- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
- Thread starter Judge Holden
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- Joined
- Apr 13, 2015
https://desuarchive.org/a/thread/150171857
Recently I've been fascinated by this autist on an eternal crusade against "crackshippers" (i.e. people who post anime lesbian pairings he doesn't like). Very easy to provoke, and projects a lot. Could support a thread, but it's hard to gather material on him since he's usually anonymous.
Recently I've been fascinated by this autist on an eternal crusade against "crackshippers" (i.e. people who post anime lesbian pairings he doesn't like). Very easy to provoke, and projects a lot. Could support a thread, but it's hard to gather material on him since he's usually anonymous.
- Joined
- May 25, 2013
I'm not sure if he's serious or not. But even if he's just doing it to troll the energy he puts in is tismo as fuck.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2015
Here's a guy I haven't thought about in years, but was reminded of a bit ago. We'll call him Proctor the Butt Doctor for reasons that will become obvious. The first thing you'd notice was the smell. This kid stank like I didn't think was possible. Smelled like rancid meat, dog shit, cat piss, sweat and god only knows what. And it was a lingering smell. You could usually tell if he'd been someplace recently. You could walk into an empty room and just fucking gag.
He had the look of someone that had never touched water. Just looked really dry and dirty I guess. And always seemed to be wearing blue jeans and a blue denim jacket. Early in school we all just thought he must fart constantly to stink that bad. Little kids have no concept of someone who is just that filthy.
He had the voice of Grover from Sesame Street, and a rising speech pattern that made everything he said sound like a question. Like an 80s valley girl. He was irritating to have to listen to, which was unfortunate because he talked constantly. Nobody really liked him, but he constantly demanded to be the center of attention, and he was very hard to ignore.
I first met him in kindergarten. He was my assigned seat partner on the bus. That didn't last long. He wouldn't stay put, jumped from seat to seat like a monkey and yelled a lot. When he wasn't doing that, he'd tell wild stories about various things, a few of which were:
-He was secretly the white power ranger (there was no white power ranger yet at this point) and his name was Superflash.
-He rode a supercycle motorcycle that could turn invisible. That's why nobody could see it. Also it could fly and was totally parked on his roof. Why he rode the bus then was anyone's guess.
-His nickname was Brad, because it's short for his name. (His name is not Bradley).
-He and his sister would break into the abandoned church next door at midnights on full moons to battle the evil spirit of their dead father with kitchen knives.
-The typical uncle that works for Nintendo stories.
-That he was a famous songwriter. Three that I remember him claiming to write are "Be My Baby Tonight" by John Michael Montgomery, "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw, and "Turn Back Time" by Aqua. He was a big Aqua fan. No clue why he didn't claim to write "Barbie Girl" it was his favorite.
Soon though, he got made to sit in the front seat, with a seatbelt, right behind the driver. That lasted about a day because he kept reaching up and trying to rub and touch her hair. He was then moved across the aisle.
His is a story about a kid that was fucked up in lots of ways, but school and bus staff seemed to bend over backwards to accommodate him and keep him around.
So far this is just typical lolcow stuff, but it gets so much worse...
These all happened roughly between 1995-1999
Flash forward to the present...
He had the look of someone that had never touched water. Just looked really dry and dirty I guess. And always seemed to be wearing blue jeans and a blue denim jacket. Early in school we all just thought he must fart constantly to stink that bad. Little kids have no concept of someone who is just that filthy.
He had the voice of Grover from Sesame Street, and a rising speech pattern that made everything he said sound like a question. Like an 80s valley girl. He was irritating to have to listen to, which was unfortunate because he talked constantly. Nobody really liked him, but he constantly demanded to be the center of attention, and he was very hard to ignore.
I first met him in kindergarten. He was my assigned seat partner on the bus. That didn't last long. He wouldn't stay put, jumped from seat to seat like a monkey and yelled a lot. When he wasn't doing that, he'd tell wild stories about various things, a few of which were:
-He was secretly the white power ranger (there was no white power ranger yet at this point) and his name was Superflash.
-He rode a supercycle motorcycle that could turn invisible. That's why nobody could see it. Also it could fly and was totally parked on his roof. Why he rode the bus then was anyone's guess.
-His nickname was Brad, because it's short for his name. (His name is not Bradley).
-He and his sister would break into the abandoned church next door at midnights on full moons to battle the evil spirit of their dead father with kitchen knives.
-The typical uncle that works for Nintendo stories.
-That he was a famous songwriter. Three that I remember him claiming to write are "Be My Baby Tonight" by John Michael Montgomery, "It's Your Love" by Tim McGraw, and "Turn Back Time" by Aqua. He was a big Aqua fan. No clue why he didn't claim to write "Barbie Girl" it was his favorite.
Soon though, he got made to sit in the front seat, with a seatbelt, right behind the driver. That lasted about a day because he kept reaching up and trying to rub and touch her hair. He was then moved across the aisle.
