DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell: General Discussion #2

[PetiteDragon43]

Big "my girlfriend is totally real. She lives in Canada" energy from Phil talking about Kat

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Big "my girlfriend is totally real. She lives in Canada" energy from Phil talking about Kat

with phil hardly talking to her, I'm sure he knows very little about her, so it would make sense he is making shit up. at this point they're two strangers living together
Pandalee 2.0

 

[Hamburger Detractor]

with phil hardly talking to her, I'm sure he knows very little about her, so it would make sense he is making shit up. at this point they're two strangers living together
Pandalee 2.0

Pandalee dodged the biggest bullet ever. Imagine if she just gave up on life like Khet. Even when she's 9 months pregnant (supposedly) she wouldn't be half as fat as she could have been staying with Phil. She was lucky to leave before DoorDash was invented.

 

[Fapcop]

This is insane.

“HUNH?! I have INFINITE knife?!?”

Why yes Phil, that’s how they work! No ammo!

Don’t know if I’m GOOD at COD, but I did grind my way up to Nebula, and I gotta say: His situational awareness is truly mind boggling. The screen will LITERALLY FLASH to let Phil know that he’s getting shot from the side or behind, and he just… Ignores it?!?

Yes Phil, there is a reason why the entire left side of the screen suddenly turns orange, it’s not for decoration!

Not going to shit too hard on his reflexes, since BLOPS 6 is a FAST game.

But it’s truly astounding that he managed to play shooters for years, and never learned shit like reacquiring.

(Every time he gets close with someone who’s faster than him, he misses his shots. That’s because he keeps the left trigger pressed, instead of either letting go and press it again to reacquire aim. Or just get him with hip fire.)

This is one of the things they teach in videos for newbs to git good. Shit, I managed to figure it out, despite only playing COD regularly since December.

Somehow, Phil has played every COD since the dawn of time and still doesn’t realize this.

Wowza.

Any COD chads got anything to contribute here?

Pandalee dodged the biggest bullet ever. Imagine if she just gave up on life like Khet. Even when she's 9 months pregnant (supposedly) she wouldn't be half as fat as she could have been staying with Phil. She was lucky to leave before DoorDash was invented.

I’m super curious to hear what she would have to say, but I gotta say: I’m happy she’s smart enough to stay away from the snortex.

I’m curious to hear how she deals with her relatively small part in the shitshow that is DSP.

Like… Is it like something her friends know about, or a “My dad was a Nazi war criminal”-tier secret that only her relatives know about?

I can’t imagine that: “Yeah, I fucked DSP and was a lolcows live-in girlfriend!” is something she’s eager to share with people.

Anyways, it’s just kinda wild how Panda Lee had like an entire life, and has now graduated to MILF status, while Phil is still sitting there, snorting, streaming, being bad at games.

 

[Shuma-Gorath]

I personally don't think Phil is an alcoholic more than he is a hedonistic piece of shit. He's self-indulgent like a kid with a bottle of chocolate syrup, but I don't think that makes him an alcoholic.

For me, what gives it away that Phil is not an alcoholic is that Phil diagnosed himself as an alcoholic and also found the cure since he's a "recovered alcoholic". Doesn't that sound familiar? Like Phil constantly claiming he's never done anything wrong but when reacting to past Phil suddenly he WAS an idiot and an immature kid (even though he was in his early 30s) but not anymore! This is the same, Phil diagnosed himself as an alcoholic, but not anymore! He's healed you see, even though the concept of a healed addict who can casually go back to consuming is beyond fucking retarded and there's walls of studies and science proving it.

Phil diagnosed himself as an alcoholic only to avoid getting his ass kicked, because even though he talked shit online it wasn't his fault, he didn't write those things, it was his alcoholism. Sound familiar? "That was my depression!". My point is that Phil only cried that he's an alcoholic to avoid accountability, and mysteriously this alcoholism hasn't caused any trouble before or after, but Phil has continued drinking. He realized how bad he was in like 2002-2004 but somehow was drinking heavily during his early YouTube days? It doesn't add up, almost like Phil didn't learn a lesson, almost like he only made an excuse instead of being a man and owning the shit he said.

