Celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow / GOOP

  • 🔧 At about Midnight EST I am going to completely fuck up the site trying to fix something.
FatFuckingClown said:
Hey, do any of y'all remember when she lived on that "$20 a week" challenge, and then proceeded to buy all of her groceries from fucking Whole Foods???? What a numb twat. :lol:
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It was to live a week on what people on foodstamps get. She only lasted 4 days.
Here's what she bought
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Everyone knows that 7 organic limes are crucial to a healthy diet.
 
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The Jade Egg thing is particularly stupid. Nephrite, the stone itself can have imperfections in it where bacteria can grow if you don't wash it. Other than the stupidity of it. You can do Kegel exercises without bits of rock up your vagina.

I did some digging about the origins of the Jade Egg stuff and they keep claiming "ancient Chinese courtesans did it" but there are no records of this practice that I can find. I asked someone more familiar with Chinese medicine etc (what you think of it, I just wanted to know if there was an actual tradition of doing this) and the best they could come up with is that it was more about the word Jade meaning precious and it being an Qi concept. Not a literal lump of rock. Meditation while visualising an energy egg or something like that.

As a keen botanist I have zero idea why you would put Mugwort (Artemisia vulgaris) anywhere near your genitals. Steam or otherwise.

Edit: Typo
 
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ReanimatorEquis said:
I visited the wonderful goop.com webpage. Minutes later, I tore my own eyes out, for I had found hell. In hell, you don't need eyes to see.
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Goop is about the worst name you could apply to any beauty/lifestyle website ever. I'm imagining some flustered image consultant begging her to not name her stupid vagina steaming website after the shit you saw on Nickelodeon's "GAS" years ago, but no. It shows you how vain the Goopster herself is. Also, on the website, it's stylized like "goop". Even more dumb looking. Lowercase letters don't automatically make whatever you're pushing "edgy" or "unique". Oprah Magazine for brains blown from too much kombucha and snorted Moon Dust.
 
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MerriedxReldnahc said:
Those chakra stickers remind me of something overheard at Whole Foods (which should give you a good idea of where this story is going) about putting sticky notes on your water bottle with positive sayings on it. You see, the positivity of the sticky note will alter the molecular composition of the water, which will make it healthier for you. Because science.
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Sorry if I'm late but GOOP herself shilled that.
 
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Didn't Paltrow also write some vegan cookbook where every recipe was inhumanly expensive ? I remember seeing a more down to earth celebrity wrote a more realistic vegan cookbook and said something like ' I didn't grow up rich like Paltrow so I know how to food shop how not millionaires do'.
 
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The jade egg's website copy was incredible. It was pure vintage snake-oil patter, right down to the product in question improving every part of your life and being an ancient secret from the mystic Orient. I felt the same way I did when I saw a guy running a shell game on the subway--that weird mix of incredulity and a feeling of stepping back in time, like a visit to the Living History Museum of Scams.

God only knows who buys this stuff. Maybe there really is a rich female version of Chris out there.
 
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Slowboat to China said:
The jade egg's website copy was incredible. It was pure vintage snake-oil patter, right down to the product in question improving every part of your life and being an ancient secret from the mystic Orient. I felt the same way I did when I saw a guy running a shell game on the subway--that weird mix of incredulity and a feeling of stepping back in time, like a visit to the Living History Museum of Scams.

God only knows who buys this stuff. Maybe there really is a rich female version of Chris out there.
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I'm sure there are plenty of people out there with more money than sense.
 
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Slowboat to China said:
The jade egg's website copy was incredible. It was pure vintage snake-oil patter, right down to the product in question improving every part of your life and being an ancient secret from the mystic Orient. I felt the same way I did when I saw a guy running a shell game on the subway--that weird mix of incredulity and a feeling of stepping back in time, like a visit to the Living History Museum of Scams.
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The difference though is the shell game won't leave you in physical pain. Jade eggs and that herbal steam treatment not only will burn a hole in your wallet but put you on the fast track to a trip to the gynecologist before your next scheduled pap smear.
 
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I'm glad someone's made a thread about Paltrow because she was long overdue one.

Anyhow. Goop had a conference - "In Goop Health," it's called. And it's really fucking autismal.

http://goop.com/ingoophealth/

Here's what you could find yourself doing there:

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Here's who you can do it with. I guarantee that none of these people are actually doctors.

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Deary me.
 
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'member that time Gwenyth Paltrow performed a Gary Glitter song on Glee?

to be fair, it's more based on the Joan Jett cover than the original.... but she's playing a substitute teacher at a high school which means in the real world her character would be having a 16-year-old's baby.
 
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