His is a story about a kid that was fucked up in lots of ways, but school and bus staff seemed to bend over backwards to accommodate him and keep him around.
So far this is just typical lolcow stuff, but it gets so much worse...
These all happened roughly between 1995-1999
Nobody ever really called him by his first name, always just Proctor. He always liked to tell stories about how he'd trick people, get into places, or evade enemies by pretending to be someone named "Croptor". Which he insisted was Proctor spelled backward. He was very proud of his name.
One day in about 2nd grade, we had a substitute teacher who was teaching us about name origins. Smith=Blacksmith, Chandler=Candlemaker, etc. Fascinating stuff.
He piped up and asked what Proctor meant.
"Uhh, well, I'm-ah, not quite sure on that one actually..."
"WHAAAAT?"
"I'm not sure, I think it means proctologist, but I may be wrong... that's a kind of doctor but I'm not sure I should--"
"SAY IT, WOMAN!" (He had no respect for anyone female, even teachers. He kept yelling...)
"Fine! It's a BUTT DOCTOR! Proctor is a BUTT DOCTOR! Happy now?!"
The whole class laughed our asses off and Proctor scored a nickname that would stick forever.
One day in about 2nd grade, we had a substitute teacher who was teaching us about name origins. Smith=Blacksmith, Chandler=Candlemaker, etc. Fascinating stuff.
He piped up and asked what Proctor meant.
"Uhh, well, I'm-ah, not quite sure on that one actually..."
"WHAAAAT?"
"I'm not sure, I think it means proctologist, but I may be wrong... that's a kind of doctor but I'm not sure I should--"
"SAY IT, WOMAN!" (He had no respect for anyone female, even teachers. He kept yelling...)
"Fine! It's a BUTT DOCTOR! Proctor is a BUTT DOCTOR! Happy now?!"
The whole class laughed our asses off and Proctor scored a nickname that would stick forever.
One day, Proctor showed up wearing glasses. Big, thick, Buddy Holly looking fuckers that would make any hipster proud. Nobody really noticed or cared. But Proctor wouldn't shut up about them "I'm too cool for these! I'll break 'em! I can't look like a dork, I'm one of the cool kids!" and on and on.
The teachers had all been told by his mother that he was to be watched like a hawk because he'd try to wreck the glasses. They kept watch until he managed to slip away between lunch and the next class, and he wasn't wearing the glasses when he arrived. And he was smelling worse than usual. The teacher was grilling him on where he'd put them, when the janitor stepped in and called him out to the hallway. We all followed and saw that the boys' bathroom was flooding water into the hall. The janitor ordered him to go in and retrieve what he'd plugged the urinal with.
He'd apparently snuck away to the bathroom during lunch, purposely shit his pants (Barney the dinosaur briefs), took off the dirty, crapped briefs, stuck the glasses into the shit, rolled the glasses up in the briefs like a horrid burrito, then stuffed them into the urinal. He tried to flush it down but it wouldn't go. He pulled so hard the handle broke and started pouring water. He then put his jeans back on, wiped his shitty hands on them and ran to class. There was a boy in the far stall he didn't notice who snitched him out. Said he could tell by the smell, and Proctor's nonstop cackling and giggling and talking to himself.
He was made to grab his briefs from the urinal wash them out in the sink, and put the glasses back on. He managed to wreck them at home within the week, and never again had glasses.
The teachers had all been told by his mother that he was to be watched like a hawk because he'd try to wreck the glasses. They kept watch until he managed to slip away between lunch and the next class, and he wasn't wearing the glasses when he arrived. And he was smelling worse than usual. The teacher was grilling him on where he'd put them, when the janitor stepped in and called him out to the hallway. We all followed and saw that the boys' bathroom was flooding water into the hall. The janitor ordered him to go in and retrieve what he'd plugged the urinal with.
He'd apparently snuck away to the bathroom during lunch, purposely shit his pants (Barney the dinosaur briefs), took off the dirty, crapped briefs, stuck the glasses into the shit, rolled the glasses up in the briefs like a horrid burrito, then stuffed them into the urinal. He tried to flush it down but it wouldn't go. He pulled so hard the handle broke and started pouring water. He then put his jeans back on, wiped his shitty hands on them and ran to class. There was a boy in the far stall he didn't notice who snitched him out. Said he could tell by the smell, and Proctor's nonstop cackling and giggling and talking to himself.
He was made to grab his briefs from the urinal wash them out in the sink, and put the glasses back on. He managed to wreck them at home within the week, and never again had glasses.
He was a big fan of the song "Barbie Girl" by Aqua, but that wasn't where the Barbie adventures ended. One day he was running around the playground getting everyone's attention, so we all followed to see what he was up to. He stood under a tree and was taking his shoes off, told us all to get ready, he was about to do something cool. It wasn't cool at all. He whipped his pants off super fast and was wearing bright pink frilly Barbie pantyhose. We'd all thought he was gonna climb the tree and jump onto the fence or something. No such luck. He starts bragging about how those were his sister's pantyhose and he wore them because he had no clean briefs. About this time the playground aide comes over and goes "Oh my, young man, where are your underwear?!" to which he replied "I crapped 'em all, WOMAN!" and goes streaking away at top speed, throwing his jeans over the fence as he runs. He spent the rest of the day in the office.
