Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Slavic Patronym]

It feels great that the only sweeteners I use are sugar and honey.

I am always in search of the best ways to make coffee. I have yet to find the perfect at-home formula, but I've been experimenting with the extremes. I've tried a little butter and salt to cut black coffee. A dollop of vanilla ice cream (instead of milk) on Fridays. Mixing a little bit of coffee with a little bit of tea. Granted, I'm insane, so.

Jack calling John Wick: Ballerina "Safe for whole family."

He is so useless. I understand the only thing he is actually worried about is some main character breaking the fourth wall and saying AFITNA EHT NIOJ as they start a gay atheist fan dance, but Kids In Mind¹ gave Ballerina 9 out of 10 for violence and gore.

There's someone putting a grenade in someone's mouth and pulling the pin, for example, and (of course) tons of blood splatter and audibly broken limbs and explosions that obliterate people and some dead bodies on fire and, naturally, an axe in the head. But sure, bring your four-year-old!

¹ Great site if you want to vet a movie before sitting down to watch it with your folks.

Call me a sweet summer child but I am shocked at how unattractive Tammy was. (I know that's not nice to say about people but she, like Jack, has long been quite ugly on the inside [as one must be to stand by a man after he strangles his own child], so whatever.) I always figured she was probably kind of cute in her day. But she looks like a male Olympian from the '70s. Like this but worse: oddly bland-featured.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

He is so useless. I understand the only thing he is actually worried about is some main character breaking the fourth wall and saying AFITNA EHT NIOJ as they start a gay atheist fan dance, but Kids In Mind¹ gave Ballerina 9 out of 10 for violence and gore.

There's someone putting a grenade in someone's mouth and pulling the pin, for example, and (of course) tons of blood splatter and audibly broken limbs and explosions that obliterate people and some dead bodies on fire and, naturally, an axe in the head. But sure, bring your four-year-old!

¹ Great site if you want to vet a movie before sitting down to watch it with your folks.

Not to mention the movie depicts human trafficking as well alongside scenes that could really bore a small child.

Jack's ballerina review reminds me of when he reviewed the show Shogun when he said there was "no violence" even though there are people boiled alive, but don't worry Jack found something problematic with that show which is that they used the Lord's name in vain

 

[p1138]

I hate that shitty AI thumbnail so much. What pan is round on one side but hexagonal or whatever on the other?
Edit: I just realised it's because retard didn't remove the white background of his ugly fat AI face. He's been on the site for longer than many have been alive yet he still can figure basic things out.
>Who's hungry
I was but not after seeing that video. Now I want to vomit.

Even the pain in the retarded thumbnail has a pool of grease in the bottom of it, perfect for Fatty.

 

[Super Hans v2]

He is so useless. I understand the only thing he is actually worried about is some main character breaking the fourth wall and saying AFITNA EHT NIOJ as they start a gay atheist fan dance,

Not even that; Jack wouldn't be smart to crack the code. He's just worried about boobies, blacks and buttfucking. None of that, automatic A+ and fun for ages 1-100.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Fitting title for the contemporary times

Also a suggestion for the PCTLM watch party

I am always in search of the best ways to make coffee. I have yet to find the perfect at-home formula, but I've been experimenting with the extremes. I've tried a little butter and salt to cut black coffee. A dollop of vanilla ice cream (instead of milk) on Fridays. Mixing a little bit of coffee with a little bit of tea. Granted, I'm insane, so.

Try making cold brew. You can easily drink it black because the acidity is dramatically reduced. It originally had gained popularity by people wishing to cut sugar and creamer out entirely but couldn’t stomach black hot brewed coffee. Of course Jack and all of the fast food industry took this as an opportunity to turn it into a dessert drink (a few fast food places with “cold brew” on the menu don’t even serve it black since it comes pre-mixed with 70 grams of SHUGAR and processed gemicals and look at you funny when you try to ask for it black )

 

[AltisticRight]

Fitting title for the contemporary times

Also a suggestion for the PCTLM watch party

Can he eat actual food for once? Something that's not obviously gross slop bottom of the barrel scum mutt food. I'm not asking for Alexander the Guest levels of pretentious faggotry; go to a local bistro, a good breakfast/brunch place, a family-owned small store, literally anything but this type of "food".

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Can he eat actual food for once? Something that's not obviously gross slop bottom of the barrel scum mutt food. I'm not asking for Alexander the Guest levels of pretentious faggotry; go to a local bistro, a good breakfast/brunch place, a family-owned small store, literally anything but this type of "food".

