Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[NoReturn]

Dove sponcon feat. her Tedx dress

 

[Clotso Coof]

Dove sponcon feat. her Tedx dress

The Tedx talk was "one of my proudest moments", but she never posted the video?

She's blocking a third of her body in the photo with her head in that Tiktok. You'd think she'd want to show the whole photo, even if only for a few seconds.

 

[Uncle_Teds_Cabin25]

I wonder how she would fair (fare) on America's Next Top Model?
That would be a fun little episode. Tyra Banks and her crew were cruel to the contestants on there, and petty.
I don't feel sorry for Holliday, but I feel terrible for her children.

 

[Dr. Butt]

thought it was as simple as what Shane did

Fucking a cat?

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

She's STILL using that cherry graphic in her name?

I suspect that's her way to signal to Chubby Chasers that she's "available" for "side jobs"

 

[Soup Sammiches]

Dove sponcon feat. her Tedx dress
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This is way outside my wheelhouse. I have one picture I took of myself in the past 20 years. I'll stick with weed, narcissism is way too harsh a drug.

Ed. to add detail.

 

[The Hardest R]

She's STILL using that cherry graphic in her name?

I suspect that's her way to signal to Chubby Chasers that she's "available" for "side jobs"

She thinks it’s clever but it’s two cherries and not one. It’s actually perfect for her.

TESS HLLIDAY would be much more appropriate.

TESS HLLIDAY would be even better.

 

[PatrickButtmanJr.]

The “I’m not the Tess you thought y’all knew” thing is annoying because she moos nonstop about how she doesn’t care about her haydurs. She never once took dieting advice from anyone anyway. She’s said that phrase a few times over the last few weeks so I’m guessing she heard someone she likes say it and decided to imitate it like a retarded parrot.

Tess is nothing but a mindless puppet who will endlessly repeat anything that's the fad du jour, especially if it's from Black Culture.

When Megan Thee Stallion had that song that all the kids were dancing on Tik Tok to the "BODY YODY ODDY" part, Tess just had to jump on that bandwagon (thus breaking the wheels).

I'll bet she ganked that line from some popular Black influencer, so she can look like some Unbothered Southern Queen, Y'all!

Tess is the embodiment of that Steve Buscemi "HOW DO YOU DO, FELLOW YOUTHS?" meme.

 

[Dr. Butt]

TESS HLLIDAY

:islamic:

I'll bet she ganked that line from some popular Black influencer, so she can look like some Unbothered Southern Queen, Y'all!

The term "digital blackface" sounds retarded, but honestly, do we think white social media addicts are using "y'all" and "bet" to sound like Lurleen Lumpkin/Paula White types? No they are not.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

Dove sponcon feat. her Tedx dress
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I'm gonna put my tinfoil hat on for a moment. After months (years?) of no sponsorships, she suddenly has not one, but two brand deals. One of those brands is a massive company that's been a household name for decades. I've seen plenty of sponsor bait from the cows I follow here. Straight up lying about a brand partnership isn't too big of a leap. Dove has enough marketing campaigns going on at any given time that someone like Mess could fly under their radar (this was a minor plot point in the game Simulacra 2, so I'm not sure how realistic of a possibility this is)

 

[The Hardest R]

Tubbers occasionally gets something out of her league, primarily because of her past. They never last or they just end up embarrassing her further, like the Italy trip or the TEDx talk. These opportunities leave as quickly as they arrive. She doesn’t deserve these occasional opportunities to begin with but they go away quickly because people find out who she really is and a little bit of balance gets restored to the world.