And there's also the topic of self control. Phil has none of it, he's not patient, he doesn't have any discipline, if he wants some fast food slop he will quite literally whine and cry and cross his arms until he gets it. Think about the way Phil gets anything these days and it's always through whining and tantrums. If Phil had a real alcohol addiction he wouldn't be able to hide it, and most importantly, we've seen how Phil acts around an actual addiction in the form of sweatymen.jpeg. We've seen how Phil gets a thousand dollars and that money immediately goes to WWE Champions. We've seen the lengths he's gone to hide this shameful secret, to the point he won't even admit it despite everyone being aware of it and even showing acceptance. We've even seen the way he acted when pulling Hogans live on stream, that enthusiasm is not as present when he's downing shots of hard liquor.

I don't deny he's a heavy drinker, but he's not a full blown alcoholic as many believe, and I think his WWE Champions addiction and self-diagnosis followed by him finding a cure to an incurable disease are the giveaways that show how Phil only played that card for sympathy and to paint himself as someone who can only ever improve despite never doing anything wrong. I think Phil is as addicted to alcohol as he is to fast food slop, that is yes he craves them but not in a "I need my fix or I die" way but more like a spoiled brat wanting a candy bar for every piece of broccoli he eats

 

[Whaler]

Any COD chads got anything to contribute here?

Not only does he lack any ability to see the flashes showing where he's getting hit, he also has no ability to follow gunshots or understand the map is an open area and the enemy can literally run in from anywhere. Situational awareness is a skill that's absolutely necessary for being good in any shooter, along with being to do call outs with your team. Phil doesn't play with mics so he fails to realize that the enemy team is always communicating about enemy positions which is why he tends to get guys coming from the side or behind him so often. Constantly moving, while not always the best strategy, is often always beneficial in some capacity as it makes you harder to pin down, locate, and hit.

 

[thirstymcgee]

I wonder how Phil's staycation was this weekend?

You think he made a nice robust romantic meal for Fat Kat? a nice rose petal pathway to a waiting bubble bath, to rub her feet after and lather her up in coconut oil and make sweet, sweet, love to his mo-wife?

To treat her like a Queen?

Haha.

 

[Fapcop]

Not only does he lack any ability to see the flashes showing where he's getting hit, he also has no ability to follow gunshots or understand the map is an open area and the enemy can literally run in from anywhere. Situational awareness is a skill that's absolutely necessary for being good in any shooter, along with being to do call outs with your team. Phil doesn't play with mics so he fails to realize that the enemy team is always communicating about enemy positions which is why he tends to get guys coming from the side or behind him so often. Constantly moving, while not always the best strategy, is often always beneficial in some capacity as it makes you harder to pin down, locate, and hit.

He moves so slow much of the time too. Like as if he’s trying to sneak around.
Buddy, this isn’t BF1!

The maps are small and almost all have three routes. So unless you’re moving around fairly constantly and quickly, someone is bound to come behind you.

Yet every time it happens, Phil acts like it’s either a bug or the opponent somehow cheating.

“WHAAA HE SPAWNED RIGHT BEHIND ME?!”

No Phil you dumbass. You’re just staring down one lane and not looking at the other lane they use to get behind you.

His retarded: “Well my gun doesn’t do much damage, I don’t have any attachments!” Kinda grinded my gears.

The attachments change things like recoil, speed or penetration/range, but none of them somehow do drastically more damage.

(And either way the difference is negligible. 570ms TTK as opposed to 600ms TTK doesn’t mean fuck all when your make newb mistakes like not re-acquiring your target.)

One thing that speaks in Phil’s favor is the skill based matchmaking. I’d love to see what lobbies he is put in, because it has to be some real potato lobbies.

I wonder how Phil's staycation was this weekend?

You think he made a nice robust romantic meal for Fat Kat? a nice rose petal pathway to a waiting bubble bath, to rub her feet after and lather her up in coconut oil and make sweet, sweet, love to his mo-wife?

To treat her like a Queen?

Haha.

That’s one advantage Fat Khat has over Leanna.

Leanna would actually fight for every crumb of attention he would throw at her, and do everything short of holding up a big sign saying: “PLEASE FUCK ME PHIL!”.

Khat? She’s more than happy to sit in silence with Phil while devouring mayo dipped sushi, and afterwards excuse herself and go up to her room to watch whatever goyslop a borderline retards likes to watch. While Phil sits down on his couch and some gacha.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out which kind of relationship Phil prefers.

