Gay son belives in the LGB drop the T movement and does not accept me.
Discussion
Hi Reddit, This is going to be a tough post, but I’m hoping someone out there has been through something similar or can offer some insight. I never imagined I’d be in this position, being a trans woman rejected not by strangers, but by my own child.
I’m a 41-year-old trans woman. I came out a little over two years ago, after decades of hiding who I really was. I started transitioning socially and medically (started estrogen a year ago) after my divorce, and while it’s been a difficult road, it was the right one. I finally feel like I’m living my truth.
My son is 15. He’s gay, and he came out at 13. I was so proud of him when he did. I celebrated him, supported him, and did everything I could to create a safe, loving environment. Ironically, it was his bravery that helped push me to finally come out as well.
But now, two years later, he’s become… someone I don’t recognize. He refuses to acknowledge my identity. Still calls me “Dad,” uses he/him pronouns, and tells me outright that I’m “not really a woman.” He says it’s “weird” and “unnatural,” and that “you can’t just switch genders.”
What hurts even more is that he’s become vocal about his support for the “LGB drop the T” movement. He’s swallowed the rhetoric that being gay is about sexuality, not “gender ideology,” and that trans people are “hurting the movement” or “confusing everything.” He’s said that trans women aren’t real women, and trans men are just “confused lesbians.” It’s like watching him turn into someone who would bully me if we weren’t related.
I try to be patient. I know he’s 15, I know adolescence is rough and his world is still forming. I know he might be latching onto black-and-white thinking as a way of coping with change. I try to talk to him, gently and with love, but I’m always met with the same wall. He insists he’s “just being logical” and “protecting real gay rights.”
I’m in therapy. He’s in therapy. But so far, there’s been little progress.
I never expected to feel like a stranger in my own home, especially not from my own child. I fought so hard to be myself, to be a better parent—one who lives authentically. And now I find myself parenting a teenager who fundamentally doesn’t believe in my right to exist as I am.
I don’t want to give up on him. But it’s devastating. Has anyone else dealt with a child who adopted anti-trans views? Or been on the receiving end of the “LGB without the T” rhetoric from someone close to them?
Is there a way to keep that connection alive without compromising who I am? Or do I just give it time and hope the world or at least his worldview widens?
Thanks for reading. This is the loneliest I’ve felt since coming out, and I’m just trying to stay hopeful.
Edit: My son hates Andrew Tate as far as I know, he calls himself a feminist. He watches some lesbian transphobic youtuber named Ariel. Also my son’s boyfriend is probably to blame. He’s 19 (unfortunately the age gap is legal in Italy) and he has the same ideas as my son. What scares me is that they want to get married (civil partnership) as soon as my son hits 18, and my ex is fine with it!