 

[No Thank You v 2.0]

I'm gonna put my tinfoil hat on for a moment. After months (years?) of no sponsorships, she suddenly has not one, but two brand deals. One of those brands is a massive company that's been a household name for decades. I've seen plenty of sponsor bait from the cows I follow here. Straight up lying about a brand partnership isn't too big of a leap. Dove has enough marketing campaigns going on at any given time that someone like Mess could fly under their radar (this was a minor plot point in the game Simulacra 2, so I'm not sure how realistic of a possibility this is)

For some reason I seem to recall that the Glow Recipe ad she did a long while back (where she struggles to put her foot on the edge of a bathtub) was a “spec” ad, meaning she created an ad for free, then submitted it or somehow got them to notice it, which lead to some kind of official/sanctioned brand partnership. I could be mistaken, but spec ads are common for up-and-coming media producers to add to their reels for self-promotion, and if she did it with Glow Recipe, she might think it’s possible with Dove, too. Dove is known for these kinds of ads, it’s possible it’s legit, but Tess is also a known scammer.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Tess’s thoughts of the day: gratitude and yummy treats

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Gratitude? Ryann? Lady, you know not the meaning of the word and you have a whole line of ex-clients/'friends' who can verify that.

The only thing she has gratitude for is the fast food industry.

 

[cactus]

Gratitude? Ryann? Lady, you know not the meaning of the word and you have a whole line of ex-clients/'friends' who can verify that.

The only thing she has gratitude for is the fast food industry.

Then it all makes sense, anything good or bad happens? She's eatin'.

 

[The Hardest R]

Tess’s thoughts of the day: gratitude and yummy treats

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Gratitude? Ryann? Lady, you know not the meaning of the word and you have a whole line of ex-clients/'friends' who can verify that.

The only thing she has gratitude for is the fast food industry.

It’s not even actual gratitude, she admits it right away that it’s still all about herself. She has no idea what gratitude means. Once again it’s one of those things where she likely saw it from someone she liked who got praised for having gratitude so now she does it as well. I’m sure this applies to all sorts of things she pretends to be an expert on.

 

[Cherry Milk]

Tess and her Starbucksification of anything vaguely spiritual.

"Pour into yourself", Tess, you've poured way too much.

 

[Brickley]

You’re a beautiful dewy angel who deserves a sweet treat

This is the only thought that goes through her head all day as she perpetually gulps down sugar slurries and slathers her face with slime.

 

[My cravat doesn't flutter]

For some reason I seem to recall that the Glow Recipe ad she did a long while back (where she struggles to put her foot on the edge of a bathtub) was a “spec” ad, meaning she created an ad for free, then submitted it or somehow got them to notice it, which lead to some kind of official/sanctioned brand partnership. I could be mistaken, but spec ads are common for up-and-coming media producers to add to their reels for self-promotion, and if she did it with Glow Recipe, she might think it’s possible with Dove, too. Dove is known for these kinds of ads, it’s possible it’s legit, but Tess is also a known scammer.

We really live in the worst timeline. People are advertising for free for billion-dollar corporations in order to make themselves look successful. They are begging to be billboards. How truly dystopian.

 

[vanilla_pepsi_head]

“With cuts to DEI, I’m hustling harder than ever”

What!? Why?! How???? How does DEI affect Tess AT ALL?? She doesn’t have a job.

At least Tess is acknowledging that the only reason she ever saw any real income from modeling was because she came along right around the time DEI was at its most ridiculous. It was the "in" thing to have a model or two with vitiligo, a prosthetic leg, super morbid obesity, tattoos, etc as a novelty (and of course a few trannies and they/them fuckwits peppered in), GLP-1s hadn't caught on yet so all the fat fucks chose to just cope about it, hence the popularity of HAES/body positivity/fat feminism. She totally was a diversity hire, her entire schtick was just "moddle, but fat". (And I guess maybe her flimsy bullshit about being "LGBT" and a "person of color" but I don't think anyone took that seriously). Work probably would be drying up for her now, so blaming DEI cuts for her dead career is an easy out. She's way too egotistical to admit shit's been fucked for a few years now because she sucked at being a model, was too dumb and lazy to pivot to another job in the industry, and embarrasses herself every time she opens her mouth. Realizing she's the token fatass is actually more self-awareness from her than I expected.