Sorry for being off-topic but can someone give me a rundown of what has happened?
Once upon a time, a man from Colorado decided he wanted to make a queer safe haven for people like himself and his two partners. He was a weird boy, sexually assaulted when he was younger with paranoia lingering from that and likely general genetics, and he had a child each with two different women, both whom he left. Instead, he picked up two men and groomes them into getting their dicks chopped off while he kept his, but castrated. He loved and still loves his two "littles" dearly, and felt keeping them well kept from doing labor was a show of power on his end. He also enjoyed hoarding things, and so do his partners. This is Phillip "Penny" Louge.
This man met with another polyamorus man who thought he was a woman, Bonnie Mendoza. Bonnie had a cis husband named Sky, both autistic but Sky seemingly more so, as he didn't notice his trans bride Bonnie didn't seem to smile that much with him. Bonnie was like Phil in that both enjoy gun toting, feeling powerful and in control, wanting to defend queer people, and loved animals. Bonnie was more of an entitled rascal who hated his mom on and off yet had mixed feelings about his dad due to his dad actually going to prison for raping a cousin of his, yet they were mostly positive. Penny convinced Bonnie and his husband to buy a patch of land with him out in rural Colorado for a big trans dream home, one where they could nurture alpacas and each other, teaching them farming and how to defend themselves in case of trouble. Penny had already lived on a smaller plot of land with a few alpacas and his parnters, why not expand together with a dream ranch?
And so, the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch was born.
Naturally, one of the partners of Penny was enthusiastic about the tranch opening and did not shut his big fat mouth ever about where he lived, what he did, all his friends, and whatever else he felt he needed to share with the world. This partner was Kevin "Kathrine/AmHole" Gibes. He garnered interest from both his circle and outside of it, particularly Kiwis, who saw that the tranch was headed to failure, and made a thread on him and later the tranch.
The tranch was doomed from the start: they only had 32 acres of land for ~100 alpacas. This wasn't enough to feed all the alpacas, and it only got worse when the tranch accepted 100 more donated alpacas (one being a literal wild alpaca instead of a domesticated one) from a couple who was leaving the alpaca business... because it was a money sink meme. You just can't compete with Peruvian farmers who already sell their wool cheaper and have been tending their herds on proper grounds for ages. Penny and Bonnie were way, way too late for this memo. Things did not improve with them taking on more animals like sheep, ducks, and chickens, all competing for resources. When lamb season came, they posted a pictures of themselves cuddling newborn baby lambs around the house away from their mother, and then 7 days later were surprised and saddened by the loss of the lamb who was rejected by mom for not smelling enough like her because a bunch of troons cooed at it like a new toy dog and returned it when bored. These gentlemen were not natural born farmers and ranchers, nor were they able to be taught.
In the beginning, things went well: money kept flowing in from donators, fluff pieces were written about their quirky little compound, and they had a steady flow of volunteers and serfs attempting the tranch life with them. Somewhere along the way, tranch life got even better:
the trans ranch was under fire, under siege, underlock down, Penny and others supposedly spotted several unknown bigots roaming around the compound (likely just looky-loos and people flying drones for fun). Under this looming threat of possible "right wing milita" from their nearest town, Westcott, one that leaned red but attempted to welcome the tranchers, the Trans Unicorn Ram Ranch launched a huge gofundme for defense and protection. It is unlikely them crying wolf was true, but people believed it. More news outlets picked up their story of being under attack and the money flowed in, at least 100k as
@Say What Now? said. The tranchers were tired and paranoid thanks to Penny and Bonnie's patrolling, but they were rich in free money. They bough several new things: a rental/leased dirt mover for construction, several new and expensive guns, plenty of weed and dabs for the whole tranch's weed habit, a retero aesthetic refrigerator that leeched electricity from their off the grid generator, new solar panels, outside meals in town, feed and some care for the animals, a stove that was instantly made dirty and a knob melted off literally 6 weeks later from improper care, and several other miscellaneous things they didn't brag about or I didn't remember.
Sadly, the good times did not last forever. The land wasn't enough for 50 alpacas to graze on, much less 200 + other ranch animals. It soon turned into an airid dust farm by overgrazing. Nothing was put down to keep the dust from storming, so alpaca wool got dirty and they had to pay more for their wool spinning guys to clean it (their wool spinning guys in the PNW, another money sink). Alpacas could only be sheared once a year at specific times: too soon and it wasn't grown in enough, too late and alpacas can't be shorn next year and could possibly freeze to death. Guess what these lazy dumbasses chose?
The later. Without grazing material, alpacas would starve. They solved this by buying bundles of hay and throwing the hay around everywhere instead of into feeders. This is bad as strong alpacas will run over and bully out weaker alpacas for food, thus starving some alpacas and overfilling others. The alpacas wouldn't eat too dirty hay either, so throwing it on the ground to get trampled on was a waste. They grifted for a food pellet machine for some reason, forgot if they got it, but for sure didn't use it. They let the alpacas breed and without supervision, as alpaca sex can get rough and harm the lady alpaca. They bore children, but either moms or the children didn't make it because men who never ranched before make poor animal doulas, and men who hugged fresh wooly babies once dried like newborn kids did not help matters either.
