DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[Skippy Shortbottom]

So here is where you realize how much Phil fucking sucks as a content curator. WWEC is a game he enjoys and is happy about, but he couldn't make it stick. Why? I want to point to a couple things:

He doesn't actually come across as knowledgeable about the game. I know it was confusing for all of us that for once DSP was able to talk about something other than "smooth 60fps" or "the graphics look HD" but if you really look at it, everything he says about WWEC's """"""gameplay""""""" boils down to "oh this character sucks", "oh we have to do this bullshit level but it's fine because we overbuffed our sweatyman", "oh this skin used to be good but now it sucks".

As someone who watches other gachaslop, other streamers for other gacha games talk about "here's a build that you can use with this character that can last you for a long time", "here's the most optimal way you can get the most pulls for this event with your F2P stuff", etc. In reality, other content creators for predatory gachaslop thrive on making content for the F2P crowd. I don't know if that's possible or not for WWEC but Phil I imagine never actually plays the F2P side of that game, he only dumps as much money in it so he can overlevel and get the sweatyman with the best moves and top the event. That's all well and good if his content was about continuously doing pulls until he gets shiny new sweatyman of the week, but he's unable to do that because he didn't use DFTR AND he monetized the pulls so that he'll only do a megapull for a big tip.

Because Phil is a fucking idiot and has no sense for entertainment or content at all.

It's essentially what he's doing with all his other videogame content too.

Elden Ring is a good example.
Wow look at all these different weapons and skills he picks up. He can try them all out and try to make it work because he's such a good gamer who can pick out the games mechanics after the first hour and can theorycraft and makes some cool fun unique chill different style stuff, correct? Right? Good point I just made

No, he copies someones homework by googling MOST OP ELDEN RING BUILD or looks at the back of his #elden-ring-library for answers and picks Golden Halberd Jump R2. He saw the answers before he even saw the fuckin' question and its why he banged his head onto the first Tree Sentinel he found for it.

Must be an ego thing. He just says it's content and/or entertaining so he can check the boxes for what he considers his "business" to continue makin the slop and then scratching his head askin "Why isn't this working? I'm doing everything by the books!"

 

[Ardath]

Yes, but if Phil wasn't a lolcow, he would have lost this ~6 figure income about a decade ago. He's an objectively terrible streamer.

It's hard to say what I would do in Phil's position. He could be like Wings, stream less and take the big $ opportunities that come along, however he's still a lolcow and obviously unhappy doing it. The best option would have been to do something else once Youtube dried up and semi-retired. But, that's also easier said than done. The only reason he got Leanna and Kat is because of that internet fame and money. He'd have to wisely save and invest his money, which he's too stupid to do. And Phil would be a weird ugly oddly shaped head incel like all of his chat now.

People misunderstand the bag he fumbled, he was on the ground floor of gaming on youtube, He was also streaming before twitch even existed, and also MCMs when they were retarded and just handing you money, any other youtuber who was marginally big at that time made out like a king and either just stopped or continued evolving with the times, he literally had a golden ticket in his hands and he couldn't hold on to it. He should have a dream life with no worries, instead he is an internet pan handler, its amazing.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

People misunderstand the bag he fumbled, he was on the ground floor of gaming on youtube, He was also streaming before twitch even existed, and also MCMs when they were retarded and just handing you money, any other youtuber who was marginally big at that time made out like a king and either just stopped or continued evolving with the times, he literally had a golden ticket in his hands and he couldn't hold on to it. He should have a dream life with no worries, instead he is an internet pan handler, its amazing.

I know the bag that Phil fumbled, he was up there with the big boys on Youtube in the early 10s. Phil couldn't evolve with the times because he's incapable. He just lucked into becoming big on Youtube by "busting his ayuss" spamming videos at the right place and right time. Once that passed, there's nothing else Phil can bring to the table.

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

People misunderstand the bag he fumbled, he was on the ground floor of gaming on youtube, He was also streaming before twitch even existed, and also MCMs when they were retarded and just handing you money, any other youtuber who was marginally big at that time made out like a king and either just stopped or continued evolving with the times, he literally had a golden ticket in his hands and he couldn't hold on to it. He should have a dream life with no worries, instead he is an internet pan handler, its amazing.

