So I (18F) am autistic. Over the last year or two I've been having meltdowns semi frequently, some worse than others. My mom (49F) doesn't understand that I don't really have any control over these, and gets pissed and tells me I'm acting like I'm 3 whenever they happen. I frequently get grounded/ yelled at severely because of these meltdowns. I also frequently get grounded because I need to "watch my tone" even though I rarely do it intentionally. She's gotten physical with me in the past, but it's been infrequent, probably less than 3-4 times a year. I have always struggled with my hygiene and it's been a constant battle with my mom.
So here's where this story begins. I hadn't showered for a while because I was on day 4 of 6 subsequent shifts at work (I'm still in high school) and I was tired and stressed. When I get really busy my mind tends to completely forget self care. My mom was pissed. She told me that she wouldn't drive me to school in the morning if I didn't shower. (That is slightly traumatic because I used to go to a home daycare and when the lady moved houses she told me if I didn't take a shower every morning she wouldn't let me sit on the couch. I was the only kid she told this to, and back then I was taking a shower every two nights religiously, and didn't have time in the mornings to take a shower. I don't think my mom knows I still care that much about it.)
Okay fair, I need to shower, so I do the dishes and grab my towel and walk to the bathroom. My shower has been clogged for what feels like a couple months but it was just extremely bad. My sister had just taken a shower like 30 minutes before. It felt to me like the water that was in there would be all the way up to my mid calf, although in reality it was maybe like 3-4 inches of water. I have consistently been talking showers in roughly an inch of water that grows as I shower but it's better since its my own dirty water and not my sisters. (Love her though.) So I knock on my parents door and tell them the shower is clogged and I wouldn't be able to take a shower. Yes that was kinda shitty to say but that's where my brain went. Then I said I needed help to fix it. My mom said to suck it up and reiterated she wouldn't take me to school.
So I go back to the shower and look at it again and realize I'll get grounded for not going to school if I don't take a shower, but I couldn't step in that water. then a meltdown starts. I think I was yelling "I can't take a shower in this," but I'm not completely sure. So my mom stomps out of her room completely pissed. She starts yelling that I woke her up and I needed to stop acting like a child. She grabbed my hair hard, like really hard and wrestles me to the floor. Then she hits me on the butt, like 20 times. But she doesn't hit it as hard as she usually does. The hair pulling hurt much worse than the spanking. She hasn't pulled my hair before that I can remember. My stepdad comes into the bathroom and they're both yelling at me and calling me childish and she tells me I can't have my friend come over the next day anymore even though it was the only day where I actually had time to do anything with friends. She tells me to go to my room and I sit there on my bed sniffling.
I hear her try to unclog the drain with the shower snake and it wasn't working, which I knew it wouldn't because I had tried with the shower snake a month before and it barely did anything (I don't know why I didn't ask for help before it got to this). She called my stepdad back in and I hear them plunge it and it finally drains. She calls me back and tells me to take the shower, which I immediately do.
The next day at school I'm hanging out with 3 of my friends. I mention this story to them (though not in quite as much detail) and they don't think it's weird. Like at all. One of them even says his parents used to beat him and he just pretended he liked it and they stopped. So I stopped talking about it. I didn't even tell my therapist yesterday. I don't completely trust her though, that's part of it. She's paid for by my mom, and my mom drives me to the appointments and talks to her about stuff that happens at home for the first 5-10 minutes. She also just hasn't been extremely helpful and 9/10 times makes me find my own solutions to my problems because she "doesn't know my brain." I don't either, you're literally getting paid to find me solutions. She's told me things my sister said in her sessions before. But anyway. I'm considering either telling her about what happened or maybe going to the school psychologist. I don't trust the counselors anymore for reasons I dont think I have space in this post for.
Am I overreacting for being upset about this? Should I tell an adult? I don't want to make a big deal out of this if they're just gonna brush me off like my friends.
