Feeling the hormones change me (
self.MtF)
submitted 4 months ago by
QuietEnthusiasm2112
I cannot recall anyone ever talking about how estrogen and progesterone changed or amplified one's emotions, empathy and even sensuality. I may be different in that doctors speculate that my body pushed my female hormones - as I have ovaries but they did a hysterectomy at birth - into dormancy for many years. Though they also suspect my female hormones were there but at very low levels.
Some history for me. Doctors started giving me male hormones around the age of ten to influence being a boy. Other doctors have since speculated that these effects may be why I have more masculine features and am not more feminine or androgynous. That is not to say I do not have some 'softer' features. My body and hormones then fought each other for a bit during puberty (budding of my nipples) as my female hormones appeared to try to kick in but then for some reason lost out or went dormant (or very low levels). My female hormones did not kick in until after an accident in my twenties that first revealed signs (as I did not know and was never told) that I was born intersex. After this accident that damaged a testicle, for whatever reason, my female hormones began to show themselves.
It was after tests and research by my then doctor (and later by others) that she discovered they surgically took my female genitals and did a hysterectomy (removed my vagina and uterus), but they either did not see, forgot or missing my ovaries. So, I had a decision to make as to which hormones I wanted my doctor to begin regulating. I chose my feminine.
Over the years that followed my brain seemed to wake up to being more empathetic, having a spectrum or very wide range of feelings rather than the few I felt under male hormones. It was an infinite breadth and depth of feelings I never knew existed that I started to experience. Wow! It was like seeing the world in color versus black and white! These also affected my thinking and feelings of empathy. My body became more sensual to the touch. And my body began to experience sexual arousal differently. Instead of the intensity and then disappearance of sexual excitement I experienced as a male prior too and then after orgasm, I began to enjoy the more sensual side to arousal in sort of stair steps. For example, my nipples became wonderfully sensitive. But they seemed to need to rest for a bit during arousal. Arousal became more stair step with the need to go slower or allow nerves to rest and reset. Unlike my male experience of simply desiring continual progressive stimulation. My response needed to build up, rest a bit, and then it would begin to take me to a more intense or higher level of arousal. I have never experienced, yet, as some women have described and other say they never have, multiple or building up orgasms. I feel excitement build in me, then back off a bit but not much, then grow stronger after that interlude or enjoying other stimulation or activities before, as this example, playing again with my nipples. Other areas of my body - more where my labials were - now feel tight or fuller when aroused. This was a strange feeling that was there a little bit when male hormones were in control. I did not understand it. Now, it is much more intense, and lasts a while after an orgasm. I however, do not feel as much full body arousal as other women have described to me.
So, my thinking and feelings were like a kernel of popcorn and have so greatly expanded after I let my body, now with some help and regulation, experience my female hormones.
I will add that it was in part the hormones, but it was also the acceptance of who I am that opened my thinking up to think about things I had never entertained, or felt. That, is another separate conversation.
I love the feelings I now feel and experience. I am female even though I still present in public - most of the time - as a male. I love being my female self through and through even if I cannot 'pass'.
link |
archive
