Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Uber driver reviewer]

k said this was one of the main reasons he won't get an electric vehicle -- he doesn't have time to waste waiting for the car to charge! But 20 minutes earlier, he admitted he saw Bride Hard yesterday because he "had two hours to kill."

Friday was the first day of summer, and it was beautiful basically across the country, and a dying man regretted how much free time he had -- so he chose to see a movie rated eighteen fucking percent on RottenTomatoes. But his personal time is so precious, guys. He cherishes each moment. No time to charge! Only time for shit movie

Jack would love with a Tesla with full self drive:

It could take him to gud meets without having to actually be able to drive (his candy claw moves just enough to wiggle the wheel when prompted to prove he’s paying attention)

He could sit in the thing charging g for 4 hours (actually it’s under 20 mins on a supercharger) eating Gud meets while playing games or watching movies that offend him on the giant screen.

He could even leave his lazy ass amphibian beagle and shitbull in the car in “dog mode”

Jack could fart and blame it on the car’s fart mode.

It’s Tax credit scam that Tammy would appreciate

It has a DJ mode so Jack could mix beets and play to other people in boombox mode

Libs hate Elon/Tesla now so every time he drives it he could own the wolk libs

 

[Adamska]

I think this is one of his bigger successes, since other than overdoing it with sugars, I could see myself at least being willing to eat it. It's the energy of school cafeteria food, and it's going to be greasy as shit since he didn't drain it, but it's actually a good result for Jack. The cheese sauce is going to be questionable and shit, but just put the shreddy cheese into da meetz and it'd be fine.

Also I hate his comment responses being there just to try and stretch content he doesn't wanna make no more.

Rice is filler and has no taste

So the same logic this moron has towards bread. Okay then Jack, then explain why you get so pissed and desperate to recreate bread if it's just filler too?

Also dead wrong; rice has a decent taste if cooked correctly; I love basmati rice with curry by itself or mixed in.

Charles the big brain man with CTO salary and coastal California home is too dumb or broke to have a 220v plug put in to charge his Tesla, so he sits at superchargers for 40 mins (teslas don’t take 40 mins to supercharge lol) a day having an ASMR goonsesh charging (something most Tesla owners do before delivery). Or Jack is just making things up because he hates EV’s.

Chawls is the reason and stereotype that psychopaths who screech at Tesla cars reference. He is the reasons those idiots have any sort of point at all.

What an entitled cunt who shits up chargers people might need.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Jack said he has over 3,000 vinyl records. A minute or so later, he bragged about how if he sold his collection, he'd get 20 grand for it. That would mean his records on average are worth $6.67 each. Uh... poorer.

Even if his claim is true, Jack ain't getting shit. Either they're all stored in the garage or the cheapest storage unit available eithout AC, so they'd be warped to hell, and most facilities charge to take vinyl because it's not cost effective to recycle.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

He'd probably get more money selling it as firewood.

Jack selling his records reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Kramer and Newman try to pawn off their old timey records and get literally nothing for them. (Skip to 1:23 if you're in a hurry, I guess.)

Bonus: around the 0:40 mark, George asks Newman "what do you do for a living?" I imagine a real life scenario someone asking Jack that same question and he has to whip up some fancy way of saying "i drool into a microphone 15 minutes a day, every other other day."

Even if his claim is true, Jack ain't getting shit. Either they're all stored in the garage or the cheapest storage unit available eithout AC, so they'd be warped to hell, and most facilities charge to take vinyl because it's not cost effective to recycle.

It's likely that they're listed for like $7 each on ebay or something, but never sell. It's like those shitty baseball cards that people collected in the 80s and 90s. They're listed for like $5 each on ebay but good luck actually selling one. A record store wouldn't pay much, if anything, for most of them because they likely already have all of the common ones (which is likely what fatty has).

 

[Marc]

Either they're all stored in the garage or the cheapest storage unit available eithout AC, so they'd be warped to hell.

Jack couldn't even be bothered to store his bottled sauces anywhere climate-controlled (which I can attest ruined them), and that was his goddamned business.

 

[the khat quaffer]

It's likely that they're listed for like $7 each on ebay or something, but never sell. It's like those shitty baseball cards that people collected in the 80s and 90s. They're listed for like $5 each on ebay but good luck actually selling one. A record store wouldn't pay much, if anything, for most of them because they likely already have all of the common ones (which is likely what fatty has).

