Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[Waffle Iron]

I met him on that 4chan dating site

wait, that thing has women? Women that aren't completely insane? Women that have two X chromosomes?

Anyway, as a guy I don't think your demands are too much. and if you abandon them you'll just end up in a relationship that'll die as soon as the cheating/politics happen anyway.

until you mentioned ponies. I'm not trying to shame you for liking MLP or anything, but very few guys who share your hobbies are marriage material

"wiling to watch MLP" reads more like he was willing to show interest in something that she cares about, more than that he was into MLP himself.

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

@Me•cha•ni•cal Well, I'm not going to break up with her and neither will she. We are openly discussing how things go and are trying to find a way to make it work as best as possible.

Maybe you're right. We'll see how studying together will work out!

Oh. The fact that this hadn’t occurred to you before makes me think you might need some actual guidance on this.

It’s not a total shit idea, but studying together is only a good idea if she’s the kind of person who just enjoys being around you and doesn’t require a lot of attention/conversation. But it wouldn’t exactly be quality time, since it would require you to divide your attention between her and your studies, and would probably end up pissing you off since it would interrupt your work flow and maybe impact your grades.

Id suggest meeting up for lunch or having dinner together instead. You have to eat between study sessions anyway, why not do it with her? That way it’s time you spend focusing on each other rather than sitting quietly with your noses buried deep in books. I think it would make her feel more at ease knowing she will get to see you again soon, and therefore not be as sad when you say goodbye.

But obviously talk to her about it and ask what she would rather want, and try it out and see if you can still study efficiently with her.

I called you a retard because of this. I am clearly not, otherwise I wouldn't have posted here and asked for your opinion and advice on how to make her happier considering the circumstances.

The reason I said you were clearly comfortable is because instead of making difficult compromises in your time management, you ask for advice on how to get your girlfriend to deal with the fact that you won’t. It only took me pressing you to realise that there are things you can actively do to try to fix the problems your have, like studying together. So please don’t throw rocks in glass houses mate, it takes a retard to know a retard.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

transphobic internet user,

This is not important enough to be an identity marker. "transphobic" has you defining yourself around both a (negative) feeling and around a bunch of other people, and "internet user" is everyone.

there really aren't a lot of people in my area around my age who get me. He's kind, he's actually attracted to me, and unlike the last guy I dated (for 3 years back in 2017-2020) he doesn't openly make me feel bad about myself and lie to me and hurt my pets. Bar is in hell,

Yes, it is. Don't let it stay there.

but y'know.
If he really is just stringing me along and I end up not with him, I think I might just stay single indefinitely. I'm too old

Are you 197 years old? If so, then maybe, ok.

to keep looking after this, it's getting cringe (not that it isn't already.) I'm just sad that I'm not one of those people who ended up married by now. Maybe it's for the best.

This tells me your comment is likely premature.

I don't want to sound selfish or like I'm asking for too much, but if I was thinking of an ideal relationship, I'd want someone who prioritizes me as an important part of their life, who sees me as their best friend and wants to be around me. Someone who wouldn't abandon me over politics (like several of my friends,) wouldn't cheat on me with someone more convenient or anyone they can get (my two exes), and someone who gets along with my family. If I get to ask more, someone funny/who finds me funny is a plus, or they have interesting hobbies or like the same stuff I do. And ideally they'd also be Christian.
"John" gets along with my family (the few times he's met them,) he's got cool hobbies and was willing to watch MLP with me, he even offered and paid to take the two of us to a pony convention last year so we could see one another. I met him on that 4chan dating site, so off the bat I knew he was also online and had similar culture/politics to me. There are reasons I like him and that we got together, and it's been nice before, I don't want to sound frivolous or loose or whatever.
I guess the short of it is I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with me, and that's what I thought John was, but his neglect is making me feel like he doesn't really want that anymore.

Yeah, most of these are mostly minimal expectations. Someone who values and respects you, someone somewhat interesting and interested in you and who is reasonable enough to exist non-toxically around your family. Insisting on being perpetually online/ online-oriented, or insistence on sharing very specific views or hobbies seems maybe not ideal foundational components for a robust relationship. Maybe widening your own band of interests and activities would be an opportunity to improve your pool, too.

 

[Chromeo]

Insisting on being perpetually online/ online-oriented, or insistence on sharing very specific views or hobbies seems maybe not ideal foundational components for a robust relationship. Maybe widening your own band of interests and activities would be an opportunity to improve your pool, too.