In hindsight, the main strength of MCNs (especially Machinima) back then wasn't them cashing insane paycheques for any kind of bottom-feeder khantent that the Youtubers under them shat out, it was the opportunities. They were handing out tickets to cons and even did networking on behalf of the tards that worked for them and piggy fucked everything up. Many of his peers just stopped being Youtubers because they used the networking opportunities from Machinima to con their way into some high-paying do-nothing "job" where they'd have to shoot like half a dozen emails a month and attend 4 meetings in a quarter and that'd be their "quota" when it comes to workload.

His "exposé" reack on Sir Joon's Downfall of Machinima documentary made him reveal shit that made him look even shittier than we thought. He thought that he had some EPIC behind-da-scenez info that would twist the knife even further - instead it showed just how dumb, low IQ and autistic this pigger always was and how he fumbled every single bag filled with gold bars that was thrown his way. Everyone already knows the story he told about how Machinima wanted him to branch out and maybe become an FGC commentator or announcer and how confused he was because "I just wanna keep doing what I'm doing dood!" but the story he told when he was given I believe E3 tickets just takes the cake. They wanted him to do some networking and to take footage of actual relevant shit but he fucked up so much that they had to send out a tardwrangler- sorry, CHAPERONE, to tell him what to do. Then he had the gall to say that he was the hardest worker who got the most amount of footage out of any other nudnik that they gave tickets to. Just ignore the fact that his "work" was absolute trash and that nobody wants to watch 10 hours of piggy drunkenly swaying from side to side not showing anything, not talking to anyone, then going to eat a bunch of greasy fast food before sequestering himself to his hotel room to "babysit the uploads" in between watching interracial cuckold porn.

It's no wonder Machinima told him to get bent after all the shit he put them through. From what I remember he was even too fucking lazy to add their shitty spinning logo in the beginning and end of his videos because "I'm the talent, Tom Cruise doesn't edit his own movies!" and they still indulged him and had a tardwrangler on staff to do the 5 seconds of work required to add their intro and outro to his sloptent.

 

[Cucktry Roads]

I know the bag that Phil fumbled, he was up there with the big boys on Youtube in the early 10s. Phil couldn't evolve with the times because he's incapable. He just lucked into becoming big on Youtube by "busting his ayuss" spamming videos at the right place and right time. Once that passed, there's nothing else Phil can bring to the table.

Like I've said before, Imagine there's a sandwich shop in a town with 0 sandwich shops and everyone in town wants sandwiches. One sandwich shop moves in and is serving the worst slop Which is given away for free. Most people are taking a single sandwich having a bite and throwing it away because it tastes bad. Meanwhile the city is paying the sandwich shop for each sandwich given away.

The sandwich shop refuses to change with The Times and keeps pushing out the same low quality garbage. Eventually more sandwich shops move in with higher quality sandwiches that people actually want. Meanwhile the original sandwich shop is buying a bunch of useless crap to stick on the shelves and walls Along with buying sweaty Jpgs. The Sandwich shop eventually goes bankrupt since for some reason it wanted to move across town to another location, when it really doesn't matter where the sandwich shop is.
Nowadays people just go to the better sandwich shops and instead of the city paying the original sandwich shop too much money to give out free samples instead that sandwich shop is having a beg for money.

 

[Shocked and Horrified]

I cannot imagine being his age and having to play shit you actively hate every day

Phail hates having to put forth effort in any endeavor. He didn't want to work even as a young pigroach.

I've said he's training the dents to pay him for just sitting there, but now I think he really wants them to pay him for existing. He might grace them randomly for a q&a, but Phail doesn't want to do anything.

Phail isn't depressed because he has to play games he hates. He barely plays, for one thing. Phail is an entitled man-child who has always been demanding and consistently demonstrated how ungrateful he is for anything.

Pouty, arms crossed, and pissy Phail are lifelong adjectives that are accurate today.

 

[JackoVerde]

"I'm the talent, Tom Cruise doesn't edit his own movies!"

Tom cruise is probably active in the editing process of his movies even if he himself isn’t sitting down and editing them.
Tom cruise is a hard worker unlike Phil.

 

[Pargon]

Yes, but if Phil wasn't a lolcow, he would have lost this ~6 figure income about a decade ago. He's an objectively terrible streamer.