He's got all the classics though:

The Indigo Girls
Little Richard's Greatest Hits
Freddie Mercury's "I Want to Break Free" (x2)
Sinead O'Connor
Boy George & Jesus Loves You
The Village People: Macho Man & YMCA
Liberace's entire discography

They'll sell, if he picks his markets right.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Does...does he know what Rachel Zegler has been up to on social media? Does he know that the entire internet has eviscerating her left, right and center for the last 3 years?

Fatty doesn't have the ability to actually think he just goes by what others tell him. The production was troubled from the start. But part of me wonders how he'd feel if the original plan of having the dwarfs being replaced by "Seven Magical Creatures" would have been.

This is originally what they were going to have as the Seven Dwarfs. I think they got turned into a group that worked for a thief or something. Don't quote me on that last bit as I refused to see the movie.

It’s even worse than that. His arguments are:

• Neil Armstrong’s first footfall was filmed, but who started the camera? Jack refuses to believe that the lander was equipped with an attached camera that could be activated and controlled from the inside.
• The terrain cast shadows that are different from what you’d expect on Earth. How did that happen? You can’t hope to convince him that this is explained by the Moon’s lack of atmosphere and the high reflectivity of its surface.
• Probably the dumbest one of them all, Jack insists that the live broadcast of the landing would have been impossible because the technology didn’t exist at the time. “I can’t even get reliable Internet!”, he will exclaim. I wonder how he thinks television worked before cable.

He’s had a few other similarly stupid arguments but these are the ones that stand out from watching his live streams from a year or so ago when he was especially obsessed with this shit.

That's pretty typical of Moon landing deniers. Most of them have no idea what they're talking about.

But at the same time try to show him any evidence that explains these things and he'll double down on his objections and believe them even more because it's now become personal to him.

Why does this deserve a video? It's like he honestly thinks this is a new and original idea that nobody has managed to come up with before. But then I'm reminded of in the early days he'd show food that his fans made and he praised one guy's idea to make Rice Crispy squares using Fruity Pebbles.

On the bright side, though, this means he now has to read the comments.

Or he's paying somebody to do it. This was a thing at one point that he was paying somebody to moderate comments because he's blind and can't read.

Gaiz….

Make investments based on if you like the thing a company makes.

Don’t wash organic produce because water makes it stop being organic

Falafel and schwarma are the same thing gaiz, and are Indian cuisine.

Rice is filler and has no taste

Oh gawd, the stupid just BURNS!

...most facilities charge to take vinyl because it's not cost effective to recycle.

Unless he has some rarities, originals, 78's or something special it's still just the mass produced vinyl that people used to have because it was the only way to get music.

I mean sure the local record store in the mall has vinyl and have been selling it for years now as it's come back into vogue but just having 3000 vinyl records isn't a flex like he thinks it is. Price is determined by two things. The first is what it's worth based on how common it is and how much people want it. And secondly it's what people are willing to pay for it. You can have Superbowl tickets, front row on the 50 yard line and try selling them for $10K. Guess what? Most people aren't going to spend that much money on them.

 

[a terminal posture]

It's so childish to be obsessed with the value of your collectables because literally all children have are records, baseball cards, pokemon, comic books etc. As an adult my considerable net worth is in... stocks, real estate, bonds, commodities etc, a lot of which can be redeemed for cash with a mouse click.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Fatty doesn't have the ability to actually think he just goes by what others tell him. The production was troubled from the start. But part of me wonders how he'd feel if the original plan of having the dwarfs being replaced by "Seven Magical Creatures" would have been.

This is originally what they were going to have as the Seven Dwarfs. I think they got turned into a group that worked for a thief or something. Don't quote me on that last bit as I refused to see the movie.

I'm still not sure what's more hideous, these checkmarks or the CGI dwarves we ended up getting.

Why does the guy on the very left look like Rasputin?
At least if Tyrion on the right there had been Grumpy we might have seen him beat the piss out of someone. Fuck it, these kids might have been better than the CGI slopdwarves.

 

[AnOminous]

Jack also claimed today that 90% of all organic food isn't organic. If that's true, then it's generally OK to wash it, right? There would be no state change.

Has he ever even made rice that isn't that shitty instant crap?

