The Horrors of the "Professional" World - Stories that will make you wonder how we exist.

[XYZpdq]

Brass knuckles are a prohibited weapon in Canada.

Oh that makes sense.

I suppose Florida and Canada have slightly different weapons laws.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

@Cato Personally my response from a security perspective would be to institute some sort of sign in- sign out system and then post notices to the effect of:

"To All Employees. Due to a prohibited item, specifically brass knuckles being found in a toolbox the company has no choice but to institute strict accountability measures. We understand this will have a significant impact on you as employees but until our investigation is concluded we have no choice but to enact this policy. Management will not tolerate non adherence to this policy and will not accept it as an excuse for essential tasks not being performed."

People HATE needless bureaucracy and they'll soon witch-hunt the culprit for you to make the policy go the fuck away. I've used this tactic myself a number of times and it does work. You lean on people hard enough they'll toss somebody under the bus in a heartbeat, especially if it affects their livelihood.

 

[AnOminous]

Brass knuckles are a prohibited weapon in Canada. But even if they weren't, I'd want to know why someone is bringing weapons to the workplace as well as why they are leaving them there.

They're illegal in some states in the U.S., too, and in most others, you need a concealed weapons permit. In any event, they're never something just to leave lying around.

 

[Chemical snorfare]

Just an explination for the non Britfags: we dont routinely use the Alpha part of the Alpha-numeric keypad, although any British person who's watched an American film can usually work it out.

Not the Office Services Manager of a company I worked for, who due to 'elf and safety wanted to call an electrician to change a bulb, however...

Her: I need to call an electrician
Me: Try 0800HANDYMAN
Her: OK, whats their number?
Me: 0800HANDYMAN
Her: You said that , but I need their number.
ME:0800HANDYMAN
Her (becoming increasingly frustrated) Why wont you just give me their number!

Repeat for about 5 minutes until I finally sucumbed to laughter and said "they're in the phone book".

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Today, a somewhat slow coworker in her 40s was trying to explain "in a gadda davita" to someone over the phone during the lunch break.

 

[Meat_Puppet]

Becky got caught today taking a monster shit in one of the residents bathrooms. They fired her on the spot. Ended up having to cover for her shift. That's an idea of how my day went.

 

[House Of Reeves]

Not a real professional thing, but I worked surveillance in two different casinos a while back. And while you get numb to the shit gamblers do (piss on the floor, steal phones, drunkenly spit tobacco juice on roulette table), you don't get used to the dumb shit employees do.

As surveillance, we had to monitor near damn anything that could result in a lawsuit/investigation of some sort. Especially medical calls. However, at both properties, there were EMTs that didn't like to call in when they had to perform medical services. An older gentleman once fell down inside a bathroom and knocked his head, getting a bleeding gash. We didn't learn about this until 2 hours later, when the EMT who bandaged him up asked for the video file number for their report.

We also had to write up other employees on violations and report it to their supes. Lots of inappropriate touching in the cash cage, looking at porn while in the employee dining room, sleeping standing up at the security podiums, and once, taking a dick pic in a stairwell. And we had to get it allll on video.

 

[captn_kettle]

We recently got a new guy on tech support who also smokes, so I try to go for breaks with him to hear some of the shit he has to deal with.

He did tell me a classic the other day. A field engineer sends back his tablet, and his screen is smashed to shit....


Tech: "what happened to your tablet?"

Engineer: "I don't know, I just grabbed it and saw the screen was smashed"

Tech: "did you drop it at all? Where was it stored? Could something have hit it?"

Engineer: "no I looked after it and made sure it was safe."

Tech: "is there anything you can think of which could have caused this?"

Engineer: "Well it's been getting hotter lately. I'm sure that the heat has caused the screen to smash. It didn't happen in the winter."

So apparently an English hot spell caused this engineers tablet to break.

I also note, they don't have to pay for replacement tablets.

 

[Octopuff in kumquat]

In a boot repair/leather shop, boss was a fat Mexican, ex co-worker was his black buddy who would come in from time to time; most of the time it was just me and the boss.
He would sit on his ass and make me do most of the tedious stuff while he'd watch Spanish crap on his phone and then throw me tons upon tons of racist jokes aimed at other Spanish folk. Unfunny, but it was alright.

