I was bored so I thought I'd look through some temu shit myself instead of just watching the thread. Here is the default searches for someone not logged in on tor when the end node is in Sweden.
I do not know if this is just the standard temu experience, if they somehow know me, or if this just truly is how Swedes are. Absolute ballache to use the site though holy fuck. God knows how many popups, random forced signins and ublock giving up and just showing 999+.
The first thing I see under femboy acessories.
Easy to gather
Create a long ditch
I fucking hope you're not getting your ditches installed off of temu. Bad enough when a 'proper' doctor does it let alone temu. Fucker cheaped out and got me a temu pussy installed smh.
superthickening
Every second A goes to D
small boobs go to big boobs
Be the first time anyone's ever told me 2.5inch is super thick.
How about a welder gun thing that works on an LGBT inverter?
Fit the skin without tight
I am reading all of these in a vincesauce yoey sweden voice idk if that changes anything, maybe they're more enjoyable to me of that.
BEWARE OF GREAT PYRENEES mountain dog MOUNTAIN DOG
The long awaited cousin of the shiba inu dog. This image just confuses me. It's got mounting holes but also four rivets? That have nothing to do with mounting the thing? And it's rusted yet made of aluminium?
COFFEE
GT
PERENEES
ENGIK
Is this like Hacker T Dog? Great T Pyrenees? Also that doesn't look like a pyr either.
Shrimp in the sheets. Tired man on the streets.
Not really engrish but I don't think I can customise my name just like that. Fairly sure I need some court approval and shit first. I was mainly just looking for pigeon shit because I thought one was a cool bird landing in a tree but it's just a pigeon.
Winter reading essential
Travel companion
Warm sheets
Pet love them
Holiday gift
If my scenario is that I have warm sheets how would a blanket help that? That's going to make it worse.
I want you to be prepared to read the following to the tune of 'take me down to funky town'
Take you to learn more about product specification
Attribute: real shrimp
If we've genetically engineered real shrimp to have a fucking spear on their back I'm never touching water again.
Simulation food
First we've got a metaverse then we had an ai generation now we've got fucking simulated food. Can't have shit in Coruscant. Cranberry and shrimp is a fucking devious combination. Don't know who put those two together but they need like instead of the fbi showing up to check their hard drives they need that but for their tastebuds. FBI OPEN UP, ok now go aaaaa and move your tongue to the left please. Or I guess actually cat food manufacturers probably don't taste test the cat food themselves do they?
I don't know why but fishing bait names are apparently wack? STRAWBERRY OVERLORD
Red Worm Expert
Fishing Attractant
PRAWN SAUCE
CONCENTRATED FISHINGADDITIVE
MAKES FISH HIGHLY FASCINATED
Reminds me of the old 'you can fascinate a woman by giving her a piece of cheese' advice.
SPRAYONCE SPRAY
MADLY BITINGTHE HOOK
CRAB ELEMENT
Why is there a fish? It's a fucking crab attractant? Glad we could finally get a SPRAYONCE in a spray. Tired of using SPRAYONCE roll ons.
It can simulate the odor of excreta of aquatic organisms or aquatic animals, and has a strong attraction to fish.
Don't think you're allowed to have a strong attraction to fish. Got kicked out the aquarium last time I did that.
I wanted to see if there was any jekonmo related items but there's no results for jekonmo. But I thought honestly jekonmo on it's own could fit this thread so I went to screenshot that. Instead I got
PURE DIABETES
Not sure I want that. I don't want diabetes. Certainly don't want to have to pay for it.
Here's the real jekonmo. I can't post jekonmo and not link the video that made it popular kinda doing the same as this thread but for african herbal potions. I'm not sure if I should be spoilering this image because it is a naked man there but honestly it's such low quality it looks like a fucking sofa.
With indications(?) for
E MAN EXTRA POWER
E PILE
E WAIST PAINS
E LOW SPERM COUNT
NOT TO BE USED BY PREGNANT WOMAN (jurys out on whether it's ok for two pregnant women to have a go at the same time, for all those pregnant women with low sperm counts)
Can I interest you in a self reliant bag? For the guy who's tired of looking after his plastic bags.
I found an entire fucking block of cheese, just a straight cheese wheel, on there too and I thought the writing was all fucked up and garbled then I realised it's just french. The entire section is literally just cheese wheels and unreasonable amounts of vanilla beans?
POWER ORAL JELLY
Is this the oral sex version of Japanese energy jelly? The rest of the box is in french so it makes sense it'd be for sucking cock. Especially as it claims you can get 20 bustine monooss da 10 mie which I assume means 20 orgasms in 10 minutes.
I wanted to see if there was any of the fabled chinese mangoes I keep seeing hyped up. The only thing I got was a chinese book on mangoes with a purchase with caution warning.
I did find some fucking white chocolate mango though? Maybe prawn and cranberry isn't that abnormal afterall?
How about a nice bottle of absinthe absinlit?
Is this what the kids mean when they say they're getting lit? And no it gives literally no results, this isn't some foreign way of spelling it. And holy fuck what an ugly as absinlit ai image dear god this thing must be old, the newer models I don't think they are even capable of making something this fucked up anymore. Hell maybe this is just an accurate representation of how it feels to be a graphic designer after a bottle of absinthe?
I know it's probably cheating to use product titles especially ai ones
But I just love my Wesker soft flannel throw with a stylish design that embodies the gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss aesthetic.
There's loads of things that are just funny random images that they plucked out of some hellhole in the internet that everyone forgot about.
Proprietary formula nourishes hair
They say while telling you exactly what is in it.
If I was scrolling too quick and misread 'turmeric with ginger' as 'turmeric nigger' does that count?