Also dead wrong; rice has a decent taste if cooked correctly; I love basmati rice with curry by itself or mixed in.

Basmati with just a pat of butter in it is fine. It's one of my go-tos for wanting to eat something but not really wanting to make something. Jasmine and other aromatic rices also have distinct flavors, as does arborio for risotto.

The only rice I'd really describe as flavorless is the steamed white rice you get at generic strip mall Chinese restaurants, which you generally don't eat by itself anyway.

 

[Tiresome]

Jack will never know the subtle, sublime delights of something like a fresh salmon filet, sauteed quickly in good olive oil, butter, black pepper and sliced garlic, nothing else, then laid atop a fluffy mound of hot jasmine rice along with its pan juices with a lemon squeezed over all. His tongue has never been sophisticated enough for the exquisite nature of delicately-flavored cuisine to impress it.

 

[Marc]

It's so childish to be obsessed with the value of your collectables because literally all children have are records, baseball cards, pokemon, comic books etc. As an adult my considerable net worth is in... stocks, real estate, bonds, commodities etc, a lot of which can be redeemed for cash with a mouse click.

Aside from inspiring Garrett to not be like him, Jack doesn't have anything of value to show for his life spent lying, laying, eating, and, shitting (often at the same time). That's the whole reason he so often invokes the promise of that reward-filled afterlife in Heaven as bragging rights here on earth, where he's an overfilled garbage bag of competing sins. The fundamental consequence of his earthly deeds as the King Midas of producing pure shit is that he has nothing real to be proud of.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack saying that organic food is not organic and that rice has no flavor has to be the fattest things he has ever said in a while

Like Jack has to be the most spiritually fat person I've ever seen, people who fucking weigh more than this man can not be as fat as him.

I've never seen someone openly shit talk vegetables while soying out over meat and fast food while claiming to be healthy

 

[Marc]

Jack doesn't merely claim to be healthy - He boasts that the health of each and every able-bodied patron he scoots around in Walmart is inferior to his own; and he sneers in obvious contempt whenever he observes them picking out produce from his EZ-Shopper. He is also much smarter than the rest of us; thanks to his surplus of "common sense" and ear finely attuned to detect wokeness.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I'm still not sure what's more hideous, these checkmarks or the CGI dwarves we ended up getting.

I remember when they finally did the CGI dwarfs... sorry they still called them "magical creatures" and they looked hideous.

Basmati with just a pat of butter in it is fine. It's one of my go-tos for wanting to eat something but not really wanting to make something. Jasmine and other aromatic rices also have distinct flavors, as does arborio for risotto.

Mrs. Sebben, being Japanese, is all about rice and it's different flavors. It took her a long time to find a rice here that she liked. And sure I'll admit it's good but I'm no rice expert but even I can tell you it has some flavor to it.

Jack doesn't merely claim to be healthy - He boasts that the health of each and every able-bodied patron he scoots around in Walmart is inferior to his own; and he sneers in obvious contempt whenever he observes them picking out produce from his EZ-Shopper. He is also much smarter than the rest of us; thanks to his surplus of "common sense" and ear finely attuned to detect wokeness.

And that's honestly the funniest thing about this. He is so obviously unhealthy and it's all due to his diet. His attempts at going firstly keto and now carnivore are just band aid solutions at this point. He needs to go back about 30 years and stop eating the crap that turned him into a barely sentient lump of hog fat.

 

[Tiresome]

Mrs. Sebben, being Japanese, is all about rice and it's different flavors. It took her a long time to find a rice here that she liked. And sure I'll admit it's good but I'm no rice expert but even I can tell you it has some flavor to it.

Don't be a piker (or a Jack), drop the recc, man

 

[Marc]

He is so obviously unhealthy and it's all due to his diet. His attempts at going firstly keto and now carnivore are just band aid solutions at this point. He needs to go back about 30 years and stop eating the crap that turned him into a barely sentient lump of hog fat.

Officially, we're still waiting on Jack to complete that 5k charity walk he promised he'd do once he recovered from having that pair of cadaver tendons transplanted to replace both achilles after he snapped them pretending he could walk. Of course, his terrestrial locomotion has never recovered because; as with his arm, he made that GAWD's job and refused to do PT more intensive than pretending to stand for a minute at a time in his videos. I think this all occurred between strokes four and five (after which he simply gave up ever trying to regain independence; instead declaring it GAWD's will that everyone else be obliged to wait on him hand and foot while he retreats ever-further into the delusions his utooob channels and soshul meatia exist to reinforce).