Also, he'd always boast about having a "My Size Barbie". Those were a 3 foot tall dress-up doll. He'd always tell everyone he had one in his bed that he'd drilled a hole where the vagina would be (right below the belly button, of course) and how he'd stick his dick in that hole and just hump it all night. He'd always make up bizarre stories, but that one seemed plausible.
Also, he'd always boast about having a "My Size Barbie". Those were a 3 foot tall dress-up doll. He'd always tell everyone he had one in his bed that he'd drilled a hole where the vagina would be (right below the belly button, of course) and how he'd stick his dick in that hole and just hump it all night. He'd always make up bizarre stories, but that one seemed plausible.
Somehow, around 5th grade when we all started middle school, a 10-foot-high chainlink fence sprung up all around Proctor's yard. Looked like a prison exercise yard. And soon there were at least 6 massive great danes in there. Those are not a cheap dog, so how they got one let alone 5 or 6 is a mystery to me. Absolutely no clue how they fed them either.
The house was an ancient two-story stone house with a rickety, holey porch all the way around. The porch soon was completely coated in dog shit. Also the dogs broke out all the first floor windows by jumping in and out of them. The solution was to take all the doors from the upstairs rooms and nail them over the downstairs windows. The door was left open for the dogs.
The house had a wraparound roof for the porch, which the hoarded 30+ cats would congregate on. Now that the dogs had free run of the 2nd floor too it wasn't uncommon to see great danes up shitting on the roof and jumping in and out the 2nd floor windows. The cats (and presumably the Supercycle) were relegated to the main roof where the dogs couldn't reach.
The house was an ancient two-story stone house with a rickety, holey porch all the way around. The porch soon was completely coated in dog shit. Also the dogs broke out all the first floor windows by jumping in and out of them. The solution was to take all the doors from the upstairs rooms and nail them over the downstairs windows. The door was left open for the dogs.
The house had a wraparound roof for the porch, which the hoarded 30+ cats would congregate on. Now that the dogs had free run of the 2nd floor too it wasn't uncommon to see great danes up shitting on the roof and jumping in and out the 2nd floor windows. The cats (and presumably the Supercycle) were relegated to the main roof where the dogs couldn't reach.
I actually took these the other day when I had to drive through the area. In the first one you can clearly see the outline where the porch roof was. Yes, great danes were running around that high up. The porch is gone now as well and so is the fence. To the right is the abandoned church where all sorts of spiritual warfare supposedly took place. Someone must have bought the house, installed windows and a roof, then abandoned it from the looks of things. It's actually a big improvement.
Another view. You can see there used to be very large trees between the sidewalk and road. They used the trees as fenceposts and actually fenced the sidewalk into their dog pen. The fence was right to the edge of the road. Guess nobody minded enough to make an issue of it.
From what I've heard from the crew that cleaned that house out after Butt Doctor and co. abandoned it around 12 years ago, it was not pretty. The toilet had broken years before so they shit in it until it was full, then did the same to the toilet tank, sink and bathtub. Apparently there was also shit piled high in corners of rooms that wasn't from the dogs and cats. Fortunately this had all been sitting about 2 years so they just shoveled it out in large brick-like clumps, and removed all the sinks, tubs, etc, entirely and tossed them.
Another view. You can see there used to be very large trees between the sidewalk and road. They used the trees as fenceposts and actually fenced the sidewalk into their dog pen. The fence was right to the edge of the road. Guess nobody minded enough to make an issue of it.
From what I've heard from the crew that cleaned that house out after Butt Doctor and co. abandoned it around 12 years ago, it was not pretty. The toilet had broken years before so they shit in it until it was full, then did the same to the toilet tank, sink and bathtub. Apparently there was also shit piled high in corners of rooms that wasn't from the dogs and cats. Fortunately this had all been sitting about 2 years so they just shoveled it out in large brick-like clumps, and removed all the sinks, tubs, etc, entirely and tossed them.
One day in middle school, probably around halfway through 7th grade we were all getting off the bus when an Aide lady walks up and grabs hold of Proctor and takes him away. In school we notice her walking him between classes, and in every class he's in, there's now an extra desk and the aide is sitting there reading a book or whatever she does. After a week or so of her being his shadow, some friends and I asked her what was going on. Her, being a rather disgruntled aide who had no problem telling us everything, explained.
About a week before, between classes, the assistant principal was making the rounds and checking the boys bathrooms for kids trying to smoke or skip class. He walks into the boys room across from the cafeteria and sees two sets of legs, pants around ankles, in front of the toilet in the handicap stall. Loud mumbling and grunting going on. No, it couldn't be. Stall door was open. Walks in.
