Hey friends,
Fairly new sissy here. A little backstory on me
My attraction to sissy stuff started when I was younger (13 or 14?). Forced feminization comics and all that. I mostly left it as a kink and didn't act on it physically (dressing up or anything). I never wanted to be the girl really but I was always attracted to "the girl" and the power dynamics at play
Fast forward to now. I'm in my early 30s, married with 2 kids. Recently (last month of so?) I've started actually acting on my sissy kink. Dressing up, being the girl, watching sissy porn and spending way too much time on here
Initially when I first allowed myself to dress up and "give in". It was a huge sexual release and overflow of years and years of suppression and denial. It was not healthy honestly. There was about a 72 hour period where I was obsessed 24/7. I couldn't stop thinking or acting on it. To the point that it really started to impact my daily life and my marriage
Since then the feeling has calmed down to a manageable level. But I still am left with this desire up dress feminine and get cute. Do my makeup and all that
I finally disclosed to my wife that I enjoy this and I don't fully know what it means but so far I think it's a kink/hobby. Sometimes I like dressing slutty and engaging in "naughty behavior"

. But other times I just like crossdressing privately and it just "feels good man"
She was supportive of it for me but doesn't want to know about it, be involved , or interact with it at all. Which even though it's hard I can understand and respect her wishes.
I feel like I was holding onto this dark secret for so long and now that I've told her it feels almost worse. She doesn't want me to wear her clothes, doesn't want to know or be involved in any possible way. We also talked about the "what if I'm trans" question. At this point I don't think I'm trans but honestly I'm in a whirlwind of emotions and don't know which way is up.
She told me that if I was trans or wanted to present femme IRL that she would ultimately support me as an individual and wants me to live as authentically as possible but it would very likely mean big changes for our marriage. She's not attracted to me dressing feminine or presenting as a woman. She didn't say flat out that she'd divorce me but more that it would be very unlikely to work long term due to lack of attraction. It would basically end our marriage
So I'm stuck in this rock and a hard place situation now. I love my wife very dearly. We've been married for 7+ years and known eachother for 10+. We have 2 amazing kids and honestly I love our family. But I feel like I'm being asked to chose between these two worlds.
I have no idea if I'm trans or what. For my life up until now I've never had desires to be a girl or even dress feminine. Ive always appreciated lingerie and princess dresses because I thought they were pretty but never had any feminization thoughts
I'm talking with a therapist (previously for other stuff depression anxiety ADHD..etc) and I intend to explore this further with her.
Any other girlies been in or in this situation?