Cut off the top part
Spinning till the bottom
Pull out
Get pineapple ring
If you like chunks use the wedger
To make ready to eat pineapple chunks
First three steps sound like a good night to me.
I also just want to include this fucking whimsical image.
Baby's first pineapple aside from it's a middle aged woman. Why is she so happy? Do women really love pineapples this much?
Don't forget to turn your pineapple husk into a fun creative display
You know. Like a Victorian would. Just display the skin of an exotic fruit. Brag to your friends about how you ate a pineapple. Show everyone your pineapple skin.
I don't know if this is engrish or if this is just what it's meant to be.
But a pocket hug.
Pineapples are known for being soft and hugable aren't they?
How about an outdoor monocular telescope binoculars?
Bit like being a gay bisexual.
It's perfect for all your needs
Such as
Spotting savanna animals on a snowy mountain
Spying on women
Or even spying on a child that I thought was fucking shirtless when I first saw this image
A great gift for your paradoxical safari loving sex offender friends.
Or you can get a night vision one
This one is great for camping and fishing and observing animals and adventures and also outdoor activities. Just wanted to clarify, good for outdoor activities. Just incase you go fishing in the bathtub I guess? Who doesn't pitch a tent in the living room once in a while?
How about a season specific pillow thing? At least you can adjust it for free.
It's a true biessing. Gives you true waist protection and true belly support. It even has tencel breathable? Idk much about incel shit to know what a tencel is but if the woman's pregnant I think she's maybe just a ten at that point? Or is she a ninecel?
How does this thing work anyway? There's a piece of fabric between the two halves? How is it on her stomach? Do you wear thing thing like a thong? Does her pregnancy give her stomach teleportation powers?
But it's ok because send auxiliary pillow.
Every pregnant woman wants to be sent an auxiliary pillow. First thing you learn in biology.
I was looking to see if there were any fake seeds. The fucking first thing I open.
The black tomato of crime? Fucking george floyd got reincarnated as a french tomato. Great. Je suis un noir tomat nigga.
I know it's not really engrish
But who the fuck wants a chart of birthing positions on their mug? QUICK DAVE MY WATERS BROKE GET ME THE COFFEE MUG SO I KNOW WHAT TO DO? What the fuck is the first one in the third row? Yea sorry hold on a minute I need to get my childbirthing lawnmower out?
Transfer the sensations of birth as they build, to the orbs.
Maternity ward cbt. Who doesn't have their pregnancy aid walnut on standby just incase another baby pops out? If you go in to a fucking maternity ward with a bag full of random spiky balls they'll fucking take the kid away from you when it comes out.
A glass full of something new
a mouthful of something delicate
Well I guess if you take that advice you won't be needing the pregnancy conkers?
I think this auto complete speaks for itself.
No results for 'cow urine' either.
I went looking for super niche things. Random chemicals and yag gems but it's all just actual products with descriptions and images made by humans. Wtf. They have some really cool rocks though.
Quite a lot of results for 'fent'.
Just incase you like fentcing I guess? Maybe this isn't meant to say damn. This is actually my mate Daniel March's shirt. Sometimes he loses it and it helps for him to have his name on the front.
There's not even any text in the entire page for this one. I just want to know is this intentional? Is my cock meant to be a mushroom?
That feels intentional.
Fuck engrish for a second what the fuck is french?
Yea mate give me a sac de culture. What I'm meant to read that and think that french people aren't all cum hungry gays?
Fundamental tee
Trendy simple
Versatile
I guess versatile as long as you don't live anywhere with police nearby? I agree though it is my fundamental tee as a bogdwelling briton to go out and eat the cow shit shrooms. The police cannot stop me the bog blocks their tires.
The unique gift ideas
It will be the perfect every day accessory for any little girl
If I wake up and my wife isn't wearing her 30cm tall dsl triffid item then I am beating the shit out of her and getting a divorce. Call it controlling and abusive. Try call the police on me. The fuck are they going to do? Yea come try arrest me fool you will be devoured chinese style. Fucking police down the triffid throat like a chink down the escalator throat. Fuck you.
I feel I might be a little drunk. Maybe. I have looked at all of the things I wish to look at for each search term. I am satisfied. I have now however returned to the start. The first tab I opened. Sissy. I fear I might be slightly too delirious to look at sissy shit but onwards we go.
It's mostly just generic coomer outfits. There is this amazing shirt though.
Crossdressing submissive he says with big sexy strong arms. Yea I go to the gym every day but that never stopped the sissy grindset. I lift weights in the gym so I can lift my skirt in the cuck function.
Unisex love
Onesie sleeping bag
When in motion it exudes a stronger sense of power
Static state it releases sexual tension
You know how all the trannies say they're butterflies and all that shit? Yea we fucking found the cocoon stage boys. What the fuck sense of power though? Nothing makes me feel strong like a good old writhe around in my sissy sack.
Deepen the indentation
It's already a good image but the fucking first review man he's got his fucking face in the profile.
Some fucking old bloke and his entire profile is just
Come on man someone come collect their grandad he's sissyposting again.
I have spent far too long on this shit. I have wasted far too much of my life on fucking temu sissy plant vore items. There's not even anything sexy either. No foot fleshlight (indian). Nothing. They didn't even have any fucking protein gamer snusk powder either. What a fucking scam. No jekonmo and no snusk. No wonder china is full of balding sissy shrimp oil drinkers.
The pineapple part is weird, but this is the kind of thing you buy 30 of to give to everyone at the office/school/clinic when you are a middle-aged woman. Either you buy the "pocket hug" preassembled and it has a charm or a heart-shaped cabochon stuck to it, or you print out the cards and crochet a bunch of hearts.
