It was a living nightmare to watch the first 25 minutes of
the latest F As In Frank.
As always, these things are extremely political -- so if that's not your cup of tea, then you should probably opt out.
A few lowlights:
For some reason, Jack spends the first 2-3 minutes of the episode bitching about Tammy. Let's be clear: Mrs. Scalfani sucks hard and is a piggish, hateful enabler. But it's also true you should exercise restraint if you have a microphone and the topic of the person who bathes, feeds and wipes you comes up.
The worst part is that Jack, in his eternal need to pretend to be a good person, not only subjects us to the whining but also performs self-deprecation. "It has nothing to do with her," he says. "I hate this about
me." He then proceeds to explain how it has nothing to do with him and everything to do with Tammy. For the record, her great sin here was asking Jack if he was prepared for the livestream and if the room temperature was OK.
A true narcissist. A professional. Jack always finds a way to show us how people are wronging him.
Jimmy: Has Tammy ever told you about all the hell I used to give her?
Neither Jack nor I have any clue what Jimmy is referring to. Enigmatically, he tells Jack to "ask Tammy sometime" about whatever it is he's alluding to. Sounds like Jimmy is trying to say he too thinks Tammy is inherently annoying.
A few folks in the chat note it's Elon's birthday, June 28. Jimmy for some reason is amazed that Elon is only five years older than him. Jack acts like he doesn't
LIVE to suck up to Elon and performs being off-put by the fact people are surprised he didn't know.
Then the two middle-aged fanboys spend a few minutes reading through Elon's Twitter feed, live on air, to see how many people have wished him a happy birthday. Riveting.
Jack is extremely disturbed that ICE agents "have been doxxed, stopped, threatened, mistreated, had stuff thrown at them [and generally] treated like crap." He thinks "it kinda sucks" that so many Americans "have done everything to disrupt those guys from doing their job." According to him, the whole thing "is real simple."
I was hired to do what I'm doing, Jack says on behalf of some hypothetical ICE agent,
And you're getting upset?!
There it is, folks! Scalfani from the top rope with the super easy solution to immigration discourse: Make peace with the
Nuremberg defense, and move along. To his rare credit, Jimmy well-actually's Jack and says he thinks anyone who takes a job like that in the current political climate shouldn't be surprised they're unpopular.
Jack laments the fact that "once Trump got in office, Johnny and Jane don't want to grow up anymore to be president."
Some of us here congealed in a gutter spontaneously; but some others of us were, at some point, children. I remember exactly zero classmates who wanted to grow up to be president. "Who would grow up to say, I want to be controlled by the courts!?" Jack wonders, which is insight into his toxic mind. Any child who dreams of being a world leader specifically so no court can tell them what to do should be banished to the Dark Triad wing of Bellevue.
I'm going to give myself a little hat.
I couldn't find the MATI one. Forgive me.
The only reason I included this timestamp is because, of all the bullshit tics he has, Jack's self-soothing worthless fucking little chortle
grates me like nothing else. It always comes after he makes a terrible "joke" no one laughs at. Here, it was him saying he gets so "burned" reading all the "hate" Trump gets that he "starts to get SUNBURNED!" Die, dude.
Jimmy notes that Mamdani "is not even a natural citizen and he's going to become mayor of the biggest city in the United States." He means "natural" in the sense neither jus soli (born in the U.S.) nor jus sanguinis (parentage) applied to him, so he had to get naturalized the hard way. This, of course, is not an indication of the man's qualifications (or lack thereof) and is
not remotely new. Jack can't help but make two "stolen election" jokes and roll his eyes and say, "The kids today have no clue." About what is never said.
Jack asks Jimmy why he thinks people like Mamdani so much -- he beat Cuomo handily -- and Jimmy accurately notes it's probably "his socialist ideas" and then cites a few accurate examples, e.g., $30 minimum wage, lower grocery prices and free bussing.
Because it's Jimmy, though, the semi-coherence is short-lived. He
falsely claims Mamdani wants to "defund the police," and implies that even though he agrees with his policies, "Of course, the way he's going about it, I don't agree with" (never clarifying what's wrong with how Mamdani "is going about it"). In my book it's pretty fucking metal and deeply American to not like the way a system works, say what you'd do differently and then put your name on the ballot, regardless of your specific views.
Jack: "There's a small part of me that wants it all to happen. That wants to watch all of New York City crumble beyond belief."
What a loving disciple of Christ. (Guess his Murder Church teaches accelerationism?) Jimmy agrees.
Also, Jack for some reason wants New Yorkers to consider that a vote for Mamdani is a vote for no more Pride parades. "He kills homosexuals!" Jack says. "That's his faith! That's his belief!" OK, but
Leviticus 20:13 says the same and Jack has not yet killed his brother (or
himself), so clearly it is possible for people to follow a holy book, love it, internalize the parts that work for them, etc., and not necessarily adhere to every single tenet.