It's mostly that being online and being -phobic is my ~culture~ so to speak, I don't need a partner to be a super radicalized crazy person, but I've had multiple friendships end because the other person found out I'm a Farmer. I mean years-long deep friendships, not fair weather acquaintances. I don't want to go through that again, and I especially don't want to think I'm pairing up with a normie then 5 years down the line I'm a trans widow and they're cutting off their penis to spite Trump or some shit.
As far as our hobbies, he doesn't have to be my clone, he can like other things, but like... my ex "Ron," he was a film snob, and he hated my favorite movie. He would insult me for liking it and refused to watch it (he hadn't even seen it). I had to beg him to watch it with me if he was gonna shit on it, and he only agreed on the condition he could pause every so often to yell about how bad it was. Then he made a 20 minute Facebook video about why it was garbage and how he doesn't understand what I see in it, but it's okay because I'm cute.
Another time, a new episode of Steven Universe aired while I was at his house and I asked if we could watch it together. Even though he was the bigger SU fan, he sulked the whole time, played on his phone, then told me that me being there and laughing/being excited ruined the episode for him.
I don't need to marry a brony, but I don't want to date someone like Ron again. If he doesn't like what I like, I want him to at least be okay with me liking it and not make me feel bad for it.

 

[The Stranger]

As far as our hobbies, he doesn't have to be my clone, he can like other things, but like... my ex "Ron," he was a film snob, and he hated my favorite movie. He would insult me for liking it and refused to watch it (he hadn't even seen it). I had to beg him to watch it with me if he was gonna shit on it, and he only agreed on the condition he could pause every so often to yell about how bad it was. Then he made a 20 minute Facebook video about why it was garbage and how he doesn't understand what I see in it, but it's okay because I'm cute.

What was the movie?

 

[Squanto Airi]

It's mostly that being online and being -phobic is my ~culture~ so to speak, I don't need a partner to be a super radicalized crazy person, but I've had multiple friendships end because the other person found out I'm a Farmer. I mean years-long deep friendships, not fair weather acquaintances. I don't want to go through that again, and I especially don't want to think I'm pairing up with a normie then 5 years down the line I'm a trans widow and they're cutting off their penis to spite Trump or some shit.
As far as our hobbies, he doesn't have to be my clone, he can like other things, but like... my ex "Ron," he was a film snob, and he hated my favorite movie. He would insult me for liking it and refused to watch it (he hadn't even seen it). I had to beg him to watch it with me if he was gonna shit on it, and he only agreed on the condition he could pause every so often to yell about how bad it was. Then he made a 20 minute Facebook video about why it was garbage and how he doesn't understand what I see in it, but it's okay because I'm cute.
Another time, a new episode of Steven Universe aired while I was at his house and I asked if we could watch it together. Even though he was the bigger SU fan, he sulked the whole time, played on his phone, then told me that me being there and laughing/being excited ruined the episode for him.
I don't need to marry a brony, but I don't want to date someone like Ron again. If he doesn't like what I like, I want him to at least be okay with me liking it and not make me feel bad for it.

If you dont mind me asking, do you have any hobbies that are offline? As mentioned by others, online hobbies can be fine, but they dont attract the well-adjusted.

 

[Chromeo]

What was the movie?

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, starring Adam Sandler

Spoiler: LET ME EXPLAIN

I know, it's a low-brow bullshit Adam Sandler movie, but hear me out. For me, it was the right movie at the right time. It came out in 2007 when I was about 12 years old and started realizing I liked girls as well as boys. I felt weird about my orientation, didn't know what to make of things, and Chuck and Larry was the first media I saw that said it was okay to be gay. It was funny, had a sweet ending, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I still have a special place in my heart for Chuck and Larry, even if it's stupid and has dick jokes and Rob Schneider in yellowface (which in my defense, I thought he was just an asian guy until I learned who Rob Schneider was. I'm a little retarded, but I mean well.
My ex, Ron, was (and probably still is, I just don't talk to him) an absolute snob when it came to film. He spent tens of thousands of dollars going to film school, he idolized Spielberg, he could tell you every Best Picture winner ever since the Oscars first began. He lived and died by Rotten Tomatoes, MetaCritic, and Box Office numbers. In Ron's eyes, Oscar-bait was "good," and stuff that failed to live up to that was not. He shit on Adam Sandler whenever he could, especially that Jack and Jill movie, which I guess he saw once and took personal offense to for some reason. He refused to understand that I liked Chuck and Larry, even if it wasn't "good," because I found it funny and it was special for me. He COULD NOT compute that someone like me, who could appreciate cinema like Close Encounters or Pulp Fiction or anything by Wes Anderson, would willingly sit down and watch a lowbrow Adam Sandler movie. At some point we made a deal that I'd let him show me a ghibli movie (I didn't want to watch ghibli because I hadn't understood and didn't like Spirited Away every time I saw parts of it as a kid, it didn't make sense to me and I wasn't interested,) and I'd get to show him Chuck and Larry. He changed my mind on Spirited Away, but I didn't change his mind on Chuck and Larry. I at least hoped he'd understand me, I didn't think he'd come around to enjoy it, but eh. c'est la vie.

