Umamusume: Pretty Derby - Horse fuckers and gacha addicts get sent to the glue factory

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First thing I thought of was Penny Arcade's "The Unhorse"
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Goldship being the bane of everyone's existence is hilarious.
I saw some of the memes and decided I had to give Gold Ship a try. My run was extremely chill compared to the horror I was expecting, got dropkicked a few times and we vibed all the way to the URA Final when she decided she didn't feel like winning the very last race. I was kinda pissed, and then at the career completion screen she shits out a 1% 3-star speed spark.

You're alright, Gold Ship.
 
It's weird because I've known about the franchise by osmosis for years because of course people are going to see it and say "yo they made an anime horse girl show, so wack" but out of no where the gacha has made it explode to the point that even people who usually keep as far away from anime shit as possible are talking about it. Is "yo horse girls" so memeable to spread like this and just needed a better timed push, is it just gacha being that popular, is this particular gacha just that good, or is it just lots of well used marketing money? I'm not trying to be a cynic but seeing this second wind for the franchise be so effective that its anime has been completely over shadowed by its mobile tie in game is genuinely fascinating.
Before this all I've seen is goldships eye gag
And her ichigo pose
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So yeah she seems like best horse.
 
Do they run like people, horses, or...?

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They love running. It's their soul motivation and driving force and the second thing they tell you about them right behind them isekai'd horses. From what I've seen it's a mixture between regular running and Naruto ass running to make them more horse like. If they win they even do a song and dance that scratches that idol itch that Asians can't live with out.
 
The designs seem lazy compared to gacha slop from nearly a decade ago
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They only look that way because they're not slathered up with so much shit that you don't know what the hell you're looking at.
It's basically a Princess Maker style game. You raise your stats strategically because you only get a certain amount of turns to complete each goal. For certain honses you can just max speed out and win but for other horses like fucking Rice Shower you have to actually sort of know how the game works and what you're doing to advance. Seriously my Rice Shower is 4 stars and I raised her potential and she's still dogshit but I know she can win if the odds add up. So it's rather addicting in that way, just random enough with the rewards to skinnerbox you into clicking one more try.

It's very cute though. The characterization is widely varied for each honse so there's something for everybody. There's a decent amount of both comedy and drama. Gold Ship is very funny and silly. Rice Shower is emo but her happy scenes are that much more cute for it. Silence Suzuka is literally autistic for running and I love that for her.
The cuteness factor is through the roof which is an undeniable part of why it's gotten so huge.
The music is absolutely fucking dogshit though, like it's offensively bad. Like half of their whole "thing" is that they're also music idols who do the whole Miku Miku Dance routine, but the music is so bad I've skipped every single one. It's not even fan-made Vocaloid PV tier, it's just unlistenable word-salad garbage.

The anime is not interesting or remarkable in the slightest and one gets more value out of reading the shorts and stories from the game. Which it is kind of annoyingly full of but at least it lets you skip or fast forward most of it to get to the fun fuckin part of the game.
I am really not a fan of idol type shit music and just scrolling through some playlists on youtube I can't really find anything that isn't above generic sounding. I guess the appeal is that your horse girl will be the one singing whatever song? I don't know if they will sing any song or a set number of songs.
Someone find me something on the level of Step! or Ai Like Hamburger, just in memeiblity, and I'll give it a listen. I skimmed through ten or so of them and they all sound so generic.
 
I only build teams with the funniest horses but I'm running out of FUNNY horses. Whencan I expect other funny horses to be added? right now I have Gold Ship, Mejiro Ryan, Vodka, Taiki Shuttle, Bakushin , El Condor Pasa. Please, I just want to fill my team slots with eccentric funny horses.
 
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I downloaded this because it showed up on my Steam page, and I'd been seeing a lot about it. It's surprisingly fun for gacha slop, and it's kinda refreshing to see a gimmick that isn't straight up horny garbage beyond them being turned into girls.
If you're into any sort of other raising games, it's worth a try based on that alone. It's almost got a bit of a roguelite element to it in a way, as the core gameplay is about improving your horses via the Career mode repeatedly.
 
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and a glutton outside of the tracks.
didn't save the trivia, but quite a bit is based on the real horses. if oguri cap was eating a lot, that's how they would add it to the character.
or how after retirement they found out gold ship doesn't have the usual injuries from being a race horse, implying it never went all out like other horses did (if he felt like it, which made him losing even more lulzy).
gold ship also liked to kick, sometimes getting into better position to do it. hence the dropkick in game.

TLDR: even horses shitpost in real life.

Nice reference to the 12 billion yen incident
In Takarazuka Kinen (2015), many people expected Gold ship to win three consecutive victories in the same G1 race. He was blindfolded from the beginning and he entered the starting-gate first. He was quietly waiting for starting the race, but when Lovely Day came in next to him, he suddenly became violent.
He stood up on two legs inside the gate as soon as the starting-gate opened. that was the moment when a horse ticket worth about 12 billion yen turned into a scrap of paper.
After that he was totally unmotivated and just running.

