7/24/25 - The Ralph Report
Ralph returned from his retarded 3 hour appearance on a youtube channel that somehow ended up wasting 5 days of whatever is left of his short lifespan.
Upon his return to the Killstream, Ralph reported that he has his illustrious store back online, but something is amiss.
You see, if you look up theralphretort, as is ralphs X handle and website name for over a decade, you don't get theralphretort anymore, you instead get TheRalphReport
Oh wait that's right, Ethan Ralph editor and chief of theralphretort
sold his website to stinky pajeets for
literally nothing earlier this year (woops)! Ralphs new website is "ralphretort" dot com
Now before you get all excited and want to see how retarded his new website is, don't be. The website isn't even on HTTPS and is being hosted by who the fuck knows at this fucking point, so unless you know what you're doing, I wouldn't bother. It wouldn't surprise me if Ralph hasn't even checked for himself what's on here and is only assuming it's up because some stinky pajeet told him it was, uh-
mayzin!
Ralph shows off the incredibly expensive sunglasses that he apparently
had to buy
again because he got robbed of all his other ones
What Ralph obviously doesn't realize is how easy it is to see the layout of his room and what he's doing at any given moment while he's streaming thanks to said glasses
Ralph with something resembling a pistol on his right lens. Closer inspections indicate it is probably not a weapon.
A window in the corner of Ralphs room
And an empty bottle laying on it's side that Ralphs not going to do anything about unless the Senorita does
It also revealed what we all already know that Ralphs show is essentially just a daycare center while he sits in silence gossiping in his DM group The Spite Club
Watch Ralph lunge at his laptops keyboard, clearly too busy to do something like host a podcast atm if you want to know the truth about it
You also get to see how much his tiny T-rex arms flail around while he's talking
El Salvador Snoozestream
Ralph goes into detail on what happened after he spent maybe 2 hours on camera and found a room without cameras in it to go to sleep 
Ralph explains cheeseburger lore (0:10), Ralph woke up, demanded cheeseburgers, ate the cheeseburgers, and then fell asleep again (0:25), Ralph states every time he wakes up he is incredibly angry and hungry [for cheeseburgers] (0:40)
Ralph wasted $50 dollars on another hat to wear indoors when he already has 600 of them (0:25)
Wow, what an amazing Sektur reviving thing Ralph did. Was he supposed to be there for multiple days and not throw 1 tantrum and disappear? Yeah, but guess what nigger? He punked them on a free ticket to loiter around El Salvador for 5 [star] days alone! RALPH W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ralph Shoots Promo on Life Itself
You'd never guess why Ralph hasn't killed himself yet (it's spite btw) (0:25), "Living sucks honestly, fuck living." (0:40), "Living is gay as fuck, let's be real--living is suffering and no truer words have ever been spoken " (0:50), "Each day it gets worse" (1:00), Ralph still hasn't replaced his TV (1:05), remainder of the clip is just giving context to a couple of things on X whatever who cares
After playing youtube clips in complete silence and jabbing at a keyboard that is clearly out of reach of his t-rex arms, Ralph decides to call off his upcoming appearance on a podcast about Aaron Imholte
For some strange reason, this has genuinely made a few a-logs on the farms extremely upset. Instead of making people even angrier, I'll just point out that if Ralph didn't want a clip of him threatening to murder his wife over a spilt piss can to "cancel" him from being featured on podcasts, he probably should not have done that.
CozyRozy[.tv] Bails Ralph
Ralph could not help himself but start hate watching Mad at the Internet again since Ralph is mostly funded by spergs who hate the Kino Casino and Kiwi Farms. While trying to sound like a bad ass and get a hold of the narrative, Ralph reveals something illustrious about his speeding ticket back in 2022:
Ralph reveals that he was going at least 70 MPH in a zone limited to 30 (1:30). Ralph recalls his "funny" story of how Ralph used his infant child that was in the backseat to not go to jail (1:40), Ralph performs the charade he played to weasel his way out of jail (2:30), Ralph laughs at how successful it was (2:50)
Exposing KC Thread Infestation
Ralph was donated an illustrious amount of money to read Nulls recent posting about PPP in the Kino Casino thread. The spergs you will hear in this call have been mentioned before, but now it appears there may be a racket of spergs and kiwi farmers piling their SSI checks together to expose Null on the Killstream
Before reading Nulls post, Ralph reminds Null of the debunked 5 grand he owes Ralph (0:00), He even tries to pretend the money will go towards his kids (0:10) Hausemiester joins (0:40), Ralph tries to do his impression of Null and ends up sounding like RFK instead (3:10), Wings007 donates $2.00 to say Josh moon sucks dick (3:40), Ralph mentions @DogZero on his own accord (4:05) Hausemiester praises @DogZero (4:10)
Kill Kino Kasino joins the call (15:30), KKK praises
@DogZero on his ability to sit in the kino casino thread all day (21:50)
Kill Kino Kasino / @KillKinoKasino / KKK / "Mr. K"
Kill Kino Kasino is a Level 0 Warrior gearing up to take down the Kino Casino and Null. He streams on Rumble to an audience of nobody. His jaw is so fucked up he literally looks like the troll face. He also has little Chihuahua teeth.
This sperg is clearly in the KC thread all the time, and you'd honestly have to be pretty dumb to believe he is not influencing certain people in the thread or even posting in it himself.
If you read in between the lines of KKKs and Hausmeisters appearance on the killstream, you would see they have a deep affection with the people in the KC thread, specifically
@DogZero.
A brief look into Dog Zero reveals he is unsurprisingly an attention whore with a YouTube channel sporting thumbnails that make Ralphs MS Paint collages look illustrious in comparison
Listen to this fucking spergs voice oh my god he sounds like a 40 year old tub of lard
Ok, look. Look here, listen. I'm just trying to document Ethan Oliver Ralph host of the illustrious keelstream, alright? All these autistic gayop rings behind the scenes are not exactly my cup of tea. But when it is
this blatant and no one is saying something, I cannot help but feel the need to point it out.
The likelihood of
@DogZero being in Ralphs
Spite Club twitter DM group is pretty high, I personally am more than happy to look the other way if he posts pictorial eba
daance of the retarded shit that goes on in there if you want to know the truth about it!
bonus pigs:
God is still attempting to blow Ralphs shed down