OH DEAR GOD.
Proctor had one of the sped kids (same age, not a re.tarded one, just ADHD or something) bent over the toilet and was railing him as balls deep and hard as a 7th grader can. The assistant principal grabbed them and dragged both of them to the office. At this point the aide told us that as he was getting pulled away, Proctor started screaming "Ahh! Ahh! I'm stuck! It won't come out!" or something like that and kept insisting he tripped and fell and his pecker ended up in his friend's ass and he wasn't fucking him, he was just attempting to pull it back out and it just looked bad because they got caught at the wrong time.
Parents were called, conferences were had and the best course of action was determined to be giving Proctor a round-the-clock aide who met him at the bus in the morning, followed him everywhere through school including clearing out the bathrooms before he went in and blocking the door so nobody else got in with him, and escorting him back to the bus at the end of the day. We did not envy her. I imagine she got a decent pay raise for being his personal wrangler though. She did it for at least two years. Proctor was only unaccompanied on the bus. It wouldn't last. He'd soon get a bus aide as well.
About a week before, between classes, the assistant principal was making the rounds and checking the boys bathrooms for kids trying to smoke or skip class. He walks into the boys room across from the cafeteria and sees two sets of legs, pants around ankles, in front of the toilet in the handicap stall. Loud mumbling and grunting going on. No, it couldn't be. Stall door was open. Walks in.
OH DEAR GOD.
Proctor had one of the sped kids (same age, not a re.tarded one, just ADHD or something) bent over the toilet and was railing him as balls deep and hard as a 7th grader can. The assistant principal grabbed them and dragged both of them to the office. At this point the aide told us that as he was getting pulled away, Proctor started screaming "Ahh! Ahh! I'm stuck! It won't come out!" or something like that and kept insisting he tripped and fell and his pecker ended up in his friend's ass and he wasn't fucking him, he was just attempting to pull it back out and it just looked bad because they got caught at the wrong time.
Parents were called, conferences were had and the best course of action was determined to be giving Proctor a round-the-clock aide who met him at the bus in the morning, followed him everywhere through school including clearing out the bathrooms before he went in and blocking the door so nobody else got in with him, and escorting him back to the bus at the end of the day. We did not envy her. I imagine she got a decent pay raise for being his personal wrangler though. She did it for at least two years. Proctor was only unaccompanied on the bus. It wouldn't last. He'd soon get a bus aide as well.
He also had a habit of yelling in the hallways "I've got a big corn cob up my butt from (random student's name)!" He'd always try to provoke people to hit him. Nobody knew why, but nobody ever punched him out because everyone knew he wiped his ass with his hand and never bathed. He was totally immune to bullying and he knew it. Nobody fucked with him, but it wasn't because we were scared. We just didn't want to get lice or whatever else he had. But it was usually lice.
The bus was the only bit of freedom he now had, and he took full advantage. Jumping, yelling, screaming along with the music on the radio, and shouting out "music facts" that only he knew. Like did you know that the "stomp stomp clap" part of We Will Rock You was censorship? Yeah, apparently in the "dirty" version Freddie Mercury yells "dick dick DICK!" Proctor of course has the only tape of the dirty version, and you can't hear it because reasons.
Despite being up front he still annoyed the whole bus. One day a new kid joined the bus route. He was about 6, and was made to sit up front with Proctor because he was too young to sit farther back. This was a mistake. About a half hour into the bus ride we all hear a bloodcurdling shriek followed by bawling and crying. Bus driver pulls over and screams "PROCTOR WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" It was the little kid screaming.
Proctor stands up and goes "Woman! He would not stop talking about Pokemon, so I grabbed him by the balls, then pulled and twisted HARD! Then he just crossed his arms and sat back down. Next day the little kid was gone and Proctor had a bus aide too. I can't imagine why the school wasted so much taxpayer money keeping this stinky fucker around. He had no interest in school or learning whatsoever. Not too long after that bus incident I moved away.
Despite being up front he still annoyed the whole bus. One day a new kid joined the bus route. He was about 6, and was made to sit up front with Proctor because he was too young to sit farther back. This was a mistake. About a half hour into the bus ride we all hear a bloodcurdling shriek followed by bawling and crying. Bus driver pulls over and screams "PROCTOR WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!?" It was the little kid screaming.
Proctor stands up and goes "Woman! He would not stop talking about Pokemon, so I grabbed him by the balls, then pulled and twisted HARD! Then he just crossed his arms and sat back down. Next day the little kid was gone and Proctor had a bus aide too. I can't imagine why the school wasted so much taxpayer money keeping this stinky fucker around. He had no interest in school or learning whatsoever. Not too long after that bus incident I moved away.
