Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
What kind of retarded revisionism is this? The prequels are maligned not because of the story they tried to tell (though that is a valid criticism as they are emblematic of the unnecessarily granular level of detail forced into franchises since Star Wars) but because they were fundamentally poor at telling a story at all. People point to Lucas as the reason for this because you can see the exact point the people around him gave up (or were replaced with yes-men) at pointing out when his ideas went from good to retarded: i.e. when the Ewoks show up. RLM simply had the vocabulary to describe what John Q. Moviegoer would struggle to articulate.

I do admit George had his issues—he needed someone to wrangle him and refine his ideas. However, RLM's stance of "George Lucas is the worst thing ever. Bring J.J. Abrams to save Star Wars" was hilariously proven wrong by The Sequels. In fact, Abrams created one of the worst movies in the entire franchise, featuring cringe worthy dialogue that is worse than even Lucas at his worst: "Somehow Palpatine returned" and "They fly now." Which wasn't that one of RLM's complaints? I see no improvement there.

Say what you will about the prequels, but much of the material introduced there has carried the franchise hard ever since the axing of the Expanded Universe. I've yet to see Filoni or Disney create something as enduring or popular.
 
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Bring J.J. Abrams to save Star Wars" was hilariously proven wrong by The Sequels
Their stance was to have Abrams direct the movie, not write it. The comparison was made to the Star Trek reboot, a movie he only directed. This idea that the sequel trilogy had movies Abrams wrote were bad, which means an argument RLM never actually made invalidates their criticism of the prequel trilogy, making those movies misunderstood at worst, is retardation.
 
For my two cents on the Mando armor. I like how the old EU basically showed it change through time periods. In the Tales of the Jedi era it's very individualized while still having the same general silhouette. Makes sense when you're bringing the clans together for a galactic war. When they're reformed into the Neo Crusaders under Mandalore the Ultimate and Cassus Fett they get the neo-crusader armor and put everyone into. Befitting and more "professional army" route the new leaders wanted them to take for Galactic War 2: Electric Boogaloo. After getting spanked again, you see people break off and start readopting the individualized look with the same silhouette, which continued to the end of the timeline as Mandalore was never able to become a galactic player again.
I always preferred Boba to Jango. The washed green, and obvious damage showed that the armor was good, and actually used. That dent in the helmet was supposed to be a kill shot from someone, but he's still standing, and back talking Darth Vader of all people.
 
What I always found more suspicious was how Obi Wan never picked up that Palpatine was a Sith, during the opening scene of the 3rd film. Papaltine very clearly used to the force when he ordered Anakin to kill Dooku. Obi Wan should have used basic deductive reasoning, to put together what Count Dooku previously said (there's a Sith extremely high in the Senate orchestrating everything) & how Papaltine has had his wrinkly hands in everything that's been going on since that Nabu blockade.
As someone stated earlier, Obi Wan was knocked out when this happened so he had no clue. It was so blatant though that Obi Wan would have thought "what the fuck?" had he been awake, and later on in the movie Obi Wan is very suspicious of Palpatine anyway, as well as all of the council really since they were so close to busting Palpatine before Order 66.

It is important to note that a lot of the Jedi's senses were clouded by Palpatine all the time, Yoda claims multiple times throughout the prequels that the force is clouded and he can't sense much or see anything in the force much, the books showed us this was Palpatine and Plagueis' doing, and Palpatine was using it all the time. So Yoda and the rest of the jedi had no clue what was going on. Mace Windu was the guy that was actually the closest to putting the pieces together and figuring it out but he was too late.
 
I do admit George had his issues—he needed someone to wrangle him and refine his ideas. However, RLM's stance of "George Lucas is the worst thing ever. Bring J.J. Abrams to save Star Wars" was hilariously proven wrong by The Sequels. In fact, Abrams created one of the worst movies in the entire franchise, featuring cringe worthy dialogue that is worse than even Lucas at his worst: "Somehow Palpatine returned" and "They fly now." Which wasn't that one of RLM's complaints? I see no improvement there.
Criticizing Lucas was one thing; the rest of Hollywood's critics already did that. Suggesting that JJ Abrams was the man to fix the job? That proved RLM don't give a shit about Star Wars outside of the superficial shit. I'd have sooner dragged in Peter Jackson to work with Timothy Zahn and Drew Karpyshyn to craft the new SW movies. At least Jackson already proved his mettle with the Lord of the Rings films. Making him do more fantasy films would work, and SW is part sci-fi, part fantasy, hence the term "Space Fantasy" being used to describe it.

