What conspiracy theories do you believe in? - Put your tinfoil hats on

[Cuntspiracy Man]

just simple process of elimination. I like simple ideas because too much is lost in complexities. The devil is in the details they say, and I don't dance with the devil.

Anyway,

Reptile:
Air - Pterodactyl
Land - Crocodile
Sea - Sea snakes

Fish
Air - Flying fish
Land - Muddy mud skipper
Sea - Cod

Mammals
Air - Bats
Land - Dogs
Sea - Whale

Primate
Air - flying monkeys (kind of like a flying squirrel. There's evidence they existed)
Land - Chimps
Sea - ???

Doesn't make sense that there wouldn't be an underwater or amphibious primate. There are some tribes that spend lots of time on the water. Some that can hold their breathe for extended periods 10 mins+ who live on the shores. Some that island hop in the pacific islands near New Zealand. But think, when primates/humans expanded across the world, why wouldn't they go across the pacific (apparently empty) where predators would be relatively minimal compared to the jungle and african plains, and the environment would be more forgiving than the desert or frozen tundras.

Species don't evolve in order to fill up a checklist, and besides, primates are already mammals, separating the two is dishonest
That's like if I intentionally decided to separate only dogs as a group, show me flying dogs then, go on... Not every area needs to be filled with every... "Flavor"... Of creature, this isn't Pokemon, things evolve in a way that benefits them, not by thinking of what else is out there and whether or not I should do that too or try and be original

Besides the flying fish and flying monkeys don't rule the skies same way as a hawk or an eagle does, they moreso just kinda hop around from their usual spot in the water or the tree and simply have the ability to glide for long distances without needing to propel themselves forward, it's just the word "flying-" in the name that sets you off, you wouldn't be thinking this if we called them 'jumping fish' and 'gliding monkeys'

>why wouldn't they go across the pacific
Because they already couldn't breathe under water or swim for days on end, species evolve slowly, not just going "Well shit it's looking better over there past the ocean, everyone put on your gills!"
"the environment would be more forgiving" Not being able to breathe doesn't make for an all too comfy environment

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

Firstly, do you just spend time in this thread to shit on every idea? Are you so autistic that you can't let daft ideas just be fun ideas?
Have you once contributed anything positive to this thread other than being a party-pooper? Every post of yours seems to be ways in which any idea can't be real. Get a life and fuck off.

Besides the flying fish and flying monkeys don't rule the skies same way as a hawk or an eagle does, they moreso just kinda hop around from their usual spot in the water or the tree and simply have the ability to glide for long distances without needing to propel themselves forward, it's just the word "flying-" in the name that sets you off, you wouldn't be thinking this if we called them 'jumping fish' and 'gliding monkeys'

Secondly, can it fly? has it adopted aerial abilities? Yes. Then it can fly. Otherwise it wouldn't have adopted this idea.
Primates are mammals, which are tetrapods, which are animals. Primates are the most intelligent mammals with their own unique attributes.

 

[Cuntspiracy Man]

Firstly, do you just spend time in this thread to shit on every idea? Are you so autistic that you can't let daft ideas just be fun ideas?

Are we not having a discussion? Or do you only talk hoping you're never contradicted or challenged? You shouldn't perceive everytime someone speaks against the ideas you propose as a personal attack against you as a person, that'll leave you broken real fast

>Secondly, can it fly?
No, we literally just established that it can't, it can glide
Flying inherently involves propulsion in the air, for something to fly it must be able to kick itself off IN the air, otherwise I can also fly by just jumping really high
There you go there's your flying primate, job well done

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

Are we not having a discussion? Or do you only talk hoping you're never contradicted or challenged? You shouldn't perceive everytime someone speaks against the ideas you propose as a personal attack against you as a person, that'll leave you broken real fast

Which is why I take no contradiction or challenge personally. Most of my theories are wild for entertainment purposes. Just on the fringes of possible, because there's no evidence to prove it isn't possible, but wild enough to be entertaining.
I knew your only come back would be "you don't like being challenged? " like some reddit fag, because you're a reddit fag.

>Secondly, can it fly?
No, we literally just established that it can't, it can glide
Flying inherently involves propulsion in the air, for something to fly it must be able to kick itself off IN the air, otherwise I can also fly by just jumping really high
There you go there's your flying primate, job well done

Do everyone in the thread a favour and jump really high off a building.
Smugly trying to prove a wild theory wrong, just adds weight to my point that you're a reddit fag.

By the way, chickens and turkeys can barely fly, but they can fly, so fuck off, smug reddit-fag.

 

[NoReturn]

Which isn’t happening in Africa unless you localise so much you say ‘it all happened by lake turkana’ or the then equivalent but it’s more likely if true human origin was say, the levant and the areas around the med or some swampy bit of that area. Which it actually seems like it might have been.

Aw come on, that just makes sense, though.

Pretty sussy-baka the HapMap project got shut down the way it did, too.

I've never heard about it before but on the face of it 'aquatic ape' sounds incredibly retarded.

1. Virtually no monkeys spend any time in water.
2. Humans have to teach themselves to swim, and the most ape like of humans (niggers) are especially bad at swimming.
3. The only body plans in water that have limbs are crustaceans and octopi.

This is very retarded, so I'm not going to waste more time explicating how it is stupid.