Oh….yes….the greatness of Dalt’s 2.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Can he eat actual food for once? Something that's not obviously gross slop bottom of the barrel scum mutt food. I'm not asking for Alexander the Guest levels of pretentious faggotry; go to a local bistro, a good breakfast/brunch place, a family-owned small store, literally anything but this type of "food".

He does that, once in a blue moon. The results are a bad review on Google Business Reviews, and a video one week later, both complaining about the portions (anything less than rectally apocalyptic amounts of meat and cheese translates into the owners being skinflints robbing him of his feeding rights) and ingredients (bitching about his precious MEET touching yucky non-potato vegetables).

 

[Marc]

If the food isn't some disgusting, MEETZ-emphasizing slop that's piled high with calories and saturated fats, Jack won't find it palatable, or even be aware of its existence. It's like when Gollum's centuries of corruption caused him to find lembas disgusting: Jack viscerally rejects anything that isn't niggerslop or actively oozing blood and chunks of ice cold butter.

I am always in search of the best ways to make coffee [mentions series of non-coffee flavors and sweets added to coffee]

Are you adding these things for the sake of doctoring up a lower quality base coffee, or because you don't care for black coffee in general? In either case, to reiterate Uber driver reviewer's suggestion: I've found course-grinding a light roast "breakfast blend" of reasonable freshness, cold brew-steeping in a 15:1 ratio of water to grounds overnight in the fridge, then filtering through a Chemex bonded paper filter will yield something versatile and clean-tasting enough that it can be mixed with anything or drank straight, heated or cold. An added benefit is that you can use up stale or pre-ground coffees roasted more than two weeks prior to brewing without its "staleness" being as apparent as hot-brewing methods seem to yield.

Because it's for the sake of brewing something with low acidity, however, I can't recommend doing this with Ethiopian beans or other varieties with an emphasized citrus flavor being its appeal (it results in a muted flavor). The same goes for the Indian coffee varieties I've tried which seem to be going for a "peppery" flavor.

Of course, if you prefer darker roasts or specific origins of beans, you probably prefer hot-brewed coffee. In that realm, many find they prefer the profile imparted by a French press, percolator, or other specific method.

 

[AnOminous]

Jack also admits to more murder fantasies

How would he even load a gun with only one arm?

I am always in search of the best ways to make coffee. I have yet to find the perfect at-home formula, but I've been experimenting with the extremes. I've tried a little butter and salt to cut black coffee. A dollop of vanilla ice cream (instead of milk) on Fridays.

I like sweetened condensed milk in coffee sometimes, although I usually drink coffee black.

Oh….yes….the greatness of Dalt’s 2.

"It had no sneeznin." Fucking nigger.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Woof, this was the radio station free-use pass around? I’d rather fuck a dude than Tammy if you held a gun to my head and told me I’d have to make a choice or die . Holy shit Tammy was horrifyingly ugly back then.

Just goes to show how bad his standards are for everything.

Fast food, women, his chosen place to live which was built to his specifications and so on. Fatty is literally the lowest common denominator in EVERYTHING.

Of course he's against education

Of course he is. All the math geeks and nerds at school used to pick on him which turned him off education completely.

There's someone putting a grenade in someone's mouth and pulling the pin, for example, and (of course) tons of blood splatter and audibly broken limbs and explosions that obliterate people and some dead bodies on fire and, naturally, an axe in the head. But sure, bring your four-year-old!

Yeah but nobody said a bad word or anything against God, there were no homosexuals and nobody praised Satan so it's all good right?

Try making cold brew. You can easily drink it black because the acidity is dramatically reduced. It originally had gained popularity by people wishing to cut sugar and creamer out entirely but couldn’t stomach black hot brewed coffee. Of course Jack and all of the fast food industry took this as an opportunity to turn it into a dessert drink (a few fast food places with “cold brew” on the menu don’t even serve it black since it comes pre-mixed with 70 grams of SHUGAR and processes gemicals and look at you funny when you try to ask for it black )

One thing that I will order from Starbucks is their Nitro Cold Brew. Think cold brew coffee but served like cold pint of Guinness.

The nitrogen gives it a creamy mouth feel without any added fat. It's literally the only thing I'd order from them.