Proctor disappeared not long after I moved. Good riddance. I heard once he moved in with a juggalette and had a few kids but other than that he was totally gone. Until the other day a friend showed me this:
Yeah that's a mugshot. Apparently our good friend Proctor is a rapist and will probably be remaining locked up for life.
At least they'll make him take a shower.
Yeah that's a mugshot. Apparently our good friend Proctor is a rapist and will probably be remaining locked up for life.
At least they'll make him take a shower.
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- Joined
- Jun 8, 2015
They better check his cell for that invisible motorcycle, or he'll just drive off on it when nobody's looking.......
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2015
It shouldn't be possible for a human being to be that filthy.
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2015
He was about on the same level as Nick Bate really. When I first heard of Sick Nick, I was instantly reminded of the butt doctor.
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2013
TheGreatCitracett said:
Seriously, you've won this thread.
ZepFloyd94
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2014
Since I'm guessing that he would run under the Republican ticket, I'm pretty sure that his PTSD comment will piss of countless amount of service men.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
Haven't posted in a few days 'cause I've been kinda sick, but I've got another update on the future governor.
I saw him on Thanksgiving, and he doesn't seem to have taken off his "Make America Great Again" hat since the last time I saw him. Unlike most lolcows, he's pretty hygienic. In fact, he's always been something of a neat freak. That hat, though, looked like it just wanted to be put out of its misery. It was covered in dark splotches of what I could only assume to be either sweat or hair gel. I didn't notice any particular odor, so I'm betting it was gel. The cuts on his arm from when he cut himself after Hillary polled ahead of Trump earlier this year have started to heal, but they look like they're probably going to end up scarring. He also seems to have tried to dye his hair. It's usually black, but this time it had giant patches of this ugly looking reddish-brown color in it. I actually know a bit about hair coloring 'cause I've helped my sister do hers before, and I'm guessing he tried to make it blonde, but neglected to bleach it first.
His girlfriend was there too. From what I could gather, she's living with them now after she had a spat with her parents about something or other. She seems really nice, but weak-willed, so I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for her.
As for his behavior, he didn't really do anything too noteworthy. Like I've mentioned before, my dad's pretty good at keeping his ass in line because he can be really intimidating when he wants to be. He's honestly been more of a parent to him than his own mother.
Speaking of whom, the reason I've never really gone into detail about her is because she's relatively normal aside from spoiling her son rotten.
I saw him on Thanksgiving, and he doesn't seem to have taken off his "Make America Great Again" hat since the last time I saw him. Unlike most lolcows, he's pretty hygienic. In fact, he's always been something of a neat freak. That hat, though, looked like it just wanted to be put out of its misery. It was covered in dark splotches of what I could only assume to be either sweat or hair gel. I didn't notice any particular odor, so I'm betting it was gel. The cuts on his arm from when he cut himself after Hillary polled ahead of Trump earlier this year have started to heal, but they look like they're probably going to end up scarring. He also seems to have tried to dye his hair. It's usually black, but this time it had giant patches of this ugly looking reddish-brown color in it. I actually know a bit about hair coloring 'cause I've helped my sister do hers before, and I'm guessing he tried to make it blonde, but neglected to bleach it first.
His girlfriend was there too. From what I could gather, she's living with them now after she had a spat with her parents about something or other. She seems really nice, but weak-willed, so I can't help but feel a little bit sorry for her.
As for his behavior, he didn't really do anything too noteworthy. Like I've mentioned before, my dad's pretty good at keeping his ass in line because he can be really intimidating when he wants to be. He's honestly been more of a parent to him than his own mother.
Speaking of whom, the reason I've never really gone into detail about her is because she's relatively normal aside from spoiling her son rotten.
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2014
You might remember the stories I've told of a co-worker who I call Roger. It was the company Christmas party where both branches of the company from different towns meet. After listening to Roger and his friend playfully bicker back and forth like kids, Roger kept talking about how his pal cheats all the time (he likes to claim how everybody cheats). The irony is that pretty much every time I've seen him do an arm wrestling contest, he tries to find a way to get his elbow off the table so he can win.
At the party he was angry about another worker who was bullying him and he looked angrily and made the gesture that looked like he wanted to punch him. I didn't want Roger to do anything stupid and neither did his friends so we tried to convince him he needs to tell someone. Like every other time you give him a simple solution to his problems, he makes excuses and would rather complain and grouch over it so we decided he needs to do something about it for once and had a visiting supervisor talk with him about it so he would have to tell. When he made another excuse that his personal supervisor doesn't listen (that supervisor suggested he does that), we stopped after that.
While I think I might've pushed him a little too hard, but I'd rather not hear him complain about things all the time like he does. Then I remembered how he has made up a lot of scenarios of people bullying and hurting him and fuming about how he wanted to "get back at them" (complete with punching gestures) and I had to wonder how honest he was being about this bullying co-worker.