EDIT: WHY THE FUCK DOESNT HE SLIDE?!?
I’ve barely seen him use the slide mechanic once. Despite the fact that he regularly gets capped by people sliding into him, or seeing his teammates do it.

Holy shit, Phil really is a moron. Unless it’s a mechanic that he knew two decades ago, it’s apparently black magic to him.

EDIT 2: At one point Phil starts PUTTING BLAST TRAPS BEHIND HIM WHEN HE SPAWNS, because he’s convinced he’s getting shot from behind by people spawning there. Instead of you know… Getting shot by people who use one of the THREE LANES to get behind him for an easy kill. LOOOL, this is one, dumb piggy.

 

[Benchod]

Did he specify any reason for taking two days off? It's probably a nothingburger.

 

[QwahlityKahntent]

Did he specify any reason for taking two days off? It's probably a nothingburger.

IT'S WWE CHAMPIONS TIME!! I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!

 

[fresh pair of socks]

Did he specify any reason for taking two days off? It's probably a nothingburger.

Phail made $1000+ on Friday. After a successful marathon, he usually takes an extra day off.

 

[Hectic Heckler]

Phail made $1000+ on Friday. After a successful marathon, he usually takes an extra day off.

But he lectures kino casino paypigs for "paying for less content, ya get it?" But of course it's ok when the beggar of Renton does it. Typical pollack hypocrite.

 

[Lunar Locust]

Has anyone seen Takin' Ls series on DSP and Autism? Personally, my tistic ass finds it kind it kind of interesting;

(pre edit; apologies for the Autistic wife)

https://youtu.be/5tFRk_lDAWw?si=YX3iH0LjV08MA6Qn

Tism Wife/Haggis interview series:

https://youtu.be/6_d8jA1kyFE?si=YvQePscmixDLlhUp

 

[Schmeckel]

44 hours? Did Steve of the Dead start making TIHYDPs?

44 hours would be a Steve of the Dead short.

 

[Balr0g]

Watched TBS yesterday and they had a clip where DSP said something along the lines of "If this level of support keeps up for 20 years I can take a vacation to Europe with Khet". My guy.. for one, he actually expects his dents to support him with 300$ a day (at the minimum) for 20 years???? And he can't simply save up some money for a vacation in say a few months? He is a retard. Or rather an alien ina fat, decaying skinsuit. Then again this dumbass thought a rainyday fund is for days when it rains. He really deserves to be mocked for all eternity.

 

[Fapcop]

Watched TBS yesterday and they had a clip where DSP said something along the lines of "If this level of support keeps up for 20 years I can take a vacation to Europe with Khet". My guy.. for one, he actually expects his dents to support him with 300$ a day (at the minimum) for 20 years???? And he can't simply save up some money for a vacation in say a few months? He is a retard. Or rather an alien ina fat, decaying skinsuit. Then again this dumbass thought a rainyday fund is for days when it rains. He really deserves to be mocked for all eternity.

Things like vacation is totally wasted on this fat slob.

He’ll go on an overpriced guided bus tour that target fat Americans with more money than sense, and bitch about it being “too hot” and “melting in that hot Italian 26c” (Insert some Philicism about European sun hitting harder since it’s closer to the equator or something.)

Then he’ll go back to the hotel, sit with fat Khat for two hours trying to figure out European fast food deliver service. (“HUUUNH?!? Why does it keep saying “Euros”?!? I want to pay in DOLLARS! WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS IS A MORAHN!”)

Then they’ll sit like two useless beached whales and shovel “European Burger King” down their pie hole for hours and watch PPV movies.

When he’ll come back, he’ll entertain the dents with stories about how European McDonalds fries are and how the Whopper tastes differently because of the ketchup. He didn’t try any European fast food because what if they didn’t like it. The last night they had a pizza but it wasn’t very good. “It was really thin crust and only cheese and TINY slices of ham. You’d think Italians know how to make pizza, but they don’t! Tuh-heh-heh!”

Congrats, I just distilled a whole week of post-honeymoon chilling with the king into one post. Now please tip!

 

[Burl McMillan]

Things like vacation is totally wasted on this fat slob.

