DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

Where is DSP?

  • He is in Connecticut visiting family/funeral

    Votes: 213 47.9%
  • He and Khet are on a honeymoon style trip

    Votes: 12 2.7%
  • He has an issue (s) with the HOA requiring immediate fixes

    Votes: 27 6.1%
  • Comcast/ISP/Internet Issues

    Votes: 16 3.6%
  • He is taking a Kino Casino style break by not announcing when he comes back

    Votes: 30 6.7%
  • Phil and/or Khet Health Issue

    Votes: 48 10.8%
  • This is a social experiment from DSP

    Votes: 99 22.2%

  • Total voters
    445
  • Poll closed .
No offence meant to anyone but I think saying Phillip has a dream job is a bit naive. Like a kid who thinks eating chocolate for every meal is a dream life.

Humans need connection with others. And stimulation, challenge, progression and the ability to learn things.
I’m not sure if they still do it, but in the 90s Japanese companies had a room with a TV and newspapers. Instead of being fired, workers slacking off were sent to the room as punishment. Like ‘your life is meaningless and you’re wasting your time. You’re not a part of our group.’

I love films. Last weekend the girlfriend and I got a free 7 day trial to some expensive indie streaming service and we decided to watch 2 films a day to take full advantage. After 4 days it was a fucking slog and I’d had enough.

I’d agree Phillips job is cushy but it’s also miserable and soul destroying. I certainly wouldn’t call it a dream job. There’s no circumstances I’d trade my job for his.
 
Another detail that made that American truck gameplay extra scummy was that he started only playing the demo and planned to stick to it.

For a 20$ game... He's not capable of injecting money into his business without the dent having to tip him.

EDIT: looks like he got a version with dlcs

Screenshot_1.webp
 
Last edited:
Edit: @neger psykolog Uhh, if you remember he actually got a headache "from all the sugar" from eating that half a packet of Skittles and had to go take an Advil after stream, so you're being pretty selfish. If you were a True & Authentic fan you would just give him $1,000 because you like him and want to support him, not because you're an asshole troll who thinks you're entitled to something.
Believe me I keep trying - I'm mainly waiting for good luck to go my way so someone tips him $1000 and I can sit here and gloat and pretend that I paid him that amount of money and people will get super MATI at me and I will be able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and highlight once more how the giant overreaction that people give to DSP receiving stupid amounts of money (something that will never stop) is one of the reasons that he gets so much money in the first place. I've contacted my bank to figure out why my tips aren't going through!
 
Another detail that made that American truck gameplay extra scummy was that he started only playing the demo and planned to stick to it.

For a 20$ game... He's not capable of injecting money into his business without the dent having to tip him.
I mean...if he refunded KCD2 he'd have more than enough. Hell, he'd have a few bucks to spend on some Door dash slop.
 
Thanks for stopping by, Jayde
View attachment 7342509

E: aaaaaand he's already threatening to wagequit Truck Sim SAVED, he got the money and now he has to go all of a sudden
E2: Saw this on Tevin's stream, apparently Phil's camera fucked up and he's not wearing pants

Day drinking, wearing no pants, begging for money and marry to a trailer park whore? Phil is officially the one uncle whom your family don't invited over for family reunions.
 
I’d agree Phillips job is cushy but it’s also miserable and soul destroying. I certainly wouldn’t call it a dream job. There’s no circumstances I’d trade my job for his.
Real Hasan hours here. Anyone who works a shitty job (which let's be honest 90% of them are) would trade it for playing bing bing wahoo in a heartbeat. If you work a job you like it's easy to forget that there's millions of people who do jobs as riveting as placing the same thing onto the same conveyor belt to watch the same machine bend it into the same desired shape, a thousand times a day, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, forever. Streaming vidya is easy as shit, every "problem" piggy has is self-inflicted. Nobody threw him into a SHU, his isolation is his own doing.
 
No offence meant to anyone but I think saying Phillip has a dream job is a bit naive. Like a kid who thinks eating chocolate for every meal is a dream life.

