How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • 🐕 I am attempting to get the site runnning as fast as possible. If you are experiencing slow page load times, please report it.
Got my grandma off of a "landline" they were charging ~$75/month for. Got her onto a Voip service that's around $9-12/month.
Salesman finds this out and high tails it over to her place after I leave, sells her a $75/month unlimited everything flip phone for "emergencies".
I find out about this months later, get her off of that, and onto a $6/month emergency phone.
AT&T proceeds to then jack her internet up to close to $100/month. Refuses their senior discount (lets just say shes well into being a senior). So I get her onto a T-Mobile $10/month internet plan.


She's paying roughly $25-30/month for internet, home phone, and emergency cellphone now. I still want to find this salesman and hang him. Yes this is a threat.

sddefault.webp


So all in all I'm doing pretty ok. Got another stripe in BJJ the other day. Job is interesting, for now. Anything that manages to replace it will hopefully be even better.

One negative is I went to an IRL speed dating event, after seeing all this hype about how many women are trying soooo hard to find someone and men just don't attend. Ok. So I go there and its legitimately 25 fucking dudes and 7 women. For the fractionally impaired, thats more than a 3:1 ratio.
So that pissed me off. Also half the women being clearly older than me, and the other half being clearly lifestyle-impaired also pissed me off.
Sometimes I wonder if I really should just move to a Mediterranean country. Living in the US midwest has some real challenges.
 
Realizing once again that my brain is poverty-fucked. Girlfriend had to basically force me to spend money (on a 20€ t-shirt, nothing fancy), not because i am miserly but because i still operate on the "Is this really neccessary right now?" mindset. Hard to break those habits. Still haven't bought anything big with the money i made in Oman, it still feels like i got everything i need to survive and i have a hard time thinking beyond the basics even now that i have money. I do plan on spending quite a bit on a vacation soon, so there's at least that.
Sometimes I wonder if I really should just move to a Mediterranean country
If you do, be ready for women that will love you more than live itself but also will stab you in your sleep if they think you are cheating on them. Cheating can include supposedly having looked at other women for too long when out and about. Kinda speaking from experience here, though i still remain unstabbed. For now :story:
 
Worried about moving! Sad about my friends moving also. But it's a time of changes in life.
Still haven't bought anything big with the money i made in Oman, it still feels like i got everything i need to survive and i have a hard time thinking beyond the basics even now that i have money. I do plan on spending quite a bit on a vacation soon, so there's at least that.
INVEST IT
seriously
INVEST IT
the poorest thing to do with money, the most poverty brained thing possible is to spend it on shit you don't care about
INVEST INVEST INVEST
your money will turn into more money, it will have little money babies to give to your real children, or your future self
 
Worried about moving! Sad about my friends moving also. But it's a time of changes in life.

INVEST IT
seriously
INVEST IT
the poorest thing to do with money, the most poverty brained thing possible is to spend it on shit you don't care about
INVEST INVEST INVEST
your money will turn into more money, it will have little money babies to give to your real children, or your future self

Second that. I'm starting investing some of the extra income I'm having. Hopefully I'm making smart decisions.
See, didn't even cross my mind because what poor person ever invested money? Questionable if the amount i have is high enough to make it worth it but anything is better than letting it rot in a savings account i guess. I got a not-too-distant relative who is an investment banker (or was, we haven't seen each other in years), guess i shoot him a call in the coming days.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: obsdj
See, didn't even cross my mind because what poor person ever invested money? Questionable if the amount i have is high enough to make it worth it but anything is better than letting it rot in a savings account i guess. I got a not-too-distant relative who is an investment banker (or was, we haven't seen each other in years), guess i shoot him a call in the coming days.
That’s the thing. When money’s always tight, any extra cash feels like something you need to keep close, just in case. It’s hard to think too far ahead when there’s a chance you might hit a rough patch in a couple of weeks. Investing is about the future, and that means planning, waiting, and hoping things go right, none of which feels very doable when you’re focused on just making it through right now.

I’m hesitant to contact the psychologist, mainly because I’m still worried I’ll look gay getting mental help. I’d ask for someone to goad me on but that sounds even gayer
Just go for it, man. If someone has a problem with you trying to take care of your mental health, they’re not worth your energy. And most of people are too tangled in their own lives to even think negatively about you getting help. Just don't pay attention.