Or you paint rocks and glue them on. Or you have plastic pickle charms and write different text that says it's for when you're "in a pickle." This is definitely a thing; it's just the pineapple that doesn't make sense.
If I wake up and my wife isn't wearing her 30cm tall dsl triffid item then I am beating the shit out of her and getting a divorce. Call it controlling and abusive. Try call the police on me. The fuck are they going to do? Yea come try arrest me fool you will be devoured chinese style. Fucking police down the triffid throat like a chink down the escalator throat. Fuck you.
That's Audrey II. Audrey II lives in a pot, sings, and eats people with its mouth. Triffids shuffle slowly on three "legs," sting with a poison lash, then squat on/next to the corpse to enjoy the decomposition.
I feel bad for the EMTs who do have to collect grandpa when he breaks a hip in his sci-fi cosplay dark green patterned futuristic warrior outfit.
Thank you for sharing pictures from your drunken Swedish safari. I noticed that on the more impulse-oriented sites, they've started putting that little "2d image" disclaimer. Too easy to trick people into buying a printout of an AI image; they need a handicap.
eta: You can get a Girlboss Wesker towel where the cropping is much better, but it only comes in asexual.
Urrhhhmmmmmmmm akshually that's neither it's actually 1pc Realistic Carnivorous Flytrap-like Flower Pot Decoration - Resin Self-Closing Traps, Fake Plant with Moving Parts for Outdoor/ Halloween & Gothic Garden, Pot Not Included (Vampire Plant, Deadly Nightshade Replica). It quite clearly says in one of the images that it's a simulation piranha resin.
I figured it was something like that but I would simply rather ignore reality and live in a world where you give friends pineapples to carry around with them incase they ever need to hug anything. If I can get an emotional support peacock then why can't I get an emotional support pineapple? If you squint hard enough a pineapple is just a golden labrador with a funny hat on. Yes I bought my glasses from temu why do you ask?
That's like getting some belle delphine type woman on a gay flag? Yea maybe you might be asexual when you order it but once you get Wesker in the flesh you won't be.
My favourite part is the sizes. Yea uhh let me get an xxxxl women's lace bra to go with my xxxl scifi dark green pattern warrior outfit with removable cape. I know it's asian sizes but still. I'm just picturing one day a chinese manufacturer leans in to the sissy market and makes american sizes but no one realises before ordering and just end up with a my 600lbs life drag queen show.
Thank you for sharing pictures from your drunken Swedish safari. I noticed that on the more impulse-oriented sites, they've started putting that little "2d image" disclaimer. Too easy to trick people into buying a printout of an AI image; they need a handicap.
It was half french too. I think that's why I got a load of cheese and things with full french descriptions. Funnily enough it also was rather african. I think they lumped all french speaking countries into one group. I think maybe they put the 2d flat thing on so people complain less? I would assume it's to make any of the retards that buy this junk just assume that they didn't get scammed and it's actually their fault for not reading things fully.
Idk if it makes sense but half the time if I read a thread I kinda feel the need to add to it instead of just being a freeloader.
I was kinda disappointed at the lack of wack sex shit from temu. I wanted a fucking temurgasm god damn it. Wish however
I cannot be bothered to individually spoiler every image. Maybe some won't be sexual but oh well.
I will start off with foot fleshlights. Normal version, not indian. I am once again reminded how shit these websites are. Let me fucking search 'feet' in the sex part. Look I have opened a fair few things already. I'm going to need a drink holy shit. I will apologise in advance for my writing being of lower quality than what I am mocking. On a single page even just the thumbnails are funnier than most of the temu shit. Thank god it's a bank holiday.
My favourite type of foot sex. The stocking airplane egg foot sex with dormitory decompression. Of course.
Look I know I'm meant to be Irish and all that shit fucking AngloIrish yea I know I'm meant to be a fucking fat cunt drinking gallons of beer a day but fucking hell I might have accidentally poured slightly too strong. One image in and it's already fucked. I have an uncountable number of tabs open. Shits strong enough yea put some hair on my chest nigger this will put fucking wings on my eggs that will.
Male electric penis insertion devices.
Got that cybercock I have. Stick my balls in the mains outlet for a snack.
No matter the male or female skilled use, the place will be very cool.
Very cool very swag I like it. Op op oppa chinese urethra style.
It's ok though because your urethral sounding rod is made of baby pacifier silicone.
Just be calmed by the knowledge that the item you just shoved in your cock hole could in fact be sucked on by a baby and cause no issues. Puts my mind right to ease that does.
Your eyes will blead?
I mean. They certainly fucking are. I guess they got that right at least.
Anti eye is actually a good way to describe buying fucking welding goggles from wish.
Extended foot film
Goat milk
The naturalisation during the silence of the wet
Duke Nukem GOAT HAM. The silence of the wet sounds like what a fish holocaust would be called.
Purple light at the bottom
Purple light at the bottom
Come one come all and witness the uhhhh idk but it lets out a fucking mean vape and it's got a purple light at the bottom. God who doesn't love just all technology should have a purple light at the bottom.
I know the chinks write right to left but someone tell them they don't need to take it so literally.
Locked and loaded
Corporal punishment
Back in my day the teacher would just hit you with a ruler but now no state enforced cock cages.
Please prevail in kind
Removable urination
Just take it out. Just remove it. Just simply remove the ability to piss. Homeless peeople just should get a house and the pants pissers should just remove their pissing ability. Simple as.
Install the back strap to stabilise and upgrade the swimming hot spring without fear
It's like how the bookshelves have hidden buttons. You press a book and a passageway appears or you put the strap on and it stops the ground from shaking (earthquake prevention) and the swimming hot spring becomes a idk it becomes better somehow idk it becomes a hot summer or something.
