The skull of a 5 year old is still pretty thin and soft. Rabbit punch those little shits you'll be able to take a lot of them before you get too tired or fuck up your hands and wrists too much to keep going

This is where it falls apart. You could maim a dozen for every one you had to entirely kill. Do you merely have to fight to the point of deterring the attack, physical incapacitation or death. This is not insignificant. The amount of energy it takes to kill is far more than to incapacitate, especially if you can force a surrender. Your hand might be able to knock a lot of children senseless and harmless, but caving skulls will leave significant impacts on your hand bones.