You have the power to choose a better path, to let real change in. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that leads somewhere so much better. And you deserve that.
 
I’m still worried I’ll look gay getting mental help.
I still got my beef with basically everything regarding the mental health field after wasting literal decades in the system due to way too many misdiagnoseses and other stuff but your concern about it being gay or how people might perceive your road to potentially getting better as being gay should be a non-concern. If you feel like you need help in that regard just go for it, like @Foxymophandlemama said. Nobody has to know about it if you don't talk about it outside of therapy. I know plenty people that improved their lives via going the classic therapeutic way, more than i know outliers like myself where shit did not catch. Only thing i'd be wary about is psychiatric medication.
 
got a 2nd interview to get a 2nd part time job tm... waiting for schedules to come out for my other job. Waiting for school to start back up again.. honestly, not a huge summer guy. You don't get a lot of sports on besides baseball, so your either stuck working (which when your not scheduled, sucks), or binging TV shows. right now, watching Shameless US and MASH.
 
My mom just made me a huge batch of pudding! It's delicious!

I love pudding so much, it's unreal... Thank you, mother! ...I don't deserve her...
 
I still got my beef with basically everything regarding the mental health field after wasting literal decades in the system due to way too many misdiagnoseses and other stuff but your concern about it being gay or how people might perceive your road to potentially getting better as being gay should be a non-concern. If you feel like you need help in that regard just go for it, like @Foxymophandlemama said. Nobody has to know about it if you don't talk about it outside of therapy. I know plenty people that improved their lives via going the classic therapeutic way, more than i know outliers like myself where shit did not catch. Only thing i'd be wary about is psychiatric medication.
I took psych meds for a while and the improvement was insane, life just felt so much more— clear? Like I had a fog over my eyes my whole life, but when I took Prozac, it lifted and it was suddenly like “Holy shit! The world IS beautiful!”. I was so much more productive then, I stopped starving myself and started paying attention in school and actually working to do shit and I graduated. Then I just stopped cause I thought, I look like a dork taking Prozac. I was just happy, it was the first time in a long time that I was just happy. But that sounds so corny
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Core Theorist
I took psych meds for a while and the improvement was insane, life just felt so much more— clear? Like I had a fog over my eyes my whole life, but when I took Prozac, it lifted and it was suddenly like “Holy shit! The world IS beautiful!”. I was so much more productive then, I stopped starving myself and started paying attention in school and actually working to do shit and I graduated. Then I just stopped cause I thought, I look like a dork taking Prozac.
You didn’t look like a dork. You looked like someone coming back to life, one small step at a time. The only one saying otherwise was that voice in your head, not the world around you.

I remember that strange mix when the meds finally started working. It felt like magic, but also a little scary. Sometimes, I even missed the version of me who was drowning, because that sadness was all I had ever known. Like that line from Nirvana: "I miss the comfort in being sad."

But here’s the thing:
With time, I finished a degree. Got a job. Traveled. Laughed. Had birthday parties I thought I would never have. And heartbreaks too. But I was able to overcome them. Way better than rotting in bed, haunted by thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore.

You’re not weak for getting help.
You’re brave.
You’re changing your story.
 
Just go for it, man. If someone has a problem with you trying to take care of your mental health, they’re not worth your energy. And most of people are too tangled in their own lives to even think negatively about you getting help. Just don't pay attention.

You have the power to choose a better path, to let real change in. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that leads somewhere so much better. And you deserve that.
I did it, I called them. I don’t believe I deserve it, but I know that my loved ones do. I scrolled through some text conversations and I was so dead inside and they were clearly concerned, that’s not fair to them when I have access to a therapist, medication, psychologists, literally everything that’s helped before. It’s not fair I stall it for no reason other than my ego, that’s what I always hated my parents for and I don’t want to do the same. I’m sorry I’m rambling, I’m just realizing you’re really really right.

Edit to avoid double posting; I saw your other reply, I guess we replied at the same time lol. But that really stuck with me, I’m not weak, I just know there’s more to life than this and I want to find it. Thank you.
 
Back