Cue black friend, wants me to prove my worth to him and tell him a joke. Only one that comes to mind is a mild race one about the Polish, and despite being my ex-boss' bestest friend, he is shocked and tells me, "Wow... you choose a racist joke? How did you know I wasn't Polish?"
OH GEE, LET ME GUESS.

Funny how it's bad when I do it, but okay when fat dickhead does it. I soon left, unable to deal with the two hypocrites.

 

[XYZpdq]

lol there aren't security cameras or even an inventory system for the office equipment people could walk out with any shit

Curse this honest heart of mine.

 

[Captain Toad]

I used to work in the food business. We've had a lot of weird and kooky customers come to our place but this one sticks out to me the most.

It was the night shift, and very busy. While me and my coworkers were helping out customers, I notice that a group of women are chatting about someone being "absolutely disgusting". I wasn't sure what they were talking about until I happened to look behind them.

There was this lady who was changing her baby's diaper on one of our tables. In a crowded building. Keep in mind, our building has large windows instead of walls, so literally anyone could see this.

Needless to say, we didn't see her in our building after that.

 

[Kazami Yuuka]

This one is so fantastically bad and Darwinian whilst also being an embarrassment to the aviation community. It looks like the guy who wrote the story does a decent job of clearing up (some) of the jargon. Try not to lose too much sleep thinking you share the skies with some people like this.

 

[LazarusOwenhart]

This one is so fantastically bad and Darwinian whilst also being an embarrassment to the aviation community. It looks like the guy who wrote the story does a decent job of clearing up (some) of the jargon. Try not to lose too much sleep thinking you share the skies with some people like this.

Wow who knew you had to be competent to be a pilot eh?

 

[Kazami Yuuka]

Wow who knew you had to be competent to be a pilot eh?

You'd be surprised at how long you can get away with piloting completely illegally. In the early 2000s, the FAA created a program that attempted to get the amount of actually licensed and current pilots in Alaska to 50%. Yes, 50%. Now, the other 50% were usually made up of decently capable pilots that just never bothered to maintain currency or renew their license, which while legally wrong, wouldn't cause me to lose much sleep. But another part of that other 50% received informal training (usually from their parents), or no training at all, which is probably only acceptable if you're flying Sopwiths and only endangering yourself.
The ironic thing? The FAA really can't do anything about it. When they caught a guy flying without a license, they literally said, I kid you not, "the only thing we can really do is ensure that he never obtains a license". Wonderful.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Today, a somewhat slow coworker in her 40s was trying to explain "in a gadda davita" to someone over the phone during the lunch break.

The slow girl struck again Friday when my autistic co worker was checking out a bug in the hallway. She goes over there and stomps on the bug and walks away. Of course he had a meltdown over it.

 

[GingerDixie]

Good friend recently got me a job working reception in a doctor's office, and while the job hasn't been the best one I've ever held I've at least been prepared on some level for the kind of crazy I've had to witness. Today really took the cake, however, as I had said before that "well, at least I haven't been screeched at by some miserable cunt like I have at all of my customer service jobs."

Godbear was watching today, and he must have lost his shit, because that is EXACTLY what transpired today, not even ten minutes after I had come back from lunch.

Just for some background, this patient is a frequent flier, and she really is a miserable human being. I have spoken with her on two other unrelated occasions, and every time I have, she has been curt and rude, and even hung up on me because I had the gall to ask for a general reason why she was scheduling an appointment to see the doctor (mind you, this is standard procedure as literally everyone who goes to the doctor knows).

So today after she leaves the clinic, she had apparently gone to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions the doctor had said he would send over for her. Mind you, our doctor is also a hospital physician who can be split 3 different ways on any given day, and so oftentimes, he can't send stuff over RIGHT NAO because he's so fucking busy. But, if he says that it would be in today, you bet your ass it would be in before the pharmacy closes. I've never seen him fail on that.

Well, apparently he had forgotten to include two out of her five prescriptions when he had sent in the orders, and this lovely lady decides to call us and literally REEEEEE about it, no matter how many times we try and tell her that the doctor was busy, and that he would send it in ASAP.