Humans need connection with others. And stimulation, challenge, progression and the ability to learn things.
I’m not sure if they still do it, but in the 90s Japanese companies had a room with a TV and newspapers. Instead of being fired, workers slacking off were sent to the room as punishment. Like ‘your life is meaningless and you’re wasting your time. You’re not a part of our group.’

I love films. Last weekend the girlfriend and I got a free 7 day trial to some expensive indie streaming service and we decided to watch 2 films a day to take full advantage. After 4 days it was a fucking slog and I’d had enough.

I’d agree Phillips job is cushy but it’s also miserable and soul destroying. I certainly wouldn’t call it a dream job. There’s no circumstances I’d trade my job for his.
It's naïve to think it's DSP's job that stops him from having human connections.

Hundreds of streamers have healthy social lives. DSP actively chooses to live life like a hermit and schedule out his streaming hours the way he does. If anybody else were in DSP's position they'd manage it differently and would most likely have a better time doing it compared to whatever bullshit 9 to 5 they're doing now. That's the point imo.
 
DesperateSydePhil will drive blindfolded for $50.
View attachment 7342343
I think him playing SF6 blindfolded would actually help his W/L ratio at master rank.

1746870662028.webp

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK, I'm turning the wheel to the left and the trailer is going right, what dumb fuck chinky chang wang built this POS that literally violates the laws of FUCKING PHYSICS, like how brain dead were these developers, MY GAWWWWWWWWD...
 
Last edited:
The fact that he still hasn't figured out the basic mechanics of reversing a trailer... what is going on in this guys brain?
A week ago I watched this video that I'll shill now, it's an absolute banger. The dood talking to TakinLs or whatever the fuck his name is was a psychiatric nurse who worked mainly with dementia patients and his wife is a psychologist, the entire video is an absolute banger but the relevant part I timestamped, he argues that piggy has problems with spatial awareness, hand-eye coordination and possibly has dyspraxia, the latter would explain his absolutely bizarre use of cutlery where he holds a fork upside down, lopsidedly or even sideways while he D'VOURS and this is why he prefers finger food.

 
Streaming vidya is easy as shit, every "problem" piggy has is self-inflicted. Nobody threw him into a SHU, his isolation is his own doing.
Streaming might be easy but the market is oversaturated. you either need to be really unique or suck some cock to get anywhere to make a living off of it. DSP is lucky he has such a huge detractor base that motivates his dented and degenerate fans to donate to him so they "can stick it to the trolls"
 
It's naïve to think it's DSP's job that stops him from having human connections.

Hundreds of streamers have healthy social lives. DSP actively chooses to live life like a hermit and schedule out his streaming hours the way he does. If anybody else were in DSP's position they'd manage it differently and would most likely have a better time doing it compared to whatever bullshit 9 to 5 they're doing now. That's the point imo.
You’re right, streamers do have a social life and connections. And I thought of this when I wrote my original post.

However in my head, the definition of ‘Philips job’ is to sit in a cupboard alone playing videogames (even ignoring the trolling and begging for this exercise). That is Phillips job, I’m not commenting what his job COULD be if he put some effort to it and went outside to make videos.
Even if I had a vibrant social life, I couldn’t do a job sitting in a cupboard for 8 hours.

Same answer to big brown schlub; I’m not saying it’s the worst job in the country, I’m saying it’s not even close to being a ‘dream job’ some often describe it as.
 
Streaming might be easy but the market is oversaturated. you either need to be really unique or suck some cock to get anywhere to make a living off of it. DSP is lucky he has such a huge detractor base that motivates his dented and degenerate fans to donate to him so they "can stick it to the trolls"
This is true for anybody getting into streaming today, Phil got in on the ground floor and was a big name back in the day. He had the golden ticket and still managed to piss it all away.
 
