💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[souschef]

With the focus of filling it up "just enough to cover the pasta" and cooking it until "most of the water will be evaporated", I really think it is just an effort to avoid having to wash a colander from pasta water (which takes what, 5 seconds?). I refuse to believe he is retarded enough to not be able to boil pasta, but he has surprised me in the past.
He gives it a cold start so he can measure the water level against the already present pasta.

Yeah, it's ridiculous

You want to use a lot of water to use pasta, so you can save some starchy water to toss with the sauce later. I mean, instructions are in the package, it's "lazy man" with instructions, you can't fuck up unless you're doing it on purpose, or if you're Jack

 

[Adamska]

Mac and cheese again?

Of course Mac and Cheese again. It's a way to just fucking plop shit in with no effort. It's the same reason he does so many chilis.

As for this one, it's not his worst attempt at the dish; that goes to the horrible cheez-ball sauce he made. It's still bad given how watery and gritty this shit would be. I don't really feel like autopsying something that's basically slightly fancier and more poorly cooked kraft mac, but there's a few things I can note.

1. The pasta water/evaporated milk is a decent idea for a simple cheese sauce if done in a second pot. The problem is he can't be fucked to do that even though it'd allow you to measure out the sauce more efficiently by the water. I'd still suggest maybe some normal milk and then thicken with a bit of cornstarch to balance out if you can't be fucked to make a roux, but this baseline isn't horrid.
2. Shreddy cheese literally is the worst cheese for this. Unironically he'd be better served by just piling in slices of kraft singles since at least the sodium citrate cheese doesn't have anti-caking agents in force. Deli cheeses are a pretty good compromise if you can't be fucked for slices or wheels.
3. Noodles should've been taken out to avoid getting too soggy. But I'm assuming it's half laziness half this retard's broken palate when it comes to texture.

 

[Shartavius]

As always, Jack's "lazy man recipe" requires him to make-believe that, not only does the actual lazy version of the dish not already exist, but that his version doesn't require more steps or effort (e.g., every supermarket has frozen mac-n-cheese or shelf-stable, dry "easy mac" you add water to prior to microwaving).

This terminally fat asshole's entire creative output is limited to presuming that people dumber than him exist; then acting from that incorrect premise with the conceit that he can trick them into thinking he has value. He refuses to acknowledge that his only audience is people who can't believe how much he sucks.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

0:42: You're telling me this man that has a "cooking career" for over two decades still makes pasta from cold start? You supposed to put the pasta in boiling water, its gonna be soggy

I have seen recipes that you add the pasta to the cold water and cook it all together in a "one pan" kind of deal. Martha Stewart came up with it and Food & Wine called it out as one of the recipes that changed how people cooked. I've never tried them although I'm still trying to work up the courage to try to make "Spaghetti all'Assassina" though. It looks interesting.

What i'm curious about is the rationale behind the cold start with the pasta, if there's a rationale that is, and not just Jack being retarded.

Fatty can't bring it over to the sink to drain it and Hammy probably was getting railed by Jim Traynor so she wasn't available.

And it would also defeat his idea of "Lazy Man" recipes. He literally wants the maximum amount of food for the smallest amount of effort.

He refuses to acknowledge that his only audience is people who can't believe how much he sucks.

His audience is literal retards with missing chromosomes based on his "fans" he's taken pictures with and people like us who just roast him and his retarded ways.

 

[souschef]

I'm still trying to work up the courage to try to make "Spaghetti all'Assassina" though. It looks interesting.

I thought about spaghetti all'assassina, but the main feature of the dish is the charring of the pasta. Honestly, i find it really unappealing but italians swear by it, never tried myself

And it would also defeat his idea of "Lazy Man" recipes. He literally wants the maximum amount of food for the smallest amount of effort.

What's funny to me is that his lazy recipes are more convoluted than they should be. I remember his "lazy tacos" way back, that would set you back more time than just doing it the regular way

 

[VenomPlug]

What's funny to me is that his lazy recipes are more convoluted than they should be

Absolutely, and very often (if not every single time) they come off as inferior to a frozen/already assembled cheaper product.

 

[Shartavius]

I'm still trying to work up the courage to try to make "Spaghetti all'Assassina" though. It looks interesting.

I make that often. The challenge is the half hour of attention required to cook a portion of instant heartburn spaghetti for one person.

 

[p1138]

With the focus of filling it up "just enough to cover the pasta" and cooking it until "most of the water will be evaporated", I really think it is just an effort to avoid having to wash a colander from pasta water (which takes what, 5 seconds?). I refuse to believe he is retarded enough to not be able to boil pasta, but he has surprised me in the past.
He gives it a cold start so he can measure the water level against the already present pasta.

It's a lazy way of using as little water as possible, to avoid using more than one pot. He did this years ago with some other pasta shit, and I've seen similar one pot pasta recipes do it as well(even tried a couple too). The problem is that you can see in addition to the pasta being the cheapest shit he could find, he left it too long and still managed to overcook it, and leave in an unnecessary amount of water because he's too dumb to just tilt the pot into a sink and drain most of it. This is the same Fatty that normally gets super impatient to eat, now to the point of eating straight out of the cooking pot instead of plating his food.