THE ULTIMATE SERVICE TO YOUR PENIS
Fuck you army cunts oh serve your country fuck you the ultimate service is done to my cock.
Side accessory breasts
Three breasted chest adjustment
Minitom has a third nostril and I've got a third breast.
I know this is more of an actual English thing and not so much engrish
But vaginal itching cream. Just for when you want to make that thing itch. Gaurenteed to make it itch within 5 minutes or your money back. Also look. I know I'm meant to be a faggot with the name and all. But even if I had never had sex with a woman I would know that that right there is not a vagina. That's your fucking thigh. Babe look I know it's hard dealing with vaginal shit but come on don't be rubbing your pussy cream on your thighs.
The choice of thousands of women gathers the corset of the secondary breasts
If I got a third tit and also secondary tits do I have six in total? Or are we talking udders. Are you a cow? Is this for cows?
Look I know it's just not any language issues. I just need toshare this image
Just fucking whip out the giant horse cock in the middle of a chess game. Magnus carlson and his anal beads spoke of this. Fuckers got a shockwave too and all. Someone get me the invisible bra strap I need to stabilise the hot spring stat.
I CAN COMPLETELY WRAP THE PENIS
Also if you describe your pussy as 'soft babylike skin' you belong in a fucking jail. That is possibly the most revolting non gross thing you can say about it. Yea sorry I don't exactly want to rub my cock on a baby. Controversial opinion I know.
TRANSGEND
Is that like when you're not transgender? Yea you can say transgend but don't hard er that shit. That's out word transgenda. Also why the fuck is the gay pride one like that? They got the lesbian one right but nah gay pride is the normal homosexual with niggers? Come on us faggots have an actual flag god damn it.
SENSUAL RAPTURE
delighting in tension with toys
Look man I don't know what to tell you but if you're doing this shit you've got another rapture to be more worried about. How do you rapture your cock anyway? Sounds painful I don't want that.
2m take a photo cable
Just a take a photo cable. Who hasn't heard of that before? Just a cable for take a photo. Of course.
Water gun manual continuous hair
no fear of eight water
I fucking wish I had continuous hair. I'm no fan of eight water either. I much prefer to use the proper term: 1.3284310905016098E-23mol.
A metal anal dilator for exploring
Just standard really. Honey put on the indiana jones cosplay I'm ready for you to get peeking. Just have a little look inside. That's what I do. I gape my asshole and then just have a look inside. Never know what you might see. Seen a couple songbirds up there one time. Eel an all.
ENJOY THE TRUE FEELING OF SEX
Its the first time youve ever been in love
The ultimate service to your penis
I can confirm that this is the real true feeling of sex. A cold lump of silicone is just like real sex.
TELESCOPIC IMPACT
The silk slides into the body
Is this where that Gorou guy is from? He's kinda cute. Also look I'm no expert but fucking yourself with silk sounds vile. Yea mate shove a tshirt up there. Fucking let me vaginally boof a clothing store mate yeaaaaa.
Ohhhhh the horse eye sailor roll and go when they come down tae san fran cisco
Look a fucking horse eye he could be seeing shit better than I be at the moment. I actually know what this means. Chinks call the urethra a horse eye because horse eyes have slit eyes (vertical not chink style horizontal) and so it looks like a horse eye. My cock is my third eye and by god I'm a brony.
ALIEN CoNDoM
Different choice
difference sense
100% electronically tested
It looks like a fucking mouldy petri dish. That shits what happens when you leave a cup noodle out too long.
DARLING I CANT HELP IT
I want to enter your body experience the alternative intoxicating pleasure of sex
I said this to my wife just now. She wais she would not have sex with me if I said that to her. But I said it to her so. Huh. This is just india. This is how indians flirt.
Got all three of the triple pleasures
Got the flapping keys
Vibrating keysE
Even retractable keys
Fuck knows how you get in your house but you sure as fuck can flap and vibrate and retract in your locks if you want to.
Need me some foot care caream to take care of my beriberi
Or is this just chinky onotmatopeias? Res it make de feet feer beri beri gud.
RREALISTICHORSEDILDOSEXUAL
With vivid balls. Honestly. Those balls don't look very vivid. They look very smooth and flat. Do horses even have balls? I've never seen a horse's balls. Seen a fair few horse cocks but I don't ever remember seeing a massive dangling sack.
I'm not sure where this is meant to go. But it does not matter. Are you going to insert anything in to you body when the machine has MEET NATIONAL SAFETY STANDARDS printed on it? Like yea I'm glad it passes the standards but why the fuck is that printed on the actual housing of the device?
Finally a device to clean all seven of my anal holes.
There are various ways to wear sexybai changes
Appparently
Step 1 KEEP YOUR FEET DRY DO NOT WET THEM LIKE IN THE IMAGE
Step 2 allign the spring hole
This was wormwood foot pads btw. Not moon shoes.
Or would you rather your fart box be remote control?
Why do I need chinky earbuds TO LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF GOD?
I mean my headphones right now are already playing shit from the corries?
I am at the point of being drunk where both literally everything I am reading is funny and I cannot tell if it's engrish or if it's normal and I'm just fucked. Oops.
But.
It's ok.
I have done.
I am finished.
WITH THE WISH SHIT SIKE CUNT IVE GOT ALIEXPRESS OPEN TOO FUCKERS
Fucking simulated dildo
Don't know how. Simulated dildo. Do you order this and it just fucking gapes on it's own. Hit checkout and you become goatsy?
Getting fucking denied on the captchas this shithole demands because my mouse movement isn't human enough. Not my fault I'm half human half gin mate. Fucking cunts blocked me from opening item listings the cheeky gits have.
RULE 1
DO NOT COME COME subtext
smelling of other dogs
I don't think this is how rules are meant to work.