Well that answers my question from earlier. I guess people hear the name and think "Merpeople" instead of:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcbD71n-usQ

Gorillas love sitting in water. They wade and often use walking sticks to balance as they do so. They eat a lot of aquatic/swamp type plants.
They don’t go deeper than waist if they can help it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JAr3sMx53WQ

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/4tUiJ11MoDI

Most primates can swim, and humans are naturally born with an instinctual ability to handle themselves in water and learn how to swim very quickly based purely off those instincts, they only need to RE-learn it if they were failed at a young age and deprived of acting out on those instincts

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS0GGcz7wN4

Doesn't make sense that there wouldn't be an underwater or amphibious primate.

This reminds me of the logic that, if narwhals exist, so must land-unicorns.

 

[Cuntspiracy Man]

Which is why I take no contradiction or challenge personally. Most of my theories are wild for entertainment purposes. Just on the fringes of possible, because there's no evidence to prove it isn't possible, but wild enough to be entertaining.
I knew your only come back would be "you don't like being challenged? " like some reddit fag, because you're a reddit fag.

Do everyone in the thread a favour and jump really high off a building.
Smugly trying to prove a wild theory wrong, just adds weight to my point that you're a reddit fag.

By the way, chickens and turkeys can barely fly, but they can fly, so fuck off, smug reddit-fag.

How in the hell do you live in day to day life? Do they keep you in a vat?

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

This reminds me of the logic that, if narwhals exist, so must land-unicorns.

Unicorns did exist, but the name unicorn is lost in translation. I can't find the article (it may have been posted on here) that the unicorn was a type of rhino, then some fags took it and turned into a mythological magic horse.

How in the hell do you live in day to day life? Do they keep you in a vat?

There's this magic ability that non-terminally online, non-reddit fags with a life possess. It's the ability to know that the internet isn't real, and it's a place to have fun. I know this may blow your mind but it's possible to discuss shit online that would never be discussed in person.

 

[Legalize Asbestos]

Well that answers my question from earlier. I guess people hear the name and think "Merpeople" instead of:

Yes I suppose so.

I hear 'Aquatic Ape' and I think 'Monkeys started in the ocean and eventually moved to land.' Probably because we're all taught in school that life started in the ocean and then crawled ashore. If proponents mean something else they should call it like 'The Bog Ape Theory' or something.

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

I meant evolution happened as we know it did, but primates moved back into the oceans like some reptiles and some mammals did.

 

[Otterly]

If proponents mean something else they should call it like 'The Bog Ape Theory' or something.

There’s a good Roman meme about this.

 

[NoReturn]

Unicorns did exist, but the name unicorn is lost in translation. I can't find the article (it may have been posted on here) that the unicorn was a type of rhino, then some fags took it and turned into a mythological magic horse.

Oh no I wasn't saying that to disagree with you, I just think it's funny.
Also you can make a traditional-looking unicorn, so I bet it happened a few times by accident, too.

There’s a good Roman meme about this.

 

[Otterly]

Elasmotherium - bloody massive steroid unicorn

 

[Cuntspiracy Man]

There's this magic ability that non-terminally online, non-reddit fags with a life possess. It's the ability to know that the internet isn't real

Yeah!

So... You're no longer butt mad that I disagreed with you?

 

[cactus]

Unicorns did exist, but the name unicorn is lost in translation. I can't find the article (it may have been posted on here) that the unicorn was a type of rhino, then some fags took it and turned into a mythological magic horse.

I could believe this if wooly rhinos lived past the Ice Age, but they didn't and the original unicorn myth has them as more a horse with a couple of other animal parts mixed in.

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

Yeah!

So... You're no longer butt mad that I disagreed with you?

I don't give a fuck who disagrees with me, I welcome it. What you do isn't disagreeing. You're the guy at a party who kills the mood, ends the flow of banter and is just unpleasant to be around because of your unbridled autism.

Take a lesson from posters like @Otterly and @NoReturn. They disagree and come with good evidence with their stance, but do it in a fun and entertaining way.

Anyway. I've shit up this thread enough with you. Enjoy your negative, moral-vacuuming.

 

[Whoopsie Daisy]

I could believe this if wooly rhinos lived past the Ice Age, but they didn't and the original unicorn myth has them as more a horse with a couple of other animal parts mixed in.

I'll have a dig around and see if i can find the article I saw. It was about the etymology of the word unicorn and how it was passed between greek/latin/arabic and all mixed up. IIRC a one-horned rhino or similar, existed, went extinct ages ago and then it was like a game of chinese whispers through the ages.
A horse like unicorn is, again IIRC, a more modern concept.

 

[NoReturn]

I could believe this if wooly rhinos lived past the Ice Age, but they didn't and the original unicorn myth has them as more a horse with a couple of other animal parts mixed in.

Speaking of ice age animals
=
=
=
Uh oh

 

[Marc]

there's no evidence to prove it isn't possible

That's not how anything works.

 

[Otterly]

You can just imagine can’t you? Some southern Spaniard, year or two off retirement, sent to Hibernia to subdue the natives. Hates it. Midges everywhere, cold, rains constantly. Misses the wife and kids and the olive groves. Thinks he’s chased down some rebellious locals and they just slip into the bog and he can’t bear following them. How best to couch this report so it doesn’t sound like he’s nesh?

 

[cactus]

I'll have a dig around and see if i can find the article I saw. It was about the etymology of the word unicorn and how it was passed between greek/latin/arabic and all mixed up. IIRC a one-horned rhino or similar, existed, went extinct ages ago and then it was like a game of chinese whispers through the ages.
A horse like unicorn is, again IIRC, a more modern concept.

It could be based on African rhinos I suppose, it wasn't like Romans or Medieval Europeans didn't venture down there. Medieval drawings of African animals are pretty funny.