It's hard to say what I would do in Phil's position. He could be like Wings, stream less and take the big $ opportunities that come along, however he's still a lolcow and obviously unhappy doing it. The best option would have been to do something else once Youtube dried up and semi-retired. But, that's also easier said than done. The only reason he got Leanna and Kat is because of that internet fame and money. He'd have to wisely save and invest his money, which he's too stupid to do. And Phil would be a weird ugly oddly shaped head incel like all of his chat now.

He was on the ground floor of playing video games for other people as entertainment. He could have turned that into fucking anything to do with the industry. ChipCheezum started LPing MGS games very close to finishing high school iirc and whether you like him or not he wound up with a real Big Boy Job in the industry with a company that actually makes games. Compared to Phil he’s C-suite, and arguably Phil had a bigger head start than a lot of the early SA folks on account of his FGC notoriety (if not necessarily fame), so hey, porker pigfucked himself as usual, other news at 11

 

[JackoVerde]

Yes, but if Phil wasn't a lolcow, he would have lost this ~6 figure income about a decade ago. He's an objectively terrible streamer.

Not sure about that, non lolcow Phil would probably save his money, improve and be able to keep a job. Probably do the actual extra opportunities like FGC commentating, not treating his friends like Rambo like garbage.
Phil has probably made close to 2.5 mil by now that he’s squandered and close to zero month to month.

 

[Eekum Bokum]

Lol a 43 year old man is upset that people didn’t like paper Mario. I repeat, a 43 year old man didnt like that his “fans” didn’t want to watch a Mario game. Jfc

NEWS UPDATE
————————
HE TOOK AWAY THE VIEWER CHOICE MARATHONS!

That's the reason reason why he was so pissy throughout the whole marathon. He never wanted to do viewers choice to begin with but he had to because the fans wanted it, but since he's a child he can't let them enjoy something he didn't want to do in the first place so he becomes toxic on purpose to justify never doing it again. He did the same with Stellar Blade. He has not matured past the age of 7 mentally.

Side note: I'm glad the fans don't want to see him play Paper Mario TTYD and he's upset at that fact. The game is a masterpiece and does not deserve to be sullied by his greasy hoofs.

 

[Mister Baranavichy]

Kick chat really is a wonder, I'm both amazed these words are not shadow banned and that he's been spamming this for almost 4 min. now.

 

[TheGreatWhiteNorth]

Phil is playing Doom. I guess we'll get more bitching about how it's not like the original Doom shortly.

 

[shekelshoah666]

Not just playing doom he did a segment about buying it early and that the fans wanted him to pay the extra $30. So now he has an excuse to go off if the goals aren't hit.

Now he's laughing at people for "wearing hand me downs" while he has plenty of money to buy new shirts

 

[Ozzy Mosis]

Not just playing doom he did a segment about buying it early and that the fans wanted him to pay the extra $30. So now he has an excuse to go off if the goals aren't hit.

Now he's laughing at people for "wearing hand me downs" while he has plenty of money to buy new shirts

This shit annoys me, the whole "I dress nice now" thing. You know all those tacky button-ups come from TJ Maxx or Marshalls, maybe Kohls.

 

[W@rui]

 

[TheGreatWhiteNorth]

This shit annoys me, the whole "I dress nice now" thing. You know all those tacky button-ups come from TJ Maxx or Marshalls, maybe Kohls.

Not to mention that he only started doing it after LTG called him out. Even then, Phil sucks at ironing (the paper clip on the collar), and remember, this is all coming from the moron who wears his own merch, and a 10-year-old Blanka shirt.

 

[shekelshoah666]

Might be getting a cope session before Doom comes out because it's getting shit on by some reviewers and you know how much DSP loves them.

 

[EmpGulcasa]

He loves to shit on a game people are excited for because he's the only one "not shilling" who "tells it how it is".

 

[Keith the Horse Fucker]

I probably will have to take a break from Phil for a while as my urge to just slap the shit out of him is ever increasing. But I take comfort knowing that all of his thoughts are centered around trolls. We control his every move. He is afraid to leave the house because of Trolls. He is afraid to take his wife on a honeymoon. He is afraid to just have fun in a game and not be afraid to fail, because of trolls.

 

[Iron Hamster]

Bugsnax (had to spend 15min remembering and looking this thing up)

All you have to remember is: ACTION PACKED FINALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder if the scatology style humour annoys Kat enough that she'll leave.

Can you imagine THAT Cleveland Steamer? Phail would be in heaven.