Jack would be a legend in his own mind if he had one. Instead, he makes do with predictive text he mistakes for artificial intelligence by asking it to write stuff denouncing artificial intelligence.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

I’ll give it to Jack that plain white rice doesn’t have much flavor (even high quality rices right out of a Zojirushi rice cooker).

But I’ll be dammned if it isn’t enjoyable and satisfying to eat with a little bit of Furikake or ponzu, let alone some nice gud meats and begidables. (I could eat Braised pork and sticky rice with a touch of Gowrlick Chili crisp for a month and never get sick of it)

That’s like calling pasta a filler. Even fresh plain linguini noodles with nothing on them taste like the back of my hand. But a little dash of butter and freshly ground black pepper at the minimum can really do wonders. Let alone an egg, oil, and panchetta. But Jack needs a bunch of bacon up, 2.2lbs of undrained hamborgl, half a bottle of HFCS laden ketcha, and sawdust cheese to make pasta (or rice) edible. And even then he would bitch that it’s a poverty failure dish and not the $3 goyslop breadstick subway “dippers” or Bk tendiewraps he forces Tammy to eat at the goyslop stores on JOTG.

Jack’s food insecurity is on full display every time rice comes up. Boomers raised on con Agra food pyramids, who are children of depression era parents all sperg out if there isn’t a hunk of gud meats or too many bones to assure them they got their dollar’s worth.

Jack doesn't merely claim to be healthy - He boasts that the health of each and every able-bodied patron he scoots around in Walmart is inferior to his own; and he sneers in obvious contempt whenever he observes them picking out produce from his EZ-Shopper. He is also much smarter than the rest of us; thanks to his surplus of "common sense" and ear finely attuned to detect wokeness.

I’m honestly surprised that we don’t see Jack wearing variations of those white trash “I
hate stupid people” t-shirts. And not the ironic “born to shit, forced to wipe” ones. Instead we get the same colorblock grey/black/dandruff, grey/red/dandruff, NYC, or his beastie boys shirt that he’s been farting in for the last 6-7 years

 

[She Brings The Rain]

Mrs. Sebben, being Japanese, is all about rice and it's different flavors. It took her a long time to find a rice here that she liked. And sure I'll admit it's good but I'm no rice expert but even I can tell you it has some flavor to it.

I eat exclusively koshihikari (Japanese "sticky rice") and a good determiner in reviews that I've noticed for 1) rice cookers and 2) rice brands are how "sweet" the rice ends up being. I'm sure it's a translation difference that I've never bothered to look into, but you can absolutely eat good rice completely by itself, when cooked well, and notice a difference between the mushy white slop that most Burgers over here eat. Find a good rice cooker and a good rice brand and you'll stay loyal.

I doubt mushbrain owns a rice cooker, so big T probably just slops some boxed shit on a stove with zero rinsing or measuring and lets it bubble over. Vile.

All that said, Mrs S, drop the rec. I'm working my way a 15lb bag that's fine, but since I'm already dropping 30 burgerbucks per bag, a rec for a native is dope.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Don't be a piker (or a Jack), drop the recc, man

All that said, Mrs S, drop the rec. I'm working my way a 15lb bag that's fine, but since I'm already dropping 30 burgerbucks per bag, a rec for a native is dope.

I've never asked her process but I do see her make it from time to time. But after going through the standard ones like Botan, Kokuho Rose and Nishiki she's sticking with Shirakiku:

We pick it up at the local Asian supermarket, a fifteen pound bag at a time, for about $30 or thereabouts.

As for how she makes it we have a rice cooker by Zojirushi, couldn't tell you the make or model but it's one of the basic models we picked up in Japan years ago. Add the rice and wash it in the water rinsing off the surface starch until the water runs clear. So like 4-5 times. She saves that water and uses it to water her plants saying that it helps them grow. I don't know if it's true or not but she got the green thumb and I don't.

Then set it, let it cook and then it stays warm until you're ready to eat.

And yes it is good rice. But again I can't tell you the difference between good and bad rice but this rice does have a delicate flavor that I do like.