Mass Effect Andromeda: Shitstorm Edition - RIP Biowear

[Ginger Piglet]

To be fair Witcher 1 was a bit sexist with those cards and Geralt's inability to keep it in his pants. The whole collecting naughty postcards of his conquests was mega cringeworthy and they did right to dispense with it thereafter. But to say W3 is sexist is just factually wrong. Velen and Novigrad are warts and all depictions of eastern Europe circa 1400 and in any event... Triss, Yen, Shani, Anna and Tamara Strenger, Keira Metz, Ciri, Cerys an Craite...

Bioware, on the other hand, reduces its depiction of women and LGBT to bad stereotypes. Sera the obvious lipstick lesbian, Iron Bull the bear, Dorian the effete gay wizard, Cassandra the bossy mare... See what I mean?

Also, please, @Ponderous Pillock tell me that the big bad being a power cut isn't real...

 

[Lazuli]

Isn't the ugliness intentional because beauty standards or some shit?

Intentional uglyness has become a thing in "progressive" Western developers lately, but only really with the females. Here's the characters next to their voice actresses.

I suppose the idea is to attract more female players. Since most shows women like are shows with attractive male leads like Supernatural, while female leads women like would be comparable to Sex and the City.

Here's the voice actresses for Tom Clancy's - The Division

I suspect the entire staff of Bioware Canada and Ubisoft Sweden have Tumblr accounts

 

[Iä! Iä!]

View attachment 187372

View attachment 187373

These chins would make Jay Leno proud.

 

[Mater Lachrymarum]

okay, but in Division, the character models don't have that uncanny valley aspect to them. They're average looking women instead of fish-people trying to pass as human.

I suspect that Bioware and EA are being cheap here and hiding this behing 'statement'. Let's compare it to a game from two years ago which was in development for much longer, Metal Gear Solid 5.
We had Quiet, that like Ryder, was modeled after a real life woman that was also a model. Quiet also didn't wore make-up in the game and she looked fine. She looked, well, just like her 'source material'. I don't think EA doesn't have access to motion-capture and body scan technology. If they cared about making their game look good, they would do it.

And in Witcher 3, we have a lot of average-looking female NPCs that didn't made me yell "What's wrong with your faaaaaaaace!" like Mr Plinkett.

 

[Lazuli]

okay, but in Division, the character models don't have that uncanny valley aspect to them. They're average looking women instead of fish-people trying to pass as human.

I suspect that Bioware and EA are being cheap here and hiding this behing 'statement'. Let's compare it to a game from two years ago which was in development for much longer, Metal Gear Solid 5.
We had Quiet, that like Ryder, was modeled after a real life woman that was also a model. Quiet also didn't wore make-up in the game and she looked fine. She looked, well, just like her 'source material'. I don't think EA doesn't have access to motion-capture and body scan technology. If they cared about making their game look good, they would do it.

And in Witcher 3, we have a lot of average-looking female NPCs that didn't made me yell "What's wrong with your faaaaaaaace!" like Mr Plinkett.

Bioware has always been known for their poor modelling, as well as legal threats being made against them for stealing likenesses, but I suspect as more people left and they got more and more people fresh out of "Game Development School" with a major in "Intersectional Equality" the quality continues to fall.

 

[Ponderous Pillock]

To be fair Witcher 1 was a bit sexist with those cards and Geralt's inability to keep it in his pants. The whole collecting naughty postcards of his conquests was mega cringeworthy and they did right to dispense with it thereafter. But to say W3 is sexist is just factually wrong. Velen and Novigrad are warts and all depictions of eastern Europe circa 1400 and in any event... Triss, Yen, Shani, Anna and Tamara Strenger, Keira Metz, Ciri, Cerys an Craite...

Bioware, on the other hand, reduces its depiction of women and LGBT to bad stereotypes. Sera the obvious lipstick lesbian, Iron Bull the bear, Dorian the effete gay wizard, Cassandra the bossy mare... See what I mean?

Also, please, @Ponderous Pillock tell me that the big bad being a power cut isn't real...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Of course it's real.

The main issue behind the ark ships is some dumbass didn't give them enough juice to run for an extra half century or so when they turn up in another galaxy with no guarantee of Eezo resupply.

There's also the Archon asshole who looks like Prothean leftovers which, considering humanity was pretty much the main hammer that dropped on and destroyed the Reapers?

Yeah, power supply is your main big bad. Bioware's pretending Archon is a threat but... no. Just no.

Finding Nu Erf is your main thread while smacking Archon about with your technicolour dreamcoat of a team.

The main issue, and its one myself and a friend of mine who writes for Radio came across is too many writers and female comedians fall into the trap of writing for women which is neither funny or interesting. Indeed my friend would be frequently praised by the female voice actors after initial script reads because the depiction was far more realistic than the usual "VAGINAS, AMIRITE?" crowd which a lot of these 'enlightened' writers have taken to because treating women as people who only talk about women's issues will really let them grow as writers and characters.