If you dont mind me asking, do you have any hobbies that are offline? As mentioned by others, online hobbies can be fine, but they dont attract the well-adjusted.

I do, but they also don't usually attract the well-adjusted. My biggest hobbies are drawing/making digital art, writing, and I like watching cartoons (everyone in these communities is insane lol.) On the more "normal" side, I practice photography, I like to ride my bike, and I'm interested in urbex and travel. To a lesser extent, I appreciate local history, I'm interested in crafting (primitives, soap, perfume, stuffed animals, things like that,) I like thrift shopping, and like any normal human I love music. I've got several playlists for different feelings/moods, and I used to get to pick the music for an old job of mine and it was totally one of my favorite parts of working there. I always pick the music in the car when my family goes anywhere too, I love being the "DJ."

 

[Squanto Airi]

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, starring Adam Sandler

>doesn't like the Sand-man
>movie snob
>likes Steven Universe

Sounds like Rob was about 6 months away from getting titty skittles.

I used to get to pick the music for an old job of mine and it was totally one of my favorite parts of working there.

Same. Used to do that at my old retail job and play stuff like Jag Panzer and Manilla Road.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It's mostly that being online and being -phobic is my ~culture~ so to speak, I don't need a partner to be a super radicalized crazy person, but I've had multiple friendships end because the other person found out I'm a Farmer. I mean years-long deep friendships, not fair weather acquaintances. I don't want to go through that again, and I especially don't want to think I'm pairing up with a normie then 5 years down the line I'm a trans widow and they're cutting off their penis to spite Trump or some shit.
As far as our hobbies, he doesn't have to be my clone, he can like other things, but like... my ex "Ron," he was a film snob, and he hated my favorite movie. He would insult me for liking it and refused to watch it (he hadn't even seen it). I had to beg him to watch it with me if he was gonna shit on it, and he only agreed on the condition he could pause every so often to yell about how bad it was. Then he made a 20 minute Facebook video about why it was garbage and how he doesn't understand what I see in it, but it's okay because I'm cute.
Another time, a new episode of Steven Universe aired while I was at his house and I asked if we could watch it together. Even though he was the bigger SU fan, he sulked the whole time, played on his phone, then told me that me being there and laughing/being excited ruined the episode for him.
I don't need to marry a brony, but I don't want to date someone like Ron again. If he doesn't like what I like, I want him to at least be okay with me liking it and not make me feel bad for it.

No, you don't need or deserve a Ron or any of the rest of them.

(That said, I think you'd probably find that for guys outside the online world, at least, the likelihood of an egg-cracking traumatic experience is very slim.)

My biggest hobbies are drawing/making digital art, writing, and I like watching cartoons (everyone in these communities is insane lol.) On the more "normal" side, I practice photography, I like to ride my bike, and I'm interested in urbex and travel. To a lesser extent, I appreciate local history, I'm interested in crafting (primitives, soap, perfume, stuffed animals, things like that,) I like thrift shopping, and like any normal human I love music. I've got several playlists for different feelings/moods, and I used to get to pick the music for an old job of mine and it was totally one of my favorite parts of working there. I always pick the music in the car when my family goes anywhere too,

See, you have a well-rounded set of interests (not all of which, btw, are things that many men will find of interest - and that's FINE). Lean into those over the online or online-loved (mlp) ones. And sorry to shit on the mlp stuff, but it's just an old cartoon/ passive entertainment, not really something critical to *you*. If you really want to "date for marriage," you need to discern what is critical and important for marriage. Is mlp relevant to a marriage or family? (Please say no.) Mlp is also a minor maybe fun enjoyment you have - a guilty pleasure at best. It's not or shouldn't be an identity. The flip-side of this is understanding that a guy being nice about or even sharing your interests doesn't override negligence in more critical areas.