At the party he was angry about another worker who was bullying him and he looked angrily and made the gesture that looked like he wanted to punch him. I didn't want Roger to do anything stupid and neither did his friends so we tried to convince him he needs to tell someone. Like every other time you give him a simple solution to his problems, he makes excuses and would rather complain and grouch over it so we decided he needs to do something about it for once and had a visiting supervisor talk with him about it so he would have to tell. When he made another excuse that his personal supervisor doesn't listen (that supervisor suggested he does that), we stopped after that.
While I think I might've pushed him a little too hard, but I'd rather not hear him complain about things all the time like he does. Then I remembered how he has made up a lot of scenarios of people bullying and hurting him and fuming about how he wanted to "get back at them" (complete with punching gestures) and I had to wonder how honest he was being about this bullying co-worker.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
So, during study halls in high school, I used to like going down to the library. I was pretty efficient about getting my work done, so I rarely ever actually had shit to do during the study halls, so I'd screw around on the computers. The librarian was really cool, and let people do whatever they wanted (within reason, of course). Unfortunately, however, she was forced into retirement due to a cancer diagnosis (which, sadly, she later died of).
Enter the woman I'll call "Miss Gray." Miss Gray was a teacher at the school, though I can't actually remember what she taught. It was some niche elective subject like "criminal justice," or some shit like that. Rumor had it that she was a failed lawyer who had to get this teaching job because it was all she could get. No idea how much truth there is to that. I don't know what she was like as a teacher, because I never actually had her for a class.
After Cool Librarian left, however, Miss Gray lobbied for, and received, control of the library. She was an authoritarian control freak. Everything was micromanaged. She never actually yelled that I saw, but she'd ban people from the library over stupid, petty bullshit like not pushing the chairs in all the way (note: ordinarily, this would be a reasonable expectation; however, the way our library was set up, there was really no way for the chairs to actually be in the way of anything unless someone went out of their way to make it so) or failure to put a book EXACTLY back where it was before. Instead of actually managing the library like she was supposed to do, she just spent the majority of every class period making rounds around the computers to make sure nobody was playing any games. Again, not exactly unreasonable, but it didn't matter if you actually had shit to do or not.
"This isn't a lolcow, it's just a strict authority figure," you may be thinking. The thing that made her a lolcow was the fact that despite all her micromanaging and authoritarianism, she was completely fucking incompetent as an authority figure. She thought she had an iron grip on everything that happened, but the library was a lot less stabilized under her watch than it was for the other librarian. This one time, a buddy of mine thought it'd be funny to print out 50 copies of some meme he found. Not gonna lie, I found it pretty funny at the time, too. As the printer spat out copy after copy of a picture of a dancing African child with the caption, "grandma on my dick," Miss Gray hurried over to it in a weird "speed-shuffling" motion. She picked up one of the papers and what she said was probably the biggest gem I'd ever heard in school: "I don't know who did this, but whoever you are, I know who did this." I swear to god, that's what she actually said. I was there for it. The best part? She never did manage to figure out who did it. And I know it wasn't for lack of trying because like I said, she was a ridiculously controlling micromanager. There's no reason she COULDN'T have found him, though. I don't know if all schools do this, but at ours, everyone had a unique login for the computers. Based on the fact that I often saw the school's IT guys in there, I'm assuming she was just technologically illiterate and was unable to figure out how to trace activity.
Everyone could still play games on the computers because she was a dumb idiot who couldn't even tell when someone had multiple tabs open. All you had to do was keep another tab open with something "educational," and look busy as she walked past you during her rounds. I wasn't there for any of them, but apparently more than a few fights even broke out under her watch, something that never happened before because the other librarian was a lot better at keeping order while still being one of the cool teachers.
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The Man With No Name
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2015
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/hawkflight/
https://www.reddit.com/user/Hawkflight
https://twitter.com/fa_hawkflight
http://hawkflight.tumblr.com/
This was a few years ago, but it's still fresh in my mind.
This huge, huffing mantard of a mammal went to the same college as I did. My friends and I were wary of him in the dining hall. He was the sort of sperg who had a presence about him that made you hate being around him. Not just a stench, not just a sensation he was watching you, not just his heavy and labored breathing, not just the fact he was a veritable giant at 6'6 and probably weighs as much as a brick shithouse.
I would've been happy to keep him at a distance and point and laugh but I had the misfortune of having a class with him. To spare a lot of details, it was a literature course. This motherfucker was the least verbose human in existence yet loved to talk and go on about inane shit nobody cared to hear. His status as a MLP-loving manbaby was evident with his various trinkets he carried with him. His behavior in the class was reprehensible at the best of times, constantly on a laptop and eating food in the loudest possible manner. This wasn't a 100 person lecture course, either. This was an intimate, 12 by 20 enclosed classroom of roughly 12-18 people.
One day, he sits in front of me and I eye his laptop's screen. He's talking to some sort of MLP skype group. He's linking them Total Biscuit tweets. Who gives a fuck, obviously fancies himself a gamer because he's got an expensive, cheeto-encrusted notebook to tote around. Whatever, this doesn't warrant any alarm. He tabs over to his browser.
