Fetishes - Where do they come from? Are they harmful? Who really cares?

[beansntoast]

ok this is gonna be the last one I swear

You don't have to be in 'the favour of kinksters' you just don't make insane comparisons that don't make sense and A-log.

Whatever, goodnight.

to me it makes sense, yeah it's hyperbolic, but there are more than enough kinksters who take it overboard and still argue with the "but MUH CONSENT" bullshit, like that cannibal DID in court. and don't come at me with "but they're not real kinksters! real kinksters have safe words and are the nicest sanest people ever!" I'm really not a fan of the no-true-scotsman-fallacy. take care of your trash instead of ignoring it.

also I'm gonna quote you a few more times

Stop saying that people into BDSM are wankers, because that has already been said. People don't want to come to this thread to here you go on and on about why it's bad. This is a discussion. Fucking treat it like one.

We've already been talking about what he said we don't need more pages of of it.

so what's the thruth? either you want a one sided discussion or you don't. might as well say all the stuff in favour of fetishes has already been discussed pages ago

I'm sorry but the hypocrisy was so tempting, I'll leave you filthy nasties to your haram behaviour now unless Ruby writes something silly again I guess

 

[Vocaloid Ruby]

to me it makes sense, yeah it's hyperbolic, but there are more than enough kinksters who take it overboard and still argue with the "but MUH CONSENT" bullshit, like that cannibal DID in court. and don't come at me with "but they're not real kinksters! real kinksters have safe words and are the nicest sanest people ever!" I'm really not a fan of the no-true-scotsman-fallacy

Well yeah that's the interesting stuff. Instead of saying BDSM is the same as cannibalism lmao let's investigate this shit. The cannibal is obviously different to your average 50-shades wannabe. This thread is supposed to be about why and not grouping all 'the kinksters' (why is this phrase a thing now???) up but investigating the psyche. We don't know where Fetishes come from beansntoast but it's fun to play armchair pshycologist and hypothesise rather than complain about 'Consent' or whatever the fuck you where talking about.

 

[beansntoast]

Well yeah that's the interesting stuff. Instead of saying BDSM is the same as cannibalism lmao let's investigate this shit. The cannibal is obviously different to your average 50-shades wannabe. This thread is supposed to be about why and not grouping all 'the kinksters' (why is this phrase a thing now???) up but investigating the psyche. We don't know where Fetishes come from beansntoast but it's fun to play armchair pshycologist and hypothesise rather than complain about 'Consent' or whatever the fuck you where talking about.

of course it's not the same, I agree that one of those things is waaaay more fucked up than the other, but both groups of people argue with the same logic, that was my entire point, that's why I compared it in the first place. they both excuse hurting others (to a different degree) for sexual gratification with the same reasoning, so it's not that much of a leap to compare the two, or even provocatively claim that consensual murder/cannibalism is just an extreme form of bdsm brought to its logical conclusion, when anything two consensual adults do in their bedroom becomes untouchable.
and the idiocy of excusing all people do with "consent" was definitely not brought up by me for the first time in this thread. it's just easier to show how ridiculous that logic is by applying it to something more extreme + it's the only thing they have to justify what they do, and they cling to it with all their might. I know it's fuck annoying, that's one reason why I'm so annoyed by fetishist bc all they do is yell about their precious consent when they try to weasel their way out of any self reflection or critique. and now I'm doing so myself. amazing, good job me

I did have my theory on where it comes from in my OP, that fetishists just have a very low libido or don't like sex due to Idk nerv damage in their genitals or whatever so they have to come up with elaborate bullshit to make sex pleasurable at all. though I also find myself agreeing with the theory many people already brought up, that it has to do with childhood experiences

I find the "kinksters just really don't like sex" theory interesting because it's novel and I haven't heard it that often before, but to be honest it also reeks of a superiority complex by whomever made it up. like yeah fetishists must really hate sex because they're doing it wrong and the only way to prove that you actually like sex is by doing it the correct way like I do. sure it's tempting to think that but that's just a bit too smug even for me

edit: yeah I see how my posts can piss you off, fucking text walls.

 

[Manah]

What I don't get it why some people feel the need to tell the world about what they prefer in the bedroom. People have different tastes in lots of aspects of life, but you don't see people going around saying "I PREFER PISTACHIO AND I'M PROUD OF IT! DON'T TASTE-SHAME ME!"

Some people DO do that, but you're more likely to think they're a moron and ignore them.

 

[Y2K Baby]

I'm gay.

 

[More Spicey Than Coolwhip]

My kink is watching paint dry.

 

[Dysnomia]

My kink is watching paint dry.

That is so hot.

But I don't really get fetishes. I think you get exposed to something at an early age or a vulnerable and sexually frustrating time and then you end up with a fetish. If it's too weird it ends up turning off a lot of potential partners. Which leads to more frustration. People with weird fetishes end up congregating together online so they can feel normal and accepted for getting off to weird stuff.

 

[Daughter of Cernunnos]

Traditionally fetishes have been considered problematic by psychiatrists but now the sex positive movement has normalized them and forced them out of that realm where they need to be.

 

[Taily Puff]

I bet the reason people with weird fetishes are so inclined to spill their guts and bother everyone else with their deviancy is probably due to the process of starting out ashamed of themselves, and then coming to accept what they like. It goes from being their secret shame, to a quest to find someone compatible with their weirdness, to finally finding someone who tells them it's okay. Then they get this false notion that 'okay' is the same thing as 'normal' and start loudly bragging about what a creepy sex pervert they are.