The ranchers themselves did not always get along. Serfs who came in were unprepared, had little funds of their own, had their own mental illnesses competing with the long term ranchers' mental illnesses, and could be lazy. Those who weren't were overworked. We soon began calling those in the house "housetroons", particularly Kevin and Jen (a former SA troon who literally ate shit as a fetish), Penny's two partners who were expected to do fuck all on the tranch. Jen programemd and got like 1k in disability, Kevin... existed and played overwatch and bitched about how spotty the power was while buying/hoarding more toys. Check his thread in stinkditch for elaboration. This created resentment as the two didn't work as much or as hard as any of the laboring troons, and as many of the troons were hoarders things soon became cluttered and unclean. Having at least 5-7 dogs and 4+ cats in the main house due to Penny's animal hoarding did not help either.
Penny and Bonnie are both contenious people to get along with. Penny is overly paranoid, controlling, and bullheaded, thinking he can get repairs and such done yet doing a shit job at it. Bonnie is a braggart, a nerd who was bullied in high school taking it out on other nerds, a narc, and also had his own paranoia and control issues on a more minor scale. Both are terrible at money, manipulative, resentful, and generally a pain to deal with. Their inability to make money, poor understanding of the land and ranching, and failure to get along with people inside their own home and outside in Westcott set them up for failure.
While trans rach was predicted to fail in multiple ways, some being a mass shootout with a law or a house fire due to terrible electrical wiring (my bet), a third popular answer came: a woman.
No, not a trans woman, a real woman with a pussy and severe BPD. Alyssa/Kindness was a multigendered nmultipersonalitied ightmare who met the tranchers at a furry convention they came to hawk their wares at (they were also sponsored by one as a charity that wasn't actually a charity, go look that up I forgot details). Originally met by Kevin as an online friend he was hoping to turn fuck buddy, Alyssa attached herself to Bonnie instead, who was a nerd utterly charmed by her manic pixie dream girl energy. Trouble came when Alyssa decided to visit them on the tranch.
The tranch visit involved Penny and Sky (Bonnie's husband, remember) watching as Alyssa did a manic clean of the house, made everything about herself, had fake multipersonality switches and mood swings, and generally be an unstable munchie attentionwhore. While the details are foggy to me now (memorieeees... from the corners of my miiiiind... misty golden memorieeeeees) the visit ended with Bonnie wanting Alyssa to stay and Penny & Sky putting down the foot and saying "no". Penny and Sky are both homosexuals who were unphased by her charm of having a vagina, Kevin was cucked, and Bonnie was smitten. Naturally, a smitten nerd with a fragile ego needing to be stroked did what he thought right, and left the tranch to go be with his one true Borderline Personality Druggie Munchie Whore.
The thread was on fire for days. The tranch was already having money problems, a big pit was being dug as a shitty makeshift "shelter" (that carrion birds seemed to like hanging by), their grifts were less picked up, and they were slowly getting mocked even by their own circles. Bonnie didn't just leave for pussy, he subconsciously knew that things were going tits up and he was bailing. While they tried to work it out at first, the tranch eventually dissolved. Sky and Bonnie got divorced and had to figure out how to sell the tranch property as it mostly belonged in their name. Penny and Bonnie feuded openly, each dropping deets on the other. Notably, Bonnie said Penny was a military tough guy braggart (lol),
and more importantly, at least 50 alpacas had died under their care. This tweet did not stay up for more than a couple of weeks when legal problems were starting to look like they might rear their head.
Edit: Hit publish too soon, my apologies.
Several other notable things happened like the Lakota grift that might have been Phil moving money to his Lakota lawyer friend and other miscellaneous miscalculations with strange characters, but this is where we're at. Penny has moved into a house owned by his grandparents who own multiple properties, taking his two tards with him (and Kevin being super happy to have working electricity and close to the comforts of the city like toys and weed and food). The rest scattered, occasionally being checked on by Kiwis. Penny and Bonnie have remained silent on social media after both tried to threat legal action against each other. Ash Coyote, furry film maker of documentaries, filmed the collapse of the tranch on accident and released a heavily edited version of the events painting the tranch as good guys on his youtube channel. We will likely never see the footage of the messy break up, sadly.
So here we are today, mourning our very funny thread, which we wouldn't mind have watched continued if so many animals weren't hurt and neglected in the process. In an ideal world there would be prison and jail consequences, in the current world at least everyone ended up poor, miserable, and unlikely to repeat their actions ever again.
Edit 2: While I am all for "read the thread, nigga," I realized it's been over a year since an actual tranch happening happened. The glory days are over, it's a good time to write a summary on what happened for newfrens to read and get interested themselves, or at least learn the history of and why it was so significant when mentioned on the farm. We forget a lot of things have happened since the site first changed its name from CWCforums to Kiwi Farms, and occasionally writing some post mortuums is ideal to keep in jokes and old references alive for newfrens who care. I remember lurking for 5 years before joining and learning a lot on the way, and now I've been here myself for 5 years (like a tard), I can finally recount things that happened in threads for other newfrens to point and laugh and gape in horror at.
Other Kiwis, feel free to chime in.