Of course, if you prefer darker roasts or specific origins of beans, you probably prefer hot-brewed coffee. In that realm, many find they prefer the profile imparted by a French press, percolator, or other specific method.

That's one of the uses for a French Press. Take your ground coffee, add to the cold water, mix and let it steep in the fridge for about a day. Then using the plunger slowly press it down and you have dark roast cold brew.

But then I tend to drink triple espressos. A couple of those and I can almost vibrate through solid matter.

 

[Marc]

One thing that I will order from Starbucks is their Nitro Cold Brew. Think cold brew coffee but served like cold pint of Guinness.
The nitrogen gives it a creamy mouth feel without any added fat. It's literally the only thing I'd order from them.

Same. One reason I really miss David Lynch's coffee is because it was perfect for that: I would cold-brew it, heat it enough to dissolve a small amount of xanthan with blending, chill again, then pour into an iSi Thermo Whip and charge with a n2o cartridge. I only did it a handful of times due to the upfront labor and added expense (same with cold-brewing via nitrogen cavitation). Any time I have a nitro cold brew, I'm reminded of how much I miss it.

Thread tax: Jack probably smells like an old woman's diaper at all times, and his side of the bed is probably perpetually damp and hospitable to fruit flies.

 

[The Stranger]

For some reason Jack has a security camera looking at his living room couch.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

For some reason Jack has a security camera looking at his living room couch.
View attachment 7503050

Maybe that's where Fatty sleeps at night and wants to make sure that nobody messes with him or something?

 

[The Stranger]

Maybe that's where Fatty sleeps at night and wants to make sure that nobody messes with him or something?

That would make sense. Hammy doesn't allow him to sleep in their bed either because she's too busy sleeping with someone else or she's tired of cleaning his shit-stains out of the sheets and he's a schizo boomer so he has to make sure the libruls aren't brainwashing him in his sleep.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

Maybe that's where Fatty sleeps at night and wants to make sure that nobody messes with him or something?

Either advance warning for when he gets up or to make sure there's evidence for when someone strangles him in his sleep.

 

[Dead Air]

How would he even load a gun with only one arm?

Plenty of people do it with practice, but Jack isn't gonna practice shit.

 

[densedance]

What's the point of pretending to have a fake and gay diet when you choose to chow down on three different types of vegetables, one of which is specifically designed to scare off the wife so you can eat all of it? That automatically fails said diet, so it's not like this is a dumb way to avoid getting bullied by your bald bitch of a brother.

Honestly, there's no reason not to use tomato sauce. Also at that point just make a fucking crust, or turn it into a shitty pizza bowl knock off. The latter is actively worse than a proper pizza, but it'd still be nicer than this shitty cheese crisp drowning in meat.

This cheese alchemy bullshit will never taste like the rich and chewy crust of a proper pizza. It's really amusing that he constantly keeps trying to duplicate bread while pretending he thinks it's flavorless.

TBH I only clicked this mostly to see if he was dumb enough to mix ricotta cheese with arrabiata sauce again for the sauce. He did not.

If he would do a really proper Pizza like Neapolitan style, then it would be actually not that "bad".

Yes, I know he's morbidly Obese so he shouldn't eat that one neither. But having a good dough (who is also easier to digest), a solid Sauce and proper Cheese. 3 high quality components and you have everything you ask for.

But no. Let's do this train crash and add components so your lovely Wife isn't going to eat it simply because she hates it.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Maybe that's where Fatty sleeps at night and wants to make sure that nobody messes with him or something?

Is Jack a CPAP user, or did I imagine that, or did he try it but worry the hose was making him gay?

Listening to him gurgle and looking at his body shape, I imagine Jack does sleep with his head raised, but doing that on a couch is rare; usually people pick a recliner for the leg support. And with his hemiparesis, all that extra real estate is just more room for him to tip over.

Hammy doesn't allow him to sleep in their bed either because she's too busy sleeping with someone else or she's tired of cleaning his shit-stains out of the sheets

A mattress can have the sheets changed; even if the stain gets through the sheets you can clean it and cover it with a pad before putting on new sheets.

If your dog or husband shits the couch, the couch is totaled.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Is Jack a CPAP user, or did I imagine that, or did he try it but worry the hose was making him gay?

I can't be fucked to verify, but I think it was during the barn tour that he gave a peek into the bedroom and there was a disgustingly dirty cpap mask on the nightstand. But there's no way someone so FAT would be survive the night without one.