Gold Ship is very entertaining unless you bet on him. Until to this day, Gold Ship make gamblers never forget that incident because, 12 billion in bets for big race turned into scrap. The commentator even said about how patient and calm gold ship is at the gate, talk about triggering a red flag
 
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Zoomers will complain about the state of gaming industry and then go play the most dogshit game imaginable just because its "trendy", whats new?
The music is absolutely fucking dogshit though, like it's offensively bad. Like half of their whole "thing" is that they're also music idols who do the whole Miku Miku Dance routine, but the music is so bad I've skipped every single one. It's not even fan-made Vocaloid PV tier, it's just unlistenable word-salad garbage.
What do you mean you don't like any songs?!


OFF TO THE COAL MINES, REVISIONIST TRAITOR!

 
The music is absolutely fucking dogshit though, like it's offensively bad. Like half of their whole "thing" is that they're also music idols who do the whole Miku Miku Dance routine, but the music is so bad I've skipped every single one. It's not even fan-made Vocaloid PV tier, it's just unlistenable word-salad garbage.
Yeah my feelings on the music are pretty mixed. Umapyoi Legend is very well put together and it has a few touches that I really appreciate.
The verses use baby's first whole tone stepwise rising chord progression, which does serve the musical idea of building momentum but it's really fucking boring on its own. They took that musical white bread and did the absolute simplest thing you can do to avoid boring the listener - adding a little chromatic embellishment in the melody right at the end of each measure. Bare minimum, but it gets the job done with no fancy frills. The pre-chorus sections do a good job of hyping up the chorus too, with upward modulation to build intensity and some pronounced left/right panning all to put even more emphasis on the main idea of momentum. My favorite part is chorus where they did a cheeky swerve on the full Royal Road (IV-V-iii-vi-ii-V-I) progression - seriously the nips put it in everything - doing the onramp meme at the ii chord and using it as a pivot point, first to set up a second lap of IV-V-iii-vi-ii and then as a springboard for the next key change. I haven't sat down to try and transcribe it all because that's youtuber behavior, but there's a lot of solid fundamental understanding of music in there. It's not revolutionary, but I still enjoyed it as sugary musical junk food. It jingles the keys just right, the mixing seems good and I appreciate that they recorded lots of different vocals to account for which characters are present in the scene.

I agree with you about some of the other songs though. There's a lot of shit like "look how many times we can change keys in 10 seconds" going on in a few of them, which frustrated the hell out of me. Overall I think they did a good job of replicating the feeling of being at one of those concerts, which I'd never willingly attend but I respect the hustle.

Zoomers will complain about the state of gaming industry and then go play the most dogshit game imaginable just because its "trendy", whats new?

What do you mean you don't like any songs?!


OFF TO THE COAL MINES, REVISIONIST TRAITOR!

Billions must Bakushin.
 
I've been playing the JP version for a good while now because nihongo jouzu and I'm an anime faggot. It scratches the same itch filling the Pokedex did for me when I was a kid imo but your autism may vary. Dopamine goes up when score goes up. The character writing is surprisingly good I think, despite me viewing it as something to indulge in to kill time or switch off my brain.

There's some really fun characters yet to be introduced to the English version, and if I remember right global is speedrunning releases, so by this time next year there should be more meme horses in the basic summon pool. The anime imo is something that's more of a supplement to the in game stories as I feel like you're dropped into the middle of everything when you watch it, but you could arguably watch it as stand alone if you don't want to play the games. Beginning of a New Era has great animation, but that carries it I think.

Yeah my feelings on the music are pretty mixed.

I agree, there's some good earworms but some of them are very bland idolslop, but that's to be expected with idol related stuff.
 
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It's kinda peak that they made a gamble slop game about Jigger's irl gamble addiction past time, and I've heard though can't confirm, that since the characters are based on real famous horsies with rich self important owners that the game can't get away with goonifying the characters.

I've never been autistic enough to get into sim games though so I wish everyone else luck trying to minmax with an insane turbo banner release schedule as they try to close the gap between global and jp versions.
 
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Hasn't this game been out a while? Why has it only now become popular?
Western troons discovered it and now it's the big fad for zoomer xey/xems, replacing the "puppygirl" brainrot the CIA psyopped them into. At least Uma troons don't constantly "bark" and growl at you in VC, though, so this is an objective improvement.
 
I didn't realise the characters were based off of real race horses. This makes it more off-putting in ways that I don't know how to explain.
It gets worse. If I remember correctly, one of the real-world horses' owners specifically told the devs that they were only allowed to use his horse's name and "likeness" if its gachaslop counterpart had bigger tits than his rival breeder's horse's gachaslop counterpart.
 
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