Even back when this nigga still traveled more than 20miles away from his home he was still a gormless retard about the point of taking trips. That's even worse now that he's completely hermitmaxxed so leaving the fort is way down the list of things he's willing to do. There are just too many threats both foreign and domestic such as:

• European-style diseases
• Travel-style accidents
• Urban-style niggers or arabs
• Detractor-style stalkers
• who's gonna take care of the zoo-style animals?
• what if Tevin or EvilAJ or DooDee breaks into the house while he's gone?

 

[Big Brown Schlub]

Has anyone seen Takin' Ls series on DSP and Autism? Personally, my tistic ass finds it kind it kind of interesting;

I've recommended them earlier in the thread and I'm recommending them now too. Since I last recommended the series Takin' Ls has released 2 new parts. That series is really eye-opening, I don't know a lot about autism except the kind of surface level memes about it and a lot of the subtle stuff that Anna mentioned explains a lot of his weird behavior that can't at all be explained by narcissism. Which brings me to this...

Even back when this nigga still traveled more than 20miles away from his home he was still a gormless retard about the point of taking trips. That's even worse now that he's completely hermitmaxxed so leaving the fort is way down the list of things he's willing to do.

While it's true that his poor judgment of distance can be attributed to him being a hermit, I think he legitimately has dysmetria caused by the 'tism. In the Takin' Ls series about whether DSP is autistic Anna mentions how some people on the spectrum have issues judging distance, time, weight and/or volume at a glance. She said that she herself has issues judging time and is often done getting ready for work multiple hours before her shift starts despite the fact that her commute to work takes less than half an hour.

You can often see in games how he is an awful judge of space and distance despite playing them "professionally" for 17 years, his judgment and managment of time is also abysmal. Yesterday on TBS they showed a clip where he can't judge volume. He held up a bottle of hard liquor and when I saw it I immediately thought "that's 3 shots", I only drink hard liquor maybe twice a year so I have little experience with it and I could still nail the volume. Phail thought it was just one shot and was legitimately surprised when he poured the drink into his double shot glass and saw that there's still liqour left in the bottle, enough for one shot.

Same with his weird EuroTrip/Orient Express fantasy. He thinks there's these tourist "super trains" that drive from one major city to the next, drop you off, then they stay at the station and wait for you to have fun in the city, then you return and get driven to the next major city. Not only has that not existed in decades, he just can't judge how unfeasible it is. You can plan out a trip through Europe by train if you want but he underestimates just how slow trains are and you have to take different trains to get where you want. He mentioned the "big five" in a list of countries in Europe he wants to visit, and I checked how long the train ride from Paris-Berlin takes and it's at least 8 hours. From Berlin to Rome it's at least 14 hours. Not to mention, after you get off the train more likely than not you'd have to take some other type of public transport to get to a restaurant or museum or whatever else you want. Either that or you have to walk a lot and I can't imagine piggy and the heffer doing that.

 

[Jose Cuervo]

The only way a potential vacation to Europe would be interesting is if Phil got to experience some of the same Portuguese hospitality that the Ralphamale did.

 

[Free Jasper]

As someone who’s travelled extensively round Europe his fantasy ‘tourist train’ did make me laugh. He’s not touring Europe ever.

1) There’s no fantasy tourist train between capitals. There’s different trains and different train companies for each country, each with their own way of doing things. In France a rail pass is enough to hop on anything. In Spain, don’t get a seat reservation and you’ll be fined and tossed off the train.
It’s not insurmountable but for Phillip who can’t set up some lights or thinks preordering a console is ‘working his ass off’ - it ain’t happening.

2) Trains are the slow way of travelling in Europe. Paris to Barcelona is over 8 hours. Longer for Paris to Berlin. And this ain’t the orient express; you get a seat and access to a shitty overpriced cafe cart and some bored kids jumping all over you and that’s it. Using the train round Europe is traditionally something young people do as they can get cheap passes. It’s not a great way to travel.

3) He’s locked himself away so long there’s no way he’s not getting either something stolen or scammed by the people in these cities that prey on dumb tourists.

4) As Meerkat said, European capitals are very busy places. I’d pay money to see him try to deal with some of the crowds in Amsterdam. There is zero chance they don’t run and hide in the hotel room.

Then throw in the delicious idea that amongst that many people it’s highly likely someone will recognise him…..

Not happening. Ever.