Fucking Fur Affinity.
I look this guy's name up on Facebook. He's easy to find. He cross-posts things there. His twitter uses his real name. He uses his twitter name for his reddit account and his fur affinity account.
And lo and behold, he's a fucking babyfur.
https://www.reddit.com/user/Hawkflight
https://twitter.com/fa_hawkflight
http://hawkflight.tumblr.com/
This was a few years ago, but it's still fresh in my mind.
This huge, huffing mantard of a mammal went to the same college as I did. My friends and I were wary of him in the dining hall. He was the sort of sperg who had a presence about him that made you hate being around him. Not just a stench, not just a sensation he was watching you, not just his heavy and labored breathing, not just the fact he was a veritable giant at 6'6 and probably weighs as much as a brick shithouse.
I would've been happy to keep him at a distance and point and laugh but I had the misfortune of having a class with him. To spare a lot of details, it was a literature course. This motherfucker was the least verbose human in existence yet loved to talk and go on about inane shit nobody cared to hear. His status as a MLP-loving manbaby was evident with his various trinkets he carried with him. His behavior in the class was reprehensible at the best of times, constantly on a laptop and eating food in the loudest possible manner. This wasn't a 100 person lecture course, either. This was an intimate, 12 by 20 enclosed classroom of roughly 12-18 people.
One day, he sits in front of me and I eye his laptop's screen. He's talking to some sort of MLP skype group. He's linking them Total Biscuit tweets. Who gives a fuck, obviously fancies himself a gamer because he's got an expensive, cheeto-encrusted notebook to tote around. Whatever, this doesn't warrant any alarm. He tabs over to his browser.
Fucking Fur Affinity.
I look this guy's name up on Facebook. He's easy to find. He cross-posts things there. His twitter uses his real name. He uses his twitter name for his reddit account and his fur affinity account.
And lo and behold, he's a fucking babyfur.
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2015
I was out on a walk the week before last on Thanksgiving, and some apparently notorious homeless person was riding on a bike shouting "SCHOOLS OUT KIDS, YOU GOT IT BAD, YOU GOT IT REAL BAAAAD."
Gentle germs
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2016
Had a roomate named Tim. Squat. Husky. Terrible goatee with glasses. Unironically rocked the penultimate neckbeard combo of a trenchcoat, scarf and fedora. Frequented the game shop and Magic the Gathering tournaments. Only thing missing was vocal political/religious beliefs.
Really fastidious around the house. Already micro-managing the thermostat at the tender age of 22. I left the oven on after making everyone dinner one night and he screamed loud enough for the apartment downstairs to hear.
Total nerd. We all kind of were, but he was the type to have posters of half-naked anime chicks all over his wall(I particurally remember that one purple haired girl from HOTD, bent over in an apron) that he'd hilariously, painstakingly remove when he thought he was having a date over.
Sadly got stood up like, 3 times while we were roomies. I felt bad for him. I never saw him with a girl but there's infamous photos of him floating around taking a middle-aged woman bareback on the floor of her garage. HE was the one that spread the pics, that are now burned into my memory like childhood trauma.
He probably wasn't as bad as I'm making him out to be but just the fact he checked so many of the quintessential boxes made me smile.
Really fastidious around the house. Already micro-managing the thermostat at the tender age of 22. I left the oven on after making everyone dinner one night and he screamed loud enough for the apartment downstairs to hear.
Total nerd. We all kind of were, but he was the type to have posters of half-naked anime chicks all over his wall(I particurally remember that one purple haired girl from HOTD, bent over in an apron) that he'd hilariously, painstakingly remove when he thought he was having a date over.
Sadly got stood up like, 3 times while we were roomies. I felt bad for him. I never saw him with a girl but there's infamous photos of him floating around taking a middle-aged woman bareback on the floor of her garage. HE was the one that spread the pics, that are now burned into my memory like childhood trauma.
He probably wasn't as bad as I'm making him out to be but just the fact he checked so many of the quintessential boxes made me smile.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2015
This is my favourite sentence on this entire board. It's just so fucking insane.
- Joined
- May 3, 2016
I had a biology class with an autistic, bisexual trans-setter. He had the typical high pitched monotone and stiff, robotic mannerisms of an autist. It didn't take long to realize he was a true and honest sperg.
At the time I knew him, he claimed to be a transitioning MTF. He had no alternate female name. He said he preferred female pronouns, but was fine with male pronouns. I used the latter since it caused him no distress and there was little feminine about him.
He wore the same male hoodie daily, thick coke bottle glasses, generic sneakers, and a white, puffy marshmallow coat in the winter. He wore no make-up, nail polish or woman's accessories. He had no lady-like skin care regimen judging by his acne. He probably thought his long hair was feminine, but it wasn't due to greasiness and improper styling and management. The only feminine thing about his appearance was girls' skinny jeans, but that looked quirky rather than proof of a female soul.