Say what you will about the prequels, but much of the material introduced there has carried the franchise hard ever since the axing of the Expanded Universe. I've yet to see Filoni or Disney create something as enduring or popular.
Hell, Filoni's best work practically hangs onto the Prequels' balls. TCW wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the Prequel Trilogy, and it is set in the Prequel Trilogy Era. Literally, Dave's most successful fanfic exists because of the PT.

For my two cents on the Mando armor. I like how the old EU basically showed it change through time periods. In the Tales of the Jedi era it's very individualized while still having the same general silhouette. Makes sense when you're bringing the clans together for a galactic war. When they're reformed into the Neo Crusaders under Mandalore the Ultimate and Cassus Fett they get the neo-crusader armor and put everyone into. Befitting and more "professional army" route the new leaders wanted them to take for Galactic War 2: Electric Boogaloo. After getting spanked again, you see people break off and start readopting the individualized look with the same silhouette, which continued to the end of the timeline as Mandalore was never able to become a galactic player again.
I always preferred Boba to Jango. The washed green, and obvious damage showed that the armor was good, and actually used. That dent in the helmet was supposed to be a kill shot from someone, but he's still standing, and back talking Darth Vader of all people.
Boba Fett's armor is iconic, but from a practical standpoint, the enemy can hit your limbs and neck. Hence why I liked the Neo-Crusader armor more since it covered most of the body, and the mask protects the neck, so you wouldn't get decapitated like Jango on Geonosis.
 
But then you can't look around without looking like Tim Burton's Batman.
I suppose you can have a beskar chain mail neck-cover.
I've recently be re-reading through the Dark Horse comics in order and they actually show what the hood is in the KotOR comic.

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Looks like some sort of cloth with metal plates in it with the actual head protecting being a regular helmet on its own.
 
I've recently be re-reading through the Dark Horse comics in order and they actually show what the hood is in the KotOR comic.

View attachment 7083822View attachment 7083833
Looks like some sort of cloth with metal plates in it with the actual head protecting being a regular helmet on its own.
Which is way better than having an open neck for a Jedi to take a lightsaber through.
 
"Trump is le Heckin Emperor ! and your his stormtroopers !!"
This cringed my spine out hard.

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How dare they compare the glorious Emperor to that failed orange turd. Palpatine is ten times the man Trump is, and a thousand times smarter. If he was in the White House now, Palpatine would expand the state and create more jobs, while subsidizing domestic manufacturing so as to return manufacturing to the USA without creating stupid tariff wars. He'd keep the rich on a short leash and manifest the power of the state through both a cult of personality and a ruthless machine of state meritocracy where success is rewarded and failure is barely tolerated.

Palpatine's machinations and PR moves will have East Asia, the European Union, and the US Congress dancing to his tune. It wouldn't take him long to flatten Russia and Red China. Then once he's done, he'll crown himself Emperor of the world, and both the US Congress and the UN will gladly cheer him on when that happens.

I know he's the villain, but come on, let's be real here!

Also, if Dooku was in Putin's shoes, Kyiv would've fallen within the hour 3 years ago.
 
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This cringed my spine out hard.

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So uh.....assuming Anakin is Marco Rubio in this equation does this mean he is gonna breed AOC and then Uncle Boiney is gonna adopt the mixed-beaner offspring?

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average sequel trilogy enjoyer
I mean seriously ChatGPT could have wrote a better follow-up to Return of the Jedi
Aight, lets feed and sneed it into the machine and see what it shits out

"Write a concise synopsis and storyline for a sequel trilogy to the original Star Wars trilogy, with no reference or input from the existing Disney Sequel Trilogy. The story involves characters from the original Star Wars movies, however it focuses on newly created original characters. Arrange the result in three parts, one for each of the movies."

Star Wars: The Celestial War Trilogy
Episode VII – The Shroud of Destiny
Synopsis:

Decades after the fall of the Empire, the New Republic struggles to maintain order as warlords and remnants of the Imperial fleet regroup in the Outer Rim. Luke Skywalker has vanished, seeking ancient Jedi knowledge to restore the Order, while Leia Organa leads the Republic’s political and military efforts. A new force—The Eclipsed, a mysterious faction wielding a corrupted version of the Force—emerges from the Unknown Regions, threatening to consume both the Jedi and the Republic.

