Hi Reddit, I’m reaching out because I’m honestly at a breaking point and could really use some guidance, support, or just someone to hear me out. I’m 22 years old, living in Germany, and I come from an Indian heritage background—born and raised here, but deeply tied to my family’s cultural roots. I feel like I’m drowning in a life that doesn’t fit me, and I don’t know how to climb out of it. I hope someone out there can relate or offer some perspective.
Here’s my story: I’ve been wrestling with my identity for over a decade now. Since I was 11 years old, I’ve had this unshakable feeling that I’m supposed to be a woman. It’s not just a passing thought—it’s been a constant, quiet ache in the back of my mind, growing louder with every year that passes. I’d catch myself daydreaming about living as a woman, imagining a life where I could just be that person I see in my head. But growing up in a family with strong traditional values, that wasn’t something I could ever say out loud. The weight of expectations—both from my Indian heritage and the life I was raised in here in Germany—kept me silent. I buried it, ignored it, and hoped it would fade away. Spoiler: it didn’t.
Fast forward to a couple of years ago, and I made a drastic choice. I agreed to an arranged marriage. Yep, you read that right. I thought, maybe, if I just leaned hard into the life everyone expected of me, I could finally ‘fix’ myself. Like, if I committed to being the son, the husband, the person I was supposed to be, those trans thoughts would just… disappear. I told myself it was a way out—a way to stop questioning, stop hurting, stop feeling so torn between who I am and who I’m expected to be. I wanted to believe that locking myself into this path would silence that part of me I’ve been running from since I was a kid. But it didn’t work. Not even close.
Now I’m trapped.
The marriage feels like a cage I built for myself, and instead of quieting those thoughts, they’re louder than ever. I still want to be a woman—I know that’s who I am deep down—but I couldn’t embrace it then, and I’m terrified I can’t now. I’m stuck between the life I’ve made and the life I dream about, and I don’t know how to move forward. My family doesn’t know about any of this.
Coming out feels impossible when I think about the disappointment, the judgment, or worse. I love them, but I don’t know if they’d ever understand. And being in Germany, where I could theoretically live more freely, just makes it harder—like the opportunity’s there, but I’m too scared to take it.
So here I am, spilling my guts to strangers on the internet because I don’t know where else to turn. I need help. I don’t even know what kind—advice, resources, a reality check, anything. How do I start unraveling this mess? Has anyone else been through something like this, balancing culture, family, and identity? How do you find the courage to be yourself when it feels like the whole world’s pushing you to be someone else? I’m desperate for a way forward. Please, any thoughts would mean the world to me.