The reason why the Witcher 3 women work is because they're archetypes, rather than stereotypes. They all have distinct characteristics and decent storylines or circumstances backing them up to justify their attitudes and behaviour.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Also, what's this about how Andromeda is already peopled by the various species that we already know? Plot hole alert. And what's wrong with making new alien species that are, you know, alien?

Like, maybe, a mechano-crystalline hive mind like the Chmmr from Star Control, or the sentient black oil from the X-Files, or even an entirely energy based being, or a sulphur and hydrogen fluoride based lifeform or with other exotic biochemistry.

Nope, just keep the same old species we all know and love because we don't want to upset the fanboys. Ugh.

 

[Ponderous Pillock]

Also, what's this about how Andromeda is already peopled by the various species that we already know? Plot hole alert. And what's wrong with making new alien species that are, you know, alien?

Like, maybe, a mechano-crystalline hive mind like the Chmmr from Star Control, or the sentient black oil from the X-Files, or even an entirely energy based being, or a sulphur and hydrogen fluoride based lifeform or with other exotic biochemistry.

Nope, just keep the same old species we all know and love because we don't want to upset the fanboys. Ugh.

Everyone seems to be colonising Andromeda.

Everyone.

Mostly because they couldn't be bothered to create a new storyline within the milky way (mostly with how badly they fucked it up).

They didn't seem to think that say, using the Terminus Systems being devastated by the reapers as justification to unify and build a new, aggressive and expansionist multi-ethnic empire which would drag the Earth Systems Alliance (who's turf is about the same size as half of all council space) into an agonizing war that slowly drags the council races kicking and screaming into it. Maybe under an Archon or something.

Indeed, the nature of warfare and how people can respond to peace in different ways (Council rebuilds and goes back to pre-war attitudes while the Terminus Empire rises to claim a new destiny) could have been explored while fucking every single race and species which turns up at your doorstep.

Exploring the themes of appeasement, governance, and attitudes to war (who'd want to go into one when they'd just finished rebuilding from the last?) might've made a good story and seen the franchise perhaps salvaged from the royal fuckup that was 3's ending.

Or put it in simpler terms

Space Attila versus Space Rome.

How cool does that sound?

But no, no we get dumbass mc square face and their merry band of asshats looking for Duracells and Nu Erf.

 

[Jaimas]

Also, what's this about how Andromeda is already peopled by the various species that we already know? Plot hole alert. And what's wrong with making new alien species that are, you know, alien?

Like, maybe, a mechano-crystalline hive mind like the Chmmr from Star Control, or the sentient black oil from the X-Files, or even an entirely energy based being, or a sulphur and hydrogen fluoride based lifeform or with other exotic biochemistry.

Nope, just keep the same old species we all know and love because we don't want to upset the fanboys. Ugh.

Actually that opens up an interesting plot-hole.

If everyone's starting to colonize the area, then there's got to be somewhere to fuel your damned vessels. Otherwise every other species couldn't also be out there. I don't fucking care if the only other species out there is the Krogan using old craft powered by heavy fissionables, the second you put any thought into why this problem exists, the fucking whole plot falls apart.

 

[Lackadaisy]

Ok so the "ark" ship or whatever is multispecies right? How are they going to find a planet that's suitable for all of them? (Also, $10 there's no hanar, volus, elcor, or batarians on the ship because reasons.)

 

[Ruin]

This is what happens when you fire people with actual writing credentials in favor of Tumblr users, a story about finding a stupid battery.

 

[Jaimas]

This is what happens when you fire people with actual writing credentials in favor of Tumblr users, a story about finding a stupid battery.

Maybe the DLC will have them find a villain trying to get Ryder's Patreon cut off.

Ok so the "ark" ship or whatever is multispecies right? How are they going to find a planet that's suitable for all of them? (Also, $10 there's no hanar, volus, elcor, or batarians on the ship because reasons.)

Don't like half the council species have radically different food requirements? I remember that Turian food can kill a human (and vice-versa).

 

[Ruin]

Maybe the DLC will have them find a villain trying to get Ryder's Patreon cut off.

I heard rumors that the main villain is a nationalistic alien politician who's trying to kill all the pesky immigrants coming to his galaxy. Regardless of whether or not that's true I think it's safe to say every bit of story and dialogue with be cringe worthy pandering of the worst kind.

 

[Lackadaisy]

I heard rumors that the main villain is a nationalistic alien politician who's trying to kill all the pesky immigrants coming to his galaxy. Regardless of whether or not that's true I think it's safe to say every bit of story and dialogue with be cringe worthy pandering of the worst kind.

Is he going to make Andromeda great again? Cuz I'd vote for him to blast these fuckers out of the sky.

 

[Jaimas]

I heard rumors that the main villain is a nationalistic alien politician who's trying to kill all the pesky immigrants coming to his galaxy. Regardless of whether or not that's true I think it's safe to say every bit of story and dialogue with be cringe worthy pandering of the worst kind.

Is he going to make Andromeda great again? Cuz I'd vote for him to blast these fuckers out of the sky.

Mandatory:

Madness begins at 4:30.