Storyline:
Young pilot and scavenger Kael Voss, a former Republic cadet disillusioned by galactic politics, stumbles upon an ancient Sith artifact on a distant world. Unbeknownst to him, the artifact is tied to Darth Noctis, an enigmatic figure who leads the Eclipsed and seeks to unravel the balance of the Force. Kael crosses paths with Seren Juno, a warrior monk from a lost Force tradition, and Garron Dain, a Republic Intelligence officer investigating an Eclipsed infiltration within the Senate.

As the Eclipsed launch their first attack, Leia sends her son, Joren Syndara, a reluctant Jedi apprentice, to find Luke. Meanwhile, Kael and Seren uncover an ancient star map revealing a hidden Jedi sanctuary. Kael, drawn to the dark energy of the artifact, begins experiencing visions of Darth Noctis, who tempts him with power. The film ends with Luke’s return, warning that the true war has just begun.

Episode VIII – The Eternal Storm
Synopsis:

With war erupting across the galaxy, the New Republic fractures under political turmoil and fear. Luke Skywalker begins training Kael and Joren to resist the Eclipsed’s growing influence, but Kael’s connection to the dark artifact weakens his resolve. The Republic Senate is on the verge of collapse as Darth Noctis’s agents manipulate key leaders from within.

Storyline:
As the Eclipsed push forward, Leia’s forces are forced to retreat to hidden bases. Kael, Seren, and Joren embark on a quest to locate the mythical Echo Core, a lost Jedi repository said to contain knowledge capable of resisting the Eclipsed’s dark influence. However, Kael’s internal conflict intensifies, and when confronted by Darth Noctis, he is forced to choose between his friends and the overwhelming power Noctis offers.

Meanwhile, Garron Dain discovers that a high-ranking Republic official, Chancellor Vel Orlen, has secretly aligned with the Eclipsed. Before he can expose the conspiracy, he is captured and tortured. Luke and Leia mount a desperate rescue, but in the ensuing battle, Luke sacrifices himself to protect Kael and Joren. In his final moments, Luke tells Kael, “Your destiny is still unwritten.”

Shattered by Luke’s death, the Jedi struggle to unite. Kael, consumed by guilt, vanishes into exile, while Joren, now resolved, steps forward as the leader of the Jedi resistance. Darth Noctis, having manipulated events to fracture the Republic and Jedi alike, declares that the final phase of his plan is at hand—the rebirth of the Sith.

Episode IX – Twilight of the Force
Synopsis:

The galaxy stands on the brink of oblivion. The Republic is in ruins, and Darth Noctis’s forces have begun their final campaign to seize control. Joren Syndara leads a desperate band of Jedi and rebels to mount a last stand. Meanwhile, Kael Voss, haunted by visions of Luke and his own failures, must make a choice—remain in hiding or embrace his destiny.

Storyline:
As the Eclipsed prepare to activate an ancient Sith superweapon hidden in the Unknown Regions, Joren and Seren lead an assault to stop them. Garron Dain, having escaped captivity, uncovers the final piece of Noctis’s plan—he intends to merge his essence with the Force itself, corrupting it entirely.

Kael, realizing he alone can resist Noctis’s influence due to his connection to the dark artifact, returns and challenges the Sith Lord. In a climactic duel, Kael outsmarts Noctis, using the artifact’s power against him. However, Noctis attempts to possess Kael’s mind, forcing him to make the ultimate sacrifice—allowing himself to be consumed to destroy Noctis from within.

With Noctis vanquished, the Eclipsed collapse, and the galaxy begins its long road to recovery. Joren assumes leadership of the new Jedi Order, while Leia works to rebuild a more just Republic. In the final scene, a lone figure—cloaked in white—retrieves Kael’s lost lightsaber, hinting that his legacy is not yet over.

The Force endures. The cycle continues.

THE END.

I mean....its pretty fucking bad as can be expected in a generic "fanfic by committee" sort of way but I can't honestly say its worse than what the actual sequel movies offered
 
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Apologies in advance for barging into the thread apropos of nothing, but I randomly just remembered Leia walking past Chewie to hug Ray StarWars and I need to share with literally anybody how angry the memory made me. Fuck Abrams, fuck Kennedy, fuck Johnson, fuck Disney.
Yeah but at the end of TROS Chewie finally got his medal so it all evens out.

Seriously, I still am trying to fucking fathom the thought process of "we have to make it Chewie's final plot point that he gets the Medal he was not seen to have gotten in ANH" beyond this easily explained and exceedingly minor trivia point having become fixated on by reddit retards in the prior few years, as it is not only utterly fucking pointless but it implies he was unfairly denied his medal for decades for some reason in-universe and none of his friends gave a shit.
 
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