🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[RollingRock2]

It is almost unbelievable how traveling from his rental to his baby mamma, something he has done with regularity now, still plays out like a one man show of "Planes, Trains and Automobiles."
Almost unbelievable because this is still Ethan Ralph the dumbest man from West Memphis

 

[Die For Me!]

Ralph being in trouble but no one checking on him since he just cried wolf a week ago is so on point for Ralph it's almost like it can't not be the case.

 

[Crab Battle]

That's right. In fourteen hundred and ninetie-two Colombus sailed the ocean blue.

Columbus is the Latinization of his name Colombo which is why Colombia doesn't have a U

 

[Rage Pig]

Ralph being in trouble but no one checking on him since he just cried wolf a week ago is so on point for Ralph it's almost like it can't not be the case.

Just checked his Twitter, last time he went silent alogs and the last few supporters were posting in his pinned tweet to either ask if he's OK or to spit on his grave. This time there is nothing, nobody gives a shit about his childish works anymore.

 

[AltisticRight]

For an extra 5 maybe Ralph will take out his denture and give them the gummy bears special.

What the fuck did I just read???

Dignity

His anal virginity to Sammi, all 22cm.
Or maybe MANduh/Faith sodomised him already. Who knows?

 

[Quintus]

How many phones has this retard lost at this point?

I have literally never lost my cell phone. It is baffling to me how Ralph has managed to lose so many of them. Then again, I'm not a pill head or a drunk.

 

[porkWellington]

RIP KING

I got word that he is indeed melting on the same very couch Ronnie melted on. Sources indicate he wrote his last will wishing for funeral services to be held at a taco truck, and he has set up a fund to get Xander the totally-not-bugged Nintendo Switch.

 

[Gator_Aids]

What the fuck did I just read???


His anal virginity to Sammi, all 22cm.
Or maybe MANduh/Faith sodomised him already. Who knows?

It’s an old bit of lore but it may be worth re-examining given current information. Perhaps we need to reconsider WHY that kid needed assnapkins.

 

[sufferhorse]

i hope this isnt his new arc, suicide baiting to get linx and dick masterson's attention back.
If he starts doing this more and more often, i suggest erasing the entire ralph board.

 

[Mynameisdark]

Ralph is just anathema to content nowadays. He's so withdrawn and passive that if things aren't happening to him, then nothing is happening at all.

In a reply on xitter he was sorry Colombia was a bust and promised to do some actual content next time but quote "not that I'm complaining ahahaha!". I read that as him mocking the paypigs that even funded his trip in the first place. Ralph imagines himself a legendary entertainer—yet he barely even tries..

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

I have literally never lost my cell phone. It is baffling to me how Ralph has managed to lose so many of them. Then again, I'm not a pill head or a drunk.

Because he has to keep track of two (maybe three). He definitely always has one glued to his hand. However we have seen how bad his Xanax booze comas get and if he does that in Tijuana he’s lucky to have a shirt on his back when he sobers up.

Functional alcoholics manage to keep their wits about them, but even stone cold sober Ralph can’t keep his wits about him so he’s really fucked once he starts drinking.

 

[AncientPhosphur]

I think if I blacked out and was losing things I’d might rethink my life but for Ralph that sudden loss of consciousness is a way for him to cope and manage what can barely be called a life. All he has is dancing on stream pretending he’s a rockstar or wrestler while he receives $1 donations he scrounges up for tortas, hookers, and xanax. So yeah the drug use makes sense.

 

[Sumptinsfuckey]

Man, Ethel went to Columbia, no content. He went to Tijuana, no content. Fat boy is just a nontent machine. BTW where in Columbia did he go? Was it Boguta? Muddelin?

 

[HackerX]

I have literally never lost my cell phone. It is baffling to me how Ralph has managed to lose so many of them. Then again, I'm not a pill head or a drunk.

It'd be one thing if he was one of those guys who always managed to lose a phone when he's out on the lake/river/creek, but it's not. It's either he's a complete mess and loses them or he's a complete mess and they always get stolen. Win Win for the Ralphamale.

Functional alcoholics manage to keep their wits about them, but even stone cold sober Ralph can’t keep his wits about him so he’s really fucked once he starts drinking.

Operative word "Functional".

Because he has to keep track of two (maybe three). He definitely always has one glued to his hand. However we have seen how bad his Xanax booze comas get and if he does that in Tijuana he’s lucky to have a shirt on his back when he sobers up.

He's lucky to have his purple passport on him when he sobers up. I can't imagine he's planning out his travels beyond a day, so it's not like he's leaving his bags and whatnot in the hotel room.

So yeah the drug use makes sense.

The drug use is how he got to that point in the first place. Ralph never had the makings of a varsity athlete, but the drugs took him from meager trailer park life sippin' on a 6 pack of Bud Light per day, to shackin' up on Mehico and abandoned in Tijuana.

BTW where in Columbia did he go? Was it Boguta? Muddelin

Medellin. And hehehe. You used a u. Uh oh

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Man, Ethel went to Columbia, no content. He went to Tijuana, no content. Fat boy is just a nontent machine. BTW where in Columbia did he go? Was it Boguta? Muddelin?

He went to Medellin and was held hostage by a revenge pornographer and his coked up guards.

 

[Sumptinsfuckey]

Medellin. And hehehe. You used a u. Uh oh

OF course, that's just how its spelled.

 

[O Puffers Where Art Thou?]

Ralph is just anathema to content nowadays. He's so withdrawn and passive that if things aren't happening to him, then nothing is happening at all.

What a sad state of affairs. How the mighty have fallen.

 

[Dixieland Buckaroo]

The little pig who cried wolf. Or in Ralph's case, the little fat pig who didn't tweet for a few days and this time no one cares. Rest In Piss, bozo- whether you're dead in a ditch or just passed out there.

 

[Truly Rural]

Wonder what bullshit Ralphamale folded to this time. He should stop playing dead, there are no mentions of him on twatter, it's not worth it.

 

[Sloppa]

Ralphy is walking home from the airport, grease dripping off his tits, skin boiling off his brow, clouds of dandruff billowing off his grey hair when a truck of migrant fruit pickers pass him on the highway. Drinking from cow troughs, his last shirt ripped up to make a crude sun hat. His last peso spent on a box of warm chocolate milk so he could spite Mathew Vickers.