Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Aunt Carol]

You know way too much about life, Aunt Carol. Way too much.

Bowel care ain't exactly what I live for, but it's my #2 priority.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Mal has a hiking buddy. I wonder which of her personality traits she's chosing to display to make a friend. Has she created any small problems yet to ensure engagement?
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Spoiler: Texr

this state is like a damn Terrence Malick movie. If you're in Sonoma County you gotta hike the Islands in the Sky loop near Duncan Mills. only downside is later there was a tick on my PHONE, but I destroyed him

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She looks like a Midwestern sex pest manlet with bad dentures.

Something about her recent descriptions of adopting eagerly pleasing facades for approval, the slow Opie LARP, the big capped teef and the two yippie little dogs officially makes Mallory seem super creepy to me.

She is getting close to looking like a Ginger pedo material, the ones that lead church Cub Scout troops.

 

[Aunt Carol]

her recent descriptions of adopting eagerly pleasing facades for approval, the slow Opie LARP, the big capped teef

Good points in this summary; maybe Mal's next literary pastiche will be based on The Killer Inside Me.

 

[monstrous bubo]

Mal has a hiking buddy.

Those dogs look like canapés for the local mountain lions.

 

[Bookwork]

So Joe and Lil aren't staying in her house (still listed as under a contingent contract, according to Zillow).

Spoiler: Text

perhaps you wonder how my perfect baby looks these days, perhaps after a bath, in a mid-range hotel in a provincial midwestern city

Re/Max shows a disclosure for lead paint for the house, but that disclosure is apparently standard for a house built before the 1970s. Her house was built in 1917. It's said not to be a deal killer generally, though addressing it can raise the cost of renovations.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

So Joe and Lil aren't staying in her house (still listed as under a contingent contract, according to Zillow).
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Spoiler: Text

perhaps you wonder how my perfect baby looks these days, perhaps after a bath, in a mid-range hotel in a provincial midwestern city

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Re/Max shows a disclosure for lead paint for the house, but that disclosure is apparently standard for a house built before the 1970s. Her house was built in 1917. It's said not to be a deal killer generally, though addressing it can raise the cost of renovations.
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I figured they were driving from CA to the house in MI and would definitely need to be making several overnight stays, or breaks in the trip, esp with a baby in tow.

The idea of strapping a toddler to in a car seat for a 35 hour car trip is insane to me. Hell for the toddler and everyone else in the vehicle.

Interesting Mallory is hanging back in CA with her poofy dogs, getting a job, hiking with a friend…I wonder where she is living. Wherever it is it has to seem heavenly compared to the tiny shack she was in with two adults and the baby.

 

[Potatis Salad]

So Joe and Lil aren't staying in her house (still listed as under a contingent contract, according to Zillow).
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Spoiler: Text

perhaps you wonder how my perfect baby looks these days, perhaps after a bath, in a mid-range hotel in a provincial midwestern city

View attachment 7578047
Re/Max shows a disclosure for lead paint for the house, but that disclosure is apparently standard for a house built before the 1970s. Her house was built in 1917. It's said not to be a deal killer generally, though addressing it can raise the cost of renovations.
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Joe's photo of Rocco is tagged Iowa City, Iowa, about six hours' drive west of Lansing. If @Diana Moon Glampers was right that that was Lansing in the background of Joe's "fuck yes Zohran Mamdani" pic a few days ago, they're heading back to CA.

Joe says on Instagram stories that he's been engaged in a "taxing and overheated road trip" and requests "gay pics" for himself to view in between jowly duckface selfies, while Lily drives the entire way:

 

[Autistic Nonetheless]

Oh god this is the guy who picked me up hitchhiking across Germany who talked about how his first family found out but his second family and now both want a divorce.

Fits surprisingly well.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

If @Diana Moon Glampers was right that that was Lansing in the background of Joe's "fuck yes Zohran Mamdani" pic a few days ago

It was. They were traveling on I-69 (nice) at the time, it was a car photo.

"Taxing and overheated road trip." Sounds like trouble in paradise.

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

So Joe and Lil aren't staying in her house (still listed as under a contingent contract, according to Zillow).
View attachment 7578042

Spoiler: Text

perhaps you wonder how my perfect baby looks these days, perhaps after a bath, in a mid-range hotel in a provincial midwestern city

View attachment 7578047
Re/Max shows a disclosure for lead paint for the house, but that disclosure is apparently standard for a house built before the 1970s. Her house was built in 1917. It's said not to be a deal killer generally, though addressing it can raise the cost of renovations.
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Once again with the odd choice of words. I get that Joe is deploying provincial in its meaning of "quaint and unsophisticated" in his usual condescending pseudo-British way (Joe's Britishisms always have a mannered feeling despite him actually being British). As always, it feels like it needs a few more editorial passes to sound like natural human language.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Joe says on Instagram stories that he's been engaged in a "taxing and overheated road trip" and requests "gay pics" for himself to view in between jowly duckface selfies, while Lily drives the entire way:

Maybe Lilly had to go clean out her office and move shit from the house into storage, but what’s bizarre to me is the took the poor baby along for that hell trip. Why didn’t Rocco just relax with Mallory for the week in CA? It makes no sense to drag a baby along on a grueling road trip like that unless there is absolutely no other option. Isn’t this what a parenting throuple is for?