Also understand that bad past experiences can drive a person to accepting sub-par connection because even mid treatment seems great by comparison. It's not; it's still mid. So if you've had disloyal or disrespectful people in your life, it is very tempting to want to hang on to someone who is "not that bad"...even if they're still not a good match or are losing interest. Always, always stay real and pay attention. Your guy may be great in some ways, but if his interest is waning or he's - with clear eyes - just not as bad as the others, then maybe you're getting yourself into a situation of futile hope borne out of worry, rather than a strong and good and enduring connection.

 

[Two Frogs]

"John" gets along with my family (the few times he's met them,) he's got cool hobbies and was willing to watch MLP with me, he even offered and paid to take the two of us to a pony convention last year so we could see one another. I met him on that 4chan dating site, so off the bat I knew he was also online and had similar culture/politics to me.

I say this as kindly as possible, touch grass.

 

[Chromeo]

Sounds like Rob was about 6 months away from getting titty skittles.

Spoiler: well...

Ron had a serious porn addiction and later started to ID as bisexual, I think solely because of said porn addiction. He had zero inclinations towards other men, but he confessed to me he'd met up with men from grindr and also bought prostitutes before we dated. While we were together, his best friend trooned out and Ron helped "her" sexually assault me, which is part of why I hate troons so much nowadays :') . To the best of my knowledge Ron is still cis, but people have told me he's dating another vulnerable fat girl, only this current one ID's as a transman. Ron apparently has dropped the act of being kind altogether and openly tells her that he's the only one who will actually love her because of her weird gender identity, but frames it in a pro-trans way 'cause he's liberal. I wish I could warn her, but I'm NOT getting that close to Ron again. I used to have cameras outside my house until my family moved because Ron kept showing up uninvited and leaving guilt-tripping letters and presents.

Is mlp relevant to a marriage or family? (Please say no.)

No, I don't need someone to like ponies to be a good spouse, I just don't want my interests shit on and I'd ideally like to be with someone who has something in common with me.

Okay, I've been told that the average person has random hookups with strangers and doesn't have meaningful multi-year relationships, and that people like me who don't have random hookups and do have meaningful multi-year relationships are called "dating to marry," if I'm misusing that phrase please let me know. I've dated two other people in the past, the first one was entirely long distance and was about 3 years. The second one was a best friend for 3 years then boyfriend for 3 years and now he's nothing (Ron,) I was single for like 4 years and then I met "John," that's where I'm at. I've had three-ish relationships and they all lasted longer than the average one, apparently.

 

[Chromeo]

Update on John: I "broke up" with him. I can't even really call it that because he wouldn't commit, so I don't know what to really call it, but that's what it is. I learned from a mutual friend just a few hours ago that an ex-fuckbuddy of John's has been crashing at John's place regularly (note: the fuckbuddy is a femboy who only ever wants to fuck John when he might be in a relationship, and has SO much drama and baggage I can't relay it all here,) so it lit a fire under my ass to message John about everything. I told him straight-up that I don't feel like he prioritizes me, that my feelings are hurt, and I wanted to know if I should expect us to ever be made official or if I'm being strung along.
John wrote back with sadboi poetic "woe is me" bojack horseman type shit about how I'm too good for him, he doesn't know what he wants and may never know, he fails everyone and cares about me too much to hurt me, bla bla bla. I was so...disgusted? with that cowardly non-answer, even if somehow after all this he comes back and says "let's be official," I can't imagine dating him now.
He won't even take accountability for his own actions. Even if him and the fuckbuddy aren't doing it, that's like a recovering alcoholic keeping a 6-pack in the garage. You know he's going to relapse and there's NO good excuse for it! I'm so embarrassed and disappointed, and no amount of flowery "you're too good for meeeee" is going to make me ignore that super glaringly obvious red flag. He chose to not choose, basically, and I just can't live with that.
So I guess now what I do is define what the bar is for me, somewhere much higher up than hell, and when I stop feeling like I want to crawl in a hole and die, I get back in the saddle and look for a non-piece-of-shit in real life somewhere. Pardon me while I go boohoo into my pillow.