The first thing I see when looking up african herb
Look I'm no mug(wort) I know what that is. That's the real gamer snusk that.
I know I aimed to find retarded sex shit
I guess it's not retarded it's true just don't think sichuan peppercorns belong in a sex place
Seriously dont buy it if its not disassembled
Me when I walk into the lego store. Fucking hate a turbid colour soup.
Me when I have a vore fetish but cannot spell.
Then there's this thing that showed up in the search for vore and like
I'm just glad we're back to shit to fuck you feel?
Now it's fucking demanding I take a photo of myself for id verification?
ON A FUCKING DESKTOP PC YOU CHINK NIGGER???????????????
Sorry I'm not a webcam whore.
Why do they all do this? Just let me look at your shit? Why do you give a shit if I'm on tor? Why are you blocking me? Why do you care? It's just cringe. Fucking kill joy. I found a really funny looking adult diaper too. And they want to stop me from looking at it? What the fuck? That's so mean.
Nigger now it's fucking demanding a phone number? To look at items. Holy fucking ccp faggotry. Jesus. Proper killed the vibe that has too. I was having fun but no I need to use a non existent camera to show my face after getting through a captcha that I keep failing fucking somehow. God I hate the modern internet. What other chink shitholes can I laugh at? God what a fucking ballache. Why? Like genuinely what's the fucking point? That's pissed me off that has and all. Fucking chink pricks. LET ME LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING TECHNICOLOUR GIANT CHEST HIGH DIAPER YOU FUCKING CCP FAGGOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was promised to me 3000 years ago (in the joseph and the technicolour dreamcoat book) Taking so long to even get back into the site I'm sobering up. That's how bad this is. Or how fat I am.
I literally cannot get into the pages anymore. I have been locked out. Shopping chastity. I will not appologise for the quality of the images from here on it. This is because I have done nothing wrong. I will not appologise for something I did not do. I am a hard headed cunt. Fuck the ccp. Show me you foot fetish items you fucking yellow bastard.
Why would they specify it's imported material? Is that not literally everything on the site? I don't fucking live in china?
And can I get one with the peculiar smell?
Honestly I thought this said toes to begin with
If your feet don't have a deep cervix and a couple side squeezing spheres I'm not interested.
Glad to know this foot shaped lump of silicone is compatible with stockings.
I was worried I might need to update my foot fuck hole to be allowed to put stockings on.
Is this a good thing?
Do I want my love life to be no longer simple?
Experience real ball (CBT) during sex
Just in case you had been using your fake balls for sex?
You don't need to buy any of this shit to experience cbt. Just use aliexpress through tor and that'll do plenty enough. Hell even just try typing shit out on tor after a while it starts to complain. What the fuck do you mean this post is really long shut up.
Who wants to have a bit of dried autumn on the door with me?
I can't fucking find the diaper thing I was looking at. Imagine this thing but lined with fluffy shit.
Surely you don't want to wear a massive fluffy thing if you're pissing yourself? That sounds like an absolute bitch to wash.
Who the fuck is using their massive dildo in the fucking office?
Well I'd fucking hope it's an egg free design. Think that's what women are for normally.
Glad to hear that my dragon dildo respects my mormonism and is fine with me soaking.
Soft and flexible
It keeps you orgasmic
Look. I know one thing about sex. Soft and flexible is maybe the polar opposite of orgasmic. Unless it's orgasmic (past tense) and you've waited a few minutes?
Spice up the fun
Activate love dopamine
Is a thing you can do but I mostly just fucking saw this absolute slime image
Are you ready to have some snacks?
I say as I look at a fucking crib with dildos in it. I would say call cps but I mean it's ai anyway. Still who the fuck does yea mate let me have a little dildo picnic on my kids bed?
Born for excitement
Attack every sensitive point
Finally a buttplug for me to wear while bringing up absentee fathers to the black guys I know.
ANAL SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just paste it on any smooth surface and start an incredibly sexy!
Does my baby skin fleshlight count as a smooth surface?
Card ring design for image competence.
That's what they all say in the sissy hypno videos. Oooooh you are becoming very sleepy and you love penis ooooohhh you are a sissy and card ring design for image competence.
Troubled beast CB trapped
Yea I'm an alpha male do you want to see my troubled beast?
The porous design prevents the mean from becoming soggy.
Just in case your cock ever gets waterlogged?
Can be worn wihle showering or swimming
Are you in an incredibly niche bdsm relationship? Yea I do the kinkiest of shit but only in the swimming pool?
A big urine mouth?
Well I guess I was talking about a bdsm swimming relationship. Watersports is only logical.
Quick charge
Takes around 150 minutes to full power
We have different meanings of the word 'quick'
The encounter of metal and wild bring strong sensory stimulation
Honestly being unable to even fucking look at the things properly is a ballache. It's fully killed the vibe so I'll just leave it there for wack sex shit. Mostly. Honestly I'm not a tranny but there's a lot of like uwu cutesy foidslop on there that maybe if I wasn't a 6 4 bald fat man. Was a good couple hours at least.
I guess "sideboob" isn't in the translation dictionary yet. You look at the more architectural bras, or even the Wonderbra, and the secret is that it scoops sideboob fat and uses it to bolster the regular front boobs.
Quadboob is when shaped cups are too discrete and they noticeably shift tissue into the sideboobs instead. Monoboob mostly happens with sports bras.
I posted a foot brush that also claimed to treat beriberi! I wonder if someone screwed up and added "beriberi" on a list of English synonyms for "foot callus." Wet beriberi causes pedal edema, which is definitely not the same as calluses, but maybe there's just a list of "English words for foot problems" and they pick whichever one they didn't use already.