And I'm not even joking. She called at least SEVEN times in the span of an HOUR and I got her last one. She was literally full-on shitting her fucking pants literally screaming in the middle of a Walmart like a fucking toddler. Every day I have to tell myself, these people are fucking real.

Some gems from my end of the conversation, with my thoughts below.

Bitch: "I'VE CALLED AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES TODAY AND YOU ALL KEEP SAYING IT'S GOING TO BE IN! I'M AT THE POINT WHERE I'M ABOUT TO FILE A COMPLAINT!"

- It's only been an hour since you left. To call SEVEN times in an hour and not get the message that we're already on it is fucking exceptional. We have more patients that are all just as sick as you. Also, DO IT FAGGOT I'm sure our doctor gives zero fucks.

Me: "Okay, ma'am, which medications were the ones that were sent in?" (Also standard procedure question, I was trying to narrow down which ones weren't received so I could inform the doctor.)

Bitch: "I JUST TALKED TO YOU 30 MINUTES AGO! I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND REITERATE EVERYTHING FOR YOU, I DON'T KNOW THE NAMES!"

- ...First of all, no you didn't, I was on break. Second, how do you NOT know at least the generic names of the medications that you're taking, especially if they're routine medicines? I don't know if this is a common thing but :powerlevel: I know both the generic AND pharmaceutical name of my rescue inhaler, because if I don't and I happen to run out/not have it for some reason, I could fucking die. :powerlevel: I could get it if this lady was taking a million pills in one go, but it was FIVE, and TWO weren't even pills. Not to mention, she was given a list of her medications at the beginning of the appointment, so if she could have stopped shitting herself for one second and looked (assuming she didn't throw it away like every other patient does), she would have known.

Bitch: "I DON'T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE AND IT'S GETTING RIDICULOUS!"

- ...Maybe because you're actively trying to create a problem. Just saying. You've already been told by three other people that we're working on it and yet you keep calling back to scream and pound your fists like a toddler. But I know realizing that would require some self-awareness and it seems you don't have that.

She was FINALLY placated when I went to the back office and informed the doctor in the most professional manner I could that his cunt of a patient was literally screaming at me on the phone to get this medication sent in that she refuses to tell me even the name of. Finally get it filled and I tell her that I watched the doctor send it.

Bitch only offers halfhearted thanks and hangs up. Glad I never have to talk to her again.

Tl;dr: JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST WHAT A CUNT.

 

[Cato]

A guy that I fired months ago is stalking and harassing me, impersonating me online, spreading defamatory claims about my company and myself, and bigging himself up and trying to take sole credit for basically everything my organization has accomplished.

I can't remember the last time I have felt such ill feelings towards another human being. I gave this guy employment, I paid his salary out of my pocket, I invested time and effort into training and coaching him, I was patient and I tried to make things work, but he was an incompetent ass and left me no option but to get rid of him, and now this is how I'm repaid for everything. He once confided in me that he had been suicidal before and he was grateful that he was in a better place working for me...this was before things went south and obviously an early glimpse into his mental instability (because who says something like that to their boss?). To be perfectly frank, right now I really do hope that he does off himself.

I'm spending money on lawyers over this nonsense now. He's the gift that keeps on giving.

 

[AnOminous]

A guy that I fired months ago is stalking and harassing me, impersonating me online, spreading defamatory claims about my company and myself, and bigging himself up and trying to take sole credit for basically everything my organization has accomplished.

I can't remember the last time I have felt such ill feelings towards another human being. I gave this guy employment, I paid his salary out of my pocket, I invested time and effort into training and coaching him, I was patient and I tried to make things work, but he was an incompetent ass and left me no option but to get rid of him, and now this is how I'm repaid for everything. He once confided in me that he had been suicidal before and he was grateful that he was in a better place working for me...this was before things went south and obviously an early glimpse into his mental instability (because who says something like that to their boss?). To be perfectly frank, right now I really do hope that he does off himself.

I'm spending money on lawyers over this nonsense now. He's the gift that keeps on giving.

Get him raped and murdered in prison.

 

[Cato]

Get him raped and murdered in prison.