He emptied that pot himself in under 2 hours.

 

[Shartavius]

He emptied that pot himself in under 2 hours.

Two hours? I'll bet he ate it all in a single sitting while shitting in the dark, and still managed to burn his mouth with the last bite.

 

[p1138]

Two hours? I'll bet he ate it all in a single sitting while shitting in the dark, and still managing to burn his mouth with the last bite.

Nah, as slow as he eats these days it'll be a while. Fatty from say 5 years ago? Would have inhaled it in 15 minutes.

It'll still be a single sitting though. You think he bothered to move his fat ass from the stove where he could just shovel mac and cheese into his mouth?

 

[Shartavius]

I didn't say he needed to leave his kitchen stove to shit in the dark.

I doubt they'll bother with autopsying Jack beyond the initial shock that "drowning" isn't on the toe tag to explain his appearance - But you can be sure he'll pass with unchewed Great Value shells in his lungs.

 

[Brian Oblivion]

How does "Lazy Man's" mac and cheese even make sense. You retard dick, it is already the ultimate lazy man dish, just fuckin open up the box of Velveeta shells and cheese and make it. It's like "Lazy Man's" fucking ramen noodles, just open up the ramen noodles and boil them, bitch.

This fucking idiot. This stroked-out mental retard faggot.

It really is a testament to modern medicine that a guy like this who lives off of the most extreme versions of processed food that he's made even more extreme and unhealthy through his cooking methods and also eats 10,000 calories of said food a day for this many years is still alive at this point.

 

[Shartavius]

It really is a testament to modern medicine that a guy like this who lives off of the most extreme versions of processed food that he's made even more extreme and unhealthy through his cooking methods and also eats 10,000 calories of said food a day for this many years is still alive at this point.

I prefer to believe that Hell simply and continually rejects him for fear of the odors and increased temperatures his ignited fat will result in.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

What's funny to me is that his lazy recipes are more convoluted than they should be. I remember his "lazy tacos" way back, that would set you back more time than just doing it the regular way

Fuck, I forgot about the "lazy tacos". Tacos are already one of the easiest and laziest things you can make. The only real hard part is cutting up all the toppings.

He complicates things in his attempt to make things easy.

I make that often. The challenge is the half hour of attention required to cook a portion of instant heartburn spaghetti for one person.

That's part of the reason why it's not high on my list of things to do. If I'm making pasta in a simple tomato sauce it takes maybe twenty minutes from start to finish and most of that time is getting the water to boil and cooking the pasta. Garlic, crushed strained tomatoes, parsley, salt and pepper. That's it. Sauce comes together in no time. Finish in the pan, add some cheese when you're done.

I prefer to believe that Hell simply and continually rejects him for fear of the odors and increased temperatures his ignited fat will result in.

I've been saying that for years. God and Satan keep passing the buck to the other one and neither one wants to take him.

 

[Enig]

Starting to realize Jack is a great focus for old era CWC style over the top hypotheticals, like if you threw Jack out of the back of a C-17 midflight and he hit pavement would his body mass flatten out like a cartoon from the impact or would he violently explode and ruin a large radius with the reek of people finally getting you meats?

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Starting to realize Jack is a great focus for old era CWC style over the top hypotheticals, like if you threw Jack out of the back of a C-17 midflight and he hit pavement would his body mass flatten out like a cartoon from the impact or would he violently explode and ruin a large radius with the reek of people finally getting you meats?

He'd bounce.

Not very high mind you, all his bones would be crushed and I'm sure questionable stuff would squirt out of his body but he'd bounce at least a couple inches.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

I thought about spaghetti all'assassina, but the main feature of the dish is the charring of the pasta. Honestly, i find it really unappealing but italians swear by it, never tried myself

I made it a few months ago and was not impressed, which may well mean that I did it wrong. The result was edible, but nothing I was in a rush to have ever again.

Is it just me or does Jack in his old videos seem much more energetic and almost likable compared to how he is now? I just watched that disgusting pound cake video and he strikes me as downright tolerable.

 

[the khat quaffer]

How does "Lazy Man's" mac and cheese even make sense.

We live in a world of innovation, not invention.

 

[ZipDisk]

My convection oven kept fucking up frozen pizza so I asked AI what to do. I thought the instructions it gave me were retarded but decided "fuck it".

Following the advice resulted in the first non fucked up pizza out of that oven ever. I still wonder which directions were hallucination and which ones actually worked.

I don't think I'd follow AI recipes though, that seems like asking Skynet to fuck you over.

 

[the khat quaffer]

My convection oven kept fucking up frozen pizza so I asked AI what to do. I thought the instructions it gave me were retarded but decided "fuck it".

Following the advice resulted in the first non fucked up pizza out of that oven ever. I still wonder which directions were hallucination and which ones actually worked.

I don't think I'd follow AI recipes though, that seems like asking Skynet to fuck you over.

Tell your non-existent woman that her rump's as big as the queen's. And twice as fragrant.