Are those modeled after strawberries, on top of whipped cream, on top of an Oreo or something? That was a miscalculation; they look like dog penis. It's no corn dildo.
a. You're supposed to wear this all day, including while you pee; skin maceration doesn't just happen to the drowning victims in my police procedurals.
b. soggy meat lol
Are those modeled after strawberries, on top of whipped cream, on top of an Oreo or something? That was a miscalculation; they look like dog penis. It's no corn dildo.
There are a lot of wack novelty half sculpture half dildo things on chinese marketplaces. If I was physically able to I could probably start a thread on just wack sex toys but alas China says no to tor based anal masturbation.
An inflatable koi carp that spits eggs into you from it's mouth.
How about a snake?
That's just a snake. That's it. It's literally just a silicone snake the size of your arm. You wouldn't even need to hide it, you could leave that out and no one would assume it's meant to go inside you.
Or there's a face hugger.
It hugs you with it's vagina btw. And it's tail is a dildo.
See what I mean when I say I could probably make a thread kinda like this one but just for fucking wack dildos? That's from two pages out of five from a single company. And that wasn't even all the wack things either, just the strangest of the already strange collection.
a. You're supposed to wear this all day, including while you pee; skin maceration doesn't just happen to the drowning victims in my police procedurals.
They aren’t that different surely? I usually go go one size up for anything Asian.
The rest of your post is simultaneously horrific and hilarious. You know that’s what they used to use the bound feet for over there?
I assume the other one is the novelty sex toy one but what's the third?
Anyway once again I cannot be bothered to put individual things in a spoiler so
I don't know if this is a brand name or something.
Mandanman smoke
Man dan man. When you are disappointed in your friend for wearing white jays yet again.
I was looking for front clasp bras and honestly I have not changed my mind. They are exclusively for old people or breastfeeding and I do not want to be sending those messages. There are some that look like they could just be normal but they also look like you sneeze and it'll pop open.
But It can do
Chest contraction
Anti sagging
Not bloated
Embellish romantic breath comfortable breathe freely
See. It's for pregnant shit. Though normally I think the contractions aren't in your chest. Actually I think you might be giving birth to a heart attack not a child. Why would I want a bra to make me look smaller though?
This isn't engrish or anything like that.
But what the fuck? Who the fuck is buying some fucking industrial latex glove packing machine? That's a thing? I can just go online and buy this?
Tune in to sound healing
Is that AM for FM?
Secretary
Sexy desire interesting
Bring you sweet and
Sweet aaaand? Yes mrs sexy boob woman I want a kilo of sugar and then go file my taxes. That's what I sexy desire.
Fornt to crotch Zipper
with socks&glove
Glove? Singular? Are you fucking micheal jackson? And what the fuck do you mean front to crotch zipper? What you have a back crotch?
Wormwood is more deoderising
wormwood sport
Is a wormwood sport like those lumberjack chopping speed tests but you're a worm? Canadian worms?
Prepare for daily wear
one colour and one mood will always have what you like
I just read prepare for daily wear and I don't know why but my mind went straight to an alien abduction anal probing. Idk about you but one colour and mood always having what you like idk I think these maybe are made for crossdressers not actual woman.
It is recommended to choose one size larger according to the size
THEN FUCKING FIX THE SIZE CHART??????????????????????????????????? Yea so every size we list is actually one size lower than reality and instead of simply just moving the size names down by one we will do this retarded shit?
will not unravel
says the roll of bandages?
In an image showing it being unraveled?
U shaped beauty back
your beauty is more than one side
beauty back lines
The back
fat collection
Eminem spoke of this. I'm bringing U shaped beauty back. I think that was Justin Timberlake actually. Glad to hear the chinese have developed multidimensional beauty. God I want to fuck a tesseract (female). Pretty hard to get a bra to fit you in this 3d world if you've got four dimensional boobs. Keep trying new bras but they just phase through them on the higher dimensional plane.
An external urinal system
As opposed to an internal one. There's just something funny to me about going up to like a prostate cancer patient or whatever I don't know who needs catheter bags and just asking like yea mate can I use your urinal real quick and just pissing on their catheter bag.
Who the fuck is playing lacrosse with kegel balls?
Ages ago people were throwing dildos onto female basketball games. Is this the next version of that?
I don't know what the fuck any of this says but I saw '1967' and thought oh damn happy birthday mystery woman as if that fucking means anything. Ahh yes May the 17th, that's the birthday for everyone born in 1967. Apparently.
Also she is not 59.
And why the fuck is one of the top things in the wish sex toy section compression knee socks?
Like yea ok I mean some people would have sex with them but I don't think that's a sex toy.
Hi Bra
Hello back I guess? Even capitalised like a name should. I do feel like when we just turned 18 and went to the sex shop and just laughing at bras and sex things.
Breathable hole peach flower inner cup
Huh? Is this a bra for motorboating? I thought a peach was meant to be your ass?
During the day you can feel ease at night
Ok but I want to feel ease at night at night not during the day?
Solve the embarrassment of accessory breasts for you
They hang off my bag. Right alongside idk I don't know what today's thing is. Just got my tits hanging off my bag right next to my labubu.
Reject tire marks without any sign of restraint
Heard of motorboating. Heard of running a train on someone. Heard of a few things. None of them involve tires.
Large capacity is a large capacity
It's also a high capacity. Large is large and large is high. Unsure if large is high or if only large is large is high. High capacity is such a funny way to describe your boobs. Don't talk to me unless you've got those 1300ml or higher.
Plaid soft?
Is this the new Welsh political party? Also I'm no expert but there is no way that that is an e and a cup.