Do they not trust Mallory for a week alone with Rocco? Does Mallory not want to deal with Rocco solo for a week?

Kind of interesting Mallory posted photos of her hike with a “friend” and having a great child-free week. Bet she got lots of good sleep, fresh air and exercise vs a week trapped in a car and interstate hotels.

 

[Bookwork]

Possibly it was because Mallory had to hit a publisher's deadline with the novel and tending Rocco could have made that harder. Possibly Lily doesn't want the bonding to go further than it already has. Possibly the throuple is breaking up.

Stay tuned for the next episode: Joe Gets Peckish On The Donner Pass.
I-80 Live Webcam at Donner Summit

ETA - Current Chatner: "The Wine-Dark Sea Is About the Pleasure of Outlasting Your Best Friend's Other Friend, and Is the Best Book in the Aubrey-Maturin Series" here But to hear Aubrey and Maturin talking like manly men out at sea, here. Har, maties, ye not be lumberjacks.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Maybe Mallory would enjoy a week of one-on-one time with Rocco so Joe decided to deprive her of the opportunity.

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Once again with the odd choice of words. I get that Joe is deploying provincial in its meaning of "quaint and unsophisticated" in his usual condescending pseudo-British way (Joe's Britishisms always have a mannered feeling despite him actually being British). As always, it feels like it needs a few more editorial passes to sound like natural human language.

He's just fulfilling the prophecy of long ago.

You're all invited back again to this locality
To watch them insecurely mock provinciality

 

[mold]

Maybe Lilly had to go clean out her office and move shit from the house into storage, but what’s bizarre to me is the took the poor baby along for that hell trip. Why didn’t Rocco just relax with Mallory for the week in CA? It makes no sense to drag a baby along on a grueling road trip like that unless there is absolutely no other option. Isn’t this what a parenting throuple is for?

maybe - I know this is wild but hear me out - maybe the actual mother didn't want to be separated from her child for that long

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

maybe - I know this is wild but hear me out - maybe the actual mother didn't want to be separated from her child for that long

Mal has been weirdly fixated on child molestation accusations against people close to her in the past and confesses regularly to patterns of manipulative behavior to make sure she is not only loved, but loved more than whoever she sees as her competition. It's amazing to me Lily hasn't pushed her out all the way yet. CNA money isn't worth keeping her around for. What's stopping her from putting her foot down? Some part of her must love having the tard baby around, constantly competing for affection and always, always losing.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

maybe - I know this is wild but hear me out - maybe the actual mother didn't want to be separated from her child for that long

There’s a difference between not wanting to be separated and subjecting a mobile toddler to being strapped in a car seat for 75 hours minimum on a 5,000 mile road trip.

Even car seat manufacturers state a toddler should not be strapped in a car seat more than two hours at a time. It’s just a really shitty thing to make a toddler endure unless there is no other safe or feasible option.

She must really not trust Mallory and Joe (or even her own mother) if she felt 75 hours in a car seat on the road with her as the best option.

To be clear I can understand her not entrusting Mallory, or Joe and Mallory, to care for Rocco solo for a week. It just shows what BS this whole throuple thing is. If she can’t even trust the father, or their Manny or both, to care for him while she does necessary adult things.

The trip is something the kid of a single mom would be subjected too, not a kid that’s supposed to have 3 parents.

I’d also bet they misjudged how feasible this type of trip was because the last time they did long road trips with Rocco he wasn’t crawling or walking.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

It's amazing to me Lily hasn't pushed her out all the way yet. CNA money isn't worth keeping her around for. What's stopping her from putting her foot down? Some part of her must love having the tard baby around, constantly competing for affection and always, always losing.

There's that.

Being the favored concubine (with the heir on her hip) enjoying sister wife schadenfreude is all very well and good, but three is still a crowd. After a few months of 600 square foot living, LaLa could be closing in on peak Tard Baby. Arguably Sideshow did a while ago.

It's odd that Mal is willfully relinquishing her beloved Manny role and is pivoting to caring for elderly strangers. Did she jump or was she pushed? Was that a humble and selfless 3 Musketeers move, or a solo self preservation one?

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Even car seat manufacturers state a toddler should not be strapped in a car seat more than two hours at a time. It’s just a really shitty thing to make a toddler endure unless there is no other safe or feasible option.

She must really not trust Mallory and Joe (or even her own mother) if she felt 75 hours in a car seat on the road with her as the best option.

No, that's not accurate. Toddlers can and do ride much longer than that. It's little babies who have the 2 hour rule, because of postural breathing considerations.

It's fun to take a toddler on a road trip and I've done it a lot. This idea people have to stop their life and travel when they have kids is a huge part of why people think it's impossible to have more children, but it's BS.

 

[FarmVille]

Mal has been weirdly fixated on child molestation accusations against people close to her in the past and confesses regularly to patterns of manipulative behavior to make sure she is not only loved, but loved more than whoever she sees as her competition. It's amazing to me Lily hasn't pushed her out all the way yet. CNA money isn't worth keeping her around for. What's stopping her from putting her foot down? Some part of her must love having the tard baby around, constantly competing for affection and always, always losing.

This woman chose to have a child with Joe- where does this expectation that she has any innate motherly instinct come from?