He's doing a good job of working towards that himself. He sent a bunch of threats via text and email, which seem practically like gifts to me.

 

[cuddle striker]

Good friend recently got me a job working reception in a doctor's office, and while the job hasn't been the best one I've ever held I've at least been prepared on some level for the kind of crazy I've had to witness. Today really took the cake, however, as I had said before that "well, at least I haven't been screeched at by some miserable cunt like I have at all of my customer service jobs."

Godbear was watching today, and he must have lost his shit, because that is EXACTLY what transpired today, not even ten minutes after I had come back from lunch.

Just for some background, this patient is a frequent flier, and she really is a miserable human being. I have spoken with her on two other unrelated occasions, and every time I have, she has been curt and rude, and even hung up on me because I had the gall to ask for a general reason why she was scheduling an appointment to see the doctor (mind you, this is standard procedure as literally everyone who goes to the doctor knows).

So today after she leaves the clinic, she had apparently gone to the pharmacy to pick up the prescriptions the doctor had said he would send over for her. Mind you, our doctor is also a hospital physician who can be split 3 different ways on any given day, and so oftentimes, he can't send stuff over RIGHT NAO because he's so fucking busy. But, if he says that it would be in today, you bet your ass it would be in before the pharmacy closes. I've never seen him fail on that.

Well, apparently he had forgotten to include two out of her five prescriptions when he had sent in the orders, and this lovely lady decides to call us and literally REEEEEE about it, no matter how many times we try and tell her that the doctor was busy, and that he would send it in ASAP.

And I'm not even joking. She called at least SEVEN times in the span of an HOUR and I got her last one. She was literally full-on shitting her fucking pants literally screaming in the middle of a Walmart like a fucking toddler. Every day I have to tell myself, these people are fucking real.

Some gems from my end of the conversation, with my thoughts below.

Bitch: "I'VE CALLED AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES TODAY AND YOU ALL KEEP SAYING IT'S GOING TO BE IN! I'M AT THE POINT WHERE I'M ABOUT TO FILE A COMPLAINT!"

- It's only been an hour since you left. To call SEVEN times in an hour and not get the message that we're already on it is fucking exceptional. We have more patients that are all just as sick as you. Also, DO IT FAGGOT I'm sure our doctor gives zero fucks.

Me: "Okay, ma'am, which medications were the ones that were sent in?" (Also standard procedure question, I was trying to narrow down which ones weren't received so I could inform the doctor.)

Bitch: "I JUST TALKED TO YOU 30 MINUTES AGO! I'M NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND REITERATE EVERYTHING FOR YOU, I DON'T KNOW THE NAMES!"

- ...First of all, no you didn't, I was on break. Second, how do you NOT know at least the generic names of the medications that you're taking, especially if they're routine medicines? I don't know if this is a common thing but :powerlevel: I know both the generic AND pharmaceutical name of my rescue inhaler, because if I don't and I happen to run out/not have it for some reason, I could fucking die. :powerlevel: I could get it if this lady was taking a million pills in one go, but it was FIVE, and TWO weren't even pills. Not to mention, she was given a list of her medications at the beginning of the appointment, so if she could have stopped shitting herself for one second and looked (assuming she didn't throw it away like every other patient does), she would have known.

Bitch: "I DON'T MEAN TO TAKE IT OUT ON YOU BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I'VE NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE AND IT'S GETTING RIDICULOUS!"

- ...Maybe because you're actively trying to create a problem. Just saying. You've already been told by three other people that we're working on it and yet you keep calling back to scream and pound your fists like a toddler. But I know realizing that would require some self-awareness and it seems you don't have that.

She was FINALLY placated when I went to the back office and informed the doctor in the most professional manner I could that his cunt of a patient was literally screaming at me on the phone to get this medication sent in that she refuses to tell me even the name of. Finally get it filled and I tell her that I watched the doctor send it.

Bitch only offers halfhearted thanks and hangs up. Glad I never have to talk to her again.

Tl;dr: JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST WHAT A CUNT.

was it opiates or benzos?

He's doing a good job of working towards that himself. He sent a bunch of threats via text and email, which seem practically like gifts to me.

no good deed goes unpunished