 

[Squanto Airi]

best friend trooned out and Ron helped "her" sexually assault me, which is part of why I hate troons so much nowadays :')

Good Lord on High, I am sorry that happened to you.

Glad you were able to deal with John and his femboy fuckbuddy. I do pray you raise your standards at the very minimum to "not bisexual", and you're able to find someone who genuinely cares for you .

 

[Fishnumm]

why are so many women anti gun?

women should love guns and use em to protect themselves from sickos

if more women had guns and used them to kill sickos the world would be a far better place

men should also kill sickos with guns not just women

 

[Fat Camp Intern]

why are so many women anti gun?

women should love guns and use em to protect themselves from sickos

if more women had guns and used them to kill sickos the world would be a far better place

men should also kill sickos with guns not just women

I know women that can't even bypass the child safety on a handheld lighter... and you want them pointing guns in public places?

 

[Fishnumm]

I know women that can't even bypass the child safety on a handheld lighter... and you want them pointing guns in public places?

plenty of men are that retarded too for one

and yeah i want women pointing guns at sickos in public and shooting them

 

[Atticus Carpenter]

I do, but they also don't usually attract the well-adjusted. My biggest hobbies are drawing/making digital art, writing, and I like watching cartoons (everyone in these communities is insane lol.) On the more "normal" side, I practice photography, I like to ride my bike, and I'm interested in urbex and travel. To a lesser extent, I appreciate local history, I'm interested in crafting (primitives, soap, perfume, stuffed animals, things like that,) I like thrift shopping, and like any normal human I love music. I've got several playlists for different feelings/moods, and I used to get to pick the music for an old job of mine and it was totally one of my favorite parts of working there. I always pick the music in the car when my family goes anywhere too, I love being the "DJ."

Damn, i would vibe with you quite well. Tho i've quit being in communities since they are infested with retards and perverts on top of most modern stuff not being interesting enough for me to even start watching something. That and a lot more issues that i think make me unfit for relationships.

John wrote back with sadboi poetic "woe is me" bojack horseman type shit about how I'm too good for him, he doesn't know what he wants and may never know, he fails everyone and cares about me too much to hurt me, bla bla bla

In this case i'd say you did the right thing. If a guy doesn't give you a straight answer, not even a "Give me a day or two to think it properly" he either doesn't consider you at all or just wants you around as a sidepiece. Specially the older we get the more sorted out we have things.

As young and retarded guys we flip flop a lot regarding what we want and how to proceed. But in this case since he was a faggot with a baggage faggot, you did well cutting your losses.

 

[ThePozzedOutCritic]

@Chromeo moid here but personally I think if you want a man to marry you should be looking in real places with solid community like a church parish (or whatever the non-religious equivalent would be, maybe a college campus or something). Most the bonds people make online are very superficial imo.

 

[Otterly]

We really, really need a KF dating mechanism.

View attachment 8871838
Why do you find salad so funny?

Lettuce is a mild soporific so for accuracy these girls should be yawning.

I had met him irl before valentines day, that was just the most recent time we planned to meet up irl. I misworded that.


I'm a weird transphobic internet user, there really aren't a lot of people in my area around my age who get me. He's kind, he's actually attracted to me, and unlike the last guy I dated (for 3 years back in 2017-2020) he doesn't openly make me feel bad about myself and lie to me and hurt my pets. Bar is in hell, but y'know.
If he really is just stringing me along and I end up not with him, I think I might just stay single indefinitely. I'm too old to keep looking after this, it's getting cringe (not that it isn't already.) I'm just sad that I'm not one of those people who ended up married by now. Maybe it's for the best.

Run

guess the short of it is I want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with me, and that's what I thought John was, but his neglect is making me feel like he doesn't really want that anymore.

This isn’t unreasonable

note: the fuckbuddy is a femboy who only ever wants to fuck John when he might be in a relationship,

Ok, if he’s screwing femboys you need to really run. Good on you for doing so.
If I might make a suggestion, men who are into music and bikes and art or drawing going to be a better bet than men who are into MLP. The online hobbies skew more towards the weird, and not good weird.

 

[Polock]

We really, really need a KF dating mechanism.

Maybe when Josh hits 1400 subscribers he will vibe code loveque.st and get everyone doxed phonebooked but I would be lying if I said I wouldn't want to participate in the glorious dumpster fire.