- Joined
- Oct 19, 2024
Assuming that Zoey actually has a formal BPD diagnosis IRL from a licensed professional, and assuming that her diagnosis is accurate (which, I'm more inclined to believe it is, and Dizzy is more inclined to believe that it isn't; I'll admit that, with her being both Schizoaffective and severely Autistic, it could go either way), her goals need to be attainable while still making measurable progress.
Developing a sense of identity that she can confirm with internal validation is, at best, a longterm goal for Zoey. A distorted sense of identity heavily reliant on appraisal from others and on fulfilling clearly delineated social roles is one of the more classical "personality disorder" parts of BPD, something that is inherent to how the person perceives themselves and the world around them. When people say that Borderline PD is considerably more treatable than most other Axis-II conditions, they're usually focused on externally directed symptoms like emotional dysregulation, chaotic relationship patterns, self-harm, etc., not the self-image disruption that sometimes seems to be at the very core of the condition. It's challenging in part because it's so clearly ego-syntonic, meaning that it aligns with something fundamental about who the person is, and in part because it's an exaggeration of normal human social needs.
Unfortunately, I have absolutely no fucking idea how you probably experience the relationship between your internal self-image and the role that you fill in what you perceive as the world viewed by others. Sorry about that. I'm guessing the first gets prioritized in some situations, the latter in others, that it varies over time and between people, etc. As for me, I primarily want to be liked by some people, disliked by others in a way where I'm in control of the narrative, and seen as just another face in the crowd by the overwhelming majority, because I probably feel like I'm more broken and worthless than I actually am (the whole "Avoidant traits" thing) and really just want to seem normal-ish most of the time. Zoey is, as much as I might hate to say this, probably very similar to me in wanting to be perceived positively by some people and negatively in a specific way by others. If she's got Narcissistic traits or full-blown NPD, you can obviously skip over the part about wanting to seem average to most people, but the general picture is still a triptych by the same painter. It's basically the opposite of what you see in Schizoid PD, where the person feels no or very few social needs and doesn't find any innate value in connecting with others. The only innate values are social.
In the short term, she really just needs to drop what I think might be a desire to be seen as pitiably broken. I mean, I could be wrong about this, but the way that she posts so often about feeling either physically or psychologically miserable feels like she probably wants to be seen as in need of nurturance. Also as someone who puts the haters in their place, which is paradoxical as fuck but does make sense in context. Again, assuming she actually has BPD.
I literally can't believe that I'm saying this, but BPD might actually be the better option here. If she's dead-ass serious about all of this and isn't even unconsciously acting out a role, then God help that poor, broken womanchild, because her brain's pretty obviously eating parts of itself like the shipwrecked, heroin smuggling surgeon from Survivor Type.
Walnuts...insular cortex tastes just like walnuts...
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