 

[Lazuli]

I heard rumors that the main villain is a nationalistic alien politician who's trying to kill all the pesky immigrants coming to his galaxy. Regardless of whether or not that's true I think it's safe to say every bit of story and dialogue with be cringe worthy pandering of the worst kind.

Oh I'm sure the next 4 years will include all sorts of wish fufillment games and films about things like "Overthrowing the Evil Count Dumpf", "Freeing the Galaxy from the evil space alien President Flumpf", and of course "Assassinate President Drumpf : Hillarys Revenge"

 

[Secret Asshole]

Everyone seems to be colonising Andromeda.

Everyone.

Mostly because they couldn't be bothered to create a new storyline within the milky way (mostly with how badly they fucked it up).

They didn't seem to think that say, using the Terminus Systems being devastated by the reapers as justification to unify and build a new, aggressive and expansionist multi-ethnic empire which would drag the Earth Systems Alliance (who's turf is about the same size as half of all council space) into an agonizing war that slowly drags the council races kicking and screaming into it. Maybe under an Archon or something.

Indeed, the nature of warfare and how people can respond to peace in different ways (Council rebuilds and goes back to pre-war attitudes while the Terminus Empire rises to claim a new destiny) could have been explored while fucking every single race and species which turns up at your doorstep.

Exploring the themes of appeasement, governance, and attitudes to war (who'd want to go into one when they'd just finished rebuilding from the last?) might've made a good story and seen the franchise perhaps salvaged from the royal fuckup that was 3's ending.

Or put it in simpler terms

Space Attila versus Space Rome.

How cool does that sound?

But no, no we get dumbass mc square face and their merry band of asshats looking for Duracells and Nu Erf.

What is hilarious to me is that they created this great universe that everyone loved and what did they do in the end? They burned it to the fucking ground. There was an interview with Mac Walters (the retard who did the ending) who said that the milky way was completely destroyed after the ending.

They probably doubled down on this which is why they set it far, far, far away from the Milky Way because they didn't want the flak that they blew the entire thing that people enjoyed up. Not to mention that Bioware doesn't have the talent to try and create something from that massive screw up (they probably didn't think they fucked up and have no idea why it was hated so much). Just look what they did with the Reapers. The funny thing is that from what I've seen, people are barely interested in the Andromeda shit, they just want to see what happened to Shepard and the Milky Way.

Also, I'm calling that one of the first mods for this shit-show will be replacing Bioware's ugly ass models. Like how do you fuck up that badly? I really haven't seen developers go for the intentionally ugly shtick with all their models. Not to mention the fucking animations.

 

[Ponderous Pillock]

Don't like half the council species have radically different food requirements? I remember that Turian food can kill a human (and vice-versa).

Turians and Quarians had dextroamino acid within their biological makeup, which is what made trying to resettle the Quarians such a giant pain in the ass, the only people that could really take in the weak space gypsies were the Turians and they just did not give a fuck.

What is hilarious to me is that they created this great universe that everyone loved and what did they do in the end? They burned it to the fucking ground. There was an interview with Mac Walters (the exceptional individual who did the ending) who said that the milky way was completely destroyed after the ending.

They probably doubled down on this which is why they set it far, far, far away from the Milky Way because they didn't want the flak that they blew the entire thing that people enjoyed up. Not to mention that Bioware doesn't have the talent to try and create something from that massive screw up (they probably didn't think they fucked up and have no idea why it was hated so much). Just look what they did with the Reapers. The funny thing is that from what I've seen, people are barely interested in the Andromeda shit, they just want to see what happened to Shepard and the Milky Way.

Also, I'm calling that one of the first mods for this shit-show will be replacing Bioware's ugly ass models. Like how do you fuck up that badly? I really haven't seen developers go for the intentionally ugly shtick with all their models. Not to mention the fucking animations.

Yeah the worse was always stuff like the idiotic crap they pumped out after like "WE WANTED LOTS OF SPECULATION!"

Which mostly horrified the fans because it largely involved watching the Quarians and Turians starve to death in two of the three endings, while the Krogans eventually outbread everyone else and murdered the shit out of people.

But yes, Mac screwed the ending so badly (and Bioware refused to change it enough) that the entire Milky Way setting was completely fucked.

 

[Lazuli]

They probably doubled down on this which is why they set it far, far, far away from the Milky Way because they didn't want the flak that they blew the entire thing that people enjoyed up. Not to mention that Bioware doesn't have the talent to try and create something from that massive screw up (they probably didn't think they fucked up and have no idea why it was hated so much). Just look what they did with the Reapers. The funny thing is that from what I've seen, people are barely interested in the Andromeda shit, they just want to see what happened to Shepard and the Milky Way.

Yeah Mass Effect could've been the Gaming Star Wars really, but they pretty much pulled a Matrix on the whole thing, too much money got involved, too many people wanted to put their hands on it so they could credit for the product. And then they basically trashed everything that had been built up. ME3 got people so mad because they cared about the whole franchise, and literally watched it fall apart before their eyes. But they did get the Tumblr crowd. With these gems.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

Since full frontal nudity has been confirmed

How long until sjws complain that the female characters have no penises?