Our middle school was interesting. A 3-story 1920s building coupled to a 2-story 1970s building, with a 1950s gym in its own building, all joined together by hallways into one huge building. Which led to some interesting features like having to walk through the library to get to a few classrooms, oddly slanting floors, including one entire hallway sloping upward from the 2nd floor of the new section to the 2nd/3rd floor landing of the old section, and an upstairs gym in between classrooms and directly above the auditorium. Some real Wayside School architecture there.
Main gym was in the large gym, off at the one far end of the school. The building used to be a high school in the 50s and 60s so this was a full size gym built around that time, with a basement locker room/shower area. There was a hallway running the whole way around the gym, with classrooms around it. The noisiness of the area was perfect for locating louder classes like music class, the band room, and the special ed department. There were two sped rooms. TMI (teachably mentally impaired) for kids with Downs and such, and SMI (severely mentally impaired) which were functional on Hartley Hooligan level. The TMI kids got to play in the gym almost any time they liked, which was almost all the time there weren't normal gym classes going on. The only thing they loved more than gym play was the extra long group shower they'd take after.
They'd get completely naked, dash all around the locker room, and hang out in the showers for as long as they were allowed to. It was a large shower with about 10 nozzles which always had hot water and had two settings, on and off. Their showers often ran well into our gym time so we'd typically get ready for class with the TMI kids just running around naked and splashing each other with water. Proctor wasn't in my gym class, but the big asshole bully kid was. And one day, Proctor left his locker open.
Needless to say, his locker stunk horribly. Bully asshole noticed it unlocked and decided he was going to grab Proctor's clothes and whip them into the showers with the tards, and wash them for once. He grabbed a coat hanger so as not to touch the clothes, then hooked them with it and tossed them into the heavily steam filled shower room. Tards giggled and kept showering. So far so good. But then, Bully looked back in the locker and noticed something else in there:
The biggest bottle of English Leather cologne I'd ever seen. Looked like a giant novelty bottle, at least a pint, and 3/4 full. Horrible smelling stuff to us 12-year olds. What Proctor was doing with it was anyone's guess, as he never smelled of anything but shit. Bully gets a great idea. He's already got the clothes soaking in soapy hot water (and being agitated by tard trampling), he's now going to make sure they never smell like dog shit again!
We couldn't see into shower room, it was so hot and steamed up and the tards showed no sign of leaving anytime soon. We couldn't see them, but they were laughing and shouting as usual. The hot water never ran out and the sped teachers would take a nice long break, so nobody was coming to get them. There were probably 15 of them in there. Bully decides to put his plan into action. He grabs the glass cologne bottle by the wooden knob cap, and hurls it into the mists of the shower like a grenade. We hear it miss the tards and shatter against the tile of the back wall. They go silent at the noise, and within seconds begin to scream as the cologne is hit by the showers and becomes a noxious fog because of the heat and steam. They do not like this development one bit and stampede right on out of there, knocking over lockers, benches, trashcans and kids on their way out. (The thing about re.tard strength? Completely true.) They race up the stairs but turn left instead of right so instead of the sped room, they reach the cafeteria. People are screaming as they dash in all naked, soaking, and stinking of cologne. (The thing about re.tards having huge floppy dongs down to their knees? Apparently also true.)
They got calmed down. And even got to take another shower after a bit so they were all thrilled. None of them got hurt on the broken bottle. Nobody got in trouble for tossing in the clothes or cologne, as it was assumed the tards did it, as they had done it before with footballs, backpacks, and whatever else they felt like. Nobody snitched on the bully either. I don't think I'd ever seen anything quite so hilarious before.
