I feel like I’m missing out on my life, I’m watching my life go by out this window,
Like yanno? I’m like, (ahem) I’m like, really like, like through-
All I have to do to get to a really really really REALLY amazing life-
And I know, I can feel that,
Is a really hard moment.
Yanno? And I want so bad to do that.
I wanna be so healthy and super freaking sexy! And like, yanno?
I think I may be overly sentimental today but this is pretty sad.
I don't think Chantal actually wants an "amazing life". She's has multi opportunities to have one, no matter what your standards for that are, and always thrown it away or burned it to the ground out of boredom and laziness.
She's had love and stability until she cheated on Peetz.
She had it again until she cheated on Bibi.
She had companionship, money, very few adult responsibilities and nothing but free time at the villa and she spent the whole time complaining she was bored and miserable.
She traveled to a place she fetishized, with all her (she claims) favourite foods to be with the man of her dreams, who wanted to travel the world with her and she locked herself into their tiny apartments and threw a tantrum about how she hated sunlight.
She's had tons of people reach out to help with her addictions, to support recovery, to help her physically get better and she refuses them all.
I don't think Chantal wants anything more than to sit at home and rot, but I think she's panicking now because it's getting to the point where it's no longer her
choice.
She doesn't want any of it, until someone/something says she can't have it.
Also she's too stupid to articulate what she's trying to say (while also making sure she uses soft enough language as to not blame herself or commit to any actions that may actually help her achieve her (unrealistic at the point) goals) but it's obvious she's been heavily obsessing about her "beauty" and youth and just how little she has of either.
It's so very on brand for Chantal to spend a fortune on anti-aging creams just to slather them all over a face still sticky with sauces that dribbled out of her over-stuffed mouth and with week old foundation caked on it.
She will always find an excuse not to, or just defiantly refuse to, use the tried and true methods of any action (skin care, weight loss, emotional regulation etc.) and instead will always try to buy her way out of her self-imposed misery (rose water, ozempic, weed, healing crystals etc.),
I think most of this is because of laziness, but also part of it is wanting to find a solution that doesn't involve her restricting any of her vices.
Everyone knows a diet only works if you don't door dash Macdonald's 5X a day (even though a VERY early Chantal video suggests she did
not know this and declared she'd be the first person to lose weight while eating nothing but fast food) but maybe if she loses weight by taking unrecommended doses of ozempic (because injecting more means it works better, obviously, just like her insulin) she can keep the fast food.
The part that is sad, in my opinion, is that I don't even think that she necessarily wants to hold on to her all her vices but honestly just has no idea how to be happy without them.
She can't tell you anything about her (supposed) wedding day, but she can wax poetic for ages about her first bag of chips.
Ashmecrochet clipped Chantal going on kick, another “what is this?” Disgusted look, can’t recognize herself filterless moment.
“What the hell?”
Her obsession with how beautiful she "was" and how she looks now is kind of disturbing. She's always been fixated on her looks and the looks of others but it seems to be on her mind A LOT lately.
For this to be the case I suspect someone close to her said something that cut
deep. Most likely Salah but it could also have been an offhand comment by the Aunt. Remember that for a narcissist EVERYTHING is about them, so even an off hand compliment to someone else ("Look how nice her hair is" or "You'd never guess our neighbor was 60, with how fit she is she could pass for 30!") would be a slight against Chantal ("So you're saying I'm ugly because I have no hair??" or "So being unfit makes me look old??") and as we know, every perceived slight may as well be a dead fetus in the womb of her brain; slowly rotting away and poisoning her system.
Chantal can never just
do something, it is ALWAYS all or nothing because her life is so empty. It's easy to play with AI for a few laughs and then go back to work, or have dinner with your partner, or go for a walk but Chantal doesn't have anything else so her entire day is eating, sleeping and whatever her latest cope is (smoking, AI, texting Salah, googling herself, obsessing about the one time in high school someone said ____ to her).
I wonder sometimes if this is why she doesn't have the patience for anything she doesn't like. Cleaning seems like a pretty daunting task if it's your whole day instead of just a few minutes of it.
I may be off base with this one though. We've all had days where it feels just too hard to do the dishes and I kind of think with Chantal essentially being a lard mech piloted by a spoiled toddler who has recently been told "no for the first time" and desperately needs it's diaper changed, everything really does just seem too hard.*
Was she not just coping that she has a life outside of livestreaming?
She has been over the top in her contradictions / hypocrisy lately, which is a good sign that she's just flailing.
I think she's been really feeling her limitations.