The trouble of ko big breasts
Adjust the height of the bulge of the chest
The bulge of the chest gives me some flight of the valkyries vibes. Glad to know someone is taking ko breasts seriously. Many times I've been knocked out by a pair of ko breasts. It's a real issue. You'd never be able to have a kid. Or I guess if you did he would grow up to be the next champion boxer. Or maybe the worst. I don't think you can develop a tolerance to being knocked out like you can spice. I don't think you can microdose knocking yourself out.
I've just had flight of the valkyries playing in the background while I look at latex penis sheathes. What a life. I'm just imagining some composer guy the one with the stick but instead it's just the loose flappy latex penis sheath he's waving around frantically.
Briefs with open big
for penis and ball tru
TRUE!!!!!!!!!!! FAXXXXXXXXXX
If someone gives me anything called 'minilove' in a sexual context I am beating the shit out of them
I can confirm. They do not love the mini.
Vagina + anus 2 in 1 design
Mate I think the word you are looking for is 'cloaca'
JustinRPG spoke of this.
Sex man mask
eyes closed sytle
God marvel really have gone downhill haven't they? Fucking sex man? That's all they can come up with? That's not a comic book hero that's a fucking psa antagonist. Unless they're looking at the offender registry like a comic book. Power scaling noncing. Yea well my Saville has a 96 attack which beats your Epstein's 87 defence. Yea I think I need me some of that eyes closed sytle actually.
FISTING BUTTER
Think you added an extra 'er' on the end there mate. I love racism as much as the next guy but you don't need to hard r your fisting butt. God I'm glad cows aren't sentient.
Behold the three colours of human
White anal
Black vagina
Yellow mouth
Also I most certainly do not want to stick my dick in a prickly rose? And what the fuck is that chart? Ahh yes the style of the thing named 'size' is weight? The manual version of the item called 'material' is white/black/yellow.
I wanted to get off the sex shit. I thought oh yea something you put your life in the hands of might be funny to see wack chinky shit. But no. It's more fucking sex shit.
It's just talking about my pp?
I don't want to have sex with your flippers? I know people call sperm their little swimmers but I don't think it's meant to be this literal. It's fucking John Cena bing chilling. 文化了解其背景和歷史PENIS以及透過中文提供的企業對企業銷售服務PUT在幾何學中YOUR PENIS超立方體或四維立方體是四維超立方體DIVINGFLIPPERSEX與之類似。
And now it's talking about how easy it is to generate thrust?
For the last time Wish I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR FLIPPERS
Unfortunately like with a lot of things the more serious and niche something is the less likely it is to have fucked up text. All the scuba shit seems like it was written by someone who at least had an English person to check everything.
I just want to know what the fuck the point in this is?
Ok yea it looks hot whatever are you trying to get the sharks horny? What the fuck is the point in some sexy neoprene shit? The entire point is to cover your skin and keep you warm? Babe you are going to get a fucking cleaner wrasse move into your pussy like that?
Four sided bomb
Well we know that China and Russia are working together in Ukraine. Just glad to know that the KGB and Spetsnaz are getting their undercover sabotage gear from the same place as my skimpy shark sex outfit.
Here's uhhhh
A bikini?
I guess?
I've heard people say that the idk like decompression issues whatever it is like diving accidents and shit are pretty similar to having a stroke in their impact.
Because I think she's fucking having one right now.
YWWAOW TRANNY
You will wank at our wedding (because they get turned on by dresses? i dont fucking know)
Need to just brighten my balloons real quick. God that sounds like a euphemism.
Sold by Elvis too. They call him the King of Pop but well clearly he fucking isn't. I have been informed he was the king of rock and roll. Shit tracks. He certainly is not the king of popping anything.
This is like some chink dystopian government mandated pokemon clone.
No longer will you become the very best you will just become the brightest. Fuck going on an adventure and meeting friends and training pokemon you will sit and become 150iq point child or into the fucking execution van you go.
Both of those were advertised with this fucking image as the thumbnail.
Ok a bar I can understand buying latex shiner. But a fucking swimming pool party? Yea let me shine this shit and then go for a fancy bath? And merry christmas? Fucking santa comes down full gimp suit come sit on my knee baby. Pulls out his sack and it's got a court mandated order prohibiting from writhing on the ground in it. And a beach party? The sea's got enough salt in there you don't need to replenish it by sweating in it.
Boned 25 times?
Christ. You're not clinching anything for a few days with that. Glad to hear temu catering to the furcon crowd though.
What the fuck is it with scuba shit and trying to be sexy?
No. Put your fucking cock away? Why the fuck do you want your cock and ass out? Why are you trying to be sexy to the fish? I have seen what fish do to sea cucumber assholes and this is not the right thread for that. I don't care how big your pocket is stop trying to get the sharks to fuck it. And come on, who the fuck needs help with watersports? If you did then just drink more water retard.
They put this bubble thing over the image so you can't steal it to get your own printed but it's a fucking scuba sticker it doesn't even look like a watermark.
You could get that printed and no one would think twice.
Get to your happy
Maybe Schwatzernigger would be much happier if he was screaming get to your happy. Though when you think about it is there an animal closer to a helicopter than a starfish? God when I'm on my deathbed I hope I will be able to look back and reminisce about that one time I held a starfish.
Not easy to deformmoderate
Honestly this could be one of those words that's real and I just don't know about. Defenestration comes to mind. Or well I should say Definestration I guess?
I've got that large size pussy
Just the idea yea give me the fucking large pussy please.
The milk skin invisible seamless butt lifting pants are still camelia scent
10a mulberry silk extended antibacterial crotch
Don't know if I really want my crotch extending. Especially not with milk skin.
Why does my women's cameltoe hiding underwear need to leave enough space to cover my pp?
I don't think you can both have a cameltoe and a pp. I think those are mutually exclusive.