He was mostly disliked, but people left him alone since he was obviously exceptional. His friends were mostly other super nerds or trolls who kept him around for milk. I was tempted to give him some make-up to see what would happen, but decided to keep a distance so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.
The highlights:
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
#6
#7
#8
#9
#10
#11
#12
He was an eccentric one for sure. It was a pleasure to meet him.
At the time I knew him, he claimed to be a transitioning MTF. He had no alternate female name. He said he preferred female pronouns, but was fine with male pronouns. I used the latter since it caused him no distress and there was little feminine about him.
He wore the same male hoodie daily, thick coke bottle glasses, generic sneakers, and a white, puffy marshmallow coat in the winter. He wore no make-up, nail polish or woman's accessories. He had no lady-like skin care regimen judging by his acne. He probably thought his long hair was feminine, but it wasn't due to greasiness and improper styling and management. The only feminine thing about his appearance was girls' skinny jeans, but that looked quirky rather than proof of a female soul.
He was mostly disliked, but people left him alone since he was obviously exceptional. His friends were mostly other super nerds or trolls who kept him around for milk. I was tempted to give him some make-up to see what would happen, but decided to keep a distance so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.
The highlights:
#1
Our class was right before lunch, so he had a habit of talking to the teacher about a topic previously addressed in class after the bell rung. Every. Single. Day. No matter what. His points were commonly irrelevant (fuck, we'd play jeopardy that focused on upcoming test-centric questions before our exams and he would talk to her about the actual show) and she would politely listen and nod since she was sensitive to his exceptionalism. I'd stay for the few extra minutes just to watch in fascination. He even did this with substitutes.
#2
Once we had a free class period. He used it to talk to the teacher about a past vacation, and he went on a long monologue about the specific details of a bottle of novelty hot sauce he saw. I'm not exaggerating. The teacher smiled and listened while she organized her desk. She had the heart of a saint.
#3
When we would play Jeopardy, he'd sing (chris-centric "dun dun duns") the theme song out of key repetitively for as long as you'd let him.
#4
I went to a class a friend was in when I had no class that period. He happened to be in the class. They were assigned reading, and he spent that time to repeatedly sing the tetris theme out of key (dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.) My friend wanted to slap him. I left within about 10 minutes, and laughed my ass off for a solid 30 seconds. I can't play tetris anymore without hearing his awful rendition in my head.
#5
He started taking a book on the periodic table with him to class and would read that rather than work on assignments. This exchange was classic:
"Are you laughing at carbon?"
"It's reactions with other elements are so crazy!"
What the fuck even. Who laughs at chemical elements and their electron exchanges?
"Are you laughing at carbon?"
"It's reactions with other elements are so crazy!"
What the fuck even. Who laughs at chemical elements and their electron exchanges?
#6
Vaccines got brought up, so of course the autism controversy did as well. He raised his hand to say, "I was diagnosed with aspergers syndrome but I think I was misdiagnosed with it because *insert list of bullshit reasons I forgot here*" The entire class went dead silent. It was very awkward.
#7
He claimed to have (self diagnosed) borderline personality disorder instead of an ASD. The BPD thing was on his radar because his mother was diagnosed with it.
#8
He wrote fantasy novels as a pass time. They were as spergy and cliched as you'd think.
#9
He was a brony, but you probably already figured that one.
#10
He would bang his head against his desk really hard- face-down- like a 3 year old over petty things like forgetting to ask his mom to sign a permission slip.
#11
One of my friends actually added him on skype to (secretly) laugh at him. He quit talking to him after frustration, but the last he heard he changed from being a MTF to wanting to identify as a femmeboy, and also claimed to have multiple personality disorder. He'd go on about his different personas and all the multiple past lives he's lived, and the visions of each past life that hes experienced.
#12
another friend once said, "Oh, Autisn? Yeah, I like to call him 'Austism.'"
He was an eccentric one for sure. It was a pleasure to meet him.
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- Joined
- Oct 6, 2014
The person who used to live across the street from me denied that the Holocaust ever happened. The kicker? She was a high school history teacher.
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2016
I have a group of cousins, all female, who I like to refer to collectively as "my whorebag cousins". They're all terrible people who exist only to do dumb shit and give birth to children they will never adequately care for. One of them, pregnant with her third child, which will be the fourth for the baby's father, is going to a local community college for something or the other. Probably just to avoid working by being a government-funded student. Recently, she contacted me via Facebook to offer me twenty dollars to write a research paper for her. My response was basically "haha, no." Twenty dollars for a research paper? Bitch, please. The best part, though, was that when I told my sister about the incident, she told me that the cousin had, about ten minutes prior to contacting me, asked her if she could borrow twenty dollars. She was trying to get me to do her homework and was going to pay me with money she borrowed from my own sister. No shame, whatsoever. This is actually one of the more tame stories of their antics, unfortunately.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
What's a LESS tame one?