Admitting she needs to scoot after insisting it was by choice and now shitting herself every hour on the hour is fucking with what's left of her fat saturated, nearly atrophied brain.
She's anticipating a lot of I-told-you-sos but I also think she truly believed it would never get this bad (even though everyone in the world told her it would).
It's like how she thinks she's one week of dieting away from her six pack and "curing" her diabetes; there was never a "point of no return" in her mind.
Chantal, to me, always seemed like she truly considered herself a creature of limitless potential; she could lose the weight, she can control her temper, she will become the perfect housewife, but she just needs to wake up with the motivation one day to take that first step. Once she takes that first step (or is forced to) then it will be
easy.
The thing is, if you wait for the day you feel like it, it will never come.
And no, it will never be
easy. It will be hard choices every single day.
But Chantal will never see it that way. By never truly trying she never has to acknowledge that she may not be able to do it. She's the fat man on the greasy couch screaming at a baseball game about how she could have caught the ball when the professional players fumble.
She couldn't, wouldn't, can't and won't but until she's out on the field actually trying to catch the ball, in her mind she can and may as well have already done so.
I just saw a comment that apparently Peetz mentioned in the villa that she used to take 100 lbs off the scale in the villa.
We got proof of it too. After she fucked off to Kuwait and left him with the villa and all the trash we got
this moment where he goes to weigh himself and comes out to a little over 100 lbs.
Wild that the same ultra confident sexy sex kitten who can "get any hawt man she wants" and "would be fine without Salah because I'm a BOSS BITCH" and let's not forget "I'm pretty enough, ok? I'm pretty. Thank you." has a nuclear meltdown live on stream over her hansummist huzzzzbind taking a shit for 20 minutes or whatever he claimed to be doing.
Chantal seems very susceptible to "magical thinking"
She likes to put her fantasies out into the universe and hopes that by repeating them enough that they'll be realized with no extra effort on her part.
Whether this is convincing herself that she's done with Nadar/Salah, convincing other people she's sexy enough to steal their boyfriends, or telling the universe that she's been a good girl, learned her lesson and wants her youtube channel back now Now NOW!
She's constantly reshaping her realty with her words, and since we're all dumber (and fatter and uglier and older) than her, then it will change for us as well. If she tells you that picture has no filters, then that's how she must really look. If she tells you that Nadar/Salah loves her "behind the scenes" and treats her well despite the cheating, then he does.
And if she says any man would choose her over you, including your own husband, then he would.
She's been more open with this idea since she can start calling her selfish wants "prayers". She just has to mumble a few words of Daddy Sand God and he'll give her a handsome husband and her youtube paycheque. As an added bonus is he can also curse all the people she doesn't like and forgives all her bad behavior the moment she clasps her hands together and says she's sorry.
So to circle back; she wants (as she admitted in the first quote in this post) to be super sexy but she knows she's not. But by repeating it (much like repeating all her other lies in hopes you'll forget how a situation really played out, like that Bibi dumped her or that she chased after Nadar long after finding out he was sleeping with DD) she hopes to make other people believe it.
And sometimes it seems to work, at least in her mind. She's constantly in an echo chamber filled with woman who are just like her and will tell her any compliment they themselves wish someone would say to them, men who are fetishists and haters who are being overly nice to set up some kind of low-tier troll. The point is that if she says it outloud, for the first time in her life she gets positive responses in return. And we all know with Chantal that it doesn't matter if it's fake, she'll eat it all up.
But no echo chamber is strong enough to keep her actual insecurities out.
As she admits here:
"Do you know how hard it is to find, number 1, to find somebody who likes women who are almost 400lbs, women who ride scooters, women who are Muslim, men who have to tackle a fupa, and who put up with my weird shit?"
Even if she says she's desirable and pretty, she knows no one who looks like her, acts like her and smells like her is stealing away some california blonde's muscle beach boyfriend (which is Chantal's
dream). Which is why she desperately clings to the one man she thinks she has even though he's a proven loser in every way.
I think this is the most honest she's been about her true feelings in a LONG time and it doesn't just sound like something she's parroting after a lecture from Salah.
Did she say the chapstick smelled like ass cheese? What the hell is going on with deathfats that their frog asses produce cheese!
I can't listen to the clip because the voice distortion is unbearable in my work headphones, but my best guess is it's because everything they own/are is moldy and rotting, so it takes on that smell.
A day? I never took you to be THAT optimistic! I say 4 hours, tops.
___________
* I'm not saying it IS too hard, just that it seems that way to her. I think most people, Chantal included, are capable of a lot more than they think they are but lack the will power to push through and just do it.