Even worse, what if she's into it and gave Phil the idea of what to do with a spoon? (yes the image of Phil bent over giddily laughing while Khet shoves a spoon up there popped into my head so now all of you have to suffer with me)
I am gonna make you all read this again. Because Tevin said something last night about all this fucker has is stereotypes.
So he's mocking truck drivers tonight? Just know if you have a CDL or you're a parcel driver. This is how he sees you. Some back woods redneck hick who drinks on the job and drives like a cunt
This in particular is important. Like Phil's entire fucking life is movies. And cartoons. And TV. Because in short Phil doesn't have a shit fetish, isn't gay, and probably doesn't wanna go ass to mouth with Mr. Sparrow. The simple answer is, Phil doesn't fucking like anything. So why the fuck would he have fetishes. That requires a level of desire and thoughtfulness beyond this mongoloid's need for basic low effort stimulation. Having specific desires for certain situations and scenarios when he can't tell you the kind of pizza he likes? I just don't buy it.

And I know thats speculative and wanky. But theres an important step. The gay stuff, the shit, the big black dicks all have the uniting factor of that was just the kind of thing that was funny when he was a kid. Especially into like college. Because on top of that alcohol abuse is funny to him. To put that in the faggiest way possible, sorry. Like its all peak boner comedy shit.

Like you can disagree, but I want you to consider his comple lack of imagination. More specifically, his script he runs off of. His crashouts are a really good example. If you were a child you can tell he loves repeating shit your folks or your teacher would tell you. When he isn't using nonsense like "mouth drooler". And to really wrap it up in a neat little bow. Look back at his horn dog shit. That was some real Johnny Bravo stuff. Even down to him slightly taking up the voice.

I could keep going with examples. But the dude only repeats what he hears. He is down to shit jokes because its his only safe jokes. Which I am not gonna even get into how he gets bullied out of things. Because he says things without having a thought on his own words. Because he didn't really come up with em. It just ties it all together way neater than a man with no thoughts or desires having really deviant desires.
 
It's such a coinky dink that the marathon DSP didn't want to do was a disappointment according to DSP. Yeah. The closet cleaning was totally the right choice huh? This fucking baby

So he's mocking truck drivers tonight? Just know if you have a CDL or you're a parcel driver. This is how he sees you. Some back woods redneck hick who drinks on the job and drives like a cunt.

He's right btw. Just wanted to point it out.
Just wait until they go on strike and he can't get his RGBs. I'm sure he'll go in as a scab and show them how easy it is. :story:
Another mental illness moment
View attachment 7342461
Casino rent free.
Edit: He really said "Wait what's an ambulance doing on the highway?"
Odd since he would have needed one when someone ran him off the road and he burned half his face off in his alleged accident on a highway.
when you real drive, if you space out you veer off the road"
The truth finally revealed about how he actually wrecked the car his parents bought him.
Gezz, look at this parasocial faggot trying to get daddy's attention.
View attachment 7342913
Derich finally reveals his new alt
Didn't he brag up and down about buying his shirts from a second hand shahp to prove how frugal he is after his boycrush LTG told him to work on his sexy?
yes
 
Not to rag on the "Streaming's not all it's cracked to be" thing but in Phil's case, well holy tasty bananas. All of Phil's success is literally god-given. It's a little crazy, even. He wasn't one of the OG let's players. Early enough but definitely late to the party. He bypassed most of the tech literacy checks by just pointing a camcorder at his screen. He traded charisma for tardrage and knowledge and skill for autism and a very limited ability to monkey-see-monkey-do. He rose to the fucking top when by all means he REALLY should have been another 10 views channel, at the most. He was never clever, he was never good at creative problem solving, he has never once reached or even tried to reach the top in a competitive game he's played, which just happens eventually to players who stick around a game for long enough when they have even a modest amount of talent. Phil, in fact, will bow out of games when the going gets tough, and buy the same game four or five times to smurf accounts... Y'know, instead of just making a new account. He's dumb even at the most basic of ego stroking BS plays.

He has never had to work a single day for his khantent. He just shits out borethroughs on normal to this very day and he still has an audience. He doesn't even combust into sheer autistic chimpouts like he used to. Occasionally he'll feel himself and burst into song, and the song is about putting bananas in your mouth until they cum in then out, but that's it. If you ask most kids what they wanna be nowadays, it's always streamers. Life's rough and it feels like gambling on if you can be the next Shroud oftentimes makes a lot more sense than working for the gasoline and car maintenance to go to work and shitty low quality food to eat uncooked in a rented room that takes half your salary away. You're not gonna own anything anyway: Might as well make your barely-staying-afloat money from the comfort of your rented room with a comparatively minor investment. Less risky than opening a brick-and-mortar shop. Or going into student debt.