There's a lot of underwear that's like not sexy underwear not the type you put on to take off but the shit you're expected to wear all day and I'm just looking at the images and it's all fucking idk if it makes sense but net curtains. The cheap shit you'd buy from Tesco's and it'd go mouldy in a month. That stuff that felt fucking terrible to touch. And people are wearing that as underwear? Is that like the women's version of a chastity cage? Sandpaper underwear?
That's all I can find for today. Still having issues with fucking aliexpress for some reason. They just hate me.
I decided to comb through my screenshots and share some of the ridiculous, inappropriate, and ugly shit I get recommended in ads I see on social media, in mobile games and around the internet. I thought I'd post this here because a lot of the ads I get are fashion related and I think gals would appreciate them more.
Recently Instagram has decided that I'd be interested in some hideous designer items that look completely unwearable.
There were a few gems from Shein as well.
I actually like this one...
I hate to say it, but the answer is "sideboob" again. Smaller by rounding up any inconvenient chest fat and shoving it into the breast area, to bolster the tits actual.
An external urinal system
As opposed to an internal one. There's just something funny to me about going up to like a prostate cancer patient or whatever I don't know who needs catheter bags and just asking like yea mate can I use your urinal real quick and just pissing on their catheter bag.
You're right, though: internal catheters go up the urethra; external urinary catheters go around the penis. Another term for them is "condom catheter." Or "Texas catheter," but I don't know the etymology there.
eta: turns out it's a trademark gone generic, Kleenex-style
A guy with prostate issues would need an internal catheter because his problem is getting the pee out; this is for someone who's incontinent. They've been selling these forever in the old person mail order catalogs, too, for old dudes who absolutely do not want to talk to anyone about their problems.
And why the fuck is one of the top things in the wish sex toy section compression knee socks?
Like yea ok I mean some people would have sex with them but I don't think that's a sex toy.
Maybe it's the same theory as inflatable compression pants for fighter pilots, so the G-force doesn't put all their blood in their lower half and they pass out at the yoke. Compression socks: extra blood for the boner?
It's either that or it's so the blood doesn't pool in your ankles while you're pounding away all night. They aren't stripey compression socks, so they're not courting the troon market.
I hate to say it, but the answer is "sideboob" again. Smaller by rounding up any inconvenient chest fat and shoving it into the breast area, to bolster the tits actual.
ou're right, though: internal catheters go up the urethra; external urinary catheters go around the penis. Another term for them is "condom catheter." Or "Texas catheter," but I don't know the etymology there.
Maybe it's the same theory as inflatable compression pants for fighter pilots, so the G-force doesn't put all their blood in their lower half and they pass out at the yoke. Compression socks: extra blood for the boner?
I don't know what that's called, but if it needs an eponym, there's Kevin from the Tranch.
I mean the breast-adjacent fat deposits on the side, that bras try to corral with stays/boning. You know how you see pictures of pooners that still look completely female from the back? That's the sideboob without actual breast in front.
I mean the breast-adjacent fat deposits on the side, that bras try to corral with stays/boning. You know how you see pictures of pooners that still look completely female from the back? That's the sideboob without actual breast in front.
Yea. Don't worry. I know. Very well. Unfortunately.
I was going to grab a couple things to help out with that. Then I thought like what the fuck would I even search? Male bra? That's just going to be sissy shit. Then I open fucking temu and I remember it's all sissy shit.
Femboy accessories and sissy must haves.
The top autocomplete for 'sissy must haves' is 'sissy must haves for women bodi'. Are we sure this is a chink site? The actual results for it are stickers and graphic tees. Not viagra and divorce papers? Clearly they don't know the market.
I can fix it though. With just a tiny bit of cartilage design all my problems will be fixed. In this bitch of a world you either die as an arthritic or live long enough to see yourself no longer have man tits?
Thankfully it has criss cross desing.
First the sissy must haves are being indianised now my criss cross gets the desi treatment too? Though I don't think criss cross apple sauce will help. Actually less apple sauce is better. Also I don't know why but we don't say that in England and for some reason when I remembered americans say it the first thing that came to mind was criss cross owl sauce. I don't know why. I don't know if that is a sauce made from owls, a sauce made by owls, a sauce to put on cooked owl meat, or a sauce you feed to owls. I don't think any will fix the male accessory side six boob.
I am once again reminded how much I hate these sites. Yea no I don't doubt my internet traffic looks malicious that's because you're fucking making me. I don't get how Mr Yoey manages it? How the fuck do you do entire streams laughing at this shit I have to close the site and change exit node every fucking page if the site will even let me in in the first place.
Most of the things I say on this account aren't real. Most of what I say is just joking. It's ok I know what side boobs are. Even if I didn't I'm sure I could just ask my wife to demonstrate and she would love to do that and not be offended at all.
If she did and I had to go the sissy divorce paper route I have a new dating profile bio.
PU foam material, non-metallic,uncut.
Two truths one lie. Actually that would be pretty easy now I think about it.
It's not engrish but I found it in the same search.
You might have to full screen the images and swap between them to notice.
But for some fucking reason they took a regular product shot, gave that image to an ai, told the ai to edit the image so that someone is holding the sword and just shipped the result. It's made the blade half the size and the handle double. You can see the pommel and tip are the same exactly but the middle is fucked. Alongside the extra finger. For what reason though? What is that image meant to tell me? Day time the sword is normal but at night my inbred friend will come around and caress it? I would say it'd be an ok technique, that is where you want to grab someone else's sword if you have to, the bonus in this case is if you fuck up and lose a finger you haven't actually lost anything. It's like cats having nine lives but chinese. God knows chinese cats don't have nine lives so the saying must be swordsmen have eleven fingers.
x 15 
