man sorry i’m in such a downer mood today but it’s just really gutting how we had a handful of years of being treated like something approximating people and then a bunch of the most powerful people on earth worked to stop that from ever happening again. and nobody really cares
our rights in general are viewed as frivolous. our allies think we’re too gross to defend. culture at large sees us either as a specter of rape, a punchline, or an object of lurid fascination. our own marginalization into sex work is used as proof that we want it, that’s it’s all we’re good for
academia is primarily interested in us as metaphor, alternately painting us as a kind of thought experiment or slandering us as reactionary for wanting to change our bodies. even other queer people would rather listen to people talk about us than to us
and if we ever actually react to this— to the constant surveillance, the humiliation, the fear, the conversion of our bodies into a kind of anatomical grotesquerie for strangers to prod at— it’s used to reinforce the idea that we’re at our base just mentally unwell brutes without dignity
cis allies have bought into models that see our identities as inherently phantasms and contingent, or at place us on the same level as drag performers, as if our selfhoods were just some extended bit of theater, because the most they’ll ever concede to us is to lump us in as ‘female-identifying’
like i dunno man. the worst part of me kinda can’t help but feel a little schadenfreude that a country that elected this government on the promise that it would put us in our place is about to suffer because of it. i just wish the suffering was better distributed
worst part is i don’t even really know if i’d recommend transitioning anymore. like i feel like im heading for as much dissociative emiseration as i would have if i’d repressed. but at least then id be reasonably physically secure.
like, what i wanted was a full, complete life as a woman. and that’s not happening either way. so who cares man. pop a couple xanax until the dysphoria goes away. sink into the couch. watch your body drift away. who gives a shit