Even so, streaming as a career has LONG moved past the whole "Be charismatic/Hot and stream yourself playing vidya on normal." If a streamer isn't sinking in the sea of endless repeated faces, they're doing a SHITLOAD of behind the scenes work to ensure they've even moved past the 1K subs on Youtube. And a lot of it is just sheer guesswork on what games are gonna get hits this month. Unless the guy/gal is just really nice to look at, there's very little runaway unjustified success like Phil has always had. While the "personality streamers" still exist, they've mostly been around for a while, and even then, there's usually something else going on. I seriously doubt at this point someone could replicate Aris or Max Dood's level of success without some level of black magic. And obviously, Aris is just an unstoppable force of charisma. People can listen to him talk for hours. AND he was once world-class talent at the games he played. Max first made his name by cramming his skull full of MvC knowledge and making a, for the time, rather high production value series of videos. Phil has never once been even top 10 at any of the games he played, except for Champeens, and Champeens literally just comes down to being the most open wallet. He also never made anything other than prestream podcasts and his edited videos were always shit.

The qualities a streamer who can make it have are very rare. Some can be worked on but some can't, and the thing is, not only does Phil not check ANY of the boxes, he NEVER ONCE HAS.

The bullshit that goes into streaming seriously nowadays:

- Game research, acquiring knowledge and grinding skill. You need to play the games you pick well enough. This will often come down to you hating the fuck out of whatever it is you're playing. Marvel Rivals with the lads and a couple beers? Great time. Marvel Rivals and you aren't stopping until you hit Celestial, solo, onetricking a character so you can make an exposé on how shit the matchmaking is? Pure unbridled misery. Streamers who do well "Just" streaming multiplayer games are often world-class. You don't always have to be world class, but you have to be entertaining and you generally are NOT getting butts on seats unless you can make SOMETHING that a certain group of people want. And figuring out what that even is in the first place is a huge part of managing to grow. Once the butts are in seats growing gets somewhat easier, but getting your foot in the door is absolutely a bitch and a half. Fair to say Phil could absolutely not write a guide, which is akin to writing a game manual of yore.


- If you have nothing of value to offer to a specific community, research into cheats and how to pass them off. The "Easy" way, that still has a shitload of cramming. An obvious cheater will get caught pretty fast, and you'll always have to be on and ready to deny all charges, no matter how obvious it is that you ARE in fact cheating. Due to Twitch's and specially Youtube's and Kick's very loose policies on cheating, chicks like Nadia get to cheat for literal years and become infamous in the community. No such thing as bad publicity and often the cheaters are just as widely known as the top pro players. Sometimes better known. Very few Tekken players will not know who Fariborz is, but some lesser names like Jigoku may not ring a bell. The CoDsphere in general and, surprisingly, the speedrunning community are also absolutely chock full of cheaters, to the point where one of the very first tips you'll get as an aspiring streamer is "Get a Cronus Zen/Scripts/Learn to subtly edit speeds." All of the juice of being world-class, none of the effort, but you have to be able to take the heat and get sponsorship deals. Again, Phil would mostly be out of his depth here and every time he's cheated a game he's done so in a very open handed, shit-eating-grin manner.


- Physical training to at least keep yourself in reasonably good shape. Your mental reflexes can be incredibly sharp, but if your hands are lagging 10 seconds behind, it's not worth that much. This is one of Phil's biggest problems. He was already slow in the mind to begin with, but as he deteriorates and pickles his brain in pre-mixed margaritas, his reflexes are simply not fast enough to keep up with most modern videogames. This is a big part of why he plays Soulslikes. They are designed in a way that twitch reactions aren't all that important. I suppose Phil's Gout Walks count for SOMETHING there. His getting up and stretching is just stalling, realistically.