(For the record, I am not trying to be pro- or anti-Mamdani in this post. I am pro-criticizing anyone and everyone, but for valid and sound reasons. It's not my fault that Scalfanis are genetically predisposed to being incapable of reasoned thought.)
Jack: "Do you know how many other countries will throw you in jail for being an illegal immigrant? SERIOUS! I just found that out!
Like Pakistan! If you're an illegal immigrant, that is a decade in prison, dude!"
Yes, every morning I wake up and wonder why the United States is not more like Pakistan. One of the most powerful and influential empires in world history -- which enshrined freedoms that were rare at the time, and which became a model for later democracies and constitutions -- should cheat off Pakistan's test. A country that's
worse than 81% of countries on the planet. Cool idea, man.
Jimmy was ignoring Jack's Pakistani rant and googling Mamdani. (They're obsessed?) He chimes in with more policies from the mayoral candidate: "He wants to freeze rent," Jimmy notes, claiming this will "bankrupt" landlords.
While there is some academic discourse around the fact that inflation plus time equals worse-quality buildings that are harder to maintain, landlords will be fine. In all five boroughs of New York City, the annual salary for a landlord is
north of $90k. That's twice what a teacher makes. Funny how these two posture like they're so working-class but are the first to cape for property owners over tenants.
Not everyone can failson between jobs at Chipotle and 7-11 for a few years -- with no post-high school training or education -- before magically becoming a homeowner by age 23.
Channeling his inner Helen Lovejoy, Jimmy implores us to Please Think Of The Bodegas™ who will suffer from lower grocery prices.
Bodegas do not carry fresh meat, vegetables, fruit, dairy or bread. Groceries and bodegas are non-competing retailers.
Jimmy notes Mamdani wants "fast, fare-free busses," which makes Jack performatively eye-roll and swivel in his seat.
"Ohh, jeez! Nothing's free!" Jack snarls. "Get over it! It's not gonna be free!"
This is what being politics-brained looks like. A reaction that intense and negative to hearing a city you don't even live in might have cheaper public transportation one day.
Someone in chat asks Jack for his thoughts on the new Polish president. Jack assures us he wants to work with everyone -- including Canada! He's being trolled. The new Polish president (as Jimmy notes) loves Trump and was endorsed by Trump last month, and is inheriting a country he plans to rule by veto and whose funds are being withheld by the E.U. because it
"experienced a severe drop in democratic standards" over the last 10 years since its courts became weaponized.
Jack: "Hey, when are we gonna come out and say that 9/11 was an inside job?"
There was
ZERO segue into this topic. Jack literally went from wishing well to Poland's new president to citing the following as evidence that Assad colluded with the CIA to perpetrate 9/11:
- "No plane parts"
- "An explosion on the 40th floor right before the plane hit"
- The "buildings were maxed out on insurance"
- The "owner" of one of the buildings had breakfast in the building "every Tuesday" but conveniently did not on 9/11
- "Nothing touched Building 7 and it came down completely"
Jimmy agrees and would also like us to remember that "all the Jewish people who were supposed to be in the buildings weren't there that day."
Jack and Jimmy warn us we will have to sell our cars to even afford pizza if the minimum wage is raised to $30.
- Again, why do they care? This would have zero impact on their lives. Mamdani is not running for president. (He can't, actually.) He might be mayor of one city.
- And it's a city they gleefully hope will burn to the ground. In that case, shouldn't they stop letting said city live rent-free (no pun intended) in their minds, and be glad the apparent Antichrist will soon usher in its destruction?
- I know it doesn't matter to tribal dullards like Jack and Jimmy, but for whatever it's worth, the jury is still out on the link between the minimum wage and the economy. (This was a good read.)
- While some economists agree with the obvious (higher pay --> higher prices), some don't, and there is in fact evidence that past raises did no harm, as well hypotheses that raises today could result in net gains (better pay --> healthier and happier workers --> better products).
- It's a topic of debate for a reason. If the answer was so obvious, no one would need two (severely underemployed) emblems of Dunning-Kruger to explain it.
- I wonder if Jack's sister still lives in
Babylon New York City? Unfortunately, she must be a casualty in the Great Tribulation that will befall it! So sayeth her brother!
Someone in chat writes: "I'm just gonna throw this out there.
Maybe there was a reason they were expelled from 109 countries."
My guess is this was typed in the chat shortly after Jimmy casually implied that 9/11 was a Jewish conspiracy. I must admit I had never heard of "109" before. I learned by watching this stream. Jack's reaction is weird.
First,
Jack laughs and agrees. "I love that! Maybe there's a reason nobody wants them!"
But then it seems he doesn't actually know the commenter is talking about Jewish people. Because he says, "Maybe there's a reason they ship them over to
our border and tell them, 'Walk across!'" Uh, and what border would that be? The Eastern Seaboard that separates North America (U.S.) from Eurasia (Israel)?
I
think Jack has been successfully trolled into unknowingly agreeing with an antisemitic talking point. And with that, I see that's enough F As In Frank for today.