If you're turned on by forcing someone to dress like a clown while they struggle and object (I wrote it trying to come up with something too absurd to exist, and now that the words are sitting there I realize it almost certainly does), then as long as you find someone who enjoys it too and consents to going along, it's okay to do that. You're not doing something that means you need to be purged from society, you're just being strange and harmless.
It's not necessarily a good thing though, and you should keep it to yourself and to whatever weird community of people who are like you. You don't need to start an epic quest to get society to accept that forced clownification is a healthy lifestyle. Just do it with your shades drawn and don't annoy anyone by forcing them to learn that that fetish exists.

The reason I say it's related to nonsexual things is that we see fetishistic desires even in adults who have no or limited sexual experience - OPL, for example. This makes me think the development of fetishes is not simply a result of getting bored with "normal" sex.

I've gotta agree with this. Humans tend to evolve and change over time, and that includes sexuality, and it's not always an obvious connection between the events that happen and the results they have on our minds. Which is why we can see the same common fetishes develop in people having lots of sex as you do in lonely virgins. There's probably some strangely specific spark that inspires people to start feeling a certain way that's not necessarily tied to sex itself, but still ends up jumbled in with your sex drive for whatever reason.

That's also probably the key difference between having an all consuming fetish and just trying out kinky stuff for fun. If you always bring handcuffs and a ballgag on a first date because you're not interested in having sex without them, then you're an obsessed fetishist and there's probably some root event to explain what happened to make you the way you are. But if you're married for five years and occasionally break out the same toys, you're less a creepy weirdo and more just looking for ways to keep things interesting.

Similar examples of abuse leading to fetishes could be scat or water sports where as a child you may have been neglected or unclean

I'm sure some fetishes are directly related to your development, and those are probably the most troubling and dangerous ones. But I also doubt that everyone with a fetish had some traumatic origin story for it. The way people are wired is a complicated thing, and I bet more people end up with fetishes because of something completely unrelated as they do because they had a bad childhood.

Also, I'm disappointed by the lack of powerleveling in this thread. I came here to laugh and weirdos and feel smarter than them for not listing my weird stuff, and almost everyone is being reasonable and restrained. Lame.

 

[AnOminous]

I'm gay.

You are 50 years late for that to be even considered a kink.

Die, normie.

I bet the reason people with weird fetishes are so inclined to spill their guts and bother everyone else with their deviancy is probably due to the process of starting out ashamed of themselves, and then coming to accept what they like.

There's a serious difference between just not being ashamed of some weird-ass shit that gets you off, because why should you be ashamed of it, and feeling the need to advertise it to everyone in sight. Like who gives a shit if you're into anal vore? Just shut up about it already.

 

[Y2K Baby]

You are 50 years late for that to be even considered a kink.

Die, normie.

It was a ruse all along. Being called "normie" is my kink.

 

[Terrorist]

They're one of those entirely modern aberrations produced by the sexual revolution. Like it or leave it, that shit had some weird side effects. Porn and free love woke up dormant hangups in a bunch of people and created new ones, so here we are. Not even the Marquis de Sade would've expected furries. Was it worth it? I'm not so sure.

 

[Captain_Asshole]

Can't really say where they are coming from. Events during upbringing? Genetics? Nurture? I'm not sure what is the correct reason. As to if they are harmful? Well that depends. As long as the fetish is not harmful to others and it remains consensual with your partner (or partners) I say go for it, it's your time and body.

 

[GS 281]

I find that most of mine are sort of manifestations of things i did or tried as a kid and did not have any sexual ideas tied to them.

 

[nice]

They're one of those entirely modern aberrations produced by the sexual revolution. Like it or leave it, that shit had some weird side effects. Porn and free love woke up dormant hangups in a bunch of people and created new ones, so here we are. Not even the Marquis de Sade would've expected furries. Was it worth it? I'm not so sure.

Nah, mate.

Acts of beastiality - despite its legal and cultural efforts to stop it from happening - is not a new thing.

And I seriously doubt that animal fuckers have not once fantasised about what it would be like to live life as an animal..

Spoiler

..a fursona, if you will

Furries were simply the next step, but not an entirely unforeseeable one tbh.

It seems that some people want to be within the bodies of animals in more ways than one.

 

[cumrobbery]

Some fetishes are degenerate and I'll never understand them

 

[More Spicey Than Coolwhip]

I think some people are just really fucking weird.

 

[Overcast]

I think people are just really fucking weird.

Fixed that for ya.

 

[El Porko Fako]

For the most part, I can't get myself to care what gets your pee pee wet. As long as you don't flaunt it around and shove it in my face, it doesn't bother me.

They're are several fetishes though that are just fucking wretched and people with said fetishes should feel ashamed of themselves. Here are the 4 no-nos of fetishes. Their are more, but these are the biggest offenses in my mind.

1.Don't play with your poop and piss during sex
2.Don't fuck animals
3.Don't fuck children
4.Don't fuck corpses

 

[Kyria the Great]

For me fetishes in of themselves aren't a problem. Yeah some folks have some that are really lolcow worthy like rubber and inflation fetishes, but as long as you aren't being a sperg and going to plaster that shit all over DA and more public sites like that then you are free to do so. I am not the asshole that goes to the fetish sites and hunts shit down because I have a life and it isn't being an A-Log because one could do the same to me.

What does cross the line however is something that involves the harm and sexual acts apawn the vulnerable and the un-consenting like children and animals or raping people.