- Working on your sexy. No fucking joke, this is legitimate streaming advice by LTG: You want to appear attractive. You don't HAVE to slut it up, but it usually helps. Twitch has literally more streamers than viewers, and at least 75% of that people aren't looking particularly good. Being attractive immediately helps you stand out. Simultaneously, I've seen chicks who do incredible cosplays, literally cinema-worthy props get absolutely fucked sideways in the algorithm in favor of "Haha, I'm Bowsette" silicone girls in a bad wig and a swimsuit two sizes too small. Once the looks have gotten a click, you seal the deal with the voice. This is why working on your sexy isn't necessarily a sex thing, it's about being pleasant enough to be around.

Guys like Disguised Toast say that this doesn't matter at all and it's all about the first point in this list... While naturally looking and sounding like a Kpop singer. Guy would have made a killing talking about candy wrappers. Looks are literally all these Tiktok zoomies got to go on judging who's stream they're gonna camp for the afternoon, after that, the first contact they have with you is how you sound. And that is in fact why so many big streamers make these really weird fashion choices, like the fantasy colored hair. Or the shoe polish dye to appear younger in Phil's case, I suppose. Anything to stand out can potentially set you ahead. That is also why most streams directed at young people (A very fucking desirable demographic) are "High energy" meaning the dude/dudette uses a silly voice, makes really dumb comments and never, ever shuts the fuck up. Check the DBD community if you want a taste. More adult-oriented streams typically aim to give themselves a good "Radio voice", which again can be a surprising amount of work, and will often format their videos like a podcast so their audience has new content to listen to while commuting. If you can't do a good radio voice, you should at least work on a steady monotone, with too many success examples to really count.

So in short you need to be not unpleasant to the eye, not unpleasant to the ear, or at least unique. Even if you're going to scream, you need to do it in a smart way. Mic peaking and eardrums being pierced is a recipe for failure, even if you're just trying to be a screamer streamer. While some people get it naturally, others REALLY have to work on it. Phil's nasally voice, poor articulation and goblinesque features once again would make you think this dude's absolutely one of a hundred thousand going-nowhere streams... Yet he was unironically one of Twitch's top earners for a good while.

Meanwhile what you see to click on his stream is an oddly shaped head manchild making a vaguely pouty, definitely bored expression at the screen, decked in TJ Maxx's finest discount wares, obviously dyed hair, playing on normal with serious risk of a wagequit, and the first thing that greets you when you click, statistically, is either a nice wet snort in your ear canal if you're wearing headphones, or a middle manager rallying the troops so the sales goals can be met and Laura (That bitch!) can finally ring the bell so we have that Pizza Party where Phil eats it all that we all want so much. I think few things really illustrate the pains of being a new 20s wageslave quite like the dreaded pizza party, yet all of his rewards are essentially a pizza party. Where you don't even get to eat the pizza. Middle manager Phil will eat it and let you know if it's Tangy with a zit, Tasty, Good, Yummy, simply Flavor, or more leaning to the Urban-Garlic-Infused Robust Style side of the taste scale. While ignoring the fact that most takeout is spiced and salted to kingdom come so the taste stays with you.

TL;DR: If being a pudgy, pasty, uninteresting patchy bearded doob playing "Whatever the fuck he likes" on stream was a surefire way to success, everyone would be doing it. I know dudes in their forties thinking they can stream New Vegas on very normal no hardcore dying upwards of 90 times and make a killing. A big part of Phil's thing with streaming is that he is basically doing exactly that, yet he's wildly succesful in comparison to the literal hundreds of thousands of Twitch channels with 0 to 3 viewers. And the fact that his chat is dead when a 10 people chat can VERY easily be hard to keep up with makes me think he's botted to hell, on top of things. That's the 99 luck build carrying, I suppose. By all metrics he should be mired in deep irrelevance by now.

Streaming in the absolutely oversaturated market of today requires so much effort for even a mild modicum of success that 99% of people considering it should legit not even bother, and here's Phil, who's absolutely the polar opposite of everything you should strive to be... And he's struck it rich for nearly two decades now. I suppose that's pretty much the only interest he's got left. He's the nega-streamer. He's Bizarro Aris. He's the dude that does it all wrong and yet always succeeds.
 
Back